Do you wish you'd had more support with breastfeeding?

[Amanda3266]

Just a query following on from another thread about growth charts. Current breastfeeding figures are truely appalling?
Did you start to breastfeed and stop earlier than intended? Were you happy with your decision or would you have continued with more support? Who would you like that support to have come from?

Me? I breastfed for just 4 days before giving up. By that time I was crying every time I put DS to the breast. Both nipples red raw and bleeding. It's sad to say that among my "happiest" (if you can call it that) moments in the early days was when I made the decision to bottlefeed. I was so relieved.
Three weeks later I was tearful and depressed and felt that I'd let my DS down by not breastfeeding. I was also really shamefaced about it when seeing my old midwifery colleagues because as a midwife and health visitor I stupidly felt that I "should be able" to breastfeed.
I just wish someone had offered more help. I hired a pump and expressed for several weeks, however, despite knowing this my own HV hardly came near nor by. Just said "Oh you're a health visitor - you can manage" when the sad reality was that I wasn't managing at all.
I think it's a difficult situation as I was living far away from my family. I really could have done with my HV or midwife or a breastfeeding supporter dropping by. Too stressed to think clearly myself it would have helped if someone else had suggested it.

So - that's my beans spilled . How was it for you?

Mandy

BTW, my DS is now a happy, healthy 2 year old and I look back upon those days and laugh (mostly).

sorry to hear of your experience mandy.i agree with you on all fronts.

i had to stay in hosp over night after i had my ds.effectively that was about 36 hrs..

only my partner was allowed to visit,in the morning due to ward ruling.

my baby was destroying my nipples for the usual reason,and i was too scared to re-attach him and basically i endured ages of incorrectly positioned painful feeding!

bleeding nipples,little babba burping up blood..worse nipples..

no help from the midwives ATALL.

but what really got me was when i asked if my sister [who was sitting outside] could help me..they wouldnt let her in!

i did have a masterclass from my sis when i got home and my nipples recovered eventually.however had i not had the benefit of an experienced breastfeeder at my disposal at home i may have given up.

maybe the ward midwives were too busy or out of touch?

I wish I'd had more help in hospital. I had trouble to begin with, but because I'd had a pain-relief-free waterbirth, they thought I was some kind of hippy who would've preferred to give birth squatting in a forest somewhere while naked women with long frizzy hair chanted life-affirming songs (I wouldn't).

So I was left in the end bed on the ward, the midwife shouted at me because she'd left her keys on my table and I'd not told her (hadn't even noticed her bloody keys ffs! And she left them there!), and my beautiful son and I didn't work out the whole breastfeeding lark so that it worked first time every time for about five weeks. In that time, some of the daytime feeds were OK, but the nighttime ones were hard. I did ask for help in the hospital, quite a few times, but only once did someone actually come and see me (they were more interested in giving bottles to one of the other babies in the ward). This woman shoved my nipple into DS's mouth, said, "There, that's how you do it" and walked off. It blatantly wasn't 'how you do it' because my nipple was bent back on itself so that it was pointing out of his mouth again!! Eventually, we worked out what to do

I still breastfeed him (he's 10 months old now) because I'm stubborn as anything and told myself that if I could give birth naturally, I could sure as hell do this (I realise it doesn't follow, but I was in mum-with-newborn-baby-fog-land).

But I have since been into the maternity unit to talk about their lack of support, the fact they could tell women there are breastfeeding counsellors, etc. I have also just written to my MP to ask whether the Government will do more than pay lip service to the Breast Is Best campaign by having salaried infant feeding specialists trained in breastfeeding support in every maternity unit. I was fed up of just chatting about it on parenting forums - wanted to actually do something!

Mandy - i was exactly the same. Lasted 4 measley days. Jess really didnt take properly, felt i was feeding 24/7 and my god it was so sore and uncomfortable. I had NO support what so ever with b/feeding. I had jess at 2.49am and gave her the first feed. She then slept for what felt like eternity.... i was disharged from hospital at 3pm. Midwife was CRAP to say the least, never asked about how things were going or whether i needed any help. i switched to bottles on the 4th day of jess screaming and me getting upset, and the midwife didnt bat an eyelid. So much for all this "Breast is best" stuff.... i feel really guilty for not doing it, and a couple of mums who had babies around the same time as i had jess are still b/feeding and it makes me soooo sad. Jess is now 6 months old and very happy to take the bottle, but i feel like i have failed her. Hopefully i will get more support next time round.

I was determined to bf.DD slept almost continously for the 12 hours or so after she was born & I did manage to get her to feed on one side.But she refused my right breast completely.I asked for help,but the midwives were very busy & eventually one came along,tried to get dd latched on & failed.She then told me that dd was very strong minded & that if I didn't 'make' her feed off both sides,I'd end up with one boob bigger than the other.That was it-we were discharged later the same day-(thank goodness,it was noisy & packed in there) & I went home determined to persevere.

My own midwife,although lovely,was no help,neither was my HV.By the time dd was 3 days old,she was screaming with hunger & refused to feed from me.I sat there in tears with milk pouring down my chest,whilst she screamed,feeling totally useless.I had been prepared for pain/bleeding nipples ect,but not rejection.I sent dh out to get some formula & she took it happily.I did express for 6wks,& tried to get the bf going again,but she would only feed from me once every couple of days & still only on one side.

In retrospect,I feel that so long as the hospital staff/HV could tick the BF box on their paperwork,that they weren't too bothered what happened after that.When I saw my GP for my 6wk check,he congratulated me on expressing & persevering for so long.He said that most people give up much sooner.Well if the health service is aware of that-why on earth don't they try & do something about it rather than pay lip service to the idea of bf,by sticking a few posters up ?

DD is a happy,healthy 17 month old now & I am expecting no2 in June,so hopefully better luck this time.

God - it really is appalling.
I would love to do the course run by the NCT but hey stipulate that you have to have breastfed successfully. I can understand that but it does exclude those of us who tried desperately and failed. Am thinking of trying to get something going locally with mums who have successfully breastfed - putting them in touch with expectant and new Mums - that type of thing.

Mandy

Oh yes, a lot of this sounds familiar!

First dd is now 6 yrs and doesn't seem to have suffered any permanent damage, but she and I (and dh!) went through a very bad time.

Having taken on board all the stuff about it being the best, I stuck to BF against all odds until we were re-admitted to hospital with dd shrinking away to nothing on the 'no-milk' diet she was getting, and me becoming convinced I was the worst mother ever invented. Tears were a regular occurence at this supposedly 'happy' time and I will never, never forget the worry and sense of despair over it all, or forgive those that allowed me to believe it was ok to let it go on so long.

The professional advice I received was 'polite interest' at best, and what I found most alarming was how it varied so much. It was often so contradictory that I eventually believed all these professional people knew probably less than I did about BF.

I got the impression they were just pulling suggestions to 'help' straight from the air and they finally blew it for me when they said my two week old baby was obviously too sleepy/lazy to feed (NO!!) and that to 'wake her up a bit' I should strip all her baby clothes off every time I fed her, to 'get her interested..' So not only starving hungry, but freezing cold too. I still feel so angry to think about all this now.

The top and bottom was I was not making enough milk and all the worry and contradictory advice made the problem worse. Eventually, in despair dh went out late one night to buy the stuff to bottle feed. We had no idea how to make up the feed (never covered in those oh so helpful baby classes - it was deemed the work of the devil there) and were fumbling around with kettles while dd screamed and screamed with hunger. BF had been pushed so hard at me that I didn't have a clue where to start with bottles.

I have never embarked on anything that made me feel such an utter failure from the minute I began and the 'support' I got was rubbish.
I had wanted so much to do it too.

my dd1 was tube and formula fed due to her health and whilst we tried breastfeeding it just was not happening. In fact formula feeding helped her grow stronger and bigger so she could have open heart surgery at 8 weeks old.

Dd2 arrived Nov last year and I wanted to give breastfeeding a go but was realistic - if it did not work - she was to be bottlefed. I knew that was comfortable with that. As dd2 was my second - everyone in the hospital - midwives assumed I knew what I was talking about. Eventually I told one about dd1 and suddenly people were trying to help as best they could in the time they had.

THe best help and support I got - my dh was brilliant with support - when I was crying about what a crap mum I was ( assisted by baby blues - the tears that is) he told me how great I was doing.

My SIL was the best help - I would call her nearly every day to ask her some question or another. Another friend who is a member of the Australian Breastfeeding assoc gave me books and mags and help as well. A good GP who helped with advice etc through thrush and other issues.

The HV simply told me my dd2 was not really putting on a lot of weight and perhaps I should consider formula.

Dd2 does have one bottle of formula a day - usually when I am out and dh is looking after the two girls. I find during the very hot days all she wants to do is drink and then is starving by the end of the day... so she has one small bottle.

I have a mum who tells me dd2 should go on the bottle as she is always hungry - and crying when she sees her - well it is just that time.... I just let her words wash over me.

For me - I am doing the best I can for my children and I made the best choices I could at the time. I think that all mothers do that and don't feel strongly either way.

Oops forgot to say I wish I had more suppport in hospital - not like I wasn't in long enough - was there for five days but as I was a second time mum was left to my own devices - which was a little difficult - as dd1 was in SCBU for three weeks when born- and here I was with dd2 rooming in and all that came with that... so I was like a first time mum.

When I was born in '74, my Mum was given 10 days after care in a mother's convalescent home. The babies were put in a nursery at night and bought to you for feeding. The mother's had breastfeeding lessons everyday from some bossy old fashioned midwives.

I think you're all right. It's grossly unfair on women to make them feel like the failures when there is very little decent support available.

Maretta - you have just quoted my mum word for word! She couldn't believe the lack of care I seemed to get, having had dd1 and often used to say those very things.

maretta and tq - my mum says exactly the same things too!!! And you had your food brought to you, you were almost waited on hand and foot and god help you if you tried to get out of bed instead of relaxing!!! No wonder more women could breastfeed.

Message withdrawn

Women certainly stayed longer in hospital in the 60s and 70s, and they were given help in the sense their meals were brought to them. But there was far less breastfeeding then . The low point of breastfeeding was the early 70s. It was routine to separate babies from their mothers so the babies were in a nursery, and test weighing and topping up was rife.

So 'good' care did not mean 'good' breastfeeding.

No need for rose-tinted specs!

I was born in 1974 and my mum said the advice at that time was not to breastfeed so they werent given the opportunity even if they wanted to.

Not really rose tinted specs. I don't think I'd want to be stuck in hospital for ten days and I think there are better uses for tax payers money.

I just think people on this thread are making a valid point, that there is an expectation that you should breast feed but very little support for those who find it difficult.

Mandy - really hope you get on your breastfeeding course. I did manage to breastfeed successfully but wouldn't know where to start showing anyone else

Without my independent midwife, I probably wouldn't have successfully BF DS1. I did get some help in the hospital, but the midwives were all so horribly overworked, I felt they needed my support more than I needed theirs! (And I am not a cuddly supportive woman.) Yes, there's support out there, but I don't think I would have known where to get it, at least not in time.

The health visitors were not helpful. They kept telling me to supplement with bottles, and if I wasn't terribly stubborn, I would have. (A local mum was telling me today, her health visitor told her she must start solids now, at 4 months. They're still doing that! Aaargh!)

With DS2 I was prepared, a good mate is a BFC, she lives a few roads over. As it was, I used her a bit, but didn't really need her, sod's law.

I've posted about this before. I do think it is a real problem the lack of support that some hospitals offer. Some places IME are so much better than others.

I think to start off with I was at fault for going home to early with DS. He was feeding infrequently but the midwives said we could go home if he had another feed. DP was desperate to get home so ds had a reasonable feed and off we went. It was about 16hrs after he was born but was only his 3rd feed.

He developed jaundice and we had to go back to a different hospital for light therapy when he was four days old. I do think that it might of been my fault that he devloped it. When we arrived on the ward, I was basically told that DS should be formula fed and that I could restart BF when I got home. I wasn't really happy with this and pressed to be able to breastfeed.

As it was I had plenty of milk and was able to express fine (pretty much naked mind, gown up over boob, in a public room). I got given SOOO much conficting information about how I should be feeding baby, I felt very confused. This was a time where DS was requiring 3hrly feeding all through the night and it was quite a hard time. I was made to feel somewhat difficult for my insistance on BF'ding. Indeed after I was discharged I talked about it with my health visitor and she said that breast feeding rates in my area are awful. With such non existant support in the hospital I am sadly not surprised. I would kind of like to make a difference, but don't really know how!

Breastfeeding is IME very tough for the first few weeks when perhaps you need it least to be so. My young SIL is due to give birth in a few weeks and I'd love to have the guts to talk to her about it all, and tell her that it is so worth it in the end. But her mum didn't BF and I feel she thinks me rather odd for doing so, and so don't want to be thought to be sticking my nose it where it is not wanted IYSWIM. She says she will try so I just hope that it works out for her ok.

I found some of the best support comes from friends who have breastfed. I was lucky when I had ds1 as my midwife was very helpful and reassuring-I was convinced I was doing something wrong as it was so painful. The books say the baby is not on properly if it hurts,but I found it just took time for my nipples to toughen up,and that was for each of my 3 babies. To be honest I think part of the problem is that breastfeeding is promoted so much,the information is not always honest enough about the potential problems,and how difficult it can be.I barely had the energy to get to the table for meals at first,nevermind cook anything.Dh was(and is)great and I also got my mum to come and help.When I had ds1 I saw the same midwife for all my antenatal and postnatal care and I think the fact that I got consistent advice helped.This time a top-up bottle was suggested twice to me in the first 48hours-because ds2 was a big and hungry baby.If he had been my first I may well have given it to him.I remember asking someone for advice on positioning ds1 in hospital and she snapped"whatever position is good for you is good for the baby" and walked off! No wonder I went home as soon as I was allowed to.

"Do you wish you'd had more support with breastfeeding?"

No, I was happy (and still am) with my decision to bottle feed all 3 of my babies - they are happy, healthy adults now.

Flossam, if your SIL intends to nurse, maybe you can say "if you need help please feel free to call me", without being too much of an intrusion? Or let her know about local breastfeeding groups and support?

I will try. We had a huge arguement a couple of years ago and haven't seen each other since . She was really nasty, quite a spoilt young girl. She's only 19. Things do seem better this year since DS was born a few months ago (cards are addressed to all of us etc) so I'm hoping things will be better when we do meet up in a couple of months time. I might say to DP to say that to her or similar. Or maybe if she needs to ask questions before too. We will see. Thanks for the suggestion NQC!

I had a CSect with DD1 and as I was plainly out of it with pain-relief drugs, the nurses in the hospital pursuaded me to let them give her a bottle - what a mistake that was. Every time I attempted to bf her subsequently, she screamed and I mean screamed. They sent the bf counsellor round and after a few awful attempts at forcing her on, she left and said I would have to persevere and try different positions till she was happy - she never was and I felt awful about foisting my attempts on her and distressing her so much so I ended up bottle-feeding her.

DD2 however, VBAC, was much happier, although echo the sentiments that it was really painful until about 6 weeks when I had nipples like bullets... Did phone the NCT 'helpline' at one point to be told by some plainly disinterested woman to just carry on and it would probably get better.

No wonder the bf rates are so poor.

My friend Sharon, who is also a midwife, feels so strongly about the lack of good support for breastfeeding mums that she wrote a book (and set up her own website). She breastfed all five of her children and after the last one wrote a book that was easy to read and made you want to try it. She hopes that women will read it prior to giving birth so that they will be informed before starting. She also wants midwives, student midwives and health visitors to read it so that their advice will be more consistent. She has sent it to every GP in Ayrshire too. She was so determined to get her book published that she set up her own publishing company after being unable to find a publisher. She kept the cost of the book to a minimum to make it accessable to women. Mumset is included in it as a resource and also mumset refer to her site on their Webguide.

Flossam you could send your SIL a copy to break the ice? You can get it from Amazon.

here

I think it was quite easy for me to breastfeed BECAUSE I had no support. I'm single so I didn't have a partner complaining that he wanted to share feeding, and I knew that if I started bottle feeding it would just be tons more work for me, with all the sterilizing and making up bottle. It was quite painful for about a week, blood and milk everywhere, but I just knew I had to get on with it.

I don't think I would have coped if I had had anyone offering help.

Mears, bless you! I keep seeing you doing your little plugs! What a lovely sister you must be! I'll have a look and talk to DP and see what he thinks! Thank you.