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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Oh no, not again... HOW do you answer the question 'are you still breastfeeding'?

59 replies

Maria2007 · 08/02/2009 13:59

I'm sure we've all had comments such as 'are you STILL breastfeeding' and 'how long are you planning to breastfeed for'. And there have been many threads on here about this recently (and I'm sure, in the past). But I guess I feel I've had one too many questions like that... my father asked me (in a very kind, nice, non-accusing way: but actually very awkwardly / clearly feeling uncomfortable): 'so, how's the feeding going'. 'Fine', I said, 'DS is now eating solids very well, gradually increasing them'. 'And are you still also breastfeeding him' asks my father. 'Well yes, but the solids are increasing quite a lot' (not true, they haven't increased THAT much), I answer, trying to sidestep the issue. 'But apart from the solids... you're still breastfeeding, aren't you'? said my father, clearly not happy to let go of the issue.

Just for background. Point one: my baby is 6 months old & one week. Point two: my father has always been supportive of the breastfeeding (theoretically) but in practice VERY awkward & embarrassed about it. I basically know that both my parents are now waiting for me to announce that the bf is over, & then they'll relax. Whenever they have an opportunity they make comments about how 'tiring' it must be for me, or how 'big' the baby is, perhaps needing other milk () The thing is, I've ignored it in the past, but now that it's over 6 months of bf, I'm more & more uncomfortable about it & don't know how to respond.

So: how would you respond? I'm tempted to lie... but isn't that completely silly & wrong on so many other levels?

OP posts:
pagwatch · 08/02/2009 18:57

I used to reply with
" Of course - why wouldn't I ?"
but to be honest I was asked very very rarely and i fed DD until she was three, nearly four

bumpybecky · 08/02/2009 19:02

'how long are you going to carry on feeding for?'

think hard, say in wonderfully calm mellow voice, 'ooh about another 10 minutes I expect' big smile

claireybrations · 08/02/2009 19:58

Are you still breastfeeding? Yes.

When will you stop/How long are you going to? Don't know. Will just cut down gradually and see how it goes/whenever, don't have a date in mind/ Sometime before he is 25 (depending on my mood or if I like the person asking )

claireybrations · 08/02/2009 20:01

Chipmonkey I did the baffled "but he's not one yet" with MIL and one of dh's (very nosey) colleagues. Haven't yet used two...I think most people just assume I've stopped unless they see it.

Poledra · 08/02/2009 21:16

Hi Maria

I am loving some of the suggestions here. After all you've been through to keep bfing going, you'd think your parents would realise that you really really want this! I would go with tiktok's suggestion - acknowledge his feelings and ask if there's anything you can say to reassure him. After all, he means well.

Just goes to show that tiktok does indeed know everything about bfing

vlc · 09/02/2009 00:31

Hi Maria
I made a point of proactively telling my Dad how much his support has meant to me. I have only really had one negative comment about my bf, from an uncle who called me rude for feeding at the dinner table. I told my Dad that I was proud of how laid back and generally 'cool' he has been about the bf in comparison to Uncle X, and that his attitude has enabled me to comfortably do the right thing without feeling awkward in his company.

My mum later told me that my dad had been bragging about his "cool grandad" status conferred upon him by his bf daughter.

At first I had to fake a casual confidence to feed in front of my Dad, but it worked, and there's no awkwardness now.

If I were you, I would initiate a conversation along the lines of how wonderful your Dad's support has been, how you know he wants the best for his grandchild, and how the benefits of bf continue as your baby grows. That it is in part because of his wonderful love and support that you feel brave enough to do the right thing and continue to bf perhaps for months / years yet. Despite so much pressure and ignorance from other people to stop earlier than is good for your lo. And that you are proud that he has the intelligence and maturity to put the welfare of his daughter and grandson above any peer pressure.

End with a huge hug.

It really doesn't leave much room to do anything other than accept your decision, and hopefully feel that he is contributing to A Good Thing.

Good Luck.

JacksmamasLittleBundleOfLOve · 09/02/2009 03:40

Hi Maria,
how are you doing? Have you had anything new done about your teeth? I haven't checked your other thread lately so don't know if there is anything new but I hope you're doing well.

Everyone's had great suggestions for things to say to your dad.

When I read the title of your OP I started to laugh because some random (incredibly rude) strange asked me that in the shopping centre recently:

Random Rude Stranger: "Are you still breastfeeding that child??"

Me (with one-year-old DS quite obviously latched on under my jacket, making blissful nursing baby sounds - "mmmmmmmMMMMMMMmmmmmm" is his current favourite. His little hand was poking out from under my jacket as he was lovingly rubbing my collarbone.) "What, are you blind? Obviously I am. What do you think he's doing under there if not breastfeeding?" (I'd had a bit of a day... and I really despise people who interfere, so this was me at my rudest. I'm not usually like this but my fuse was pretty short that day! )

Random Rude Stranger: "That child is too old to be breastfed."

Me: "And this is your business how?"

RRS: "You're giving him strange ideas, he's too old!!" (please note that DS does not have a label indicating his age anywhere about him, so how would she know how old he is??)

Random But Lovely Stranger Beside Me: "You have a dirty mind and should be ashamed of yourself! I fed mine until they were three!"

Random Rude Stranger huffs and waddles off.
Random Lovely Stranger and I smile at each other.

Just thought I'd share - at least your dad's not being like this!!!!

CantSleepWontSleep · 09/02/2009 06:50

At 6 months Maria, I would answer 'Yes of course. The WHO recommend feeding for at least 2 years.'

BouncingTurtle · 09/02/2009 06:53

Jacksmama - what a great story!!

Original poster
Maria2007 · 09/02/2009 08:39

Jacksmama: hilarious! Random lovely stranger sounds lovely btw.

A friend gave me another idea on how to respond. If we want to go down the 'white lie' route, here's a way (not sure I'd do it, actually, but I did find it funny!):

Imaginary dialogue:
Mum: So, are you still bf your DS?
Me: Well you know mum, now that you're asking. I followed your advice & gave him some of that nice formula... but you know what, he kept throwing it all up, wouldn't keep anything in. It turns out he has an incredibly sensitive tummy, so I'm afraid it's breastmilk for now. I do hope my milk doesn't dry up!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria2007 · 09/02/2009 08:40

BTW thanks to those who asked about my accident. I'm much better & dental treatment is under way!

OP posts:
moondog · 09/02/2009 08:44

Great news Maria.
Am aghast at RRS.

Original poster
Maria2007 · 09/02/2009 08:45

Yeah, RRS sounds completely mad, there are all sorts of weirdos in the world.

OP posts:
Poledra · 09/02/2009 09:38

Jacksmama, that story is both for RRS and for RBLS. I just don't get this idea people have that they can comment on a complete stranger's family!

giantkatestacks · 09/02/2009 09:41

Its so weird isnt it - its not like we stand around in the supermarket queue saying 'ooh theres lots of crisps and fizzy drinks in there' bloomin bizarre.

AnnVan · 09/02/2009 10:06

It's a strange one. I have a friend who does this. Every time we speak on the phone she says 'Are you still feeding him?' She also gives me 'Don't you get really tired?' Again Having a baby makes you tired, not bf. My only answer is yes I'm still BREASTfeeding him, and I'd be a lot more tired if I had to make up a bottle of formula every time he wakes in the night.

AnnVan · 09/02/2009 10:21

Oh and loving the lovely stranger. Curious as to what 'ideas' the RRS believes a baby can get from bf

catinthehat1 · 09/02/2009 14:32

Giantkatestacks I agree! And if someone did comment about my shopping trolley full of doughnuts and sausage rolls (or lentils and mung beans), then they would expect to be told to wind their nose back in. I certainly would not ever justify it to them. (Can see Maria's problem about being slightly less confrontational with her relative who clearly only means well.)

georgimama · 09/02/2009 14:38

Why does your father need to be at ease with it? Granted he's your father, but so what? There's no need to be rude to him, there's no need to be gentle. It's just absolutely none of his business.

I really don't understand this.

newgirl · 10/02/2009 09:36

that is a very good point georgimama - we do try to make sure everyone is ok with everything, and in some cases it is their problem not ours

notcitrus · 10/02/2009 12:37

Thought of this thread yesterday when a friend visited with her 3-month old. I started bfing A and the first thing she said was "What is the advantage of breastfeeding, anyway?"

I muttered some stuff about antibodies and white blood cells and fat etc. She sighed and said "I knew there was a reason I was bothering but forgot why" - she had a terrible time with her first baby who was hospitalised lots, but she managed to bf for 6 weeks, and she's now rebuilding supply for #2 after him being ill.

alexpolismum · 11/02/2009 17:05

notcitrus - where I live, the breastfeeding rates seem to be very low. I know of several mums who ff simply so that they can leave the babies in their villages with the grandparents while they (the mums) get on with their lives in the town. When I mentioned antibodies, etc, I was told to pull myself together, formula was scientific and greatly improved, etc. It's quite heartening to read your post about your friend. I always find it difficult to know what to say irl, as I tend to worry that whatever is said will be misconstrued as criticism.

The OP, who I believe comes from the country where I live, will be aware of the expression "den variesai", said constantly to me in reference to my breastfeeding. (my best translation is "why bother")

Original poster
Maria2007 · 14/02/2009 18:27

den variesai! did they really say that alexpolismum. ...

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 14/02/2009 18:30

Yes

alexpolismum · 14/02/2009 20:44

Oh yes, Maria. I'm heartily sick of the expression. I sometimes think it's the national motto and should perhaps be stitched onto the flag!

I do wish I could think of a good reply, though. It's tempting to say Ontos variemai, variemai na s'akouo allo, but so far I've managed to restrain myself.

If nothing else works, you should say it to your dad! He probably won't know how to respond to it in that context.