Breast feeding , a lonely bussiness

[Granuaile]

My daughter is now 6 months old and I am still breast feeding quite happily, however just wondering if anyone else has found it to be a lonely experience at times ? I became quite confident early on at feeding my dd in public but when I go to visit my in laws it is almost taboo. They have asked me to leave the room to feed on a few occasions or they leave the room and I am there for the duration on my own. Yes I have my beautiful daughter with me but, it really makes me mad that they go on like this. On one occasion when visiting my FIL in hospital ( he had his own room ) I had to leave his room and go to feed my dd in the very public reception area. I have spoken to my husband about it, and he has told them they do not have to leave every time I feed, but it hasn't made any difference. Am I the only one having this experience ??

agree - nowt wrong with a 'gentle conversation' but they have already made it clear that it makes them uncomfortable, by discretely leaving the room. it becomes the guest to act worthily of hospitality extended to them by not doing things that make their hosts uncomfortable

if

what about if her breathing bothered them?

Excellent point, bundle. I'm really taken aback at this attitude to be honest. Why shouldn't respect be a two way thing?

I think being 'comfortable' is a movable emotion...and we can learn to be comfortable with situations by continued exposure to them, and by a bit of self-education and self-discipline.

Seeing we're talking about in-laws, I'll throw in a situation from my life. My (late) mother in law developed dementia. I found it very uncomfortable to have her in my home. She was embarassing, to be honest, especially when she was eating (or being fed, rather). But we loved her, and we loved my FIL. For my own comfort, it would have been easier for me to ask them to eat their meal in another room - I could have taken them a tray. But that would not have been respectful. I got used to her and became less uncofortable, and I told myself not to be so bloody mean and horrible in cringing.......it worked.

Not exactly the same, but not a millin miles away either!! My feelngs seeing my MIL eat (I use ther word loosely) her dinner were prob the same as Granuaile's in laws....

when does one stop respecting the (daft/offensive/ludicrous) attitudes of others? when they interfere with "normal" life. i bet they wouldn't bat an eye at cow n gate.

tiktok, that's such a moving story and illustrates so how well people can adapt to uncomfortable situations if they think compassionately of the other people involved. my own father is in the early stages of dementia and his behaviour is already altered and i know i will have to face some of the emotions you mention. thank you for being such an open, understanding person.

I bet they wouldn't, either, bundle.

Silly old farts.

Excuse the lack of respect ;)

The 'I bet' post was in response to yous about cow & gate, bundle!!!

need to clear that up

i knew it was tiktok

I don't think it is a generational thing - I B/F'd my baby when my neighbours came round for a drink in the early days. The bloke of the couple suddenly felt the need to turn round and stare at my husband's CDs for the duration (he's in his early 30s) but it wasn't like I'd wapped them out, I was very discreet and you couldn't see anything. I also had to B/F when I first took ds into work and the blokes I work with wouldn't come within 30 paces! If they are embarassed by it, can you manage it with a shawl over you, or a scarf or something. I agree with others, you shouldn't have to do it in private but maybe there is some middle ground (they need to know it makes you miserable going elsewhere)

Em, wearing a scarf or a shawl seems to me to shriek 'look at me, oops, sorry, I mean don't look at me....I'm BREASTFEEDING!!!! Tadaaaaah!!!!' ....and where are the babies that don't mind being under a shawl?? I suppose some very little ones might not mind, but......

There is nothing wrong with your neighbour looking at your CDs. That is his problem

When I do a/n classes, I ask people about this, and there are plenty of young guys (and women) who are horrified at the idea of seeing someone bf anywhere, whether you can see anything or not. There are others who are equally amazed that it's an issue at all.

can I just pick up on what Tamum said she said 'why shouldn't respect be a 2-way thing'

I ask exactly the same, why shouldn't it?

If I put a shawl over DS's head when breastfeeding him, I would draw SO much attention to myself!

"Where's the breastfeeding mother?"

"Oh, she's over there. She has her hands full though - she's having a wrestle with an angry octopus as well."

Just a note from someone who's dd is going through a mega distractable stage. Even in my own home I have to bf in the bedroom, sometimes with curtains drawn, no telly/radio on because otherwise she's just too flippin interested in everything else that's going on. I've been missing out on what her brother's doing (he's the major distraction for her)for what feels like hours at a time.

I'm sympathetic to the feeling that it's lonely being stuck in a room away from family, (mind you wouldn't mind it as an excuse to get away from my MIL )but it's not forever.

BTW, Granauile, is it possible that there's more going on here than just embarrassment and generational differences? Are you perceiving their behaviour as criticism in any way? No idea whether this theory is complete bllcks or not - just my own experience was of feeling that my MIL was making little jibes all the time. She wasn't, but it felt like it sometimes. Apologies for mentioning it if it's irrelevant in your case.

I am with Mud, Astonished etc al. Just because you are breastfeeding your child it doesn't give you some divine right to ignore everyone elses (perhaps irrational) feelings, particularly in the possible close-quarters of a domestic situation - regardless of the quantity of boob on display.

Message withdrawn

Ok fair enough the shawl thing would probably only work with a young baby. BUT I do think it is more discreet (and know people who managed it at least to start with - for those surprised I even suggested it) People don't tend to be embarassed about breastfeeding as a concept, they are embarassed when they see breasts or particularly nipples (for some reason) in a situation where everyone else is fully dressed (hence why topless sunbathing doesn't seem to bother most people) but as you don't have to lift your top up and get your whole boob out, unless you are at the stage where LO starts to bob on and off, I don't see why it can't be done in a way where parents in law don't feel disgusted.

think I have opened a can of worms here !! There is no disrespect between me and my in laws. I do feed my dd discreetly and I am going to continue breast feeding her for as long as I can. Hopefully everyone will get more comfortable with it as time goes on.

Good on you, Granuaile. Tit/teat threads always get a bit heated on here, it's nothing personal!

yeah - we love a good barney about bf here

Granuaile is a very discreet feeder and has never flesh flashed at me! lol granuaile

Respect is a two way thing, but only when others wviews are worthy of respect. And views that bf is not normal, or is something that should be hidden away are just not worthy of respect. If your in-laws were white racists and you were black would you cover your face in white paint before you went into their house? Of course not. But if they were Muslims who were offended by copius displays of flesh you would probably not wear a miniskirt when visiting. But BF comes into the first category IMO.

and if they were muslims or orthodox jews who are offended by displays of female flesh would you then go on to breastfeed in front of the male members of the family?

interesting analogy there prufrock