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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

4 month old too distracted to feed...end of my tether

82 replies

mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 16:00

The only time I can get my 4 1/2 month old ds to feed properly and for any length of time is last thing in the evening and during the night - the rest of the time life is just too exciting, even if it's just the 2 of us on the sofa or bed with no distractions.

5 minutes is as long as he'll stay on for and there's no way I can persuade him to feed for longer, even if it's been 3 hours or more since his last feed. I feel like my supply is suffering as he won't persevere beyond one let down, and I'm getting really frustrated, not to mention knackered, as he'll happily feed 2 or 3 times in the night.

We've both had colds and I don't know if that's caused the problem if he's too stuffed up to feed, and I've been very run down and off my food so would this have affected my milk?

I've avoided having him weighed the last couple of weeks so don't know if it's affected his weight gain, but I am getting to the point of thinking I can't breastfeed him any more, not because I don't want to but because it's such bloody hard work.

To add to this, he started out as a really good sleeper, was able to settle himself easily and did a good stretch of 6 or 7 hours in the night from early on, and now struggles to settle himself and I'm lucky if I get 3 hours out of him. I feel that I must have done something horrifically wrong to turn a good feeder/sleeper into such a crappy one.

I was determined not to try and force a routine onto him after tying myself up in knots with ds1, but met a friend today who's done Gina and now has her baby sleeping through with a bottle of ebm at 10. She sat contentedly feeding in a busy cafe whilst ds was all over the place.

He is alert, very smily and has plenty of wet / dirty nappies so I know there's nothing too badly out of sorts but it's getting me down and I feel as though my milk is disappearing because he's just not interested.

God, sorry for long rant. Any advice????

OP posts:
BoredWithWork · 02/12/2009 16:15

Sorry to hear that things aren't going as you hoped.
Firstly, ignore what your friend is doing, all babies are different.
Secondly, I would speak to my HV about it.
I would have thought that if you are run down and not eating well then your milk supply may be low. How long did you want to BF for?
Have you thought about weaning him onto solids (assuming he's more than 17wks). If he's not sleeping very well then it could be that he is hungry and he needs more than milk. Only need to give baby rice and milk but it may help.

BeehiveBaby · 02/12/2009 16:21

Could he just be feeding quickly and efficiently? Might be worth getting him weighed...might not be as bad as you think.

Both mine were a bugger to feed during their fifth month, only wanted it in motion or when very tired. Also sleeping worse as they go thorugh so much developmentally. He could easily be taking more milk from you at the moment but you'll adjust in a few days.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 16:22

He's 21 weeks and was hoping to bf til 26 weeks then move onto blw but am doubting I'll make it the way I feel at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 16:24

Sorry x-post. Interesting what you say about the 5th month Beehive...maybe it will pass. He is quite an efficient feeder but I don't see how 4-5 minutes can possibly be enough?

OP posts:
BoredWithWork · 02/12/2009 16:28

my ds fed within 15 mins from day 1. the midwives in hospital tried to get him to feed longer but he wasn't interested. Your DS is obviously very efficient!!

BoredWithWork · 02/12/2009 16:28

just re-read that, what I was meant to say is that he took max 15mins per feed.

2ChildrenPlusLA · 02/12/2009 16:41

www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html

You're not doing anything wrong. You LO is just very intelligent!

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 16:59

Good god, that's exactly it! That article has actually made me cry, it's so spot on. And essentially I am happy to feed in the night for as long as it takes. But I'm SOOOOO tired.

He won't even nap in the afternoon so I can get a rest, unless in the pram or my arms. DS1 is at grandma's today so I could have had a nap but ds2 has been awake all afternoon, apart from a doze whilst he fed.

I had about 3 hours sleep last night between my cold, ds2's coughing and ds1 tiptoeing along the landing at 5.30am to see if I was awake

OP posts:
2ChildrenPlusLA · 02/12/2009 17:04

I know it is hard, but hopefully this shows that whilst it seems like you are going backwards, you are in fact, going forwards and.........

It's just a phase!

2ChildrenPlusLA · 02/12/2009 17:06

I used to call it the 4month regression to newborn hell, because it was like having a newborn again but worse, because you feel like you are going backwards, and your sleep deprivation is now accumulative.

It is why 4 months used to be an attractive age to start weaning, because people thought their babies beine hungry in the night meant that they were hungry for solids. Unfortuntately it is not so, and milk has more calories anyway.

Besom · 02/12/2009 17:09

My dd was exactly the same at this age. She did the whole 4/5 month sleep regression thing and only ever fed for a few minutes at a time. She has always been nosy alert and just wasn't one of these babies who would easily sleep. I was comepletely demented.

The thing is it does pass, although it's so hard to remember this at the time. Weaning on to solids does make things easier (though not necessarily with regard to the night wakings). We eventually did some sleep training at 8/9 months which worked really well for us. I'm really glad I carried on bfing though. Dd is 18 months now and we still do.

Besom · 02/12/2009 17:12

I mean weaning onto solids at 6 months obv!

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 17:42

Thanks for all your words of support! I think the worst thing is ds1 was a terrible sleeper and it was all looking so rosy with this one to start with...

Still, if it is just a phase maybe the good sleeper will return?

The little monkey of course is oblivious to my pain and has been gurgling and chatting merrily throughout. At least his cough and cold seem better so we may have a better night.

OP posts:
herbaceous · 02/12/2009 20:11

My DS has been doing exactly the same thing. Used to sleep through until about 17 weeks, then started waking anything from once to three times at night. And during the day he waggles about on the boob, pulling it painfully, and bobbing off. I have to say I've addressed the issue by occasionally topping him up with formula, as the pain on the nipples meant it was getting hard to bear putting him on and off. I asked a Bf counsellor what to do, and she just said to 'tell him it's not allowed'. Hmm.

Besom · 02/12/2009 20:33

I found that standing up and gently swinging her about a bit sometimes got her to feed a bit longer. I used to do that for the bed time feed anyway. But seriously don't worry too much about the length of feed if the weight is OK because dd was a 3 minute feeder and always put on loads of weight.

Also, we used a wrap around sling for day time naps when she was little because at least you do stuff (like MNing) while she was asleep.

Picante · 02/12/2009 23:39

Ooh mamaduckbone thanks for your post. I am going through exactly the same thing. I have read so many posts about 3/4 month olds not feeding well - and that link (thanks 2children!) sums it up perfectly. Maybe we should start a little support group of fussy yet obviously highly intelligent babies!

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 03/12/2009 11:18

Absolutely Picante...highly intelligent of course! We'll reap the rewards when they have their masters from cambridge!!!!!

OP posts:
belindarose · 03/12/2009 13:03

I have a distractible 15 week old, who I've posted about before. This morning, I was trying out some slings and fed her in a ring sling. She fed beautifully and didn't stop to look around or suck her thumb at all! Now searching for one to go on her (my!) Christmas list!

Picante · 03/12/2009 19:04

That's interesting belinda - I still can't see how they can feed in a sling - their head doesn't seem to be at the right angle iyswim.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 03/12/2009 20:05

We had a much better day today - both coming to the end of coughs and colds and he's fed quickly but with some determination, not fussing on and off all the time. Awake every hour and a half last night so hopefully tonight will be a bit better.

I don't get how feeding in a sling works either, although glad to hear it seems to be working for you belindarose....at 22 weeks and over 18lb I think my baby wearing days are done though, for the sake of my back if nothing else!

OP posts:
belindarose · 03/12/2009 20:18

I was sitting down and just positioned her in a cradle type position, as I do when feeding. I normally have to use pillows to get her into the right position, but this kind of held her in the right place. The material round her head seemed to focus her on the task in hand. I'm very excited about it and have ordered my Christmas present. She's hard to feed in public, so this is going to really help.
Glad to hear things have been better for you today, mamadb.

ShowOfHands · 03/12/2009 20:32

I'm glad things are getting better. It is most definitely a general developmental trend as others have attested, nothing you have done and wouldn't be fixed by solids or sleep training. The best thing to do is to find a way through it and to try and sleep when you can. I know that's hard with an older child too.

Be assured, fatigue, illness and diet do NOT affect your breastmilk. You'd have to be seriously malnourished or ill for that to happen.

I had a 26lbs at 26 weeker and found that a good sling doesn't hurt your back. I'd suggest borrowing one and seeing if you like it.

HerMomminess · 03/12/2009 20:48

Hi there,

So glad I saw this! DD1 is also just 4 months old and I am knackered. Some nights better than others (never more than 3.5hours sleep at a stint though)but the disctracted day time eating is her to a tee! Very alert & little (big!) personality is now shining through.

Reassuring to read that article. I'll be going back to work in 3 months and now need to enjoy/treasure the times together. (As the first 2 months were NOT fun)

Hang in there mamaduckbone!

Here's to the night shift.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 07/12/2009 18:29

Interesting what you say about good slings showofhands - what would you recommend? The only one I've ever had is a Babybjorn passed down from SIL and there's no way I can use that now as he's hanging off my shoulders.

He's feeding better in the day now but the nights are awful - as well as feeding every 2-3 hours we seem to be having a spell between about 4 and 5 of not wanting food but just being wide awake, which I assume is also a developmental thing because he wants to practice all his new tricks and lies there chatting.

I was absolutely desperate last night having been awake feeding between 2 and 3 then wide awake at 4. I gave up in the end and sat with the bedside light on reading with him on my lap until he was ready to go back to sleep, as I was seriously about to lose the plot. I'm paranoid about waking ds1 up so pick him up as soon as he grumbles, but I'm sure that's not doing him any good as he seems to be losing the ability to settle himself at all. Dh thinks we need to be harder on him, but then he persuaded me to do controlled crying with ds1 and it broke my heart.

I'm starting to dread going to bed...The days of him sleeping 8-3 seem so long ago and like a different child.

OP posts:
HerMomminess · 08/12/2009 11:12

Hi Mama,

I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! I read the kellymom thread and am hanging onto the thought that our apparently highly intelligent children(!) are going through a phase.

She is consistently waking up at about 5-6 am; only 2 hours after her last feed and the only feeds for about 10min before going off to sleep again.

THEN sleeps till 0800 by which time I don' t know if I should wake/ leave her.

She still needs her nap after breakfast (which is taken with a big fuss) but as that is now later evreything else has shifted later too.

Do we just bite the bullet and keep feeding on demand?

How was your night?

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