I can't promise my post is going to be any more concise than its title. There will be a lot of waffle ahead, if you read on thanks for indulging me. Keen to hear about other peoples' experiences.
I am preg with no. 2. With dd, i made a half hearted attempt at BF that lasted about a fortnight. I had noy wanted to BF and had approached it on a "take every day as it comes" basis. It weirded me out less than I thought it would, but hurt a lot more, Given that I never really wanted to do it in first place, the pain was enough to stop me in my tracks.
I want to give it a better go next time. I think MN and being around other BF mums has normalised it for me a lot. There are two other big reasons I want to give it a go. Firstly I am a bit of a twat about food and my "real" milk seems now to be a more natural food to give dd. Second reason is much harder to right down, but it is because I feel like I will be a better mum if I BF.
Anyhoos, that's just the context - ultimatley it what makes me NOT want to BF that I most want to hear from other people about.
I don't want to BF because I can't come to terms with losing my breasts as a sexual thing, as part of the way I look. As my fave part of my body. This is stupid cause even without BF they are really different after pregnancy.
I cringe when I hear about nipples toughening up, breasts filling and emptying. I feel so embarressed to write that but its true. Last preg I could not look at my boobs after about 7 months and already I do not want to see them in their new shape. I really didnt want to look at dd (or pump when i expressed) last time.
After having dd lost loads of weight quickly and worked out really hard. Save for my breasts, I looked great. I have found sex near impossible ever since tho. Its not just my breasts but also my fanny i feel so different with. I really would not know how to have sex now. I certainly cannot imagine that BF'ing for any period of time would make that any easier.
So am i just hugely immature? Did other people not feel like they were making a choice between being two dif kinds of women? Or do others feel like they did make a choice but that it was OK?
DH was not hugley comfortable with me BF - his family all vocally anti-BF. But i think that mainly this stems from me. I do not have a prob with six months dedicated to my new LO and feeding (and therefore no sex) if i thought that at the end i could get my old boobs back....