Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast feeding , a lonely bussiness

98 replies

Granuaile · 28/04/2005 16:18

My daughter is now 6 months old and I am still breast feeding quite happily, however just wondering if anyone else has found it to be a lonely experience at times ? I became quite confident early on at feeding my dd in public but when I go to visit my in laws it is almost taboo. They have asked me to leave the room to feed on a few occasions or they leave the room and I am there for the duration on my own. Yes I have my beautiful daughter with me but, it really makes me mad that they go on like this. On one occasion when visiting my FIL in hospital ( he had his own room ) I had to leave his room and go to feed my dd in the very public reception area. I have spoken to my husband about it, and he has told them they do not have to leave every time I feed, but it hasn't made any difference. Am I the only one having this experience ??

OP posts:
popsycal · 29/04/2005 11:28

but mud...you dont display flesh

tiktok · 29/04/2005 11:29

I have researched this. There is no proscription in Islam or Judaism about breastfeeding in front of men, though I met an orthodox Jewish lady who told me that the custom is not to bf in front of men outside the immediate family. This would not apply to mothers who are not of that faith, though - just as no one would expect a non-orthodox woman to hide her hair in the company of orthodox men.

I think if the 'viewers' felt uncomfortable because of what they felt (however mistakenly) were religious proscriptions at being somewhere they might see a bit of female flesh (and it would be a bit - no more!), then of course they can leave the room.

The mother herself should not feel obliged to.

hunkermunker · 29/04/2005 11:30

You display a bit with 34G boobs, Popsy Not nipple flesh though

popsycal · 29/04/2005 11:31

dont you just pull your top down til it almost touches baby's nose?
i do

chipmonkey · 29/04/2005 11:33

Granuaile, my in-laws were kind of the same as yours in that I was "given" the dining room to feed in, with a nice couch and a cd player etc and my MIL bringing me in cups of tea![smile} However after visiting our house a few times where I certainly don't hide away they have gotten used to it. I think their perception was that I must want privacy when in fact I'll get my boobs out anywhere!

hunkermunker · 29/04/2005 11:33

Yes, I do. Then DS pulls it back up again...

It is not exhibitionism on my part!

chipmonkey · 29/04/2005 11:34

oooh , hunker, I'd love 34G boobs!

popsycal · 29/04/2005 11:34

aaaaaaaah
i have that to come yet then

i am watching this thread with interest though as i am a recent convert to public breastfeeding

tiktok · 29/04/2005 11:35

Chip, you are clearly a shameless hussy with no respect for your in-laws

hunkermunker · 29/04/2005 11:38

Chipmonkey, I'd love 34B boobs Would mean summer wasn't approached with dread of strappy tops and wondering whether this year "sturdy clothing" will be the must-have style for the summer [wry grin]

chipmonkey · 29/04/2005 12:21

Hunker, mine are 34B but unfortunately they are gravitationally challenged so I still worry about strappy tops!

crunchie · 29/04/2005 12:33

This is a quite interesting thread, at first I was cross on behalf of Granuaile. But reading on I can also see MUD's POV. In Granuailes own house she should do as she wants, whip em out if she wants. But at her PIL, who have politely asked her to leave the room (or have left the room) they have expressed that they would prefer she does this, therefore I can see the point in accepting that and trying to respect them. However I would suggest perhaps that your dh Granuaile joins you, to keep you company and maybe express his displeasure to his parents. This means you are devoiding THEM of company - not the other way around Could this work

milward · 29/04/2005 13:10

What about the baby here?? Granuaile your dd is getting the best start in life - your in-laws can't understand this. Of course you can bf in their house and anywhere you like - your baby takes priority over uninformed people who don't want to learn & see if they want to change their point of view. If they want you to go to another room then I would happily leave them to it - bf on demand lots, as much as possible when you're in their house. This will cut down on the amount of time you have to spend with them - they must enjoy their own company lots to not make guests feel welcome in their own house (not to mention family!) Take some good books, take a radio, some dvd's, chat on your phone. Let them see that you don't care what they think & have a super time just getting on with looking after your dd. Good luck with this

Original poster
Granuaile · 29/04/2005 13:53

when we are in my house, I do just feed dd where I always do. I think to be honest my mil has more of a problem with it all than my fil as he has stayed to chat until he is given a gentle reminder by his wife that maybe he should leave or not come in to the room if I have started feeding when he has been out of the room. I do find this a little strange too though as my mil breast fed her second son ( couldn't feed her first child, my dh )so you would think she would know what it is like.

OP posts:
CarolinaMoon · 29/04/2005 14:17

Granuaile, it sounds like your MIL has a bit of an issue of her own re bf - i would have thought it's a bit kinder to do what you're doing and not to 'force' it on her. I am all for public bfing but e.g. when I go to visit my great aunts (aged about 80) I do go into another room to bf cos I know it freaks them out, and I'm not there that often anyway. Seems a bit odd to go round to someone's house and do something you know will make them feel uncomfortable...

on the other hand, I find it a bit sad that people of my own generation who aren't at all fussed about page 3 etc get all embarrassed when they see me bf (not that there's anything to see). Also when little 3 or 4 yr olds who are around mums and babies a lot ask what I'm doing - have they never seen it before?

CarolinaMoon · 29/04/2005 14:18

oops, hope that didn't sound like I thought you had an issue

crunchie · 29/04/2005 14:24

Granuaile do you think your MIL thinks that you want the privacy? I know your DH has said they don't need to leave the room, but perhaps she thinks he is just saying that? Maybe she always wanted privacy and so cannot understand that you don't mind.

I just think that as otherwise why would she tell your fil to leave once he is already in the room when you are feeding. I don't know it just seems odd.

Original poster
Granuaile · 29/04/2005 14:39

you might be right Crunchie, maybe my dh and I need to find a way of saying I am not embarrassed that mil can accept without offending or upsetting anyone. I find it all quite strange, but I'm sure she will get used to it all eventually. maybe by child no 3 ( if we have that many )

OP posts:
Mud · 29/04/2005 14:55

I think that would be a good aproach granauile

and once again, good for you keeping on breastfeeding it really is a fabulous thing you are doing

Original poster
Granuaile · 29/04/2005 15:12

thanks Mud

OP posts:
Satine · 29/04/2005 19:02

I do agree with Mud - whilst I am totally pro bf and bf both my children, I respected the fact that it did make some people uncomfortable - my dad, for example. Mostly older people. I didn't think that a militant confrontational attitude would help so I discreetly withdrew and actually I found in time some of them changed - my dad would come in to talk to me. So hopefully I might have changed their attitudes a little. My dh has said that sad as it may sound, a lot of men cannot disassociate the sexual significance of breasts from their actual purpose, which might explain a lot!

bobbybob · 29/04/2005 20:00

I do think that it is rude to invite someone to your house and then leave them all on their own because they are feeding their baby.

However you can't make someone stay in the same room, so I would take a book.

I told my dh how I felt and he used to come and sit with me in the living room, while they all had their tea in the dining room.

The problem never got solved. Ds simply got older. I'm sure it would be different with another as they would have ds to focus on.

fifilala · 10/05/2005 15:56

Interesting discussion - it was always with the oldies that I was scared or embarrassed BF ( especially friends parent's - not necessarily my own) but we all got used to it

Well done for BF for so long!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page