"Breast-feeding Militia" or "Bottle-feeding Defensive"?

[CalaLilly]

I have been struck by a conversation on another forum I visit that there seems to often be very polarised views on these methods of feeding and that people often (though obviously not always) join a camp. From the safety of each camp it's easy to be patronising or insulting about the other camp for example you can say "Breast feeding is repulsiive and really shouldn't be done in public" or "bottle-feeding mothers are selfish and haven't done the best they could for their baby".

The thing that makes me most sad is that it seems near impossible to see the middle ground and to unite together as "mums", resigned to the fact that motherhood is tough and the nutrition aspect is a challenging part of that. I personally love the Baby Friendly Program but I think that, in addition to many benefits, it has served to pronounce this split.

Have others noticed this division? How can we unite... if indeed we should unite? How can we provide robust education on why BF is so great and also good support for Mum's trying it without making Mum's feel pressurised or a failure if they bottle feed?

Aitch, surely that should be The Honourable Judge Judgey Pants, Judgeland Crown Court, Judgeland?

I think you should use your professional address and title for judgorial correspondence.

If your baby is happy and gaining weight does it really matter how it's fed? I do think that I have enjoyed bf and that those cuddles and baby's crazy face when eagerly trying to latch on are something very special, but I understand that it's my choice and my preference. I couldn't care less how the next woman feeds. My cousins wife finds it too 'yucky' and she gets very unhappy trying to feed and so for her it's not the right choice, I wouldn't berate her for it. Although as a bfer I find it a little odd, but then I find it odd that some people watch soaps and eat celery!!

Hedge,old fashioned as it may be to put your own needs second to someone else's (fancy!!!), we'd all be a hell of a lot better off in many aspects of our lives if we did this every now and again.

Is that such a strange concept?

well yes, most of the time best for mum too (in a health sense, certainly and for many/most women in a well-being, personal sense too).

What would you prefer to slogan to be - "Breast is Best for Baby, for Mum's Health. Disclaimer - some mums may find difficult/impossible."

Not quite as catchy

breast is the biological norm, anything else is therfore abnormal? what about that one?

i find BiB deeply milquetoast tbh.

Anyway,it's not that breastfeeding is best for mother nad child, it's actually that formula feeding is worst for both (in many senses) as breastfeeding is biological norm.

You say you have made an informed choice Hedgewitch, I would presume you have read the relevant research of the short term (quicker retraction of the uterus into pelvic cavity, shorter post partum bleeding etc) and longterm health benefits, including the reduced incidence of some cancers amongst women who have breastfed (or, as it should be presented, the increased incidence of some cancers amongst women who have not breastfed).

Discussing breast v formula is not the same as comparing the relative merits of SMA and Aptamil. To pretend otherwise infantilises women and presumes that the fargile little things can't hack the truth.

anyway, lovely, not meaning to have a go, honest.
i'm glad that you're happy in your choice, for me with dd2 it was mucheasier to get perspective on all the ff stuff having seen how well dd1 did on it, so when i gave up bfing her quite early i did so without beating mysel up this time.

From what I've seen of the posts on here over the past years, almost all mners that get involved in this type of post want to support the mother with which ever method she has chosen. This is probably particulalry important for those who have not had sufficient support in RL and are struggling with bf but still want to. I've not seen a post where anyone has been dammed for ff.

If everything was as it should be, all mothers should be given good information on both ff and bf, and society should accept that babies need to be fed - by whichever method - without anyone looking askance.

There are bound to be a minority of posters who might be negative about one or the other - but I think that they are significantly outweighed by those whose primary concern is to see the baby well fed and happy, with a mum happy that they are feeding in the way that they have chosen. Wouldn't it be nice if RL was so supportive?

no, sorry,we should not have to legislateforone thoughtless comment, phw. ithurtsat thetime, but reading here can be hugelyhealing... particularly thedebates.

Chilly, I appreciate your experience gives you a certain view, by the sounds of it a very vaild view and I do not want to belittle that in any way. Experience like yours is important. However, your experience does not mean that is true of everyone who ff their baby. I don't know if you are one of the people who treats people this way but there are a lot of people who will feel it is ok to say all people who ff or consider ff are ill-informed or making a bad choice. Infact people make these decisions for many reasons and lack of information is not always the only one.

As I say I cannot comment on you personnaly as I have no idea how you usually approach these things but I have seen my fair share of "stupid" or "abuse" comments aimed at someone who is thinking about ff. I think this is out of order unless it is coupled with the intention to leave the baby at home with a bottle while mum goes out taking smack all night long (which could be stupid and abusive).

In fairness though the same can be said from the other side, it is chicken and egg I suppose but it seems that the reaction is to accuse people of being a bf Nazi and coming up with some rather disgusting phrases about sticking tits in faces etc. Again, this is not really achieving anything except to widen the (IMO false) divide.

It seems simple to me but isn't it easier to help, educate and support people by both sides being willing to talk and understand rather than judge and accuse?

[shudder]

sorry I don't know why but I HATE happy mum-happy baby.

Actually you know what, I do know why:

1. If you are unhappy does that mean you're letting your baby down? What about mothers with PND?

2. It's also such an anti-feminist copout - it's effectively saying like the ONLY justification we have for putting our own happiness first is by pretending it's ACTUALLY for the happiness of our child. Women have a right to do things for their own safety/sake/sanity - without having to dress it up as really for the sake of their baby.

Happy mum = happy mum. There is NOTHING wrong with that. You don't need to justify wanting to be happy.

georgimama, I can't talk for HW, but a lot of my friends who stopped bf before they would have liked DO know all that stuff.

"My cousins wife finds it too 'yucky' and she gets very unhappy trying to feed and so for her it's not the right choice, I wouldn't berate her for it. "
No, I agree that you shouldn't berate her for it, but if hse feels like that then it is probably down to the ff culture around her, and the idea that breasts are for sex. Is it not worth trying to change that, so there are fewer women who think like that in the future?

There are relatively few situations in which a woman is physically able to BF but cannot do so due to medical complications such as the ones you describe hedgewitch. Often alternative medication can be found.

This discussion always shifts like this. It starts off with "why does the BFing mafia want to make people feel guilty for FFing, I researched, I made an informed decision, I wanted to FF."

The "BFing mafia" then responds that is fine and dandy, but plenty of women do not make an informed decision and are often very upset when they find out just how important BFing is and why. For those who choose not to, fine, but there is no point pretending the two are equal because they aren't.

The response then comes "What about women who can't BF? Why do you want to make them feel shit?"

We weren't talking about women who can't BF. They probably know about the benefits of BFing, and feel some sadness that their child has missed out. But they can no more be judged for it, than I can judge someone with no legs for not running for a bus.

sorry, it looked like that quote was georgimama's, it wasn't

It's worth telling people how bf is great, not exclusively great, but great all the same. It's worthwhile telling people of benefits, not a wonder of the world (although it is amazing that we can sustain these precious little things all on our own) and it's worthwhile ensuring we can bf everywhere (within limits) but never making others choice shit, just bf a good one.