Nell McAndrew article on extended breastfeeding

[treacletart]

here

I hope you have the support to try again next time. It is a lovely thing. But you know what, if you can't do it for whatever reason then you must be kind to yourself. I may be an extended bfer but am in no way naive or arrogant enough to think that it's the only way or that it's at all easy. It's difficult, motherhood is infused with such guilt at every turn and worries about whether you're doing it right, that I suspect the first reaction at any turning is to defend your choices vociferously whilst worrying about them at the same time. It's a heady result when it's concentrated on an online parenting forum.

Now, I must get Ruby Wax off my television before I throw my icecream at her. That would be a waste.

The comments after this article are scary. That's why I feel I can't feed my twins in public anymore. What is it with people going on that it's just for the mother?? Do they know how many times I wake up every night?

I think it's great she's done this article.

Any Hathor fans here?

thecowgoddess

I love her cartoon on the 'when they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to be bf' reasoning (which was in an article in the Mail today written in response to Nell McAndrew's comments).

"The two things are completely unrelated. It's like saying that once a kid learns to ride a bike they can't eat breakfast".

zeeka, the 'it's for the mother' argument tickles me. I can't get dd into her pushchair when I want her to, I certainly couldn't get her to bf on my whim.

I'm sorry you feel you can't feed in public. It's a shame you feel this way. I understand though. I try to avoid it.

(I work with bf women too)
Once on one of these threads some insensitive bitch (sorry) said that there was "nothing more creepy" than feeding a 2 year old.
this was a long time ago but it upset me hugely at the time, and put a blight on feeding my daughter. I would think, as I was feeding her, there are people out there who think there is nothing more creepy than this.
it was just her opinion and she should have kept it to herself. I am still angry and I won't forgive her for it.

Nell is still apprently "unrepentant" about her BF.

not sure who she is supposed to apologise to.

That ok harsichordcarrier i would get quite upset if someone told me i was not a good mum as i ff as that not true and mums who ff have there reasons. Though i dont agree with mums who say they will never try bf and just go straight to formula. There are some mums who say that it should be on prescription that i get quite upset about but thats another thread i guess. Who knows i might think differently if i were to actually do it, but would like to wean them if they have not weaned themselves once they reach two.

oh harpsi.

My MIL has reliably informed me that she will support me until dd turns 2 and then it's weird and will scar dd.

I have 2 months left. I like my MIL enormously but I anticipate an upset. Mine I suspect.

OK I will say that I allowed both of my dds to self-wean which they both did just around 3 (gradually, gently, unprompted) and it was THE RIGHT DECISION and has contributed to their happiness and confidence.
so THERE

But piglet, when you say that extended bf is 'just not right' you are implying that it is immoral, harmful or damaging to children.

That's very hurtful for those of use who have bf older children.

piglet, it's a strange one because a fair proportion of extended bfers don't plan it that way. I certainly didn't. You don't start by bfing a toddler. You bfeed a baby, the baby grows and thrives. The bfing provides more than you ever imagined. You are happy. The child is happy. It feels natural and right. You wake up one day and you're an extended bfer. The natural evolution of it speaks volumes about the act itself.

unrepentent She's wet nursing too y'know.

Ruby Wax is still on my television. Must rectify...

Thanks harpsichordcarrier and showofhands really appreciated. it is nice to see a baby being bf in public and i am all for it, that is why women have breasts in the first place. I was actually quite proud of myself when i thought i was doing it with my little girl and felt that i had achieved the holy grail but that was not to be sadly. Mabey i was doing it all wrong or Katie not latching propersly, i certainly did not have the support as a new mum, felt very overwhelmed with it all. my husband was desperate for me to stop bf and express as we could see how much she was getting, that coupled with the stress of having the in lawys with us at the time.

Second time round i would do things differently and will be a bit more calmer. I had a tough time with my daughter and her godmother used to take her every now and again so that i could have some rest and break, ff allowed me to do that, could i still do that if i was bf

harpsi, did you demand feed to 3 or was it only at nights for example? Please ignore if you choose to. I've unwittingly adopted a 'never offer, never refuse' policy so dd's a bit erratic. Some days it's once or twice, others it's very frequent.

piglet, what's the issue with the prescription argument? I know nothing about formula and current debates outside of marketing. I'm interested though. What is the issue? The idea of it being free?

Yes piglet you can express and give EBM in a bottle (or a cup ) for you to have a break, I know plenty of mums who have done this - I work on a saturday night and My baby gets EBM then.

Its hard when you have a new baby to trust your body to give enough milk. We've all been there - but as long as your baby has wet and dirty nappies, and is gaining weight, then thats all you need to know. I have no idea how much volume my baby gets per feed, but I dont let that bother me. I suppose we were never meant to know how much they were getting at each feed, it wasn't until people started to FF that they got worried about ozs.

Thanks to all of you, I did mean to be rude, i guess i wanted to create a discussion with opposing ends of the spectrum and see what others think of it as some might not agree. Yes it is personal choice, and you do what you feel right even though some might not agree and just beg to differ.

Piglet, you're forgiven!

It worked anyway - it certainly envoked conversation!

see you about

Katie was loosing more weight than she should and had green pooh, that why midwife told me to get bottles out. I had some that were given to me when pregnant and had to get formula. They do worry you, when in in laws had left i tried to bf again when katie was 3 weeks and could not, milk dried despite expressing and she just did not want my breast. At first i felt bad, but seeing now at nearly 2 she happy and healthy i try not to let it bother me.

Showofhands i used to go on the channel 4 fourm, under the family section. There were some mums who bf who though that formula should only be on prescription to encourage bf which i did not agree with at all.

Oh piglet, you sound hurt by your experiences with Katie. I'm sorry. Some women find it easy but for most it takes persistence, hard work and some stubborness. It's a new thing for you and the baby to get your heads round and you both have to learn how to do it. You absolutely need support around you. Proper support from breastfeeding counsellors, midwives or hvs and support from family and friends. Not seeing how much is going in is a common concern. You have to be led by the baby. You latch as often as possible at first and let their health and well being be your guide. Lots of wees, poos and an alert baby who gains weight are the best signs that the baby is getting enough.

Once bfing is established in the first weeks you can express and introduce a bottle or a cup (they lap like a cat!) and you can get some rest while somebody else feeds. Some women find they cannot express though but there's nothing to say you can't give the odd bottle of formula if you want or need to.

Don't be afraid next time to ask for help of the sort you need. Those first few weeks should be about taking it easy, putting the baby to the breast, encouraging lots and lots of skin to skin contact and feeling supported.

You have MN too now . It saw me through some bleak times. I don't mind admitting that there are several MNers who made my bfing success what it is. You can ask for help on here at any time of the day and night, formula help, breastmilk help, cheer me up I'm bored help. It would be nice to carbon copy such good support into other quarters sometimes.

Kudos for considering having another. I'm still in shock from the first birth.

How old is your little girl?

Thought that it might Redonherhead. There was someone like me on Facebook forum about the cebeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell who was born with a disability. The person said that she should not be on TV and that she should cover her arm up and all of us were quite upset about it.

X-posts.

She sounds lovely. Next time arm yourself with the numbers of breastfeeding counsellors.

I suppose the only thing with it being on prescription, it would remove some of the unethical marketing/competition issues from formula sales. I personally believe that no woman should ever be berated or criticised for her own personal circumstances or choices. She should, however, be supported through those choices and afterwards.

Oh I should be in bed. Blardy MN.

piglet, unfortunately, when you introduce formula to a newborn, it is extremely difficult to re-establish breastfeeding again. Having family there must have been very stressful and with advice coming from everywhere you must have been exhausted.

It can take a while for the green poo to go, especially before the milk comes in. I remember on my first i was so worried about him because he hadn't had a wet nappy for a full day. In the end i rang a breastfeeding helpline and the advice i got was fantastic. we had our problems too, but i was lucky that we didn't have other things going on around us.

seriously though, if you want any support if and when you have another one, just give me a shout, i will be more than pleased to help out.

Cerrie Burnell makes me feel guilty. She has a 4 month old baby and looks fabulous. I have a 22 month old and am channeling some kind of bag of spanners look. Really should dig out the Nell McAndrew workout DVD...

On that note, goodnight...

Thanks showofhands I know a lot of mums who found it difficult and have gone to bottle. my little girl is 2 now. I did have a painful birth (episiotomy and ventouse delivery) but when baby was born i know it sounds cliche but i forgot all about it. The midwives were there to show you how to bf and there were nursery nurses on hand to show you too. At the hospital you could not be discharged unless you were able to bf properly.

Thanks for all your support will definitely be coming on here, we will be trying soon for another one.

piglet I was on that thread too on FB

Night night, i will go to bed now too getting late, got an early riser no peace for the wicked i say