if u were a new mum meeting a b/f mum for a group chat, would u want me to tell you all the details, even the not so nice stuff?

[misdee]

am going to do a informal talk/answer session for new mums/mums to be tomorrow night at bfeeding clinic.

have been asked to answer things like good clothing choices for breastfeeding, what its like in the early days etc etc.

am wondering how to answer in the ineveitable 'does it hurt' question. should i go for the standard 'not if the latch is corrent' or the more honest 'yes it can be sore as you have a baby 'vascumming' at your nipples which are a sensitive area to start with, and the letdown feeling can feel very painful at first, and when your milk comes in you feel like you have been hit in the chest/or like your boobs are like stone bricks on the front of your chest'

so which would u prefer to be told?

honesty

it helps you realise what is usual or to be expected

you don't have to be all doom and gloomy about it though

i felt fluey and ill when my milk came in - wasn't expecting that!

Personally I wish I had been told some of the reality/details - of how it can be uncomfortable in the early weeks etc for some mums. I guess you could sensitively and calmly mention some of these issues.

Is it possible that some of these mums to be are having 2nd or subsequent babies? If so b/f may not have worked out for them in the past, perhaps for some of the reasons you outlined, and it may be a relief it the subject is broached.

i have no idea if they are 1st/2nd+ mums.

i do want to be totally honest, but dobnt want to scare anyone off

I felt quite cheated once I had given birth and was trying to establish bf. Cheated that at the NCT session I had attended there was no mention of any kind of soreness/discomfort/difficulty or any other problems.

I think tell em everything. That was one of the reasons I gave up - cos I wasn't properly prepared and thought I was doing it all wrong because it was so hard. And tell them how often you have to do it too.... Again, I thought I was doing it wrong because I was feeding so often!

Gosh yes, please be honest. I adored my friend who was the only person who told me that it hurts like hell at first!

Yes, think you should explain that all that can happen in early days. Will be good to focus on how it doesn't last long and what they can do about it. I always wished I'd read some books about bf before my dd was born. If I'd realised there was a knack to it, I'd have been much more prepared. I was just thinking of birth and stuff like how to bath the baby. Never even occurred to me that feeding might be tricky.

be honest, please!

i have a 4 week old dd4, so was asked if i would do it as the start is still fresh in my mind.

have been lucky so far in no major problems, but last night one breast felt lumpy and very sore. so fed dd4 from that side which seems to have cleared up the problem (blocked duct?). would that sort of advice help others? did i even do the right thing?

It really would have helped me in the early days to be told actually it can hurt really quite a lot even with a good latch but it WILL pass. I think a lot of people give up in the first few weeks because it hurts like hell whatever you do (not everyone, I know, but a lot of people) and then you just think you're rubbish at it so why bother. And I think it helps to be realistic about just how much you will be feeding in the first few weeks/months (i.e. all the time) as it gives you the chance to be a bit more prepared with food in the freezer/friends lined up to help out etc.

Definietly be honest, otherwise when it does hurt they'll think they're doing something wrong etc
Easiest thing about having DS2 was knowing what to expect and that it was normal.

hi Misdee

I think you should defo tell it like it is. last night I had a particularly painful episode of feeding and I found it so helpful to read other peoples stories of painful breastfeeding. I think it would be harder to continue bf-ing if you think you are the only one who experiences pain.
At my antenatal class the mw said that mastitus was extremely rare and she had not met a mother who had had it. I reckon I definitely had it quite early on (agony agony) and I might have had it treated/ looked at ways of easing it if I'd have thought that I could have had it. Aas it was I assumed that it couldn't be mastitis because of what the mw said.

DEfinitely honesty. If somebody, or a book had been honesy with me before DS1 was born I may have managed more than 2 weeks, before I gave up in despair.

I think it's helpful to emphasise that breasts are sensitive in pregnancy and this effect takes a while to fade after birth but it will.

I wish I'd known how time critical all decisions feel when newly looking after a baby - I kind of thought it would be no big deal if it took a while to latch baby, I could try again later. But neglected to realise that the baby would be screaming in hunger during this time and getting dehydrated. (But then I am very stupid)

Honest. It sets people up far a fall to paint rosy pictures of life as a breastfeeding mum when as many of us know....
I always tell my class that for some it will equal going up everest every single day until the 'click' comes. I also tell them for others it will be like learning to drive - full of great days when your flyingit, then unexpected tricky days where you can't reverse around a corner for no given reason at all! For some it will be fine!
I say that there are your own anxieties, reasons and influences at play - and then the baby who we forget about completely when looking into reasons B/F can be easy or tricky. Some are born with a willingness to latch onto a wall, others you really wonder what they had in mind!

Be honest. I was quite angry at how none of the NHS stuff about how wonderful breastfeeding was and how it's just so perfect for everyone never mentioned all the possible problems - from painful nipples to difficulties latching (DS was a week old before he latched) to things like your clothes being constantly covered in milk, and until your child can take a bottle of expressed you're completely tied to them and can't leave them with anyone else for more than about an hour (which I found very emotionally exhausting).

Exactly. Those posters are aimed at people who need B/F selling to them, like they need a new car selling to them. In this country we come/came from very very low start up b/f rates. The population had literally never seen a baby at the boob, so it was back to basics.
For motivated people who have decided they are b/f - the info needs to move beyond 'selling' and into the how's and why's. Motivated commited b/f mums are very happy to accept, for example, an initial discomfort with latch as it is their choice to feed based on a bigger picture of health - not on ease feed per feed. But they need to know this is common, transitory and can be dealt with in such a such way.

HONEST

Before i had dd i thought b/f would be easy. Never heard of problems with it.
So when dd was born it came as a huge shock at how hard it was. DD would not latch on. I was in hopsital for 3 days trying to get her to feed but found it really painful & really frustrating she would not latch on. To be fair the mw did try but they didnt warn me of the problems.
Their repsonce was dd was too lazy to latch and didnt wanna work to get the milk out ( maybe?)
and im a red head and feel more pain ( not sure how true that is)

I had to ff in end but when milk came though some days later i tried again. No good. Expressed in a bottle. Wouldnt drink it.

I feel like a failure for not b/f my baby.
nxt time i wont give up so easily. At least i know what to expect nw.

dd4 often doesnt open her mouth wide enough to latch on, i lauigh and say 'you arent just meant to lick it ya'know'

Be mostly honest. Don't say how much it can hurt, but do say it can hurt. But also say that it doesn't hurt forever (I've never heard of anyone that it always hurt for, and did have a good latch, but please correct me if I'm wrong!)

Please talk about cluster feeding too as I've heard so many people convinced that they don't have enough milk or that its not good enough when their baby feeds for hours on end!

oh its ibn the evening so they will see dd4 cluster feeding as will be taking her with me.

honesty, definitely!!!

please be honest! I think so many of us feel awful that it's not immediately wonderufl/painfree/easy and it should be clear that it takes a while. imho I think it is worth being honest about how much it can hurt just so that they know now. Half of them won't take it in anyway!

be honest ! I wish I had known that babies aren't that interested in feeding after a ceasarean so I shouldn't have got stressed/ been pressurised by the midwives in case "I gave him jaundice as he wasn't feeding much "!! and I wish I had known that I would feel fluey and ill when my milk came in as that was a bit of a shock. Oh and that not everyone leaks so you don't necessarily need to buy shed loads of breast pads but a tube of Lansinoh goes a long way ! Def talk about cluster feeding and demand feeding in general.

oh and I hope it goes well !