Breastfeeding Bridesmaid

[funwithfondue]

As the title says - I'm going to be one soon, and wondered if anyone can give me some advice... Sorry to post about such trivial concerns, but I'm awake at night (when baby is asleep!) thinking about it all.

My dd (first child) will be 20 weeks, and is excl. bf; the bride (a lovely, understanding woman, not bridezilla) is a very good friend and I really want to do my best for her on her big day, especially as I couldn't make her hen do because of living overseas/baby.

We're flying in from mainland Europe for the wedding, staying at a B&B. It's a country church ceremony, followed by marquee in parents' garden, so fairly informal, but I'll be sitting on the top table during the wedding breakfast, and it's been planned for a year.

So... first of all - how do I not look totally FRUMPY in my lovely silk, knee-length bridesmaid dress (it's a Monsoon number) next to the two skinny, non-mummy bridesmaids?

All of my nursing bras make my boobs look so saggy - any recommendations? Would wearing one of my old underwired ones for a day (i.e. wonderbra) do bad things to me?

Second, we've been persuading dd to take a bottle of expressed breast milk for the past few weeks - she just about will, so am hoping that dh can feed her most of the day from a bottle, and I could just do maybe one breast feed. Will this make my boobs leak all over said silk dress? Are breastpads enough?

Would I need to express for relief during the day? (In which case, I guess I may as well breastfeed her)

And finally, anyone else who's done this, any general tips?

Thank you in anticipation...

Ye Gods, I can't half waffle - sorry for overlong post!

So, I wasn't bridesmaid, but I went to a very smart wedding whilst BF'ing DS2 he was about the same age.
We had lots of people to look after him for cuddles and stuff, but every now and then I wandered off for 20 mins to feed DS2, I fed him at times that were convenient to the wedding routine ie before he was asking for food.

At 20 weeks are you in some kind of pattern? DS2 was after milk about every 3 hours and in the cycle of a wedding 3 hours gets you through the ceremony and to the reception.

I am not saying don't give a bottle, but if it is going to cause you or DH any stress it may be better for all if you plan BF breaks into proceedings.

Enjoy sounds like you are going to be a fantastic bridesmaid.

Firstly, Spanx. These ones.

But you won't look frumpy anyway, you've just had a baby, you are GLOWING.

Underwired bra - it depends on you and your boobs really. I couldn't have done it but I am very very prone to mastitus. Practice for a morning and see how it feels. If you can wear an underwired one I would.

How leaky are you normally? If you're planning on giving her just one feed and are normally pretty leaky I'd be inclined to nip back to your room, remove dress, feed dd (from both sides to remain even) and then replace dress.

General tip - don't forget to drink plenty of water on the day. It's when you're racing around and busy that you forget.

Take a pashmina or scarf or sth to cover up the inevitable dribble / poo / posset / smear that your darling little girl will see fit to decorate you with.

Don't wear an old bra - go and get properly fitted for a well fitting new one. Wearing it for the day won't hurt you - but an ill fitting one won't flatter, and will be uncomfortable. I'm loving the Elle McPherson balconette bras atm - they give a fab shape.

Find a little lingerie shop, and ask the ladies running it (most of the better ones seem to be ladies of a certain age).

Personally, I'd just feed DD yourself. Otherwise you'll be uncomfortable, and might leak.

Do you use a sling ? You can get lovely silk ring slings that will provide a good coverup (since I presume you'd need to hoik nork over the top), and let you show DD off

I was a breastfeeding bridesmaid once

It was fine - DH gave him bottles of expressed during the day, and I fed him at his bedtime (by which time my boobs were massive!). I just wore an underwired bra for the day with breastpads

You'll be fine - don't worry!

hi i have been a bf bridesmaid. The first time i just bf as normal, evry 2/3 hours i would go of to the brids room for hte day at the venue and would feed for 10/15 mins and then put dress back up and bra and then go off to do my duties. I never enjoyed expressing and my baby woudl ot take a bottl when we tried so i had to bf on the day but it worked out fine. If you spoke to the bride about your concerns i am sure sh would not mind you going off every copule of hours as long as you time it around key things that are happening on the day which is what i did. I fed whn all the guests wre mingling, after the wedding breakfast, aftr the first dance etc and my daughtere was looked after well by dh and othr family who were there. I hope the day goes well.

I have done this (DD was 9 days old!!!!!! What was I thinking?!!!!). Anyway, you might need:

control pants to help you feel thinner
a new bra for the occasion (maybe there are some nice nursing ones?)
pashmina thing for covering up
sling for DH to carry baby about in to encourage her to sleep a lot

I also got my bridesmaid dress altered so I could BF without having to take the whole thing off.

And it all went fine but at the end of the day I was absolutely exhausted. So don't overdo it!

Have fun...

I've done it too ... with the aid of spanx and a lovely underwired bra. I always wear one anyway (a maternity underwired one) so I wouldn't
worry about wearing one for the day if I were you.
When I needed to feed I went somewhere quiet and stripped off - the bride had organised a breasfeeding room - it was just the
venue manager's office but it was perfect.
Once I needed to feed her while everyone was waiting outside the church so I did it in a ring sling and draped the spare cloth
where necessary. A big shawl would be just as good.
The day was stressful because I couldn't get her to sleep with all the excitement, but not because of the breastfeeding,

I will be doing this in 2 weeks - and DH is best man so had to rope in mum to stay at hotel across the road with DS!

For me, missing more than 1 BF would mean huge painful boobs and goodness knows what leakage so I'm going to sneak out for feeds through the day, and then hopefully he'll have a bottle from mum before bed .

Maybe experiment before the big day and see how it affects you?

I'm off out tomorrow to invest in spanx!

Get an anita underwired feeding bra and spanx.

Debenhams do Spanx, I can second th ones linked to earlier, they really do suck everything in!

My boobs looked awful in ill fitting mothercar bras that I wore for 18months but look fab in my properly fitted bravissimo bra. It isn't underwired, but keeps everything in place.

Agree, I think it would be less stressful to feed your DD whenever you can. Your DH could give the bottle if it was really impossible for you to feed at a certain point in the day.

Enjoy the day. You will look fab in your dress.

I did this twice (baby was 16 weeks, then 19 weeks) I expressed in the run up in case she needed feeding when i was walking down the aisle or having photos, the two times i was totally unavaliable.
Then, because at that stage i couldn't miss a feed without my boobs exploding!!! I used a tommee tippee manual pump at a convinient time to pump enough to relieve the fullness and pain.
I like you got very stressed out over it and lost sleep, i did work in the end and was much less traumatic than i thought.

I wore an underwired bra both times and was fine for the day. I had to completly remove both dresses to feed.

For what its worth, i never intend to be a bridesmaid again, especially so close to giving birth

I would suggest taking the dress off or being very careful when you feed. I went to a wedding when DS was about 12 weeks old and he cluster fed through the entire thing. I had some oversupply issues and kept spraying a bit when he came off and inevitably ended up with the odd wet patch on my clothes. Wasnt so important as I was only a guest but would be wary feeding in a silk dress

I've done it too! fully bf 4 month old, would take the occasional bottle but I also needed to feed directly a couple of times too. The good ladies here have covered pretty much everything, but if you are prone to leakiness and feel you will need breastpads don't mess about choosing - go straight for the business: Lansinoh pads are absolutely the best out there. I was like a prize jersey cow and leaked something chronic for most of the first year, yet I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times these pads couldn't cope - and it was usually only after a whole night's wear.

Have a fab time - it will be lovely [amile]

Dear all who replied,

So sorry I've not been back before - internet access been down for a week! But thank you for great advice.

I'm off to the wedding tomorrow, Spanx are packed, I'm braving an underwired bra for the day, frozen expressed breastmilk will be stored, etc etc.

Will let you know how I get on...

Thanks again xx

The wedding was this weekend, I'm back home and we all survived, so I thought I'd give some post-wedding feedback, in case anyone else has the same dilemmas coming up this summer...

After a crisis two days before when dd fell out of her pram and hit her head (six hours in casualty, x-rays, she was fine), we missed our flight, all my carefully frozen bm was defrosted, wedding day came about. First time DH had looked after dd on his own for longer than an hour. As it happened, she refused to take a bottle from him, and from all of our friends, leading to him driving urgently to the brides' house minutes before we left for the church for a quick bf. All was well though, and as some of you advised in the first place, I ended up giving her quick bf's all day, and even managed not to get any liquids on my dress until a friend slopped beer all over me much later on!! By then end of the night, I was grabbing a quiet seat behind the marquee and just pulling my boob out anyway

DH had to handle her crying for about 40 mins, twice, during speeches and photos, when I really couldn't get away - sods law with that timing - and has renewed respect for my day-to-day efforts in looking after our daughter.

The bride looked stunning, I was there for her all day, great fun had by all, and DH and I learnt a few lessons for next time. (we're also going to try cups instead of bottles now)

Thanks again xx