Apparently I am causing my baby harm by breastfeeding...

[myboobsarepublicproperty]

So my in-laws have never liked breast feeding, probably on the defensive as their generation were encouraged not to. I am exclusively breast feeding my 7.5 month ds who has had very bad reflux.

Anyway from day one of the reflux they have insisted repeatedly that the baby must be allergic to my breast milk and I should give him formula. I have asked my gastro-paediatrician repeatedly if this is the case and have been reassured repeatedly that breast feeding my child is the best thing for it. I have also sought my brother's advice who is a leading paediatrician in the US. But no my in-laws know better. I can't tell you how much they have gone on about this to the point where they have consulted different paediatricians to back them up.

Anyway I continued and lo and behold my paediatrician does now believe my ds has a slight allergy to cow's milk BUT and I do mean BUT he is still of the opinion that breast feeding is the right thing. Says it has helped keep it a light allergy and helped prevent ds from having more allergies.

So then I receive a phone call from an in-law telling me the following:

"Come on now you have been breast feeding long enough, it's time to stop. I have spoken to several paediatricians and they have all assured me that your breast milk is no good. (I haven't seen any of said paediatricians). It's a shame that the poor baby has to suffer because you won't give him a bottle. And if you stop breast feeding he will sleep through the night."

So I am pretty speechless and say well my paediatrician has reassured me, I am happy with the current situation and anyway plenty babies have sleeping issues. To which he replied "No babies do not have sleeping issues and your baby will sleep if you do the right thing" and about another ten minutes worth to that effect.

So there you go my boobs are the discussion of the in-laws dining table and friends. Breast feeding is wrong as are Mother's instincts. And of course this is all totally their business

Angry doesn't even come close to the emotions I am feeling.

I breast fed my daughter until 8 months and then carried on the night feed til 13 months. She hated (and still hates) cows milk. I was fully supported by the midwife and GP in my decision. My inlaws did not like to see it happening, so I used to go to the bedroom to feed if they were around. I feel sooo sorry for you, but you are doing exactly the right thing for your baby.

poor you... it's not only their attitude to BF that sinks it's the controlling nature of their actions. You need to politely tell them it's not up for discussion - you are the parents they are the gp

helping you out financially doesn't give them a right to force their options onto you (and if you're not careful they might continue to interfere in other matters as the child gets older)

anyway - well done you're doing really well and giving your lo the best start.

My boobs

Can't really add anything except have you tried a dairy free diet yet, with dd1 it worked withing 48 hours from screaming demon baby with relux sysmptoms on ranitidine etc to sleeping peacefully don't want to get your hopes up but I would just love to see their faces when you say " oh problem solved and formula really won't make any difference"!!!

FWIW You do need to make some sort of stand as if they are doing this at this point 7.5months (and for a reasonable length of time by the sounds of it) what other descisions are they going to want to become involved in?

My friend's dc was diagnosed with cows milk allergy - she was recommended to breast feed exclusively and to just not drink cow's milk herself.
Some in laws are so frigging unhelpful. My MIL is a GP (!) who smoked and drank throughout her pregnancy (my dh)and if I'd have followed her advice on being pg I dread to think how the dc's would have turned out. As it is my dh has rather thin wrists and ankles, the result of gin & tonic methinks...

Tiktok I know, and I told her so but I suppose she thought the Paed would know better than me. I also think that once that doubt about the quality of your milk is there it is very hard to shift

I had similar comments from my dh when my dt1 was suffering very badly with reflux. I eventually put her onto formula and then had to load it with gaviscon to try to keep that in. I've never managed to express much and found it too hard to get them back onto my milk after a few weeks. I felt too guilty to bf one and not the other so dt2 missed out too.

This time around I've stuck pretty much dairy free (on advice from HoochieVirginMomma) and ds3's (8mths) reflux cleared up almost inmediately. On days I'm not so careful he leaves tell tale puke marks on the carpet.

You are doing a great job, esp in the face of such adversity. Best of luck and enjoy feeding your baby. Oh and I also have sleeping issues with my ds3, but we're making very slow progress, I'm just enjoying every precious minute of him, they grow so fast. If you ever want to chat you can contact me on piximon at gmail dot com.

Oerhaps you would feel stronger if you made a commitment to a repayment plan with them as I think they probably exploit the position they're in as lenders.

Wow I just switched computer back on after a hectic day to all these amazing supportive messages. Thank you so much. I actually feel quite strong in my resolve to bf, but as someone else pointed out it is the controlling nature of this that really bothers me. I like your letter Gabygirl. And I am sorry about your friend clairy. It beggars belief that paediatricians would say this. Are they old school who passed their exams 20 years ago and need a refresher?

For those of you who went dairy free, how difficuolt is that. My paediatrician implied it was very hard and not worth it. What is your advice.

And again thanks for your great responses. Have to go put little one to sleep but will be back on later.

As an aside, why do you have to tell your ILs how you are feeding? My mother is anti- bf, but by 7.5 months DD was not feeding a great deal in the day so my mother never saw it. When she asked about feeding, I just fudged the subject, and wittered on about DD's love of apple, baby rice etc. Now DD is one year and only feeds in the morning, so no-one else's business frankly.

Sounds like yours are not about feeding itself but about control, to be honest though. So maybe that last comment not so helpful.

My friend went dairy-free on the advice of her doctor, never had any problems though I think she missed cake- in fact she was glad to lose weight on her new diet. She did though only do it to one year as then she decided to stop bf as she couldn't persuade her DD to stop biting!

Dairy free not that bad. I eventually found a soya milk I could stomach, although some babies react to that too. I find it much harder when out and about, so usually carry d/f snack bars, most places can serve a jacket pots with beans no butter. You get used to it, easier than being covered in puke all day.

Dear God, please tell me you are not spending Christmas with them.

Myboobs, have been posting on here for 4 years and thoguht I had heard it all but this has plumbed new depths in the disgraceful shameful undermining of breastfeeding that is going on all over the world.

What a fucking disgrace these people are.May they hang their heads in shame. psad]

I am shocked that your inlaws are so against Bfing and using the reflux as a reason to control the situation.
My inlaws are very much the same, but lucky for me we dont talk anymore. I would tell them "thanks for being concerned, but im happy with my own doctors opinions as he has seen me and my son". They sound alwful sorry for you.

Am on your behalf that you have to listen to such rubbish and that they feel entitled to spout such rubbish in the first place. Grrr.

Anyway, I would echo other posters who have suggested not talking to them about your DS's sleep or anything else that they could use as potential ammunition for their crap. Just withdraw from all related discussions and carry on with what YOU want to do. They will learn that they cannot control your feeding or any other choices regarding your own child.

myboobs have you got to spend time with them over xmas? i'd have unplugged the phone months ago.

i tried dairy free for a while, it is easy if you make all your own food. nightmare if eat ready meals or pre-prep stuff.

Go dairy free after xmas, I had to go egg free as my DD came up in hives when I BF her. It meant no/little cake for nearly 18 months - I survived. Won't help with the in laws probably, mine weren't that sympathetic and would produce lovely egg full puddings!

Myboobs I'm glad at least your doctor seems to have more clue and it sounds as though you have the strength of mind to ignore your IL's. It is hard though isn't it?

I was also told that dairy free would be hard when I suggested it to my GP (DS screamed nonstop for the first few months-they said not reflux though although they didn't test), but I think his concern was more for me-I am quite underweight and lose weight v rapidly especially while breastfeeding and I get a lot of my calories from cream, butter, cheese etc. A friend of mine did it loosely though (eg she didn't drink milk or eat cheese, yoghurt etc for a while but didn't worry about hidden dairy in food)and she found it ok, just a bit of a pain when out.