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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Oh no, not again... HOW do you answer the question 'are you still breastfeeding'?

59 replies

Maria2007 · 08/02/2009 13:59

I'm sure we've all had comments such as 'are you STILL breastfeeding' and 'how long are you planning to breastfeed for'. And there have been many threads on here about this recently (and I'm sure, in the past). But I guess I feel I've had one too many questions like that... my father asked me (in a very kind, nice, non-accusing way: but actually very awkwardly / clearly feeling uncomfortable): 'so, how's the feeding going'. 'Fine', I said, 'DS is now eating solids very well, gradually increasing them'. 'And are you still also breastfeeding him' asks my father. 'Well yes, but the solids are increasing quite a lot' (not true, they haven't increased THAT much), I answer, trying to sidestep the issue. 'But apart from the solids... you're still breastfeeding, aren't you'? said my father, clearly not happy to let go of the issue.

Just for background. Point one: my baby is 6 months old & one week. Point two: my father has always been supportive of the breastfeeding (theoretically) but in practice VERY awkward & embarrassed about it. I basically know that both my parents are now waiting for me to announce that the bf is over, & then they'll relax. Whenever they have an opportunity they make comments about how 'tiring' it must be for me, or how 'big' the baby is, perhaps needing other milk () The thing is, I've ignored it in the past, but now that it's over 6 months of bf, I'm more & more uncomfortable about it & don't know how to respond.

So: how would you respond? I'm tempted to lie... but isn't that completely silly & wrong on so many other levels?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfGhosts · 08/02/2009 14:02

"Are you still breastfeeding?"
"yes."

Leave it to them to say the next thing and take it from there.

tbh, any opinion from them along the lines of "still?" or "don't you think you should stop now" or whatever, would be met with

"I'm sorry, did you think that when I answered yes, that I was asking for your opinion on my choice?"

gingerninja · 08/02/2009 14:03

Just say yes and I'm going to do it until either I or the baby want to stop. End of. I wouldn't engage people. If he's been supportive up to now is it that you're being sensitive to his questioning? Just make it clear that it's not a topic for public debate but your personal decision.

crokky · 08/02/2009 14:04

You are not at the stage where it is classed as "extended" breastfeeding (nothing wrong with that, but it's harder to justify to people who don't like bf) so I would think it should be very easily justifiable.

I'm bf my DD (who is nearly 11m). I just say to people (as I did with DS who I bf to 13m) that yes I am still bf and I will breastfeed until the baby is 1 at which point they can have cows milk. These are the NHS guidelines - they can't have cows milk as a drink until age 1. I think that is quite clear cut and easy.

Sidge · 08/02/2009 14:04

When someone said to me "Are you still breastfeeding?" I gave a huge grin and said happily "YES! Isn't it just wonderful that I am still feeding at this age? Because as I'm sure you know the benefits continue even when they're on solids as they still need so much milk. And it's free!"

I fed DD3 until she was 13 months and had a few of those comments but my response shut them up every time

AccidentalMum · 08/02/2009 14:06

I thought the OP was going to be about how awkward it was to explain that you have stopped.

Just say yes.

alexpolismum · 08/02/2009 14:07

"Yes! Just think how much money I'm saving by not buying formula, especially considering the credit crunch!"

Divineintervention · 08/02/2009 14:08

"Thank God, Yes"....this would make anything negative quite difficult to crowbar in.

tiktok · 08/02/2009 14:13

How about asking, equally kindly, 'sorry, dad, I get the impression you and mum have a concern about this - is there anything I can say that will reassure you?'

I think pretending or lying is not good, if you can avoid it. After all, you may have other children in the future, and you may have relatives who decide to bf.

MamaG · 08/02/2009 14:15

MIL asked me this on the phone 2 nights ago

BabyG is 13 weeks old

Plan to firmly reply YES I AM every time

giantkatestacks · 08/02/2009 14:21

I just say 'yes - and I will until shes 1' I then will probably be only feeding morning and night and wont tell people unless they specifically ask.

I have got one of those badges that say 'still breastfeeding and still none of your business' that someone on here recommended a while ago here

Granted the approach within the family needs to be gentler and more educational but still sometimes its nice to be able to show your frustration

themoon66 · 08/02/2009 14:27

When anyone said 'are you still breastfeeding' i always answered, with a huge grin...'yes, well I'd be mad not to as it is just so damn easy and convenient'

lizzytee · 08/02/2009 14:42

When asked this when feeding dd, I just smiled and said yes, which was usually enough for anyone other than family.

You can consider trying to educate (eg, "up to relatively recently some thought that the benefits of breastfeeding for more than a few weeks were marginal, now it's known that the reverse is true") or reassure ("I don't find it tiring and do not feel that using formula would be more convenient") if you think that his concerns largely arise from not being informed.

Please don't feel that you need to lie or conceal what you are doing, especially given that it's not you that has the issues....

A friend once summed this kind of contradictory attitude by saying "In the beginning everyone kept telling me to keep breastfeeding - now all they want to know is when I'm going to stop. What's that all about?"

KingRolo · 08/02/2009 14:53

I have found that nobody is really that bothered whether I'm breast feeding dd or not!

PortAndLemon · 08/02/2009 14:58

"Yes. [big smile] I feel very lucky!" or "Yes. [big smile] It's great!"

Behave as though you assume that everyone would be pleased for you and it's not crossed your mind that they might be being negative.

Although the only person who asked me with DS was (I assume) a former extended breastfeeder herself, because when I said (a bit tentatively, not taking my own advice ) "Yes..." she gave me a big smile and said "Isn't it great?"

catinthehat1 · 08/02/2009 15:02

I would say " Before I answer, what is your next comment going to be?".
This puts them on the back foot rather than you.
They will have to answer first. Either (extremes here to understand the method:

A) "Well I think its blooming marvellous and well done you"
or
B) "Well I think its an utter disgrace and you should be arrested"

If B)or near offer then reply " No I am not breastfeeding" EVEN IF you have a baby latched on. Or two babies latched on. The point is you can now be as rude as you like, no need for justification or further discussion. It is none of their business.

If A)or something else that doesn't bother you then reply as normal, discuss if you wish to.

Please don't justify your decision on how you feed your babies to other people.

NB, the same approach works for anyone questioning any element of the way you feed your children. - FF, BF, BLW, puree etc etc etc.

Original poster
Maria2007 · 08/02/2009 15:27

Thanks for the ideas girls.

The problem is- my father is not being rude, nor insensitive in an obvious way. It's just that he's truly embarrassed by the whole thing, doesn't know what to do with it, iykwIm. If it was a clearcut case of discouraging me, perhaps I'd find it easier to respond (even though in those cases too I don't usually respond well... I always think back to those occasions & think 'if only I had said this or that')...

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 08/02/2009 15:54

MIL used to suggest that I should give up bfing ds3. I used to put on a bewildered face and say "But he's not 2 yet!" as if everyone bfed till at least 2!

crokky · 08/02/2009 16:56

maria - that's why I thought telling him something really simple and inoffensive like "babies can't have cows milk until they are 1" would work. When I was a baby that wasn't the case and so your dad might remember babies having cows milk much earlier etc

BlameItOnTheBogey · 08/02/2009 17:11

Maria - what about the suggestion early that you ask him kindly if there is anything you can say to help him feel more at ease with it. I thought that was a great reply because it is kind and not at all aggressive to someone who, as you say, is just uncomfortable but wants the best for you.

TrinityRhino · 08/02/2009 17:14

lol you haven't seen anything yet
your baby is still six months away from being supposedly extendedly breastfed

(sure they aren't words but you know what I mean)

Gecko was 2 yesterday
feeds day and night

I just say yes and smile

newgirl · 08/02/2009 17:18

just hand on in there - i stopped about 8-9 months and then later found out my dd was allergic to cows milk - with fortune telling skills i would have carried on! i just thought it was probably about time to stop

my dad was uncomfortable about it too - they just dont get the same info and messages as us.

I did feed in another room on occasion when he was around just because I could not be bothered with a debate. At six months it didnt take me long so i didnt miss anything

terramum · 08/02/2009 18:12

"Are you still breastfeeding?"

No, I stopped a few years ago ...but [insert your child's name here!] is...wonderful isn't it!

desertgirl · 08/02/2009 18:24

I can't remember why but this came up when I was visiting my parents with my 13 month old - just said current WHO guidelines are to feed until 2, and I'd like to try to make it that far. Seemed fine - think there was a bit of relief that there was an end point (not that I said anything about stopping then if we do get to 2!)

Original poster
Maria2007 · 08/02/2009 18:37

Desertgirl: Yes, there is this thing about the end point, isn't there... I'm sure that if I told my parents that I'm planning to bf (if all goes well) until DS is 1, then they might actually breathe out a sigh of relief.

OP posts:
fledtoscotland · 08/02/2009 18:51

my mum is convinced DS2 NEEDS a bottle of formula to help him grow (hes on the 75th centile). have just told her i will review the situation when he has teeth but up til then, he's BF.

mind you, she has been saying this since he was born

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