Angry!!! [angry]

[Splizzard]

So today I took my little one who is 6 weeks old to my local baby clinic.

If you want to speak to a health visitor, get your baby weighed and checked you have to go to the baby clinic. My Health visitor will not come out to me.

So anyway, you know the scene....young baby, demand bottle feeding, it takes all day to get out of the house. The "drop in" clinic is for 2 hours.

Finally got baby ready and im out the door, hes due for a feed in the next hour but I have no need to worry do I? Surely a BABY clinic will be an ideal place to feed your baby? Whether its breast OR bottle?

Wrong. I had some made up formula in my bag. Cold formula. The clinic out right REFUSES to give you some way to heat up your bottle due to health and safety. Ok, I understand the need not to have jugs of boiling water lying around when there are a dozen babies and toddlers lieing around.

But this is a BABY clinic! Where they expect you to bring your NEWBORN baby in the tinyest timeslot in the world!

I asked them why and said "so I have to starve my baby at a baby clinic? Is that not mad? Ill have to go to the pub then where they WILL provide me with some hot water"

The answer I got was "its not us. We arent even allowed a cup of tea"

This is INSANE. Surely a baby clinic could have a cheap bottle warmer? Or a seperate room where they can heat the bottle for you? Or even them heat pads that fit around bottles to warm it?

What is the world coming to when I cant even feed my baby at a baby clinic which I am EXPECTED to go to if I want my baby weighed and checked!

INSANE.

Has anyone else had a similar problem? or does anyone know who is behind this stupidness and who I can complain to?

Splizzard I am not attacking everything you say as you can see if you read my posts I sympathised with you not receiving home visits just after the birth and I think you should have had better access/support to breastfeeding help HOWEVER I don't think it's either the MW or HV job to teach you how to bath a baby or change a nappy. YOU have decided to have a baby and your posts very much read like you want someone to hold your hand and show you how to do anything without any effort on your part. As another poster said, google is your friend.

Splizzard - try starting a new thread on here, a little less angry and confrontational and asking the questions. You will have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips and someone might be able to set your mind at rest!

x-post.
I could have written your post about fleeting visits.
It is .

Btw, 6 weeks is a common time for growth spurts iirc?

It's true if you start a thread about the problems you are having today you will probably get some good advice.

Splizard, sorry you have had a trying day.

As your baby is 6 weeks old, why don't you come over to the Dec post natal thread? We are a lively bunch and a good mix of first time mums and old hands. We might be able to offer you some support etc with your new baby.

Just a thought

Lack of support for bf-ing IS angry-making, if deeply unsurprising.

Unfortunately even if you had had a health visitor come round, it probably wouldnlt have helped, as the majority of them seem to know bugger all on that subject.

Tiktok - I've been told (not read yet) that there is a goodf editorial in the current BMJ, saying that promoting BFing is not the key, supporting women who have started is.

What raisingrrl said.
There is a lot of help on here.
Start a new thread about your problems. Many of us have been there or are there.

Not even going to brave the bf/ ff debate but this might help when you are on the go...
bottle warmer

Slizzard

It sounds like you didnt have the advice you needed about feeding.
If you have only just stopped BFing it might be possible to go back to it, or mix feed, and then you would be able to BF when out and about and wouldnt need to worry about heating a feed up - there are a number of breastfeeding support organisations who would help you with breastfeeding problems.

For FF problems, if you arent getting any joy from your HV have you tried any of the formula companies advice lines? I dont know anything about the quality of the advice given, but it might be worth a try?

Or post about your problems here, in a bit more detail, there is such a wealth of lknowledge here someone should be able to help you.

Yes do start a new thread asking the FF questions (or about restarting the BFing, if that is something that is at the back of your mind) - you will get lots of answers I'm sure

ok thanks everyone. and LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits you are a little unfair. yes i decided to have a baby but i dont think its wrong to need help sometimes. it was not too long ago that you stayed on the ward and were shown these things and didnt leave till you could do them!

all the books in the world make no difference when your holding a screaming newborn for the first time!

anyway. no more negativeness. thanks again

Splizzard - when my mum had me (nearly 27 years ago) by planned CS she was discharged within 12 hours and back at home!

But then I was her second child, so maybe that's why!

splizzard, to answer your question re: how much formula, check the container it will give you a chart with age/weight = X scoops in X period. you say baby is on hungrier baby formula, not sure if its recommended for so young.

anyway welcome to the wonderful world of parenting its one hellava rollercoaster and you'll find that mn is very supportive!

personally i've found that becoming a mum has been a very humbling experience, sometimes its just not worth the energy of getting stressed... experience will come with time! 2nd time round for me and i'm still learning!

Am hiding under my coffe table as I'm typing , but I had a really similar experience with my Health Clinic and was really surprised too Splizzard. I am BF and my DD had a nappy explosion whilst waiting to be seen at clinic at 6 weeks. There was no where to change her or latch her on (full room of peopla and I wasn't very confident about BF in public at that point). I ended up locked in the toilet cubicle for ages trying to sort her out, it was awful, mostly because I was so unprepared and still quite fumbley with her at that point! Still you pick all this stuff up pretty quickly and I now weigh here at home as mentioned and make appts for jabs etc!!

I guess as a first time mum you just expect support and facilities at places like a surgery or clinic and it is a shock when they're not!

The ready to use formula is a fab idea, there's always lots of good advice on MN and nowadays I tend to check most things here first so I'm more prepared for were ever it is or what ever it is i'm about to do. IME threads on here are generally supportive and really helpful.

Splizzard, would you like to try to bf again? If so, you would get lots of help on here. Not being pushy, just that you sounded like you would have preferred to bf.

splizzard- yanbu. I've also never heard of bottle warmers, thermos bottle warmers or whatever, I would have assumed that a baby clinic would provide the means to warm up milk! Health & safety gone mad imo.

I've not read all the posts, but I don't see why you don't just feed your baby before you go to baby clinic? Even if you are feeding on demand this is still possible.

Splizzard. I totally get where you are coming from. You sound stressed and there are many things that as a first time mum you don;t realise.

I remember getting incredibly stresseda bout going out with dd, where would I get her bottle warmed and sometimes the system isn't helpful. You sound like you were stressed about getting to the clinic during the limited time slot.

My suggestion, sorry I havn;t read the other replies as I stopeed when they started getting heated is to take a bottle of boiling water with you and the powder measured out in a dispensor. Then add the powder when you need to give the feed. It shoud be then be about the right temperature.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE can some of you remember what is is like to be a first time, not sure of anything stressed out mum who is just trying to do their best.

This has not been poisted on AIBU, help and supprt is needed not telling the OP to get over it.

Thanks for some of the supportive replies! Its nice to know that some people do get where I am coming from.

In reply to academicmum - It really is NOT that easy. And im sick to death of people trying to make out it is! I fed my baby about 10 minutes before I left. The baby clinic is not next door and I do not drive. Im not complaining as I chose to be a mum and I love it, but its not as easy as that and you bloody well know it! You cant FORCE your baby to take a large feed just before you go out, and neither can you ask them to not get hungry too quick! It just does not work like that!

I took everything I THOUGHT I needed with me. Nappies, wipes, bottles, ready to feed cartons, spare change of clothes etc. Baring in mind I wasnt planning to be out for long!

I will stand by my ground when I say a baby clinic should have facilties for baby feeding.

For breastfeeding AND FOR BOTTLE FEEDERS.

Its quite easy to find somewhere suitable to breastfeed. I never had trouble when I was breastfeeding, and it should be made just as easy when a baby is bottle feeding. After all, its not the babies decision to go onto the bottle.

Yes, its true, I can go out and buy lots of nifty gadgets and gizmos...and I probably will after this experience. But many of you here seem fine to just sit back and go "yeah the HV arent very good but DONT COMPLAIN!"

Yes baby clinics dont provide a BABY FRIENDLY enviroment but "STOP COMPLAINING"

Maybe if rather than getting on your high horse and saying "look at me im supermum, I dont need help! i dont need a baby friendly country! Ill do it ALL myself! Arent I a martyr?!" Maybe complain once in a while!!!!

Thats how things IMPROVE! By people standing up and saying "hang on....couldnt this be done better? Couldnt things be made easier?"

It seems to me that there are many people on here that are SOOO quick to judge and jump on anyone that has an opinion! When from what I can see on here, there are ,many people with a similar view to me who have been in a similar boat but dont dare say anything because of people like you!

I was not going to message back on this thread but after reading the last few posts where there are people who understand and I realise im NOT bonkers, I thought I should say something.

Some of you need to learn to HAVE A GOOD RANT AND COMPLAIN! Its great to vent sometimes.

I am not and will not be ashamed of complaining about things that affect many of us and could so easilly be resolved.

And thankyou for many of the hints and tips too. I will definately be putting them to use.

Cheers

I think of everything that has happened to you, the lack of bottle warmer is the last thing you should be complaining about though.

Really shoddy bf support, let them know about it.

But I still say, they are so under-funded that time and money shouldn't be spent on things like bottle-warming facilities.

i can see both sides here....

i dont think its unreasonable to expect it to be possible to warm a babies bottle at baby clinic tbh.

equally i think the NHS have more important things to spend there money on...

BUT really 1 bottle warmer on a high shelf in the waiting room (which can be checked and have its electrical safety sticker at the same time as the TV / DVD player in the waiting room (which are less essential IMO) is not too much to ask.

Perhaps rather than moaning on here you could do something productive to help future mums? Write to the clinic asking about it... if they have ebough letters they might do something about it? or see if you and your friends can club together a tenner so its avaliable for future mothers (or maybe in a few months someone might have one they dont need any more and are happy to donate?)

In the mean time if your baby really wont take room temp milk (and again most 'non PFB's' i know do happily drink milk room temp) then take a thermos with you to warm it in.

Splizzard Congratulations on the new addition to your family. DO take up the offer to join the Dec postnatal thread. Those threads are VERY supportive and the more experienced there can point you to more information.

I remember very clearly the first few weeks with my newborn. Life is VERY hard and VERY stressful and in addition you have to do it all with very little sleep. MY particular bugbear was having to leave your prams outside the clinic, not because I was worried about it being taken, but because imo my baby was just so damn heavy, espesh in the middle of winter when I had so many layers of clothes, blankets, changing things etc etc.

However, other mothers managed - somehow and now I'm on no. 2 it doesn't seem to bother me at all.

FWIW, my own opinion on your predicament is:

You had very little support bfing and are feeling let down. Perhaps you think those that were instrumental in your 'failure' should be falling over backwards to support the alternative, I don't know.

However, bottle warming is a particular 'fussiness' and not at all a necessity. You should easily be able to train your baby out of this gently and it will make life easier if you do.

Expecting a bottle warmer at a baby clinic is like expecting tartar sauce at a mother's union fish and chip supper. There 'might' be some there, but just in case take some in your handbag. Otherwise train yourself to eat your fish and chips without it.

hth

Splizzard - actually I wasn't meaning to be flippant and my apologies if it came across that way. I'm not claiming it to be easy, but unfortunately you have to find realistic ways to work around these things. I'm certainly not advocating FORCING your baby to take a long feed just before you go out, but sooner or later there will be some kind of pattern in feeding and you will be better able to predict the rough time that baby wants feeding and work around it (and BTW I have experienced both bottle and breast feeding, ds1 was bottle-fed, ds2 is still breastfed at 9 months, so no I'm not of the mentality that everyone should breastfeed and all bottle feeders should be made to suffer etc etc etc)

I understand about your lo not taking milk at room temp, my dd2 was the same.

I would

take out flask of boiling water, take out pre portioned formula, take out cooled boiled water, mix up 2 oz boiling water with pre measured formula (4 scoops), shake, add 2 oz cooled boiled water, shake - this was quite warm, and suited my dd - you may have to experiment with temps. You have to carry as small suitcae around with you to carry it all, but I found I couldn't leave home without a trailer load of stuff in the early days, so!

BTW, I had to go into hospital for all my postnatal checks, as they didn't do a homevisit!

Good luck

Splizzard, I do what islandofsoder suggested - fill up bottle with boiling water before I go out, and bring the formula powder in a little dispenser. After about an hour it's the right temperature.

Sorry you are having a tough time, and that you've come in for a bit of criticism on this thread. It's so tough being a first time mum, and the whole feeding issue is very stressful.