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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Having medically necessary termination, what about bf my 11 month old..?

76 replies

hopefullypregnant · 21/10/2008 20:11

I am struggling somewhat... following a nuchal scan and further tests it turns out my 12 week foetus has abnormalities that are incompatible with life and I am seeing 2nd consultant tomorrow for termination. Aim was to get first round of tablets for medical termination tomorrow. However I am now worried about my 11 month old who is still bf... I presume the consultant will tell me to wean her. I was also today offered a surgical termination but advised it is more risky at this stage than a medical one (I'm 12 weeks and 4 days). I will obviously discuss all this tomorrow with consultant, but does anyone have any experience of this?

Please don't judge me for the termination: I feel I have no choice, as the baby would not survive to term - I can't face waiting for months for the inevitable to happen. I know that makes me sound harsh but I feel I need to get through and past this somehow.

Thanks for your support!

OP posts:
nigglewiggle · 21/10/2008 20:19

Don't feel bad about it at all. You are doing what is best for everyone and managing to think about the welfare of your DD at the same time. Don't know what you will be told, I'm afraid I don't have personal experience of this situation. But I can say that I had a really positive response from all medical professionals, radiographers, cardiologist etc when I was determined to BF DD2 despite requiring medication that could have made it incompatible. Hope you get the support you need.

hunkermunker · 21/10/2008 20:22

Oh, sweetheart

Can you give the Breastfeeding Network's Drugline a call? Your consultant may well tell you to wean her because they don't know any better - it may be that you're fine to keep bf, it may be that you need to stop whilst you're taking the drugs - I don't know.

But do make sure with someone who does know for a fact and isn't just hedging their bets before you make such a big decision. Your hormones and emotions will be all over the place - you don't need unnecessary cessation of bf on top of all that!

You'll find the numbers for Drugline here

BalloonSlayer · 21/10/2008 20:24

Sorry to hear your news.

I would think the worst thing you could do to yourself would be to wean. BF your DD would be a [small] comfort, I'd have thought.

How much more risky is a surgical termination?

LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 21/10/2008 20:24

hopefully pregnant you have my sympathies - we had a medical termination for similar reasons but much later on - 20 weeks - so I know how you feel.

You don't have to justify yourself in any way, you have been faced with a horrible decision and made the best one for you and your family.

Make it clear to the consultant that you want to carry on bf DD and that's it's important to you and I'm sure they will be very supportive.

hope this bumps the thread for someone who knows more about the drugs involved.

good luck

BalloonSlayer · 21/10/2008 20:32

I have had a google and I did see something which suggested expressing and discarding for 3 days, but most of the information was vague.

hopefullypregnant · 21/10/2008 20:41

Thank you for your support everyone. Hunker I will ring the Drugline - that is a really good idea. I do know that consultants tend to suggest weaning without checking consequences properly just because it's easier to suggest that. I am tangled up because I really really dont want to stop bf - had been planning to tandem-feed - and I do find bf a major comfort at the moment.

Surgery holds risk of uterine scarring - low risk - mind you presumably so did my emergency C-section with DD....

I never imagined being here. I guess nobody does. I feel so lucky to have DD: she is a major comfort, crawling and cruising and looking up trustingly for milk. But there is something about this experience that feels very isolating....

I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Thank you all again.

OP posts:
LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 21/10/2008 20:45

it is a horrible time hopefullypregnant and it does feel very bleak.

But hold onto the fact that you are doing a very loving thing - you are preventing further unnecessary suffering for your baby, and protecting your family from the heatbreak of losing a child at term when it would be much harder.

My DS was a huge comfort to me at the time, you simply can't give up completely when you have to look after another child!

Be really kind to yourself, don't ask too much of yourself and give yourself time to get through this. You will come out the other side and you will be ok.

((((hugs)))

ilovemydog · 21/10/2008 20:52

Is it at all possible for you to express a bit? Just to keep DD going? For instance if the drug hotline suggests 24 hours for the drugs to go through your system....

I don't have any experience of this, but are there alternatives? I mean do you have to take pills, or would a D & C be possible?

Failing that, could you speak to the maternity unit to see if you could borrow a breast pump to keep supply going, as worst case scenario is that you'll have to pump and dump.... But will keep supply going.

Am sooo sorry for you though....

callmeovercautious · 21/10/2008 20:53

You do not sound harsh at all, in fact the opposite.

I am sorry you are having to go through this, I hope you find MN a small help in reducing the feelings of isolation.

As for the BFing. I am sure that at 11m your supply could stand a few days break, pumping and dumpings sounds like a good idea but obviously you will need qualified advice.
Hopefully you will get some excellent support.

hopefullypregnant · 21/10/2008 20:55

Dancing, I'm so sorry for what you went through - must be so much worse at 20 weeks. Thanks for your advice.

ILove, I have a pump, an Avent Isis electric, havent pumped for months and months but would definitely do it if it was for a couple of days to keep up supply.

Am also going to ask about the surgical route/someone on another thread suggested pessaries might be okay rather than oral tablets. Will investigate all options!

OP posts:
Aitch · 21/10/2008 20:56

so aorry that you are going through this.

LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 21/10/2008 20:57

You're being so fab, thinking of your DD's wellbeing through all of this. Give yourself a medal

And we're all here if you need us.

ilovemydog · 21/10/2008 20:57

It will all work out...

hopefullypregnant · 21/10/2008 20:59

Dancing, I'm so sorry for what you went through - must be so much worse at 20 weeks. Thanks for your advice.

ILove, I have a pump, an Avent Isis electric, havent pumped for months and months but would definitely do it if it was for a couple of days to keep up supply.

Am also going to ask about the surgical route/someone on another thread suggested pessaries might be okay rather than oral tablets. Will investigate all options!

OP posts:
Olihan · 21/10/2008 21:26

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this .

If you can find out the name of the drugs you'll be given you could check them on LactMed It's a 'Drugs and Lactation Database (LactMed) - A peer-reviewed and fully referenced database of drugs to which breastfeeding mothers may be exposed. Among the data included are maternal and infant levels of drugs, possible effects on breastfed infants and on lactation, and alternate drugs to consider.'

hopefullypregnant · 22/10/2008 07:49

Thanks Olihan. I think the drug is Misoprostol; have checked on LactMed and it says is safe (seems it has other uses than the use I'll have it for - something to do with inducing labour in North America. After which women do bf, obviously.) If it is this drug it will make things easier.

I am 12 weeks 5 days, and my hospital wont do the surgical procedure anyway past 12 weeks 6 days... so unless they'll do me tomorrow that option seems to be out.

I still can hardly believe it. I started this pregnancy relatively lowrisk - was 32 when got pregnant - and this came as a nasty shock.

Anyway wish me luck in seeing next consultant today, and thank you all for your support.

OP posts:
LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 22/10/2008 09:11

good luck hopefullypregnant - misoprostol is the drug I had and although the process isn't fun, once it was all over I had no after effects or problems.

hope you get a big cuddle from your DD today and lots of TLC from DP/DD/family etc.

Thinking of you

LMD x

VeryHungryKatypillar · 22/10/2008 10:47

Only just seen this HP, and am so sorry to hear your news. You have had some good comments/suggestions so far, one other thing I thought I would mention if you haven't already left is to ask about what pain relief is available to you if you have a medical termination and find out which of these are compatible with breastfeeding.

I had a medical termination at 13ish weeks and needed something stronger than paracetemol and codeine to get through it. I understand that it is not the same for everyone though.

Hope things go okay today.

hopefullypregnant · 22/10/2008 18:12

Thanks Katy/Dancing.

I've had the first tablet - now to wait till Friday for the induced labour. Katy, the hospital said they would give pethidine/diamorphine if needed - presumably they are okay with bf as some people have them just before they give birth normally, don't they?

Dancing/Katy, did you have lots of tests following your terminations? And Dancing, I know you're pregnant now (or think you are - I read it somewhere here, I think?) - how long did you leaveit before TTC again? Please dont answer if you dont want to.

Tomorrow DH and DD and I are all going to do something nice as a family. Not sure what yet, but something positive. And we're going to buy a sundial to remember this baby by...

Thanks again for your support xx

OP posts:
LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 22/10/2008 21:51

Hi hopefully, sorry not to respond earlier, have just been swimming!

So yes, I had morphine with my termination and it was a godsend - not only did it remove all the pain but it also made time sort of slip away (for some reason mine took a long time ) which made it all much easier. I'm not sure about bf with it though, I wasn't bf DS at the time so never had to consider it.

People do have pethidine in labour, so I'm sure it's fine - morphine is in the same family of drugs but they don't use it in labour, so maybe steer clear of that one unless they tell you it's ok.

I am pregnant again, I didn't know whether to mention it as I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear it. They told me we could start trying to conceive again as soon as we liked, although they recommended waiting until I'd had a period before trying so that the dates would be clear, iyswim. We actually conceived around the due date of the baby we lost - it didn't feel right somehow to try again until that date had passed, and we had various complications to do with jobs and mat leave, but we were further along than you so that may not be how you feel. There's no physical reason why you can't try again straight away.

We didn't have any tests after the procedure - just a follow up with the consultant where he asked if we were ok and if my periods had come back and whether we were thinking of trying again. The midwife was meant to come and see us afterwards but never did although I spoke to her on the phone.

A family day sounds like just the thing, and a sundial is a lovely idea. We bought a dwarf cherry tree as it was in Feb that it happened and all the cherry trees were in flower. Right now all the leaves on it are a beautiful red colour and looking at it makes me happy.

Good luck for Friday, I'll be thinking of you and sending you lots of courage and strength.

Qally · 23/10/2008 04:42

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, and how brave you sound. I'll be thinking of you on Friday.

BalloonSlayer · 23/10/2008 08:14

You can bf with morphine as I had it after c-section.

Hopefully, will be thinking of you xx

hopefullypregnant · 23/10/2008 08:24

Thanks for telling me, LittleMyDancing. I hesitate to ask too many questions in case I offend, but the good thing about online is people can just not answer, I suppose! I have no real idea what to expect tomorrow or how I'll feel after; I suppose I'll have to take it one day at a time.

I'm far from brave. I'm barely eating/sleeping, just enough to keep me functioning for my little girl, and my sleep is haunted by what I'm going to do tomorrow. I think this is the hardest decision I've ever made, even though it was for us the only decision; just the fact of deciding seems to make it all worse. We are having some tests done, to find out how this has all come about, hopefully, but they add an extra stress to the whole thing as in the consultant's words 'we need to see if this is indicative of problems with future fertility/pregnancy'.

Anyway enough: going to try to do something nice today for DD - who has the most awful cough and was also up most of the night! Thanks for your support.

OP posts:
LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil · 23/10/2008 09:51

Please don't worry about asking questions - when we were going through this I had some wonderful support from people on here who were very frank and honest with me about their experiences, and it made a huge difference. If I can repay the favour in some small way by answering your questions and helping a bit than I'm delighted to be able to do that!

You may not think you're being brave but you really are - you're getting through this one hour, one day at a time which is all anyone could expect, and you're managing to think of your little girl at the same time and take care of her, and consider her best interests with bf, so you ARE being extremely brave.

As for what to expect tomorrow - I don't know where you are, but we were in Bristol at St Michael's Hospital and I can hand on heart say that we were treated with great kindness, sensitivity and care by all the staff involved. They were extremely considerate of our feelings, I hope you have the same experience. I found it's like any difficult experience - the anticipation is worse than the experience in a way, once you're engaged in it you just get on with it, because you have to. And you're dead right, the decision is by far the worst part - it's such a huge decision to make and there is no right answer, which means it's absolutely terrifying.

Afterwards I felt a mixture of relieved that it was all over and deeply sad. I never once felt we'd made the wrong decision though, and in fact when we left the hospital the sun was shining and all the blossom was out on the trees and (this might sound daft) I felt like we and the baby had been released from all the stress and pain of the previous couple of weeks, and we could start to let go. Obviously it took quite a bit longer than that to feel over the experience, but it was a hugely positive moment in a way. I hope that makes some sort of sense.

You haven't mentioned what your diagnosis is, so I won't pry, but as for further tests, I've just remembered we did have one....our baby had a very serious heart defect, and they tested a skin biopsy afterwards for a rare chromosomal problem with could have caused it, as that would have raised issues with having further children. Luckily it was negative, and we have been told that there's no reason we shouldn't have a healthy baby this time (scans next week gulp!), so it is perfectly possible for these things just to be a one-off. And like us, you already have one healthy child which is a big positive, as it makes it less likely that it's a recurring problem, iyswim.

Hope you have a lovely day with DD and I'll be thinking of you. Be kind to yourself and you will get through this - I'm living proof that you can come out the other side in one piece.

VeryHungryKatypillar · 23/10/2008 13:21

Sorry not to respond sooner HP, although the morphine was great and really helped, I don't think they use it in labour so you may need to avoid that for bf purposes. But I'm sure pethidine is v good too.

We didn't have any tests afterwards - we'd had a cvs which confirmed our baby had Edwards Syndrome and I think the testing confirmed it wasn't likely to be genetic, although it did give us a high risk score for when we were pg with our lovely DD.

We were told to wait 3 months before ttc - I wanted to sooner than that, but dh made me wait. Which was a good thing as I think it took me that long to reconcile what had happened in my head and give me time to grieve (sp?) for our baby.

Whilst a medical termination means you have to induce labour, and I really wasn't keen on the whole process at the time, I think it helped me come to terms with what was happening. I didn't just wake up after surgery feeling empty, I was part of the process. I don't know if this makes sense at all.

I hope you have a good day today and I know you will get through tomorrow. Just be prepared to take your time over it all. Take care.

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