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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Apparently I am causing my baby harm by breastfeeding...

69 replies

myboobsarepublicproperty · 22/12/2008 21:47

So my in-laws have never liked breast feeding, probably on the defensive as their generation were encouraged not to. I am exclusively breast feeding my 7.5 month ds who has had very bad reflux.

Anyway from day one of the reflux they have insisted repeatedly that the baby must be allergic to my breast milk and I should give him formula. I have asked my gastro-paediatrician repeatedly if this is the case and have been reassured repeatedly that breast feeding my child is the best thing for it. I have also sought my brother's advice who is a leading paediatrician in the US. But no my in-laws know better. I can't tell you how much they have gone on about this to the point where they have consulted different paediatricians to back them up.

Anyway I continued and lo and behold my paediatrician does now believe my ds has a slight allergy to cow's milk BUT and I do mean BUT he is still of the opinion that breast feeding is the right thing. Says it has helped keep it a light allergy and helped prevent ds from having more allergies.

So then I receive a phone call from an in-law telling me the following:

"Come on now you have been breast feeding long enough, it's time to stop. I have spoken to several paediatricians and they have all assured me that your breast milk is no good. (I haven't seen any of said paediatricians). It's a shame that the poor baby has to suffer because you won't give him a bottle. And if you stop breast feeding he will sleep through the night."

So I am pretty speechless and say well my paediatrician has reassured me, I am happy with the current situation and anyway plenty babies have sleeping issues. To which he replied "No babies do not have sleeping issues and your baby will sleep if you do the right thing" and about another ten minutes worth to that effect.

So there you go my boobs are the discussion of the in-laws dining table and friends. Breast feeding is wrong as are Mother's instincts. And of course this is all totally their business

Angry doesn't even come close to the emotions I am feeling.

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 22/12/2008 21:50

I am speachless. Hold your ground, how awful for you. Why would anyone say that?

tiktok · 22/12/2008 21:50

Time for your dh to step in?

I am not sure what a 'slight allergy' to cows milk is - does he mean 'slight intolerance'? - but if your baby does have a reaction to cows milk it would be a bit mad to use formula...and you can tell them this (you may need to explain formula is cows milk).

MarlaCarolSinger · 22/12/2008 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOldestCat · 22/12/2008 21:51

I am practically speechless. Practically...

Don't blame you for being angry. What on earth do your in-laws think they're doing? You and your partner make the decisions on feeding your baby. And you're supported by leading paediatricians. So tell 'em (the meddling in-laws) to mind their beeswax! Politely, of course.

What does your partner think about all this?

LadyOfWaffle · 22/12/2008 21:52

Say "Excuse me, it's not really any of your business and can we please not discuss this anymore." - sometimes you just have to put a blunt stop to it.

WinkyWinkola · 22/12/2008 21:54

You must never ever ever take seriously what your in laws say about this issue.

They are clearly

i. extremely ignorant and misinformed
ii. extremely controlling and interfering
ii. extremely stupid

Please, put the telephone down on them the next time they call you with such insulting crap after telling them to mind their own sodding business. Or give them my telephone number and I will happily tell them for you.

Cretins.

Don't let cretins upset you. They are subnormal.

Tryharder · 22/12/2008 21:54

Am speechless on your behalf

What is your DH's stance on all this? I can't believe that they feel they even have the right to discuss how you feed your baby.

Your DH should tell them that it's none of their farking business and to keep their noses out of your private business (as politely as possible of course )

FWIW, DS1 was primarily ff and never slept through, DS2 was primarily bf and also never slept through. Whether or not a baby sleeps through has got very little to do with bf/ff IMHO.

AnarchyInAManger · 22/12/2008 21:55

Well I echo what everyone else has said.

And - if your baby has a slight allergy to cows' milk, how the heck would formula help at all? 'Cos its generally made from, well, um, cows' milk

They are frankly bonkers.

treedelivery · 22/12/2008 21:59

Tell them you will not discuss this futher.

End of conversation. poor you and well done for being able to deflect such negativity.

Your baby would no doubt have a much stronger form of cows milk intolerance had he been exposed to it the way they suggest.

Don't even enter into conversation, don't answer - just cut them off and end the phone call if they won't stop. They are not allowed to bully or harrass you.

And visit here if you need moral support!! We're with you sister!!

Ripeberry · 22/12/2008 22:01

Tell them to Eff off. Just don't visit them and breastfeed in front of them.
You know what's best for you and your baby, everyone else can keep their beaks out.
They are just jealous!
I've breastfed both my DDs and they have thrived on it, even when my mum kept making coments.
I used to just ignore her and breastfeed upstairs out of her way.
Keep at it, don't let them get you down!

SalLikesEggnogUnderMistletoe · 22/12/2008 22:02

My (otherwise very lovely) MIL told our minister that his wife was being ridiculous breastfeeding as colic is clearly an allergy to breast milk!!! I almost died of shame, but he had the patience / grace to just nod and say they'll see. Privately he probably thought she's a nutcase.

For what it's worth, I've got ds (8 months) on formula now and he's not remotely close to sleeping through!

I'd get dh involved if I were you.

TisTheSeasonToBeSunny · 22/12/2008 22:04

Message withdrawn

ilovelovemydog · 22/12/2008 22:05

Is this a joke?

If not, then this is truly shocking. Why do they care so much?

treedelivery · 22/12/2008 22:05

Isn't it weird that people imagine a human has more chance of being allergic to another human - than to a cow!?

Divineintervention · 22/12/2008 22:07

Can't you agree that it is the milk dc is allergic to and so you're givng up all dairy so you can bf fro longer .
I would bluntly tell them beginning 'with all due respect... (I love that patronising shit) it is none of your buisness, so to avoid any further upset we shouldn't discuss it as I'm sure you don't want to undermine or hurt me'.

SalLikesEggnogUnderMistletoe · 22/12/2008 22:08

I'm all for moaning about these latest joke threads (), but I can believe this one. My sympathies to the OP. Some people (including my inlaws) have some serious issues that they need to sort out.

piscesmoon · 22/12/2008 22:10

I wouldn't even discuss it with them. Just tell them firmly that you have no intention of discussing and then don't.

Original poster
myboobsarepublicproperty · 22/12/2008 22:12

Hi I love your responses thank you. And no regrettably it is not a joke. My dh is firmly on my side but we are in a very unfortunate position. We have had severe financial issues and said in-laws have been very kind and helped us find a way out of this mess. But clearly everything has a price. So I don't really feel in a position to boldly say fuck off as I am quite indebted (god that I wish I wasn't).

Why do they care so much? No idea, except they are convinced they are right. Actually it makes me want to go round there and breast feed in front of them and continue to do so till ds is in his thrities and asking for bittie.

They want me to switch to allergy formula, but I don't want to and besides ds tried it and hates it. Don't blame him, it smells like my cat's vomit.

OP posts:
Dragonfly74 · 22/12/2008 22:13

How bloody dare they, I'm for you. What does your DH think of there interfering? Can he tell them to mind there own business?

Your doing a great job don't let anyone tell you any different. x

constancereader · 22/12/2008 22:15

bloody hell they are out of order
you poor thing, having to put up with that

littletownofmeglethem · 22/12/2008 22:16

how dare they, stick to your guns.

ilovelovemydog · 22/12/2008 22:16

So they've helped you financially? So what.

And sleeping through the night isn't contingent on formula/breastmilk. I have a friend whose b/f baby slept through at 3 months! ANother formula feeds and is awake every few hours...

It depends on the baby, not method of feeding.

treedelivery · 22/12/2008 22:17

Do nothing of the sort.

Just gently state that your son's health is at the centre of all your doing, and that your breasts are your own business. The mere mention of the word should have them running!

I know the indebted feeling - but it ends here as otherwise you are in for a lifetime of it. If they can intrude on this, imagine whats coming! Schooling, development milestones, behaviour management - don't go there with them. Draw your line now.

TheOldestCat · 22/12/2008 22:17

It doesn't matter a FIG what they want you to do. DS is your baby and it's up to you (and DH) what you feed him.

You don't have to tell them to feck off, just smile sweetly and thank them for their concern. Then carry on breastfeeding.

Their kind financial help does not buy them the right to tell you how to feed your child.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep strong.

Original poster
myboobsarepublicproperty · 22/12/2008 22:19

Oh I quite agree with you about the sleep but they won't listen. I mean why else would book shops be heaving under the weight of so many "help your baby to sleep" books.

But I have decided you are right and best course of action is to pluck up the courage and say firmly, I am not going to discuss this any further. But it will be hard because I am a wuss and I hate any kind of confrontation. Although got to the point where I would relish shouting a great big FUCK OFF.

OP posts: