Just given her a bottle. Absolutely gutted.

[mrsjuan]

DD (12 weeks) has been fussing and crying at about 70% of feeds for 2 months now. She has been gaining weight slowly (about 4 oz a week) but as she very rarely finishes a feed contentedly I never know if she's getting enough and if this weight gain is normal. This evening she got herself in such a state struggling to latch on and stay on that I gave her a bottle of formula. She took it straight away and had 3 oz.
I have had so much support, both on here and in real life that I really don;t think there;s anything else I can do to stop the fussiness so I think, with great regret that this might be the end. I am so devastated that I can't do something that is supposed to be natural.
The only feeds that she normally takes well are night ones. Is there any chance that I would be able to keep feeding her at night and give her a bottle during the day?
I have had so much support, both on here and in real life that I really don;t think there;s anything else I can do to stop the fussiness so I think, with great regret, that this might be the end.

Sorry, cut and pasted the end instead of copying.

I gave DS a bedtime bottle from 5 weeks until he stopped BF at 7 months. It worked beautifully for us. He never had more, just the bedtime one. It doesn't have to be the beginning of the end, it could be a solution.

am sure you could mix feed, and night would be the best time for breast as that's when we produce the milk making hormones.
someone will be along with better advice shortly = I just wanted to acknowledge your thread and say am sure it's not the end if you don't want it to be...

Could you express? I have no real advice, just a thought, although I managed to bf ds for a year I never got to grips with expressing. Hopefully someone with better advice will come along soon?

Hugs

so sorry you have had to resort to formula sorry ive not read any of your other threads, but has reflux been mentioned atall?

and in answer to your question yes it is possible to FF during the day and BF at night.

Don't beat yourself up! You've done a great job getting to 12 weeks. You should feel proud of yourself. You've done a great thing for your DD and given her a great start!

I don't have any good advice for you, and hope that someone like tiktok or hunkermunker will be along to help soon.

Just because you've given her a bottle doesn't mean you can't try mix-feeding, does it? I'm sure you could continue to try to feed her at night, like you suggest.

As I said, I don't know enough to give advice; the only thing I could suggest is something a midwife taught me: when my DD would get in a state and struggle to latch on, the midwife suggested I pop my little finger in her mouth, curled upside down so that the ball of my finger was towards the roof of her mouth, and let her suck on that for a bit. Strangely, it would calm her down. When she was sucking calmly, I would quickly pull my finger out, pop my nipple in her mouth, and away we'd go. This may all be utterly irrelevant to you, so if so - apologies.

FWIW, the fussiness lessens over time.

Take care of yourself.

Can I just say you should be proud hen of doing the BF for 12 weeks and dont see this as a failure at all.

Mixed feeding can work too. The main thing is do what is best for you and baby.

sorry no other advice as its been 9 years since I last BF.

I think that by 12 weeks your supply should have settled down so you may well be able to mix feed as your supply will reflect this. I'm no expert btw - just someone who's bf in the past.

Try not to feel too upset by this though - all babies are different and it sounds as though you've really given it your best shot - what is important is that you have a thriving baby and a mum who is not going out of her mind trying to get her baby fed.

I haven't read your other posts but has your dd been checked for tongue tie?

well done for feeding your baby for 12 weeks ( I made it as far as 6 weeks!) Don't beat yourself up about this, you can try mixed feeding for a bit if you feel happy about it. I read somewhere that feeding(whether bfing or ff) is only one part of parenting , you can show your love through rocking, massage, eye contact, skin on skin...hth

Thanks for the speedy replies!

Expressing - am crap at it but will keep persevering.

Reflux -yes - got gaviscon, rarely use it as it doesn't seem to help and just makes her throw up sticky milk. PLus it's hard to get it into her - could be one positive about bottles - at least I could mix it in with formula if needed.

Sucking on little finger - we do this (but with a dummy). It is pretty good and often the only way I can get her to feed.

Tongue tie - yes she;s been checked. No sign.

Sorry if I'm sounding dismissive!

Hi,

I also don't think it needs to be the end for you. At 12 weeks, your supply becomes a lot more stable and you can mix feed more easily, if that is what you want. If it isn't what you want, then I hope that someone comes along with the right advice for you. I know a couple of people who successfully did this (breastfed but then gave bottles during the main part of the day).

I do not have any advice about breastfeeding, latching on and fussing. I am the last one to advise you (given my baby didn't even latch on, and I ended up expressing exclusively for over 6 months). I did find this article a while back but you might have read it -here it is.

Could you try having snuggly feeds - I know it isnt always practical but naked, lying down in a dark room, relaxing music etc, might calm you both down? Someone also recommended on here a while back to have a nice warm aat... bath together, let her lie on your tummy and feed her like that... although obviously it isnt practical every 2 hours... you'd look like a prune and end up with a heating bill the size of a third world debt

Yes the gaviscon is bugger for BFed babies!! both DD2 and DS have/had mild reflux and were both very fidgety feeders. We have managed to give to gaviscon with a spoon, but had to adjust the dosage around lots to get the balance right we found just half a sachet every other daytime feed did the trick for DD2. With DS he just needs it every so often for a couple of days. with DS its the acid that burns his throat, a few days with the gaviscon and he feeds very well for a fews weeks and then we start again IYSWIM. If its any help with DD2 her reflux was much much better by 16 weeks and with DS it is just starting to improve now at 21 weeks.

I mixed fed successfully from week 2 until I chose to stop at 6 months.

gaviscon takes a while to kick in and help IME.

Best tip to get it in them is put powder and water in a small tightly lidded container and shake hard, then syringe in much easier than the instructions on the packet!

It does sound like it could be quite acidic reflux hence the extreme fusiness? Alternatively have your tried craniel osteopathy it may be uncomfortable for her the position she has to lie in to feed hence the fussiness.

Well, here I am at 5am. She is still sound asleep, and boobs are leaking everywhere so I'm going to give expressing a good go.
We have had a few sessions with an osteopath and they seemed to make her a lot happier except when she's feeding.
Thanks for the advice re gaviscon - I will keep going with it but why didn't she fuss with the bottle if the reflux was causing the fussiness?

now that im not sure about mrsjuan, but bumping for you anyhow!!

You must feel great after such good night

Just wanted to add my experience in case it helps reassure you - I mix fed both of my DSs: DS1 from 2 months til 8 months, and DS2 from 2 months til 11 months.
It worked fine - my body just seemed to work out pretty quickly when it was and wasn't supposed to produce milk. I started just with one daytime FF and the rest BF, gradually replacing the rest of the daytime feeds as it suited us. I never did FF during the night (too lazy to get up and make bottles, much easier to doze while they fed!), just carried on BF until they each slept from 11pm - 7am, DS1 at 3 months and DS2 at 7 months.
By the end of BF with each, I only had milk for the first feed in the morning, which was always my (and apparently their) favourite feed.
You seem to me to be doing really well and checking the sensible things like tongue tie and reflux - best of luck!

I would think you hold her in a different position to bottle fed than to bf, I certainly did. I also wonder that she wouldn't have any associations of pain/discomfort with a bottle that she may have with bf.

A little update. Went for her weigh in this morning & she'd only put on 3 and a bit oz in a week so health visitor (who is normally v pro breastfeeding) conceded that formula might be the way forward but arranged for me to have a last ditch visit to the areas breastfeeding 'guru'. So a quick trip across time ensured and guru agreed that DD was a very difficult feeder and it seems that she has been getting used to taking less and less milk and therefore asking for less and setting up a bit of a viscous circle so basically I need to get more into her one way or another to try & stimulate her appetite.

Apart from some minor attachment tweaks there's nothing I'm doing wrong but she wants me to try giving her more feeds, to add an extra bottle feed at some point (either expressed or formula) & to wake her up in the night. (She often sleeps 6 hours+ )She agreed re the reflux so we are going to Doctors tomorrow to hopefully get the ranitidine which should be a bit easier to give her. Also been given a better expresser on loan so maybe we can get on a bit better with that!

All in all I am feeling a bit better but still not sure I can stick with this for the long haul!

Hopefully the ranitidine will make a difference after a couple of days.

At the end of the day although breast is best ending up being formula fed is a small issue in the grand scheme of things! She's had 12 weeks bm which is fabulous in difficult circumstances. Hopefully she will be happy mixed feeding.

My highest IQ child is the only one fully ff and weaned at 4 months as were the guidelines in those days!