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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

4 month old too distracted to feed...end of my tether

82 replies

mamaduckbone · 02/12/2009 16:00

The only time I can get my 4 1/2 month old ds to feed properly and for any length of time is last thing in the evening and during the night - the rest of the time life is just too exciting, even if it's just the 2 of us on the sofa or bed with no distractions.

5 minutes is as long as he'll stay on for and there's no way I can persuade him to feed for longer, even if it's been 3 hours or more since his last feed. I feel like my supply is suffering as he won't persevere beyond one let down, and I'm getting really frustrated, not to mention knackered, as he'll happily feed 2 or 3 times in the night.

We've both had colds and I don't know if that's caused the problem if he's too stuffed up to feed, and I've been very run down and off my food so would this have affected my milk?

I've avoided having him weighed the last couple of weeks so don't know if it's affected his weight gain, but I am getting to the point of thinking I can't breastfeed him any more, not because I don't want to but because it's such bloody hard work.

To add to this, he started out as a really good sleeper, was able to settle himself easily and did a good stretch of 6 or 7 hours in the night from early on, and now struggles to settle himself and I'm lucky if I get 3 hours out of him. I feel that I must have done something horrifically wrong to turn a good feeder/sleeper into such a crappy one.

I was determined not to try and force a routine onto him after tying myself up in knots with ds1, but met a friend today who's done Gina and now has her baby sleeping through with a bottle of ebm at 10. She sat contentedly feeding in a busy cafe whilst ds was all over the place.

He is alert, very smily and has plenty of wet / dirty nappies so I know there's nothing too badly out of sorts but it's getting me down and I feel as though my milk is disappearing because he's just not interested.

God, sorry for long rant. Any advice????

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Chica31 · 14/12/2009 15:36

Routine wise we are all over the place. After nearly managing to set your watch to her from day 1.

Thursday up at 2.30, 5, then 9. DH and I were so confused he ended up being an hour late for work! We thought it was 8 not 9
Friday DD slept through the night until 6.45
Saturday, up every hour, until at 5am I started crying as I had had no sleep and DH took over.
Sunday, 2.30 fed and back to sleep up at 6

We are all over the place.

However, day time sleep suddenly "fixed" itself. She was having 3 45 min naps. The books, Gina Ford and Baby whisperer all so this is a big no, no. It went on from about 4 months to 6. I tried sshh patting her to extend her naps, in the end I gave up and decided to go with the flow. Suddenly at 6 months and a bit, she went back to 2 hours naps. Strange!

mamaduckbone · 14/12/2009 20:40

Hi Chica lol at your dh being late for work - I can understand that. Sleeping til 9 seems such a long time ago! It must be frustrating having her sleep through one night then up hourly the next.

I wonder what tonight will bring for us...

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mamaduckbone · 14/12/2009 20:43

loopyloo Poor you - is she like this even when you're in the house? I've found that ds is worse when we're out and about and there's other things going on.

I can understand what your hv is saying but it might result in even less sleep for you, and damage limitation is my motto at the moment.

Good luck tonight - I hope it goes a bit better for you.

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HerMomminess · 15/12/2009 11:49

Howdie,

ALL OVER THE PLACE TOO!

Sunday night she went down at 1900. Up at 22:45 and 0330. Then 0630. 'MAGIC' I thought...

Alas not.

Monday night: Down at 19:00, up at 2230, 0145, 0430...at which point I fed again and left the room- OUR ROOM- for DH to cope.

Complicated that I have such a rubbish cold/flu (of the non swine variety) that it isn' t helping at all.

Why oh why is this happening?

HerMomminess · 15/12/2009 11:52

Forgot to ask how you' re doing on the non demand feeding regime loopy?

loopyloo82 · 16/12/2009 16:30

Hello all you parents of four-month-old non-sleeping non-feeding darlings!

HerMomminess I know what you mean about all over the place... I never have any idea what the night will bring.

Anyway, after the hv recommended only feeding every 2 hrs max, it was as if she'd listened to the conversation - she managed to wake pretty much two hourly on the dot anyway! So she did it for me. Then last night she even managed one 3 and a half hour stretch... bliss!

But 4am seems to be the key point - after then she really struggles with wind and can't settle properly at all. She usually poos about 6am and I think she spends about 2 hrs building up to it! I tried the non-demand feeding this morning when she woke 25 mins after being put down from her last feed... and my resolve lasted about 10 minutes! The thing is, when she's screaming and I know that the breast will stop her and nothing else will, it seems mean and futile not to let her. Yes, I'm a softie, I know!!

Any updates on other fronts? Anyone seen miraculous improvements that can give the rest of us a boost??! Hoping for good news

mamaduckbone · 16/12/2009 21:54

Hi loopy and other desperate sleep deprived people.

No miracles to report here I'm afraid - after a wonderful night on Monday (one wake up at 2 for food, brief coughing fit at 4 then through til morning)last night we were up at 10, 12, 2 then awake between 2 and 4 . The anti-biotics are giving him a terrible upset stomach so he pooed twice in that time and wouldn't settle with or without feeding. Then I'd just got off to sleep and ds1 came trotting in - grrr.

Ds2 is much better in himself today though so fingers crossed. Anyone else dreading going to bed in case it's a nightmare hellish night, cos I know I am. I'm off to bed now though to try and get some zzzzzzs in.

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HerMomminess · 17/12/2009 10:59

Hi everyone,

Boy oh boy, this thread is my saving grace!

Let us just say there is no pattern here.Better night but NO IDEA why. Also had he unusual 4am poo (why??) followed by change and 30min chatting before off to sleep...

Looking at the production from her nose I think she now has a bug too.

Hang in there ladies.

Ho ho ho...

mamaduckbone · 17/12/2009 20:18

Evening all,
I'm particularly fond of the poo followed by chatting routine HerMomminess - I gained the bonus free gift of a wretchedly tired 4 year old today since the 5am chat woke him up and he couldn't go back to sleep. Hurrah!

Dear Santa,
Please bring me the baby back who could settle himself and slept like an angel. Someone seems to have swapped him for a monster without me noticing.
Thanks in advance,
Mamaduckbone

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HerMomminess · 17/12/2009 22:38

Cheers for the giggle mama

Current problem is that my coping mechanism seems to be carb overload and ebay addiction...oh dear.

That bottle of ff this afternoon did fa.

Bring on the nightshift.

And may Santa listen

PS Typing with one hand with snotty babe hanging of boob. Have I painted a picture?

mamaduckbone · 18/12/2009 13:42

Mmmm, I love snot smeared boobs, yum!

We slept from 2.30-7.30 last night . Santa, are you listening? Now can you just get rid of this snow, cos I need to Get Things Done.
I so don't want to go in the garden and make snowballs, I do want to pack ds1 off to grandmas for his planned sleepover so I can go into work for secret santa and glass of wine. Had given up hope but it's stopped now so I might risk it....

I know what you mean about carb overload - just call me mamabiscuitbone

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HerMomminess · 18/12/2009 14:03

Glad SOMEONE's SAnta is listening.

Beat this: Down at 1930; up at 2100-DH cuddled her to slepp;up at 21:30-DH again (I was wrapping presents);22:30-fed; 00:45-fed...then 04:30;07:00.

Needless to say we both collapsed after breakfast for a snooz. Don' t know whether I should be interrupting her daytime naps or not. Worried she reverses day&night (how would I notice?!), yet if she's snotty&not sleeping well at night she must be shattered.

Let it snow let it snow...

Baked yet more brownies&biscuits in prep for weekend festivities. Licked the bowl.Felt better for it.

mamaduckbone · 18/12/2009 18:19

I'm sure it was a one-off, and actually wasn't so great - up at 10, 11.30 and 2 before the 5 hour stint, but I am absurdly grateful for it!

If she's got a cold it's hard isn't it - ds's is nearly gone, hence the better feeding and slightly better sleeping I think.
Hang on in there...

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mamaduckbone · 18/12/2009 18:23

...I managed to pack ds1 off and go to work for an hour to eat chocs, drink wine and open my secret santa present with everyone. It was so nice to see other adult humans and actually manage to do something that I'd planned to without it being scuppered by sick kids (or snow)

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loopyloo82 · 19/12/2009 10:27

AAArrgh still no sleep!

Mamaduck wine and chocolate is just what is needed to keep you going, isn't it? We were supposed to be going for mulled wine and mince pies yesterday but the snow scuppered that!

Anyway, I'm hoping Santa will bring me a 5 hour stint like you had some time soon... sounds lovely! DD's newest trick is just screaming her head off at 5.30 am until I let her sit up and chat... as soon as I try to get her back to sleep the screams return- and they sound as if she is in serious pain, but then I let her get up... they miraculously disappear!

HerMomminess · 19/12/2009 21:01

Up EVERY HOUR overnight. I kid you not...

I am desperate for sleep. Even hoped a bottle/extra calories might help.

I' m going back to work in 2 months and if it remains like this I will be a zombie.

Oh the thought of 5 hours...

HerMomminess · 19/12/2009 21:03

PS I meant the bottle of ff for her. Not a bottle of vino for me...seems appealing but will only make this headache worse I guess.

Sorry ladies. Feeling v sorry for meself. And really bad that I' m so grumpy with DH.

Ho ho ho

mamaduckbone · 20/12/2009 20:09

Every 2 hours for us last night. Are you managing any rest in the day HerMomminess? Sounds like you're shattered. How's dd's cold? It does seem to be getting a bit easier here since ds is getting over his cough and cold.

This too shall pass...

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HerMomminess · 22/12/2009 11:32

Howdie all!

Phew, some relief at this end. I don' t know if it was her cold/ supreme fussiness but down to 3 wake ups between 19:30 and 09:00. It is the new thing now: feed at 23:00, then 0300-ish, back up at 0545 then sleeps till 0900!!

Sod Gina Ford regime etc- I' m just going with it and trying to maximise own sleep.

I dread to think what one does if there are other DC' s though...not that I can contemplate that at the moment.

How' s everyone else getting on? The snow? The ho ho ho?

mamaduckbone · 22/12/2009 17:28

That sounds bearable HerMomminess - just in time for CHristmas. We seem to be alternating a good night (night before last 11, 2 and through to 7) with a rotten one (lost track of how many wake ups last night). It seems to relate a bit to how well he's slept during the day - hardly any sleep yesterday = restless night but with ds2 in the equation I can't always make sure he gets enough daytime sleep.

Oh well. Feeling fairly ho ho ho - ish anyway! Although dh's present hasn't arrived

Good luck tonight all

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HerMomminess · 30/12/2009 12:25

I thought I should check inandrevive the thread...

Well, I have NO idea what has made the difference but the last week has been loads bettre. Admittedly we have introduced a ff at 1730 before bath(still gets bf after bath though)but didn't make any difference initially.

Anyway, yesterday evening settled her round 2000(we were out to friends!), she woe at 0130...and then 0815!

OMG. My chest felt like melons and she wasn' t ravenous- great beaming smiles.

Longest sleep I have had since 3rd trimester. Admittedly I woke up in between nervously checking my watch and DD!

Hope Santa has brought you all some zzz's.

How long will it last I wonder?

fothergill · 30/12/2009 12:55

I had this with both mine. 5 minutes tops. The doctor said they get 80% of what they need nutritionally in the first five minutes. I also found that when I weaned them they didn't replace it with milk particularly either. They are both average weight/height now.
I know its hard as you are programmed to feed but I think they are all individual so look at schedules/tables with one eye only.
What I would prob do is try and withhold at least one of the night feeds (offer water) and maybe offer more often on both sides in the day - annoying but at least you will sleep. You can always review this later when the night feed issue is settled again.
Certainly don't worry about your supply or whether he is losing weight. I am a firm believer in them regulating what they need your supply will be more than you think.
Take comfort in the fact that it will soon be solid intake worrying you instead!

HerMomminess · 30/12/2009 14:26

Hi fother. I have just posted on the weaning thread...can' t believe that is what is waiting next

Thanks for the advice. I routinely offer her both breasts. Am trying to replace a bf with a ff per week now in the build up to return to work. Unfortunately will be unable to continue any bf when back (shifts etc)

mamaduckbone · 05/01/2010 11:19

Hello all!
Happy New Year! Well, we've hit 26 weeks, weaning and teething, so a whole new ball park!

Sleep is still up and down, bfeeding is better (I just have to make sure I'm somewhere quiet and calm otherwise no chance) solids are being devoured at every opportunity, so I'm hoping (ha ha ha) that soon that might make a difference to night waking. (See that straw over there, that's me clutching at it!)

Glad to hear things are getting easier your end HerMomminess. We've had a few nights like that interspersed with hourly waking on other nights, but teeth are definitely causing a few problems there - the first one popped through on New Year's Day and I think number 2 is imminent.

My baby's growing up

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fabulosa · 05/01/2010 17:49

I'm SO pleased that I've found this thread - I've posted about DS, currently 15 weeks, doing just this. Fortunately he only wakes once in the night to feed but he has to be coaxed to have anything through the day: generally calm and happy, just not interested in feeding. I was particularly despairing about it as he had been sleeping through and feeding very well. Extremely relieved that it's just a phase - any ideas how long it might last?

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