Would you give your nearly 3yo food at 4.30am if he said he was hungry and breastmilk didn't seem to be cutting it for him?

[mawbroon]

DS and I co sleep from when he wakes at night (random times) usually until the morning. He normally breastfeeds for a couple of minutes and then turns over and drops back off to sleep. This suits us both for now, so no probs there.

However, last night he woke at 12.30am and fed on and off until finally at 4.30am he started wailing that he was hungry.

The logical thing to me at the time seemed to be to give him something to eat, but in my 4.30am foggy brained state, decided that no, he would think it was a big laugh and would then ask for food every morning at 4.30am for ever more. So, he then fed on and off, until I could stand it no more at 5.45am when I sent him downstairs with DH to eat breakfast. He had some ready brek, then the two of them came back to bed for another couple of hours.

What would you do?

Going out soon, so will check back later.

MB remember BIlly Connolly - never argue with an eijit. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with their years of experience.

LOL, haven't heard that one CoolYourJets!

Abbey - am fascinated by your toothbrushing obsession. Surely the kids will be brushing teeth in morning anyway?

Yes if a 3 year old woke up in the middle of the night and was hungry I'd feed them something like bread and give them a glass of water. But it would be a very unusual event.

I would say that a 3 year old desperately needs the benefit of a full nights sleep without waking to eat at all. So middle of the night breastfeeds should in my experience and opinion be totally out of the question by now anyway. Children need sleep. Children do not need to regularly eat during the night. A 3 year old is not a dependent baby and needs to be taught good sleep patterns which involve sleeping through the night.

Of course they will be brushing their teeth in the morning but the damage will be done with the food that is clinging to them in the night. My DSs all have lovely teeth (2 of them have had to have orthodontic work but that is another story), but you have to get into good habits early. I am surprised that everyone seems to think that it isn't important.

I think it's about listening to and knowing your child.

When ds wakes in the night and says he's hungry, we tell him it's night and to go back to sleep and he does.

If he made a fuss on and off for a few hours (well, probably about 20 mins in our case!) I would assume he's actually hungry and not trying it on and give him some food.

I know that he could then end up trying it on other nights, so for them I wouldn't automatically assume he was hungry and give him food without trying to get him to sleep first.

I'm all for rules, but I don't think it's helpful to be so rigid about them that actual needs are ignored.

"are you trying to breed co-dependency?"

yes that's right. We do it because we like waking up several times a night and we want our children to be stuck with us forever and completely neurotic

darn shame it doesn't work and they grow up happy and healthy
my 5 year old won't even let me carry him about in a sling any more and I was SURE this would breed co-dependency

oh I forgot

we also get a sexual thrill from it

if it was ONCE and they were poorly or summat then yes

I think I gave dd1 milk and a biscuit once at 4-ish when she was about 3 and poorly and in a state

it didn't become a habit

and everyday habits in children are easy to break anyway if you have the will to do so, for the most part.

Mawbroon -

may i suggest you ignore 96% of what is written in this thread?

you know your DS. you know what works and what doesn't. and at the end of the day (and through the night) it's no one else's business and you do what you feel comfortable with.

I stopped BFing DS when he was just over 2 but he still sleeps with us in our bed every night (from about 11) or sometimes i go in with him. it's not ideal, but we know that we won't be doing it forever. potentially we'll have 2 children in the bed for a while but rather than worry about it we're just going to buy a BIG BIG bed (this one's doing my back in!!)

we give DS a banana milkshake or toast before bed as part of his routine. if he does wake up hungry (which happens occasionally) we give him a banana milkshake or toast. then he knows that afer that he goes back to bed.

i always say that things are only a problem if you don't feel comfortable with them. chances are your DS won't wake up to eat every night. if he does then you can worry about it but there's no need to have an upset child if you know what can fix the problem. [disclaimer: i'm not suggesting we give in to every whim our children have but this, i think, is a reasonable request.

actually! now that i think about it...children grow quickly, which makes them need more food. the only thing i can compare it to is being pregnant. i often wake up to eat during the night when i have alittle person growing inside me.

i dno't know if anything i have written makes sense but FWIW i think you are doing a brilliant job with your DS!

I'd be more worried about them not having a good nights sleep tbh

absolutely vital for so many reasons

(really? people wake up to eat? I have never IIRC done this)

agree with Enid but you have to have the desire to teach them to sleep over and above the desire to continue to breastfeed them during the night.

It seems that some people believe breastfeeding a 3 year old nocturnally is necessary because the child demands it. It doesn't make sense to me that the child knows best on this. I think sleep is a cornucopia of goodness and far more beneficial to a 3 year old.

agree agree agree

learning how to get a good nights sleep is the best gift you can ever give a child IMHO.

EVEN perhaps better than breastfeeding ...

Sleep at night is more important than any other consideration!
I will only ask once more and then leave it. How can you give toast and banana milkshake in the night and not worry about the teeth?
I have had DCs with traintrack braces on their teeth for a total of at least 4 years. Luckily when they came off there was no decay behind them. They were given a whole page on dental hygiene and advice like keeping off fizzy drinks. The dental hygiene is relevant even without braces. It can't be good for young teeth to be plastered with food while they sleep.

I don't think this thread was about bfeeding, was it

A 3yo woke in the night and was hungry. Wouldn't go back to sleep until he'd had something to eat.

Would have happened whether breastfeeding or not. So not sure what the connection is between bf-ing a 3yo and them not getting enough sleep.

it is about eating during the night though - and breastfeeding is eating during the night - I said as an unusual occurrence yes I would feed a 3 year old in the night, but as an ongoing thing no I wouldn't because the ability to sleep is far more important

so yes, even though you seem to be playing the can't discuss breastfeeding card well and the use of the sceptical face is fairly typical, the answers are relevant

MB if you go int o feed him at for example midnight, he feeds and then goes to sleep, why dont you slip out when hes asleep and go to your own bed?

waht would he do if you offered him water instead of breastmilk?

I find it really odd that in a culture/society with such high levels of slepping problems and disorders there are so many people obsessed with 'sleeping through the night' and 'teaching' a child to sleep.

Actually, as someone pointed out earlier - It might not be optimal for the human body to have one large block of deep sleep anyway.

And as someone else also pointed out; ignoring the fact the child requested food didn't teach him to go right back to sleep but added an extra hour or so of disturbed sleep on top of the disturbed sleep that had already happened.

MB ignore that question if you like, its nothing to do with the OP!

Getting a good night's sleep is quite a revered concept though isn't it, as if the golden sleeping through is essential for all life's functions and yes, getting a very broken night's sleep is bad but some people, including children, just do wake through the night and seem unaffected by it.

There are different sleep rhythms aren't there?
If I get three to four hour stretches I feel completely normal but any less than that and I feel like shit. I don't believe that all children will sleep through if 'taught', some are light sleepers the same as adults. I always slept lightly and woke up frequently, the rest of family are heavy sleepers. I don't think my mum treated me any differently.

obviously that should have said sleeping and not slepping. (Which is not because I'm overtired from hungry nightwakings but because I've finished my breakfast and need to leave for work! )

who's giving banana milkshake in the night?

Some of my children had a dummy at 3yo. They would wake in the night, suck on the dummy and go off to sleep again.
It's possible that that's what MB's ds is doing. Maybe it's the comfort he is after most of the time and not food. What's wrong with that?

"Getting a good night's sleep is quite a revered concept though isn't it, as if the golden sleeping through is essential for all life's functions and yes, getting a very broken night's sleep is bad but some people, including children, just do wake through the night and seem unaffected by it. "

lolol at mumsnet and the querying of the idea that a nights sleep is good for you

purplemonkeydishwasher gives banana milkshake in the night, on odd occasions.