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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

extended bfers: When, if ever, did you feel uncomfortable feeding in public?

78 replies

kittywise · 11/01/2009 08:23

Hello
Ds3 is 21 months and still very much a boob boy. He would feed all day if he could, infact he is happily talking to my boobs as I type!

I am happy to feed him as long as he wants to feed, although not as frequently as he wants

Because he is my youngest and I don't know whether I'll ever have another,( although I'd dearly like to.) I don't want to stop feeding.
I guess I still think of him as my little baby.
So for me it's perfectly fine to bf him, yet I notice, in public that I get some sideways glances now.

Obviously he is not a baby to anyone else watching. It's making me a little self conscious, only a little.

I wondered whether any other ex bfers don't feed in public, don't care what looks they get. Do you wait until you get home?

Thanks

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 11/01/2009 22:33

I breast fed everywhere when my babies were younger, they needed it and they had no choice. I would have thought that with a young child it is only a small part of the diet. They have a wide variety of food and drink when out and can easily wait until they are home. Breast feeding in public didn't bother me, but it would have done when they were older. It is also very difficult to be discreet with an older DC, whereas no one really notices when they are small.I am not saying that you shouldn't do it-just that I am not surprised that you feel uncomfortable.

mawbroon · 11/01/2009 22:37

picses, there's more to it than food and drink!

fledtoscotland · 11/01/2009 22:43

i'm not embarrassed to feed DS2 in public but now he's becoming more interested in the world (is 19 weeks old on tuesday) he stops mid-feed to look around leaving my boob exposed to all & sundry.

family and friends just laugh but am not sure the customers of starbucks are ready yet

piscesmoon · 11/01/2009 22:47

Surely you are not out long enough mawbroon for him not to manage with a snack in a cafe until you get home?

mawbroon · 11/01/2009 22:51

Like I said, there is more to it than food and drink.

A quick feed for my ds is like pressing a reset button. It sorts out any type of upset (whether it's hurting himself or feeling a bit unsure etc) almost instantly.

Why would I not use that to make him feel better quickly just because others might not like it?

Original poster

kittywise · 11/01/2009 22:52

pisces ds3 'feeds' for many different reasons, I suspect it has very little to do with thirst, apart from first thing in the morning.
he asks to feed when:
He's angry
He's upset
He's scared
He's tired
and whenever I am sitting down, without fail.
He can occasionally be fobbed off with a bottle both at home and when we're out. For him I really think it is a closeness and comfort issue.

OP posts:

morocco · 11/01/2009 22:52

how nice that so many of us are still bf. dd is 22 months now and still bf as often as she did when she was about 4 months old if she gets her own way. I can't ever sit down for fear she'll launch herself at me. I do still bf in public but v v discreetly and I don't like doing it any more (in public that is). she also likes to feed in a way you couldn't really do in public!! both boobs out and then snacking on one for a few secs then switching to the other. brave as I am, I'm not prepared to do that for the cause in the middle of starbucks

Original poster

kittywise · 11/01/2009 22:53

HI morocco!!!!!

OP posts:

mawbroon · 11/01/2009 22:54

morocco - my ds did that too. It's a common phase that they go through. Lots of mothers at my breastfeeding group were nodding along when somebody was wondering if their dc was the only one!

She will probably stop doing it, you will be glad to hear!

piscesmoon · 11/01/2009 22:57

I know that there are lots of different reasons-but I would feel very uncomfortable in public when they can easily have a snack and are too large to have any sort of privacy. I think you would have to be brave!

morocco · 11/01/2009 22:58

(waves madly at kitty)

I do hope so, mawbroon, think the neighbours get a right eyefull every time I sit on the sofa and minutes later am stripped off to the waist

hercules1 · 11/01/2009 23:00

It is dead easy to discreetly feed an older child when out and about.

mawbroon · 11/01/2009 23:01

A snack would not comfort my ds if he was upset pisces.

What do you mean by no privacy? There is nothing on display when ds feeds. He knows very well that faffing about with my clothes and exposing me means that he is off, so he never does it.

I'm not brave, I am just doing what I have done since my ds was born and see no reason to stop.

IAteMakkaPakka · 11/01/2009 23:04

DS is nearly 18 months and still very enthusiastic, especially when teething.

I do put him off if we're out, mainly because if there's anything even vaguely distracting he'll bob on and off like a yoyo, craning his neck around, and it's not very, er, discreet with all the nipple-flipping and boob-manhandling that results. Having said that if he needs it he needs it and I would never argue with him if he was really insistent. I actually fed him during Christmas dinner this year (thankfully my parents are fine with it - my dad could see him swinging from my neckline and suggested I just get it over with!).

I've never had any nasty comments that I can remember. I have fed in a variety of service stations, laybys and carparks because DP's family are far away and it's a real boon when travelling.

mawbroon I was interested to hear you use the word "reset" because that's exactly how I describe BF's effect on DS - it calms and soothes him out of any grump

primigravida · 11/01/2009 23:13

I think for me when ds was 12 months I started to feel a little bit uncomfortable, as he was starting to get quite wriggly and would de-latch. These days (at 14months) he's down to three feeds a day first thing in the morning, midday and evening so I don't usually have to feed him when we're out except sometimes at midday. I've been really lucky and have only had positive things said to me while feeding. That could be because I moved back to NZ when ds was two months old and bf is more common here. Half my mum's group is still bf at 14months.

Stefka - I seem to remember you had some problems initially with bf - I'm so glad it worked out for you in the end and you're still feeding. We were in the some ante-natal group on mumsnet, you may not remember me.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2009 07:55

My experience was like IAteMakkaPakka-and the chances of being discreet were nil!
Once they are old enough, it is perfectly reasonable to explain that they will have to wait until they get home. I would be much more likely to have had a book with me and have a cuddle and a story-I would rather they associated comfort with cuddles,stories and personal attention than food.

Original poster

kittywise · 12/01/2009 08:13

Pisces, it's NOT food that they are getting comfort from though is it? The comfort is purely one of sucking from the breast as they have always done.
I think it's lovely for ds3 that he can be upset but immediately feel happy and secure with a quick suck, what better comfort?
he is actually far more discrete to feed than a younger baby I find because he is so very quick.

OP posts:

mawbroon · 12/01/2009 08:14

Yes, perfectly reasonable to ask them to wait, but also perfectly reasonable to let them feed for comfort (or any other reason) when out and about.

Once again, I would like to say that by this stage, breastfeeding is not just about food.

mawbroon · 12/01/2009 08:15

In fact at any stage, breastfeeding is not just about food.

BouncingTurtle · 12/01/2009 08:19

My DS (12mo) isn't feeding as much during the day, he tends to feed more when we are at home, too many distractions when we are out and about! Though I have fed him at inlaws, haven't fed him out in public (apart from at bfing group) for a few weeks!
PILs haven't said anything to make me feel uncomfortable, they have always been very supportive - which is good as dh's db's dds were both bottle fed from birth as was dh and his db. Their 2 cousins who have dds also ff from birth so ds is the only baby in his generation who is bf.
I have noticed that one of DMILs sisters always leaves the room when I feed ds (she's the mum of the 2 cousins - she told me they had no intention of bfing as she thought formula was just as good and so didn't see the point ). Luckily I don't see her often...

Original poster

kittywise · 12/01/2009 08:21

that's right, small babies carry on sucking long after the breast is emptied. Some babies need the comfort of the breast much more than others. i've had ones who happily stopped bf by 6 months and others like ds3 who sucks as frewuently as he did over a year ago.

OP posts:

BouncingTurtle · 12/01/2009 08:22

Oh definitely agree about the comfort - ds has just had a knock on the head - he had some booby and he was happy as larry afterwards, breastmilk contains endorphins which are the body's painkillers.
I fully intend to bf ds on Thursday morning when he has his next set of jabs. I bf every time after his jabs and it has always calmed him straight down.

mrsgboring · 12/01/2009 08:25

I'm with mawbroon on this one. DS is 3.2 and I still feed in public if necessary which is extremely rare these days. I often say no now, because he can cope without, but there are occasions when it's better just to feed.

I have found it far easier to feed discreetly with a standing up child - I tend to make it a rule now that if DS wants feeding it's "switch off" time for him (if he tries to have a conversation it gets revealing and also annoying him popping on and off) so I read. If you read a big newspaper, you can completely hide behind it, plus it gives you somewhere to look, which I find helps immensely if you're feeling a bit shy.

Sometimes DS is not discreet, which is embarrassing but survivable. Sometimes he is yanking at my top and screaming and begging for "milkies" at the top of his voice, in which case feeding can be more discreet than letting that lot go on (and he's not a tantrummy boy really so if he's doing this it usually means he would benefit from a quick feed, and I do it.)

The most uncomfortable I ever felt was yesterday, but that was mostly because DS had had an embarrassing meltdown in Sunday School after an incident with chopping the head off a picture of the Virgin Mary . And it doesn't help being 24 weeks pregnant either.

bogie · 12/01/2009 08:26

I fed ds untill he was 2, I maybe would have gone longer but I fell pregnant and my milk stoped and he wasn't getting anything.

I don't think I fed him in public after about 10-11 months not just because I would get negitive comments of people but because even 'friends' would act strange about it saying he can have baby food so why still feed him

My friends who had babies at the same time never bf and would alway say "oh I don't know why your bf he will sleep better if you bottle feed." [hhm]
suffice to say I don't bother with these people anymore and there comments have only made me more determind to do what I feel best and feed untill I want to with dd.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2009 09:06

I wouldn't want to associate comfort with sucking or taking things in through the mouth, once they got past the baby stage. As I said I would much rather they got comfort through a cuddle, private time and a story. My theory is that later on in life they will associate food and drink with comfort. It is like giving a DC a sweet when they fall over.
At 3 I would be expecting them to have time away from me, to make their own relationships with special people like grandparents and to go to pre school, nursery etc where they would have to manage with a snack. The needs of a baby are entirely different from the needs of a toddler. They have very good reasoning skills at that age, at least mine did, and it is perfectly reasonable to explain that they can't always instantly have what they want.

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