i think i'm just noy cut out for b/f

[PassMeTheKleenex]

i know it's early days, as DS is not even 3 weeks yet.

I am b/feeding, but really not enjoying it ...this isn't something you hear many other women saying, you hear about pain/difficulties/worry about supply. Am i the only one?

I feel like DS is attached to me 24/7 - so DH doesn't get a look in with him or me.
He sucks for comfort, when i can feel him nibbling/tickling the very tip of my nipple, which is not painful, but it's beginning to feel like torture, as mt nipples are really sensitive to any touch.

I can't honestly say that I get great feelings of b/feeding being a wonderful, bonding experience, a special thing that many other women seem to feel. So I concentrate on the 'logical' reasons for doing it ie the convenience (ha!), health reasons etc etc.

But I am starting to feel that this isn't enough to keep me going - like I say, I know it's early days - but when I hear 'don't worry, it will get better in 3 months, and you won't even remember this bit', it may as well be 10 years, as I honestly can't envisage getting through another 3 days, never mind 3 mths.

I am fed up of spending the day crying, and it can't be nice for DS to keep looking up to see tears running down my face.

I don't really know what I'm looking for, except maybe someone else who has felt like this to come and tell me how they got through it.

The title should be 'not cut out for b/f'.
Trying to type whilst feeding...

take it a day at a time

have you had your latch checked by a bfc?

I found the first 8 weeks hellish with both of mine

really meant to say take it one feed at a time

Time wise, you're doing the best thing by letting him feed and feed - and that bit, only time will cure.

As for the comfort sucking, it sounds like his latch has got a bit lazy. You can try unlatching him and getting him to latch back on with more breast in his mouth. It should hopefully affect your nipple less then.

My advice would be to go and see someone who really knows what they're talking about, so you can get some good latching tips. In the mean time, biological nurturing positions can help him latch (and help you relax). See the biological nurturing website

I did feel like this with my DS at times - he fed an awful lot of the time (but he gained weight like a little piggy so there was never any worry in that respect for me). Sometimes I just didn't want to be touched any more. Later messing around with expressing and bottles did not help one tiny bit, particularly as we were giving bottles in the evening when my supply was worst and so it wasn't improving! When I finally managed to just relax about things (easier said than done) it did get better, although you may find there are a few more weeks of this yet. However, you will look back on them as such a short space of time in a few months (my DS is 2 now).

I hope you get some real life advice too. Good luck!

If you spend your day crying, the problem may be more about PND/ baby blues. Are you down?
Hope you're okay, and if you think it's the bf that's making you sad, just stop. Having a happy mummy is more important.

unmumsnetty hugs

It didn't click for me until about 8 or 9 weeks, 21 weeks now and it's absolutely lovely, so glad I stuck with it.

The first weeks were hell though. Hope it gets better soon.

i can only agree with those who say it gets better!

remember, you're hormonal (sorry, but it's true lol), you're sleep deprived, you've just had a massive life-change.

now isn't the time to be deciding whether you want to breastfeed or not.
having done both I can really say that breastfeeding IS easier long-term although in the first few weeks it's very intense for a lot of people.

I dunno, formula is just so far removed from breastmilk that I can't ever imagine wanting to give it to my baby (even though i did, for ds1) and so for me, even when i was having a hideous time breastfeeding i still knew it was what i wanted for my baby long term.
it must be very difficult if you don't feel that strongly about it, so i can see where you are coming from kind of even if i haven't experienced it myself.

I guess maybe, if i were you, I would set myself goals. So, give yourself a week and see how you feel. Think it through again, think about what you want long term for you AND your child because it isn't just about how you feel, it's about your child's health (long-term too). I know you know that, but I also know how utterly "used" and exhausted you can feel in the early weeks which can make you not want to see past that.

I hope this doesn't come over as really patronising or judgy, because I really don't mean it like that at all.
Just, i know it's hard, but give yourself a little bit of time, and think it over a lot. and make sure that when you make a decision it's an informed one!

sorry, and agree, get in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor.
or, even better get out to a local group if you have one
our local baby cafe and la leche league groups are fabulous for just venting and getting moral support as well as tips on feeding and what is/isn't normal!

OP - You know what? From what one reads in some bf-ing books it is supposed to be really pleasureable. There were times when I was pregnant with DC1 that from what I read you'd have thought bf-ing is an almost orgasmic experience.

Personally I found it painful at times, physically annoying/irritating at others and often boring. It also did my back in.
I also never got any of those loving gazes or little pats from the DC that you hear about. They mostly just got on with it.

But I did get a lot of pleasure out of believing that I was doing the best for my DCs. They both BF till they were 19 - 21 mo.

Around 2 or 3 weeks is the worst part - it does get easier in terms of your nipples not feeling like they are being slowly grated off. Also there are eventually actual gaps between feeds!

Perservere a bit and

oops, didnt finish post properly:

perservere a bit and then see how you feel.
Good luck

Message withdrawn

He shouldn't be fiddling with the tip of your nipple. And, tbh, although comfort feeding is in many ways a good thing (good for the baby to have comfort, good in that it will increase your supply) you shouldn't put up with it if it's making you unhappy.

I agree with BessieBoots.

I think there are so many strange and worrying things about having a tiny new baby, BF is only one of them really, but since you spend about 24 hours a day doing it at first, it does tend to become the natural focus for all your woes in those early weeks.

Do you think it might help if you tried to vary your daily routine a bit - maybe so you could get on with feeding but just trying not to think about it so much? Especially getting out of the house when you can, and spending time with nice people. Or doing other things when you feed, like watching a crap DVD or listening to the radio. I cried for the first 8 weeks too and it was getting out of the house that helped me - it takes your mind off things.

I don't think you should beat yourself up - it matters not a jot that you're not in raptures at BF. I mean, if you were FF you wouldn't expect to be in raptures either would you?

If I'm honest I hated breastfeeding my first. I just didn't like doing it, never really got the hang of it, I couldn't get her to latch properly and was so grateful I burst into tears when the HV said 'stop beating yourself up and just formula feed!' It isn't the end of the world, it's up to you how you feed your baby and as someone said before, formula is not the work of the devil. Your sanity and well being is also pretty important.

Saying that, when I had my second and had been round other new mums a bit more and everything seemed more familiar and simple, I absolutely loved breastfeeding her. Even to the extent that when I got thrush in my breasts and every feed was excruciating I persevered because when it didn't hurt, I actually enjoyed it and she took to it so easily.

If you can breastfeed, that's lovely. If you want to bottle feed, I'd say go for it. Just do whatever makes you happy really.

Incidently my first dd is now three, is the brightest kid in her class and the most forward child I have ever met. She's not fat or lethargic or ever ill, or any of the other things we convince ourselves formula fed kids will be. She's brilliant and healthy and breast milk didn't have an awful lot to do with it! Whereas dd2 always seems to have a cold.....

PMTK, well done for lasting this long.

6months ago I could have been writing that post. I stubbornyl ebf for 4 months, then started mixed feeding (to assist with return to work). I cried (nearly) everyday for the first 2-3months.It was painful, didn't give me freedom and I certainly didn' t see the pounds falling off me!

I wish I started ff earlier. We have both been much happier. She is now 6.5 months and fully ff.

Only you can decide what is right. Which is part of the problem becuase your hormones are causing havoc and your knackered.

A happy mom is important- whichever way you achieve it.

Good luck!Hang in there.

Poor you..I had a similar experience (my son is now 3 weeks too). I just couldn't stand the way it felt. Sometimes it hurt but it nearly always irritated. I spent some time with one of the experts in the hospital but it didn't help.

I really wanted it to work but when I realised that given the choice I would sopt for 30 mins contractions over 30 mins breastfeeding. Then he started turning yellow, so its ff for me. I will be drummed out of the NCT, I ignore the disdainful looks of the other mums and yes, I do feel much much happier. The baby seems happy enough too.

That's just my experience. I wish you luck whatever you choose.

I bf my DS and DD for 8 months. With DS it was awful. I really didn't enjoy any of it until it was almost time to stop. I kept going because of all the meeja hype and my DH, who told me his supermum breastfed him for ages.

I actually asked my MIL about this when DS was 1. She snorted and said she fed him for a day before going over to bottle. Didn't speak to DH for a while after this.

With DD it was so different. She took to it easily from birth and I was much more relaxed, I enjoyed the full 8 months.

I do still regret the stress I put DS and I under for over 6 months however and if I had that time again would have bottle fed him I think.

Therefore my advice would be do what you like, not what you think would please others. Happy mummy = happy baby.

I could've written your OP. There have been times when I have hated breastfeeding - the mindnumbing boredom, the discomfort/pain, backache, the feeling of never, ever having a break.....

I know it's not really what you want to hear but it does get better to the point that it becomes so easy and sort of a way of life if that makes sense. In a few months time, your baby will be able to feed in literally a few minutes which is so convenient compared to the faff of ff. At one point, I would say to myself that I would do one more feed and then give up and ff and quite literally that's how I got through.

Don't forget that ff will bring it's own problems - having to make up each bottle 45 minutes before a feed (new instructions mean that you're not supposed to make up a day's bottles in one go), increased risk of baby getting stomach ache because they don't tolerate formula as well, increased risk of constipation plus the increased risk of baby getting gastroenteritis (sp?) or that sort of thing.

I think you need to find ways to get through the boredom. and isolation. How about bf at the cinema or buy yourself a boxset of DVDs that you've always wanted to watch and never had time for and just sit and watch the whole lot in one go and bf. I also found it really helped to join a bf group so you can sit with other mums who are also bf and chat.

Taffetacat quoted "happy mum happy baby" which is not always something I agree with so I would respond with another cliche "short term pain for long term gain".

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

xx

DO you manage to leave 3-4 hours between feeds? I know that its hard, but I think somehow I allowed myself to spend the majority of the first 6 months of DSs life indoors and it would be better to avoid this...
e.g. even though baby may cry, you could go for a quick supermarket shop, take the food home and maybe spend some time walking baby in the park. Warmly wrapped up in the pram if you're worried about the cold.
Then, feeling that you've been out and about, you might be exhausted enough to feel that a sit down with a glass of water and something to eat, and time for a breast feed for half an hour or so is a well deserved rest.

I have to say Tryharder that spouting all that stuff about ff babies being prone to illnesses is not really helpful. Breast fed babies aren't immune to colds and tummy bugs either and no survey in the world is going to say yes, all ff babies get x and x and bf babies don't. One of my best friends bf her dd1 for over a year and in that time the child had chicken pox twice (I kid you not) and hand foot & mouth disease. Whereas my dd1 never even had a cold until she was over a year. I don't put that down to anything to do with their consumption of milk, it's just the luck of the draw.

And as for formula feeding being a faff, well so is having to plant yourself on the sofa for anything up to an hour and then not being able to move. And trying to get your boobs out in public without waving them at the world. And biting, and cracked nipples, not to mention thrush or mastitis. Each method has it's pro's and con's and you really have to just go with the flow and do whatever suits you and the baby. Mind you it doesn't last long whichever route you take as before you know it they're sitting up and shoving rusks and carrots in their mouths and you're feeding them porridge and they don't want nearly as much milk anymore anyway.

Dd1 was born by emergency c-section and we never really got the hang of breastfeeding. Dd2 came out like a bullet from a gun with no pain relief and breast fed quite happily. How could I apply all the rules from dd1 to dd2? All that worrying would have been a complete waste of time. I really think the anxiety over breastfeeding has been blown out of all proportion.

No-one will ever be happy with however they feed their baby because thanks to years of media pressure and constant scrutiny of the subject, we are programmed to feel guilty about whatever we do. So I just say tough shit to anyone that dares to express an opinion on how I'm feeding my child. It's my life, it's my baby, get over it.

tryharder - I think the happy mummy = happy baby cliche I use is very appropriate to my experience and to what OP says about crying all day.

I don't think OP is talking about just being bored by it. Some people really don't have a good time or experience of it and my feeling is they shouldn't be made to feel bad or that they are not trying hard enough.

I was stressed, angry, upset, worried and didn't enjoy my first baby for 6 months. I don't think there is a long term gain that outweighs this. I have lost this time and will never get it back. I have no idea what impact it had on my darling boy, but an unhappy mother is not good for any small infant, IMO.

Taffetacat, I could have written your post

But Dawney, the evidence is there that ff carries more associated risks than bf. Please don't ask me for evidence - I am no expert - but you only have to look on the bf threads and sites like Kellymom for links.

My post was actually sympathising with the OP because I spent the first 6 weeks of both my DCs lives in tears over bf. Whether or not the OP carries on with bf is up to her but the things that I suggested in my post i.e going to the cinema or a bf group helped me a lot and the OP asked for help to get through the dark days so to speak.

If anybody really, really hates bf and wants to give up then of course they should . But a lot of time, people don't actually want to give up, would feel worse if they ff but have hit a bad patch with bf and need a bit of encouragement to get them through. If someone had sat me down when I had DS1 and had told me what I was going through was normal, I would never have given bf up as soon as I did.

Tryharder - its not really the best name you have for this post