Can anyone help me? Im so low and sad.

[SleepyCaz]

DD is 3 weeks and 2 days today. She is a cnstant feeder. Im bf-ing, but having to top up with Aptamil 1 every few hours as she is ravenous constantly. When she is ot at my breast she frantically roots and screams. Tried Infacol and vigarous winding, to no avail. Have not slept in 24 hours. Feel hideously depressed. Fighting with DH due to feeling so awful. HAVE 2.5 year old DS to look after too, who is an angel bless him, but im getting to the point where im short with him if he even asks to go to the toilet. I seem to have to feed my DD for 3+ hours before she is full, at least. Most was 5 hours! From one breast to the other and back, over and over, with some formula in the middle, but always needs to finish on a breast or wont go down at all. Sleeps for max of one hour, then screaming for more again. Seen HVs 4 x this last week and they just say, her weight gain is fine, shes ok, carry on!! I seriously cant cope. Dangerously close to PND, marriage suffering, son suffering. Not even eaten yet today. Caled HVs again but they don't work weekends. Have a tin of hungrier aptamil but darent use it as one of the 4 different HVs i saw made me feel as if it was arsenic! She said it should NEVER be used, esp on a baby so little. DS was on SMA white from 8 weeks though. I am hallucinating from tiredness and feel im ruining my son and husbands lives and frightened im not bonding properly with new DD. She sometimes drops off in my arms, but the min she hits the matress shes screaming again. Tried warming the sheets first, squirting drops of my milk on her blanket, everything, but nothing helps. Am so stressed. Will hungry milk help at all, or is there something else? I lost 3 litres of blood during my delivery and HVs keep telling me to "rest, remember you had a PPH!!" Sorry such long post.

Message withdrawn

sleepycaz - re your most recent post. My dd went through a similar thing of latching on, suckling for 30 seconds then going completely nuts, arching her back and screaming her head off (very distressing for both of us). i had no idea what to do, I think in the end i figured she wasn't actually hungry and was just wanting to suckle for comfort? I know a lot of people hate dummies (I did but gave in in the end) but if she's just looking for a comfort suck you could try one, might give you a bit of a break.

Also, the bottles you are using are the 'anticolic'? When I started bfing got really bad cracked and sore nipples and had to bottle feed dd for a weekend, she happily took from the bottle but screamed all evening and was a bit colicy, changed the bottles (to Tommy Tippee Anticolic Plus) and she was fine......

Another thing, I struggled with bfing in the first few weeks as dd wasn't latching on properly. however, she regained her birth weight and put on some within a week of being born yet when I stopped bfing for the weekend in order for things to heal and I had to express my milk I found was barely producing any milk! Maybe you're not actually producing a lot and so it's taking a while for her to get enough? If you're not eating at least remember to drink plenty of fluids.

With regard to formula - Aptamil is definitely the best but I'd stay clear of the hungrier baby stuff - can cause constipation and in such a young baby I wouldn't want to risk it.

Hope things get better.

Am so glad you managed to get out and have smething to eat. But I too agree on a babymoon tomorrow. Tbh I wanted to mx feed ds but whenever he was given a bottle he would scream all night yet he was fine with ebm. I didn't have to ask what dh had given him, I knew instantly.

You could try swaddling (always worked for my 3) as well.

alandimi - you say aptimal is the best - how do you know this?

Expressing is no indication of how much you are producing nor do you need to drink anymore than just to thirst.

Christiana Rest will almost certainly help the OP to continue to bf, because resting helps one to achieve most things, but whether she is rested or not will not affect her supply.

Nor alamdimi will drinking or eating.

What will affect your supply at this stage sleepycaz is substituting the breast and/or breastmilk.

You really really do need to call one of the breastfeeding helplines as your breastfeeding is in real danger at the moment. Don't use a dummy and as I said before try to slowly reduce the bottle use.

friends and family have recommended Aptamil to me as it is apparently better for their gut as it has a probiotic in it. My sister's baby was originally on SMA/cow&gate (can't remember) and had a dreadful tummy and when she switched to Aptamil he was fine. Just a personal opinion.

With regard to drinking plenty of fluids, I always found that if i forgot to drink, my milk got really low and it would take a couple of days of rest and drinking plenty of water to bring my milk back up - it's just a suggestion.

alandimi - you are repeating myths that are unfounded and show how good for one thing aptimal advertising and slogans are. Really,diet and fluid dont affect your supply unless you are seriously malnourished.

alamdimi You say Aptimil is the best, but can you please clarify what it is that makes it best? It's marketing strategy perhaps?

'Suckling for comfort' is extremely important because it helps to build supply.

Expressing is no indication of supply. I suspect the OPs supply is not yet up to her lo's demands because the bottles have been interfering, but this can be fixed fairy easily if adressed quick sharpish.

x posted with hercules1

i am merely sharing my experiences. I am not an expert and nor do I claim to be one and as a first time mum I've been given plenty of good advice from all sorts of people and some of it has worked for me, some hasn't. Everyone is different.

I adore my dd with all my being but personally would not have coped with her attached to my breast 24/7. I really feel for the OP and i hope she gets the help and rest she needs.

It's fine to have an opinion but you will always be pulled up here when you state mistruths about breastfeeding as facts. It's not done to be horrible, rather to try to educate people and to stop someone giving up because they believe the myths.

Tomorrow being Sunday would be an ideal day for a 'babymoon' if you can get your DH to take your DS out.

You must be feeling shocked at all this, especially as your DS is an 'angel' - I suspect he was a settled, easy baby and you quite reasonably expected the same.

I always thought lying down helped the supply, hence the babymoon, but as others have said, bottles and dummies will only undermine your efforts. She's probably having a growth spurt (which my DS1 seemed to be permanently having) - all this is normal but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. And the long middle of the night sessions will turn into long late evening sessions eventually.

Best myth I was given : midwife on Day 6 or 7 (after having spent first 3 days in SCBU tube fed, and me asking for advice on endless feeding, waking at night etc: 'the milk in the morning is gold top but in the evening it's silver top, so you should give him a bottle.'

Luckily I rang NCT bfc who told me this was nonsense and - crucially - congratulated me on how well I'd done to establish bf, and we never looked back.

alandimi I have no doubt at all that your intentions are good.

The trouble is that advice from non-experts has got the OP into the difficult position she is in now (i.e. MWs and HVs), and if she doesn't get help now she is going to loose her breastmilk.

Adding further non-expert advice based on opinion and anetdotal evidence is not going to help her situation.

i have never suggested she give up.

And as for the drinking/eating thing not effecting your supply - for me, not drinking and eating properly made my milk low and I know my body. It might not be the case for anyone else but it was for me.

my thoughts are obviously not welcome so i shall go.

SC, do ring a breastfeeding counsellor - the numbers are on BouncingTurtle's link, which I'll reproduce here because I am often too lazy to scroll She'll be able to help you work out how much formula your DD's having and how best to get back to full breastfeeding, if that's what you want to do.

Alandimi, Aptamil doesn't have probiotics in, it has prebiotics in it. It's no better or worse than any of the other formulas on the market - and some will suit some babies better than others. Aptamil is about the most heavily advertised to healthcare professionals, which might be why more of your friends and family have been told it's best though.

We are simply correcting you as it is not true that diet affects your production of milk unless you are seriously malnourished. How could you possibly know how much milk your body was producing at any time?? The feeling of fullness or not feeling of fullness differ a lot and are not dependant on how much you are eating, resting, drinking etc. These are all myths that are harmful. There is no need to flounce. WOuld you rather we misinform people in order to not offend you.

I agree that you absolutely cannot tell how much milk your body is producing at any one time.

The beauty of bf is that the baby's sucking 'manufactures' the milk needed; eventually things even out, usually until the next growth spurt.

And it's not 24/7 - even if it was, what's that out of your whole life?

alandimi Don't be silly, - of course you are welcome. However, can you not see that if your your comments, however well intended, could potentially do damage, others more knowledgable will want to ensure that OP gets correct and accurate information?

I'm sorry if some of us have come across as a little harsh. You are by no means in the minority by believing and quoting what you say, although untrue.

Oh gosh you poor thing; it sounds like you are having a really hard time of it . three weeks is a really hard time emotionally (I always hit a hormonal/sleep deprived brick wall at three weeks) and physically as it's typically a growth spurt time.

I won't repeat any of the good advice you have had here Caz, but I will say that after two easy babies, my now 16 weeks old DS2 sounds like he was very similar to your new DD. He literally wouldn't be put down for the first eight weeks of his life and neither would he sleep. I also have a DD who was only 17 months old when he was born, so can appreciate how frustrating

It was horrible and hard, but we got through it and things started settling down from about eight weeks onwards and got better by degrees. I know that's no consolation now when you are in the middle of it, but it will get better slowly.

some of the things we did were:

• me co-sleeping of sorts (DS is in a sidecar cot as I didn't feel happy with completely co-sleeping),

• DH sleeping on the sofa, and having DS downstairs in the pram to give me a few hours sleep in the late evening, before bringing him up for a feed around one and for the rest of the night (that way we were both guaranteed a few hours undisturbed sleep)

• offering a finger to suck as often DS was just windy and wanted to suck. that way, DH could have him sucking on his finger while I got some food or a bath or to the loo even!! We have now got him taking a dummy, but didn't try until after six weeks (and it took till 12 weeks before he would take it!)

• making up some sarnies for lunch or preparing something ready to go in the microwave before DH left for work so that we were able to get something to eat whilst DH was out of the house.

• keeping him as upright as possible after feeds as this seemed to settle him better and stop him getting quite so windy.

Try giving your DD a finger to suck rather than the formula top up, as it may be that she is sucking because of wind or because she is a sucky baby rather than because she is still hungry.

and I recommend the babymoon idea; with DD and now with DS I found that if I'm having any Bfing issues, a day lounging around just cuddling and feeding and doing lots of skin to skin is a lovely way of rekindling good efficient feeding.

Good Luck

oops, that was a bit of a mammoth post, sorry

some very knowledgeable people on here but Nontoxic that is really not helpful - even if it was 24/7, what's that out of your whole life???!!!

Seriously? This poor woman is at the absolute end of her tether and she can't feed 24 hrs a day, the baby is not suckling nicely she's screaming etc - the OP is extremely sleep deprived and has a toddler to look after! She needs to sleep. I just think that's giving the poor OP something she can't possibly live up to. No one can nurse a screaming baby for 24 hrs a day when they already haven't slept in 36 hrs. Lets keep things in perspective here. Better a few bottles surely, than that this woman is trying to care for a newborn and a toddler while "hallucinating with tiredness"...

I hope you are sleeping now OP.

Leo No, not better a few bottles I'm afraid, better less bottles, improved latching and bfing efficiency, reorganising her lifestyle to enable more sleep and some rl help.

Excuse me Leo9 but it was another poster who said they 'would not have coped with her attached to my breast 24/7'.
I was not referring to the OP at all - only to someone else whose suggestions, I and others felt, would undermine the breastfeeding the OP has stated she wants to establish.