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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

if u were a new mum meeting a b/f mum for a group chat, would u want me to tell you all the details, even the not so nice stuff?

77 replies

misdee · 16/12/2008 15:50

am going to do a informal talk/answer session for new mums/mums to be tomorrow night at bfeeding clinic.

have been asked to answer things like good clothing choices for breastfeeding, what its like in the early days etc etc.

am wondering how to answer in the ineveitable 'does it hurt' question. should i go for the standard 'not if the latch is corrent' or the more honest 'yes it can be sore as you have a baby 'vascumming' at your nipples which are a sensitive area to start with, and the letdown feeling can feel very painful at first, and when your milk comes in you feel like you have been hit in the chest/or like your boobs are like stone bricks on the front of your chest'

so which would u prefer to be told?

OP posts:
AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv · 16/12/2008 18:49

Yes I would prefer to be told as much info as poss good and bad bits. It was only thanks to MN that I bf DD for 7 months as I knew what to expect.

TheCrackFox · 16/12/2008 18:50

Please be honest. I truly believe that the UK would have much higher rates of breastfeeding if pregnant women were told the truth. The current NHS policy of "breast is best" just leads a lot of new mums to feel like massive failures.

Darkmere · 16/12/2008 19:13

Yes be honest although maybe tone down quite how much it hurts in those first days. Don't want to put them off.

And definitely tell them about cluster feeding. I didn't discover MN and therefore knew nothing about cluster feeding until DD was about 2 months. I think I would have relaxed and enjoyed those early days a lot more if I hadn't been attempting to stick to a silly routine.

Also let them know that their breasts don't stay hard for long at that the milk doesn't always leak- and if it doesn't it might not for long. I would have been worried it was drying up if the midwife at my breastfeeding group hadn't prepared me.

I think you should also tell them for every time they feel a bit exhausted and fed up with BF there will also be a special moment when they know that all their hard work to establish it at the start will pay off. For me its the night feed (helped by the fact there is now only one! ) when its dark and quiet and it feels like me and DD are in our own little world.

Darkmere · 16/12/2008 19:16

Apologies for talking gibberish-

Also let them know that their breasts don't stay hard for long and that the milk doesn't always leak- and if it does it might not for long

kazbeth · 16/12/2008 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMeSantaBaby · 16/12/2008 19:44

Honest. I come from a slightly different point of view here, in that I wasn't sold a rosey view of BFing at all, the NHS and NCT classes I went to were pretty forthright. I was quite worried about it all - but went ahead anyway, and ended up pleasantly surprised (honestly, I sometimes think I'm the only woman in England who found BFing way easier than expected). If I'd not had almost worst-case scenarios in my head, I might have been a lot more put off by the odd hiccup that we did have.

domesticslattern · 16/12/2008 19:55

Tell them the truth. But also tell them how wonderful it is when it works. Bottles have their downsides too- all that relentless sterilising, plus you can't just whack it out quickly in the middle of the night to soothe a screaming baby. But you have to be honest about the pain. And the amount of time- oh the amount of time! Why did no-one tell me to buy a decent chair with some back support, since I was going to be sat in it for hours at a time?- that's the piece of advice I really needed.

shitehawk · 16/12/2008 19:57

The truth.

But yes, tell them about the good bits as well. And tell them that the bad bits don't go on forever.

orangehead · 16/12/2008 20:01

If people dont have a realistic view, then when they do have problems they are probably more likely to think that it isnt working for them and give up. Better to know the problems are normal and they do get better

jeanjeannie · 16/12/2008 20:11

Oh the truth - even the gory bits! My NCT class was way too hippy-dippy, it's all lovely and 'the latch' is the only thing to worry about...

I wish someone had explained that it's normal for many LOs to be on the breasts constantly. It was MN that made me realise that the first few weeks are really hard work and once I realised that, then I was OK.

But yep - definately point out the good bits too as there are LOADS of them!!

fymandbean · 16/12/2008 20:18

On a slightly different note there were a few things I was told that I think every new mum should know that certainly helped me

  1. "give it 40 days" - it takes this long to be really comfortable and practised at it. you will NOT "get it" in a day or two or be a failure if you haven't - give it time

  2. feel the roof of your own mouth, its really hard. Now keep going back until it gets soft. Your nipple needs to be on the soft bit of babies palate for it not to make your nipple sore. It really does need to be quite far in babies mouth...

  3. if baby isn't opening his or her mouth wide enough tickle their top lip with your nipple and they'll open wider.

  4. Savoy cabbage does work if you get sore - keep one in the fridge

  5. Breastmilk and no bra and letting yourself heal works just as well as lasinoh and you don't have to worry about baby swallowing it!

Good luck!

lisad123 · 16/12/2008 20:18

misdee they are new first time mums good luck and shame my baby is too big to do it!

StealthPolarBear · 16/12/2008 20:31

can you mention tongue tie - and I second cabbage!

StealthPolarBear · 16/12/2008 20:31

But tell them you just rip a small bit off, you don't wander round with a leaf sticking out of your top as I did

yomellamoHelly · 16/12/2008 20:47

Definitely the honest approach. With nr 1 one of the main reasons I struggled was because I wasn't prepared and felt I must be doing something wrong to find it so difficult. HV didn't help with bland generalisations about how good it was for bonding with baby - didn't feel like it at the time. Did much better with nr 2 as knew what to expect.

AtheneNoctua · 16/12/2008 21:03

Yes. Or I would no longer give much credit to your advice when I discovered you left a few details out. Also so when it does hurt I would know that was normal.

potoroo · 16/12/2008 21:16

Definitely honest. One friend told me that the first 20 seconds made her want to hit the ceiling for the first few weeks. How true!

Also, could you mention growth spurts - both my babies one about day 3 or so wanted to latch on all day - not just every hour, but permanently. I know now that this is normal and doesn't last.

whomovedmychocolate · 16/12/2008 21:20

Oh honesty definitely. Also don't forget about growth spurts, fountain effect nipples on the 'spare' side, let down pain (ouch) and my personal favourite 'the world and his mother in law having an opinion'

TheTwelveDAISYofChristmas · 16/12/2008 21:35

lol SPB

I did that too with DS1

definately honesty is the best approach misdee, although I'm pretty sure that the reason that the NCT don't go over the difficulties is that hearing it in a class, sometimes months before you are actually doing the feeding isn't really helpful, and most women will have forgotten what they were told by the time they expereince it. I might be wrong, but that's what I was given to understand.

One thing I would say is tell them to read up on the subject beforehand, and to take some helpline numbers into hospital with them and find out the name and extension for the hospital infant feeding co-ordinator. And to get local support afterwards; be that baby cafe, peer support group or family and friends.

Also, if it looks right, but is still causing you pain then it isn't right and conversely, even if it doesn't look like a textbook latch, but baby is feeding well and efficiently and it isn't sore, then this is OK.

MrsGokWan · 16/12/2008 22:16

I also go along to BF classes with my baby (who is 17 months now ) to talk to mums and dads to be about the experiance of BF. I am usually with another mum of a 8 month old (we both have 3 children and have had various experiances with all of them) and we sometimes have a mum with a small baby. The classes are held by midwives who do all the technical stuff and then we come in for the last hour, though it usually over runs quite a bit.

We talk about everything that has been suggested by the previous posters, also BF in public and what to do if you have opposition and also sex, how you may squirt etc. We also talk about dads and what they can do to help with BF and what they can do to bond with their child ie: lots of cuddles, skin to skin, changing nappies, even getting into the bath with baby. We tell them where they can get help if at home and having problems and about the P&B/T that we go to that is run by HV's and is thier to support BF mums.

SilverSixpence · 16/12/2008 22:47

Definitely the truth! I read 'What to expect when breastfeeding' and i really felt so much better prepared to deal with pain/engorgement/mastitis etc, although it still says that painful nipples are caused by a poor latch I know longer believe this, because my latch was always correct according to midwives, nothing changed to make it less painful apart from time. Knowing that its something you just have to get through does help, rather than worrying that you're doing something wrong!

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 16/12/2008 23:01

Be honest.

No question about it.

You could do what my boss always called a 'crap sandwich' - basically start off with the really good stuff (bonding, great start for baby, perfect food specially made, etc) then tell about the possible negatives (sore nipples, strong let down reflex, engorgement etc) then go back to the really good stuff. The 'crap' stays in the middle of the sandwich and is outweighted by all the positives

Good luck

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 16/12/2008 23:02

outweighed obv

And yes, and definitely discuss growth spurts!

Alibear1 · 17/12/2008 00:01

Please be honest. I was lucky that my Mum had BF'd and that I had a great BF counsellor for a month otherwise I'd have given up.
The worst lie is that stupid 'it doesn't hurt if you're doing it right'. Of course it bloody hurts, you've got a frantic baby trying to work out how to get it's food out of your nipple ffs!!

I wish I had known that my c-section would make my milk slow.
I wish I had known that it's normal to feed 15 times a day.

Next time round I will be so much calmer, because I'll know it's all normal!

mawbroon · 17/12/2008 09:29

I haven't read the whole thread misdee, but I think the most important thing to stress is that everybody is different.

I had no pain or discomfort when my milk came in, so had I been told graphically how sore it was to be, I would perhaps have wondered if something was wrong.

I would more paint a picture of the complete spectrum and say that each woman will experience something different, some parts from the easy end, and possibly other parts from the more difficult end of the spectrum.

For example, the does it hurt question. I had been told by somebody that it was toe curling pain. I braced myself for the first time ds latched on expecting this terrible pain, only to find it pain free. Again, being told that it might hurt, but it might not would have been more helpful.

I would also say that if you are specifically recounting your own experiences, please let them know that this is your experience, and not neccessarily the way they will experience it.

Good luck, and good for you for volunteering to do this.