Challenging negative attitudes of women who bottle feed

[Eirlys]

I am training to be a breastfeeding helper and am so shocked by one of the women on my course, I have completed the 2nd session this morning and after both sessions I have been tense all day.

She keeps spouting that she fed her two for a year (this was approx 20 yrs ago) and she got no help or support [in a way that implies that the majority of us who need/needed it are saps], and it was just natural. Today she went on a rant (entirely tangential to what we were talking about) on those who bottle feed, it sounded totally Daily-Mailish and like one of the Trolls who come on here and 'innocently' ask why women are so lazy as to not breastfeed. I couldn't hold my tongue and said that most women I know want to breastfeed but their breastfeeding experience is often sabotaged by wrong/poor/no help. I had murmurs of agreement from the rest of the class.

Perhaps it is just me who has the problem but I am really worried that she is going to come out of this class as a breastfeeding helper with this attitude.

I am a HUGE lurker and read loads of threads as I am so interested in breastfeeding but only made a few posts. I would be very grateful for the advice of you wise mnetters out there on how I should deal with this woman (or just tell me that i'm being too sensitive).

That might be what you are discussing now but your initial posts were pretty critical of the op for posting.
As you just said, if "OP is struggling", she has come here as a lurker and has been brave enought to post for help and advice.
Most have given that, as that is what MN does well.
I do hope this hasn't put her off posting on a usually supportive and informative forum.

I don't see how bf = the difficult option. IMHO tis far harder work to keep sterilising everything, making feeds up, having to get up completely in the night to feed and having the faff when you go out of where to warm the bottle and be there at a set time. I speak as someone who attempted to bf dd1 and 'failed' after 6wks. I have managed to bf dd2 for 6mths and it has been far easier this time because of support.

I am appalled at allgonebellyup post. All babies, births and pregnancies are different and so also is the ability to bf. If you have no engorgement after several days of just stopping without decreasing supply IMO there was little supply to start with. (with dd1).

Anyway, enough ranting.......I would ask her why she feels that breast feeding is easy and about her experiences, then calmly say that maybe that was her experience but there are many who don't have a good experience. I would carry on by saying that although women have breast fed for thousands of years there is a gap in knowlege and passing down of experienced bf mothers due to the introduction of formula, as others have posted.

IMHO you have not broken confidentiality, no profile or knowledge of where you are, no names and the person you are discussing is not a client/mother needing help. (well maybe she does in a different way )

Can I ask you all who have criticised the op for asking advice if you would expect a student nurse to report a peer student nurse if she felt her actions could be harmful? I certainly would. OK, so peer support is not a BFC, however, people seeking that support could be completely put off bf by an attitude like that, depriving lots of babies of breast milk.
Back off

no you told the OP that she is inappropriately discussing this on an internet forum without seemingly reading the OP fully enough to realise that

a. she is a student on the course, not the facillitator

b. the women she is asking for advice on is a fellow student, not the facillitator

c. she has not breached the confidentiality of anyone in asking whether she should, and if so how should, she deal with her fellow student.

and you have judged her attitude towards that student.

you are now seemingly coming across as supportive without actually acknowledging that you appeared to have the wrong end of the stick initially and imvho sounding very overbearing and pompous. "discussing how one as an individual is affected by other's narratives" indeed

what do you mean put her off rowers?i discussed confidentiality, she admitted having debated it herself

do you only seek cosy affirmative opinions "on a usually supportive and informative forum." are you suggesting i am unsupportive. if so why

when i was at uni we did role play and were told what said in class said in class.we discussed lots of topics eg bereavement,depression etc

i also have conselling diploma.also with that what was said in class stayed in class
i hope OP can develop her reflective abilities,coping strategies and become competent in her chosen role

Pompous, that's the word I was looking for.

Well, where is she?
She's not posting on here now is she?
Because she's been "told off"
Yes you sound unsupportive.
Very.
Someone else here needs to develop some reflective abilities.
Jeez.

because a different POV expressed?do you need to go for personal attacks.make you feel better?

these course work with real mums in RL situations.one needs to be sensitive and self aware

i think it most pertinent to respond to a student who says she has inadequate support and is struggling

Whatever you intended doesn't seem to have worked very well.

rowers you allude to some code or etiquette on this topic.i have no agenda i responded to a struggling op post

yes confidentiality and ones conscious and unconscious reactions are pertinent an worth discussing.even if your response is to shout pompous. why

Can I ask why you are giving the OP such a hard time SM, when she is here for some advice on how to handle a fellow student, not for a character assassination and a slap on the wrist for daring to cross a hypothetical line that only you seem to be able to define. Scaring her off like this and berating her is not exactly what I'd call supportive.....

.....and with your apparent inability to take in and digest the original information or even concede that you had read it incorrectly and waded in with two big booted feet, I would be mightily concerned if you were my counsellor.

Eirlys, I'm sure that her attitude will be challenged (inwardly by herself if not outwardly in class) as the course progresses. I would try, as someone else sugggested, to have negative attitudes dealt with in the role play that I'm sure you will cover.

you got the OP wrong though SM

that would be your interpretation, certainly not mine.nor my intention.proceed as you wish with personal attacks

i do wish OP al the best of course i do.BUT should one not discuss difficult issues for fear of offence?tip toe about just in case

scottish, I really do not understand your reaction to the OP!

What is it that she is meant to have done wrong [dim emoticon]

you got it wrong...you waded in assuming she was the facillitator. She wasn't. There is no "my interpretation" about it. YOU GOT IT WRONG.

sheesh.

eirlys, I hope this hasn't scared you back into the shadows of long time lurking/infrequent posting

and that your course goes well.

Scottishmummy, oh get over yourself. The OP gave no identifying information whatsoever (we don't know what country she lives in, let alone what town, it's not like there's only one training course like this in the whole world). People discuss their work colleagues, friends and family and indeed their counselling issues on MN all the time, without revealing real names/addresses/identifying information, that's what the internet is about.

Oh, and bollocks to all the silly bitches who think that breastfeeding is 'easy' and 'instinctive' and that women who can't do it are selfish or lazy. Before formula, wet nurses were very commonly used, and if there was no wet nurse, animal milk was used. Or the babies just died. Not every woman can breastfeed. I couldn't, despite support, advice, fennel tea, fenugreek, attempts to express and trying all sorts of positions. I mix-fed for 6 weeks, yanking and squeezing away at my poor norks to get about a drop a day into DS (having been advised by a friend that every drop would help and the closeness was good for DS) but apart from one 24 hour spell 3 days after the birth, there was hardly any milk at all, no engorgement, nothing but a tiny drop every 4 hours. DS is 4 next week, perfectly healthy, I have got over feeling like a failure and a bad mother, just about...

Awww thanks guys, I'd actually gone to bed, been unable to sleep (despite a baby who is demanding milk every 2 hrs), then logged on to ask MN to delete the thread. You have now convinced me to leave it.

Gosh, I must sound terribly weak-willed, but most of you seem to have "got" who I am as a person.
I have to confess that I am also slightly bothered by the slightly awkward phrasing of the title, it would make much more sense if 'of' was replaced with 'towards'.

Will try to relax about all of this, and wait for the role-play to come.

Thanks again for the help and advice .

Eirlys, I'm glad you weren't too put off and I hope you're going to post more often on MN in future - it's great to read posts from someone who's sensitive to the issues and has thought about things a bit.

Gosh, if we all needed to be working towards a degree in psychology in order to become a lowly bf peer supporter, supporting would really be up the sh*t creek in this country.

Top posts lacka....

I like the robust debate on here. I like it that we don't all agree about everything - that would be too weird.

I didn't agree with SM that the OP breached confidentiality - but it's still a good thing to think about and discuss.

I like it when i am online at the same time with welliemum. dunno why but i do. maybe it is because she is so clever.

Ewwwwwwww, that's disgusting

< removes strange red furry hormone thing from underwear >