Discretion?

[VictorianSqualor]

Your opinion on 'discreet' breastfeeding would be much welcomed.
Thankyou.

I'm definitely a discreet breastfeeder.

Have breastfed 2 babies and have another on the way but i still get a bit freaked out when some of my friends get the whole boob out.

But i guess i've been lucky in that my boobs aren't massive so its easier to be discreet.

To be honest i think you can also dress to make it easier - cardigans are good for coverage. Of course i was actually more worried about people seeing my wobbly tummy.

hmm- i think i manage to be pretty discretely in terms of flesh: youd have to be watching pretty closely to see any boob - big fan of the vest or nursing top to cover belly mostly because its cold!

having said that 3.5mth ds has developed a slurp-click nursing style interspersed with occasional appreciative mmm! or aah! noises so its a bit awkward in quiet places.(no, theres no tounge tie, no latch problems, hes big and thriving but just has a consistent click- also does it when sucking thumb, feeding from bottle etc)

I prefer to feed in a corner of a busier place cafe etc with some noise as his click blends in with the background - feeding in a nearly empty echoing art gallery was a bit of an amusing experience...

I was the first to BF in my friends group and wasn't very confident, so was v discreet. My friend had her son 6 mo later and would slap her whole boob on the table, which made a lot of my friends (all in mid 20s, quite a few childfree) very uncomfortable.

If I needed to feed somewhere where people would be more sensitive (church for example) I'd have a pashmina.

I'm all for discrete, within reason. You can be so discrete that you're practically an underground movement. And then how will new mothers ever see bf in public as normal?

It can be quite hard to be discreet when you have oversupply issues....

If you want to be discrete, be discrete.
But I hate the language that's used to describe women feeding in a supposedly 'indiscreet' way. As though visible bf is crude and and ugly. Makes me feel and to hear nursing described in this way.

I think the insistence on discretion encourages people to feel that nursing is primarily a private act - which it shouldn't have to be.

I think that you do it how you need to and however you do is fine. I agree with CMOT though and have seen it, at a 6 year olds birthday party and then she fell asleep with it over her top. I also don't like people being aggressive with it (Daffyd style!) "I can because I'm breastfeeding and what are you going to do about it". I think it should be what it is, feeding the baby. Not that you should be so discreet you hide what you are doing. I think that people need to know that it can be done in public and is normal.

As for the second question, I think I like to reflect the situation I'm in. I am a J cup since Fifi was born and have been known in the right place to [ahem] get em out but I've fed in church and church isn't the place to get em out so I try to reflect that. Probably a better example is that at home I will feed topless, even if Mum is around, if Dad is home however I will try to keep covered.

Have I made sense or totally rambled? I don't want to come across as saying mothers should be careful how they feed, I'm not you need to feed how you need to feed and you don't let anyone stop you. If you're worrying about it you're not the sort of person I mean.

Tinkerbellesmum - I used to live in Kenya, where most women bf out of necessity. Women in that country are much more modest in their dress than we are here - much. You almost never see Kenyan women in bikinis or swimsuits at the beach - they swim in a wrap.

And yet they will often fully expose their breast when they feed their baby without thinking anything of it. Because bf is normalised in that country.

Over here a fully exposed breast on a breastfeeding mum is seen as inappropriate and faintly disgusting. I sense a lot of disgust in the way women discuss this issue. They are disgusted with their own bodies and disgusted with other women's bodies, hence feel the polite thing to do is keep them covered as much as possible, even if it perpetuates the social view that bf is something intrinsically indecent and a lactating breast is ugly and embarrassing.

Would also like to add that I feel the use of the word 'aggressive' to describe a bf mother who exposes her breast while feeding her child is laughably inappropriate - though it's common for women who don't feed discretely to be accused of 'shoving their breasts in peoples' faces' or being exhibitionists. Why is this only said about bf mothers and never about a mum who bottlefeeds in an obvious way? "She was shoving her bottle in our faces"? Obviously because it's nonsense. I think you should think about your language. I have bf with my breast exposed when I've been wearing a button front shirt. I'd have been devastated to think that people present while I was bf my child would have gone away thinking I was being 'aggressive'.

Honestly - this sort of discussion makes me come over all militant feminist. To hear critical, belittling, humiliating language used against nursing mothers for their 'inappropriate' behaviour.... by other women?

I'd love to see breastfeeding that normal in this country I don't think there is anything disgusting about breastfeeding.

You've run two of my statements on. I didn't say that.

Sorry - I'll stop in a minute.....

"Wap em' out"
"Get your baps out"
"Slap them out"

It's like a scene from an episode of Benny Hill.....

Why do women use language like this to describe bf, unless they're trying to make it out to be crude and a bit nasty? To me it makes bf seem humiliating. I find it alienating. I also dislike the idea of women who haven't bf hearing it discussed in these terms. It's very offputting.

No - but you do describe bf which isn't discrete as 'aggressive'.

i'm with traceybath, much more worried about someone seeing my tum than my nipple.

You would love to see bf normalised in this country, but you feel that women who expose their breast while bf are 'aggressive'?

I did not, I said you need to feed as you need to feed. How is that saying someone should be discreet?

I never said that. Again you are taking two statements and making them one.

Slight sidetrack here then - have any of you ladies seen the campaign on facebook? Mothers International Lactation Campaign. ALthough I personally wouldn't post pics of myself bf on Facebook, I don't think FB should be branding pictures of bf mothers as 'obscene'.

I think it's a personal choice. My friend was comfortable doing things the way she did. I wouldn't be and don't like exposing my breasts sexually otherwise, it's not just feeding (I will go topless in front of DH but would be personally mortified at doing it in a mixed group). As far as I'm concerned they're MY breasts and not there for public view.

I wasn't going to get involved in this discussion, specifically wanted other people's opinions but I can see what Tink is saying.

If you are feeding your baby, do what you need to do to feed your baby. IF you feel more comfortable with more flesh out, fine, but do what you need to do to feed your baby. Don't do what other people want or expect but don't turn it into a political statement. Is that right tink?

I didn't breastfeed for long so was the sort of shoved a bottle in people's faces and slapped my formula out every five minutes. But I have frolicked happily on many a beach with my breasts leaping around in all directions (not in Dubai or similar obviously). They are quite large and rest nicely on my tummy so there is plenty to see. Also sunbathed with them tucked neatly into my armpits. Most women I know have done this. Frankly a baby covers them up so any breast with a baby attached is discreet I'd say.

I do the whole open bra first, then lift top and simultaneously lift top and shove DD on. I think it's pretty discreet but DD is pretty big now so she covers most of me up. She did used to pop off and flash me to the world but she's better behaved now I am discreet because that's how I am comfortable feeding. I do not like people seeing my stomach/back fat as it makes me self-conscious. I'm not as bothered about people seeing my breasts if they happen to, it's just how bfing in public works for us. I do have to admit to occasionally having to get my boob out over the top due to picking a restrictive top I forget sometimes that I'm still bfing when I get dressed chilly I think you've totally misinterpreted what Tinksmum said.

With no. 1 there was a whole routine, which involved a blanket, a muslin, the creation of a little tent. I wanted to be out and about but was VERY self conscious.

No.2 come along when no.1 is still little and my discreetness would probably depend on the situation. I bf in a meeting with the bank manager. I dressed in a way that would enable a quick smooth and discrete attachment. However at a soft play later that day, my DS got hurt whilst I was bfing DD and so I popped DD under my arm, exposed breast hanging out and went to rescue him quickly.

I would say that I have changed. I cannot imagine bfing dd the way I bf ds. All that faffing about - was I mad?

I just do it now and don't really think about it. I try to be discrete, but if I'm not it is whoever sees fault for looking. I often even demonstrate at a local bfing group.

I always wear something that can be pulled down and/or to the side if I'm going out and going to need to feed. So the top of my boob can be seen, but no more so than if I was just wearing something low cut. If DS is having a fidget then I just cover everything up with a muslin so that we don't scare any waiters

I'm intrigued that my method differs so much from other people - I've never fed him under my clothes except at home when I can pull my top up completely out of the way. I think it must stem from the latch problems we had to start with, I needed to be able to see what he was doing when he latched on which obviously wasn't going to happen if his head was up my jumper!

Thanks VS that is exactly what I was trying to say

When I said about being aggressive I didn't mean that any particular way of feeding was aggressive, I meant the person doing it. You can be completely covered and aggressive. Two sentences were run on to twist what I said.