Would you give your nearly 3yo food at 4.30am if he said he was hungry and breastmilk didn't seem to be cutting it for him?

[mawbroon]

DS and I co sleep from when he wakes at night (random times) usually until the morning. He normally breastfeeds for a couple of minutes and then turns over and drops back off to sleep. This suits us both for now, so no probs there.

However, last night he woke at 12.30am and fed on and off until finally at 4.30am he started wailing that he was hungry.

The logical thing to me at the time seemed to be to give him something to eat, but in my 4.30am foggy brained state, decided that no, he would think it was a big laugh and would then ask for food every morning at 4.30am for ever more. So, he then fed on and off, until I could stand it no more at 5.45am when I sent him downstairs with DH to eat breakfast. He had some ready brek, then the two of them came back to bed for another couple of hours.

What would you do?

Going out soon, so will check back later.

My last post looks odd! It was in reply to guadalope.

i thionk an earlier tea, ie 5pm then a supper at 7pm then bed at 730 migt be worth a try

I'm not querying that a good night's sleep is good for you, just the obsession that a good night's sleep must consist of a solid unbroken stretch.

sorry - did I say i didn't brush his teeth again? i said we give him what he recognizes as part of his routine (hey guess what? brushing his teeth is also part of the routine!)

and obviously it does, for lots of people, but not everyone.

Oh my word - Mawbroon what have you started!? Everyone has obviously had sleepless nights worrying about this.

or maybe, having rarely slept through without stirring once in the night, I am unaware of how good life can be as a deep sleeper!

Glad you brush the teeth! I don't operate well at night-I can't see me making milk shakes and cleaning teeth in the early hours!

"Cosleeping breeds independence as does natural term breastfeeding."
Horses for courses I suppose but thats something I would never choose for a child of mine.
DD 12 months has been sleeping through in her own cot in her nursery since 4 months old, she has never been breastfed or co slept or carried around in a sling.
She has been sleeping through the night for over 6 months and currently goes to bed around 6:30 pm and wakes around 7am.
She goes to nursery 4 days a week and has been described by the nursery manager as a dream because she is such a happy, inquisitive and secure child. Only this morning a dropped her off at nursery, explaining she's a little grumpy as shes having few teeth coming through, the nursery nurse replied "oh I have never seen her grumpy before"

Oh also she doesnt have a dummy and finished with formula more or less on the dot at 12 months old. Atm she is been weaned off bottles totally and onto cups.

can i just point out that the OP didn't say 'should i be BFing and co-cleeping with my child?'

she asked what we would do: feed child or not feed child.

would it be any different if she said her DS slept in his own bed, usually had some water but one night wanted food?

no. the OP still stands.

hi dishwashingmonkdy!

glad you have gone back to that name

"I personally think that bf at 3yo is wrong as it is mediacally proven that they dont need it by then and to let a child at that age help himself to you is just asking for trouble from them."

Can you point me to that bit of research please?

One of the fittest people I know wakes up in the middle of the night and eats chocolate.

He has never had a single caries and is stick thin. He's in his mid thirties.

I personally couldn't do it, I have awful teeth, but waking to eat does not necessarily lead to weight problems (or for those lucky enough to be endowed with the right genes, bad teeth!)

I wouldn't give food in the middle of the night. I think it's a behavioural thing rather than a need.

I think it's in Christopher Green's book where he says that, to paraphrase, kids this age will 'try it on'. He says, if your partner rolled over at 4am and said "Make me a nice cuppa, will you?" He'd get a lets say, negative response. Don't see why 3 yo should be different, particularly when he has a lovely mum already laying with him and offering BF. Enough!

But you can't say "Get it yourself you lazy bastard!" to a 3 year old!

Do you know what? If it was a one-off (ie not every night), my dh probably would get me a drink or a biscuit. Actually, he does go and get me stuff at the moment (often awake at 4am due to newborn - and then do get hungry and thirsty). And I don't usually clean teeth til morning - no fillings here though.

|Think only the OP knows whether he is trying it on or not. I trust my dd - works for us.

trouble is with kids it is rarely a one-off. It's up to the OP of course; if she doesn't mind getting up, fine. If it works for you, fine.

Personally, my opinion is that she is already looking to his needs in the night. Personally, again, I would want to be very clear and definite with him that nothing further would be on offer, because to me, it is healthier for all to have a possibility of more sleep, than it is to have him fed at 4am. Sleep is what he needs, not food at 4am IMVHO.

yes expecting your DH to help out when you're awake feeding a newborn, of COURSE that's reasonable. But we are 6 yrs past that stage now and if I woke DH, or he woke me, at 4am with a request for tea or biscuit it would be utterly bizarre and ridiculous.

A child who is already getting a parent laying with them and being able to BF is getting enough IMO and how will they learn that asking for food at 4am is not quite the done thing, if we don't tell them and show them?!

SPB - I'm not sure, but wasn't that study carried out by The Research Institute of MIL?

Say your partner had an accident that made them more dependent on you though. Best quick example I can think of is my brother who broke both his wrists roller-blading. So like a child they can't easily do some things for themself.

If they then woke in the night, unable to get back to sleep because they were hungry/thirsty/couldn't get the pain killers out the pack cos both hands aren't working well - would you stil tell them no?

I bet you wouldn't - I bet you'd trust them that they knew what they needed but just needed your help because they physically aren't capable of something.

Yet because its a child it must be manipulative, or not true. If the child says its hungry the chances are high they are hungry and will sleep BETTER once they aren't hungry. So if sleep is the most important thing then feeding them is only going to help them get a better sleep. I'm sure the majority of parents that care would be able to tell if it was genuine hunger or a habit.

I get up in the night for medicine or real need - never for toast! Once I have gone to bed I have done my bit for the day! It is supposed to be a fast- hence breakfast.
People can manage days without food, being hungry for a few hours isn't going to hurt!
I would be tempted to get a big sign saying 'kitchen closed'!

being hungry for a 'few hours' isn't going to encourage the deep 12 hour sleep that people are hailing as the golden standard though is it?

Not for the child anyway....

I do agree with martianbishop further down. If it is a regular waking for food, I would just ask a GP to have a once over look at him.

I get quite bad reflux (as did my kids) and one of the signs of that was sort of weird stomach feelings that can actually feel like hunger in the night.

would also possibly load him with more food in the evening...if he has got used to feeding in the night, he may have reassessed all his food needs so that he's not eating as much as he probably needs in the early evening iyswim (like maybe a snack before bed...mine sometimes still need that now and they are 8 and nearly 7!)

I would also urge a visit to the GP if you have done the obvious and given some supper before they went to bed.The body isn't programmed to eat in the middle of the night. People that I know who work nights find it very difficult.