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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast feeding , a lonely bussiness

98 replies

Granuaile · 28/04/2005 16:18

My daughter is now 6 months old and I am still breast feeding quite happily, however just wondering if anyone else has found it to be a lonely experience at times ? I became quite confident early on at feeding my dd in public but when I go to visit my in laws it is almost taboo. They have asked me to leave the room to feed on a few occasions or they leave the room and I am there for the duration on my own. Yes I have my beautiful daughter with me but, it really makes me mad that they go on like this. On one occasion when visiting my FIL in hospital ( he had his own room ) I had to leave his room and go to feed my dd in the very public reception area. I have spoken to my husband about it, and he has told them they do not have to leave every time I feed, but it hasn't made any difference. Am I the only one having this experience ??

OP posts:
oops · 28/04/2005 18:04

Message withdrawn

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:04

TO THEM SHE IS

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:06

they need to respect HER

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:07

it is THEIR house and THEIR hospital bed, she needs to respect them

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:10

oops sorry didn't see you there for a second, believe me I am an ardent pro-breastfeeder too, and I would heartily recommend anyone do it

but I was also brought up to respect others opinions, why would I embarrass my relations when simply by moving into an equally comfortabel room I can demonstrate respect for them.

I could talk about it to them, and try to educate them, but ardent militarism (weird concept when talking about bf) in spite of their obvious discomfit is in my view quite rude.

The world does not revolve around breast-feeders, it revolves around respect

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:12

Granauile in case you get upset about the direction this conversation is taking, I am really not having a go at you personally, I think what you are doing in terms of breastfeeding is totally right and you are doing a fabulous job. Keep it up

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:15

attitudes like mud's/the in laws in this case make me despair, totally

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:16

just as lack of respect makes me grieve

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:16

totally

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:17

i respect people who are worthy of it

astonished · 28/04/2005 18:19

I'm with you mud, sorry!! I'm a pro Breast feeder too BTW

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:19

btw I last stopped breastfeeding around 8 weeks ago, so I'm still quite close to the whole thing. I am pro-breastfeeding but anti this militancy that makes you show no respect for others opinions, if we were talking about religious intolerance for alternative views you would be totally on my side, but cos its differences in attitudes to breastfeeding I'm suddently the devil?

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:21

they are the parents of her husband and they aren't worthy of respect wow how sanctimonious can you get???

astonished · 28/04/2005 18:23

I have an uncle who was obviously embaressed, i quite happily took myself off to feed when visiting, what exactly would be the point in making him feel uncomfortable in his own home. Getting arsey or making a stand would not have changed his mind, would probably have made it worse. Yes these attitudes have to change but it will take time and won't happen overnight.

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:23

they should respect her too, that's what i am saying. i can relate to Granuaile's experiences because of my own parents' attitudes, though they were too polite to say anything i knew they felt it was alien to them (my mother bottle fed both her daughters) and i didn't force them to watch me, it just became a natural normal part of our day. hey presto they don't even notice any more. hardly militant..

hunkermunker · 28/04/2005 18:24

I agree with Mud

Granuaile, nurse in a separate room with a good book I think it can be a generational thing - they don't want to stop you doing it, but they feel uncomfortable with you doing it in front of them. I have some elderly friends like that - he leaves the room and comes back a respectful time later. He respects that I breastfeed, I respect that he doesn't want to see it - we're all happy about it. If I told him he had to stay because breastfeeding's such a wonderful thing, that would be peculiar.

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:25

never got arsey, never made a stand. we all showed respect for my daughters' need to feed. it's no wonder bfeeding rates are so low in this country with people being shunned.

tiktok · 28/04/2005 18:25

Respect is a two-way street. It's another word for consideration, yes?

People who would like to be respectful/considerate to a breastfeeding mother can ensure she is in a comfortable chair, can bring her a drink, can chat to her and make her feel relaxed and welcomed, show by their warm responses that she is appreciated...just as they might do with any other guest.

A mother who wants to show respect/consideration to people she fears may be embarrassed about bf will probably feed without showing much flesh and will just get on with it, without drawing much attention to what she is doing.

Result: mutual comfort...it's called 'live and let live.'

Breastfeeding is indeed a 'great job' - why make it harder for people to do it?

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:26

hoorah - thank you astonished and humkermunker

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:27

thank you tiktok. there's no flashing of flesh or making a big thing out of it, just subtley educating people that bfeeding is a normal part of life and not something to be shut away in a cupboard.

tiktok · 28/04/2005 18:30

LOL at hunker's suggestion she tells her uncle he has to stay to witness her bf!!!

I think if someone is really uncomfortable, then of course they should leave the room if they really want to (as long as this is not leaving the mother alone - that's rude) - it's the expectation that the mother shuld be the one to leave that really gets me!!

Having said that, I had an uncle (now dead) who I definitely would not have breastfed in front of, but that was because he was certainly pervy......

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:34

its THEIR house though

I truly do not get why otherwise well-mannered people feel that they should be able to make their hosts feel uncomfortable in their own home beacuse they are 'breastfeeding'

brestfeeding is easy to do in any room where there is a chair or bed, why shouldn't the mother and child move to a different room?

IN this particular instance its the pil's house, why can't the DH stay with her and chat

bundle · 28/04/2005 18:36

and THEIR grandchild. i suppose it would be ok to bottlefeed?

Mud · 28/04/2005 18:41

not if it made them uncomfrotabel no it wouldn't

nor would it be ok to do the hokey-cokey cos you felt like it if they had a morbid fear of 'shaking it all about'

Tommy · 28/04/2005 18:42

not wanting to jump into an argument here but.... it may well be their house, their rules etc but IMO, they are wrong in their views and therefore that should be gently explained to them. I breastfed in front of DH's 90 year old grandfather who didn't bat an eyelid and, if he was a bit unused to it, was much too polite and well mannered to say anything.