Would you give your nearly 3yo food at 4.30am if he said he was hungry and breastmilk didn't seem to be cutting it for him?

[mawbroon]

DS and I co sleep from when he wakes at night (random times) usually until the morning. He normally breastfeeds for a couple of minutes and then turns over and drops back off to sleep. This suits us both for now, so no probs there.

However, last night he woke at 12.30am and fed on and off until finally at 4.30am he started wailing that he was hungry.

The logical thing to me at the time seemed to be to give him something to eat, but in my 4.30am foggy brained state, decided that no, he would think it was a big laugh and would then ask for food every morning at 4.30am for ever more. So, he then fed on and off, until I could stand it no more at 5.45am when I sent him downstairs with DH to eat breakfast. He had some ready brek, then the two of them came back to bed for another couple of hours.

What would you do?

Going out soon, so will check back later.

[Guadalupe]

think

In fact, around three is a common age for children to stop doing it, isn't it?

[FrannyandZooey]

yes funnily enough they grow out of wanting to sleep with their parents also

[LuLuBai]

I fully co-slept with DD for first 6 months. In retrospect I think sometimes just the proximity of the boob made her think she wanted a feed at night. It is sometimes more of a comfort thing than an actual hunger.

I still have her in with me ocassionally (eg. if she not well and I want to keep an eye on her). I don't think that is so odd.

[Pruners]

Message withdrawn

[LaVieEnRose]

No, it's very strange. A 3 year old is a little person not a baby. Parent's need to learn to let them be independent and not smother them (I don't mean literally smother them!)

Fair enough if they are ill or feeling a bit scared for whatever reason but every night? Seriously?

Whatever, I'd rather be a mother than a martyr. Entirely up to you how you decide to sleep! Just think it may have something to do with his night wakings.

Sorry to go off topic

[francagoestohollywood]

I agree with Expat. If I had my last meal at 5.30 I'd wake up at 4.30 in the morning, ready to eat a horse.
On the other hand, I'm quite unfriendly at 4.30 in the morning, and I'd be stressing about creating the habit

[expatinscotland]

'I'm quite unfriendly at 4.30 in the morning'

Same here!

[LuLuBai]

Chortling at 'unfriendly at 4:30 in the morning'.

So am I, but no-one seems to get the message. Even though the baby is now sleeping through the night the cat gets quite chatty in the wee hours. And if neither of them wakes me then DH does the job when he gets up at 5:00.

[mawbroon]

Right, here we go. In no particular order.....

Just to clarify a couple of things. The situation which I described in the OP has happened ONCE. Most other nights, I get into ds's bed when he wakes and he feeds back to sleep in a couple of minutes. He might feed another one time in the night, but I often don't even remember. I do not spend night after night with a sobbing ds, so my sleep most nights isn't an issue for me and neither is ds's.

Also, ds didn't cry for 5 hours, but over the five hour period, he was very disturbed waking many times as well as feeding on and off. This was differnent to a normal night because he would normally settle very quickly.

Before he was born, and in the early days, I was very much in favour of controlled crying and the like. He was going to sleep in his own bed from early on and never wake in the night etc etc. However the reality is that the co sleeping/attachment style of parenting is what has worked for us as a family. Instead of worrying about having to reach stages by x age, I have adopted the "he will do it when he is ready" approach to many things, including when he will wean from the breast and probably by default, when he will start sleeping through the night.

I have tried a couple of the more "supernanny" type techniques like returning him to his bed as many times as it takes, and it makes him very distressed. Not just crying because he doesn't like it, but truly distressed. It doesn't sit well with me that I am the one putting him into that state when I am the person that he is supposed to trust the most. This ties in with LLL's guidance for weaning (either night weaning or complete weaning from the breast) which suggests that it should be done gently and with love.

Megarinnyroo - if my HV uttered such nonsense to me, I would suggest that she went for some retraining.

And finally breastfeeding and tooth decay

[Tatties]

The thing about co-sleeping is that it isn't necessarily something you intend / want to do, but some people find that their family benefits from it. Co-sleeping is really not about somethering your children. It is often the antidote to broken nights if you have the kind of child who wakes frequently. It is really not that strange. I reckon loads of kids get into their parents' bed in the early hours.

[juuule]

Sounds like you've got it all sussed anyway Mawbroon

Interesting link. Will file it for future reference.

[juuule]

That's what evolved with us, Tatties.
Made life a lot easier when just went with it rather than trying to impose what we thought we should be doing.

[mawbroon]

LaVieEnRose - a three year old is little more than a baby, and lets not forget that he isn't even three yet.

I agree that parents need to let their children become independent however it is suggested that letting them become independent at their own pace results in them becoming more secure in the long run.

I feel that leaving him to cry it out would be forcing this stage of independence on him, rather than letting him find it for himself.

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry I stand corrected. I thought you were actually sleeping with him all night every night

I don't agree with co-sleeping but obviously that is just my opinion and whatever works for your family is right for your family.

I'll be eating my words when ds reaches 3 years and decides he won't go to sleep without me!

[LuLuBai]

All my nephews have slept in their parents' beds (or crawled in at some point in the night) and grown out of it of their own accord when they have been ready.

My brother and his wife bought the biggest bed they could find to accomodate everyone.

I've also heard of siblings who insist on sleeping in the same bed as each other. Or who climb into each others bed at night even when put to sleep in their own bed.

It's comforting. Really not a big deal.

[Tatties]

Mawbroon I think we have the same ds On the odd occasion we have had to get up in the night with ds it has not been habit forming. I think 3yo is still very young, and I know there are certain things ds is not ready to do, despite what stage his peers are at.

[DanJARMouse]

ive had a stage of my not BF not co-sleeper being up at 4.30am/5am saying they were hungry.

Up until only a few weeks ago, my just turned 4yo wanted milk in the night.

Mawbroon's DS is the same age as my DD2, and if she woke in the night for milk I would let her.... but im lucky, she is my sleep monster, 6.30pm-6.30am (and only then because DD1 wakes her up!)

We do tea at 5pm, snack at 6pm (cracker or biscuit) and bed at 6.30/7pm

Occasionally my 4yr old will want to climb into bed with me at 4am, but we have compromised, and she sleeps on the floor at the foot of the bed if she wants mummy near by.

[francagoestohollywood]

Mawbroon it does sound like a one off. Thing is that things look grim and with no escape at such an early hour. I'd have panicked and done like you did, when probably a little snack would have just done the trick.

[mawbroon]

Hey, naily. Way back at the beginning you said I was scary.

Outside, now.

Hey JARM, long time no see. Post natal thread is still going if you get a minute!

[DanJARMouse]

will have to dig it out - i can barely keep up with DS's postnatal thread, how can i keep up with 2?!

I must be crazy having 3 aged 4 and under!

[AbbeyA]

Thanks for the link with bf and tooth decay. I suspected that it wasn't a problem. However it is a problem if you give them a biscuit or banana. How do those people manage? I wouldn't want to be doing a very thorough toothbrushing session in the early hours of the morning. We always cleaned them very carefully and then it was just water until morning. They all have good teeth.

[mawbroon]

I have heard dentists say that cheese in a tooth friendly snack. I don't know if they would go as far as to say that it would be ok to give in the middle of the night though...

[yerblurt]

breastfeeding at 3yr old? why are you co-sleeping with the child? are you trying to breed co-dependency?

child should be on solid food, normal meal times - and magic, child is happy and has a normal routine

[mawbroon]

Have you actually read any of the thread yerblurt?

"child should be on solid food, normal meal times - and magic, child is happy and has a normal routine"

He eats solid food, he has meals at the same time as us. He has a "normal" routine. He is a very happy child as any of the MNetters on this thread who have met him will testify.

Quite a revelation eh?

[CoolYourJets]

Yerblurt - snout out.

Cosleeping breeds independence as does natural term breastfeeding.

Normal for you (am strangely tempted to put Norfolk here) is not normal for the rest of humanity.