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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

My BOTTLEfeeding story - ALSO expert advice wanted too please.

61 replies

flubdub · 26/06/2008 20:28

Im 22, my ds1 is 3.6, and was bottlefed. I was 18, and single when I had him, and it NEVER occured to me to breastfeed. It didnt once cross my mind, and I never felt bad about it because I didnt think I was doing anything unnatural.

Nearly three years later, I meet wonderful dp, and get pregnant again (hence MN membership . Even through all my pregnancy, and despite all mn pro bf threads, it still never registered in my mind that bf was best - and tbh, I think this is why a lot of people ff. It just doesnt register .

Ds2 is born, and at hospital, I ff. By the time I got home, I was overcome with MASSIVE guilt for not bfeeding. I just looked at him, and felt so guilty.

HOWEVER - as I have posted before - I have very big body issues (eating disorders, no confidence) and I couldnt bring myself to bf infront of people, including my dp, despite wanting to more than anything. I realise that bf is about more than just the milk, but I at least wantede to give him that, so I bought a breast pump and started pumping away when he was 6 days old.
I did try bf him, but only when the house was empty, and was even embarassed to tell dp (although I did).
I carried on pumping, and still do now (8weeks later) and put ds2 on my breast when he wakes in the night, but this is only at 4am, and Im sure he only sucks for 2mins, then falls asleep again (I put him in my bed at this point and go back to sleep).
However, now my milk supply has gone down, so much so that ds2 cries (during the day) if I try and put him on it, as he knows not much will come out.

When I pump, I get about an ounce a time, whereas I used to get about 3.

SOOOOOO;
Is it worth carrying on, as Id love nothing more than to bf him exclusively?
I know that I only started taking milk out of my breasts when he was 6 days old, they
may have already decided not to make enough milk.

How/Can I get the supply up to feed exclusively, or even, just more . This is my main concern. I understand the benefits, and want to be closer to my son. Id do anything to get the supply up, and more pumping just doesnt seem to be working.

I have wierd feelings about it, as it does embarrass me, and I feel v strongly about it now, whereas when I was pg (9 weeks ago) I didnt.
Im strange, I know.

I just wanted to ask for advice, and also, maybe, to let people know, that formula feeding isnt as simple as "I just didnt want to", or "It didnt work for me".
There really are 100's of reasons why people ff.

OP posts:
poshtottie · 26/06/2008 20:43

Hi, Good for you. If I had had my ds at your age I probably wouldn't have bf as I had huge issues with my breasts (they are very small). I had ds in my forties and have a lot more body confidence and more of a "couldn't give a shit what other people think" attitude though I was a bit embarrassed at first.

As for your supply, you should bf rarther than express. When I expressed I hardly got more than an oz but bf ds for nearly year.

flubdub · 26/06/2008 20:49

Thanks poshtottie,
Iv tried bfing, but just cant bring myself to wap my boobs out infront of dp - even though he prob wouldnt even notice! I do it when dp's at work, and in a morning, but nothing seems to be working.
Just dont want my children to not have the best bm, because I have body issues.

OP posts:
yousaidit · 26/06/2008 20:49

I wanted to bf dd bt come hell or highwater, she was not having any of it, so i expressed my milk but after 2 or 3 weeks there was so little, practically none, that she was just on formula. The result? A happy and content dd! If your milk is really plummeting, it might be that you will eventually just have to use formula, as my milk did just stop eventually. Bu, i do hope someone can gve you god advice, have you tried calling the NCT? They usually have a 'support' person in each area who you can ring for help and guidance? But hope you're enjoyong your dc and motherhood again, congrats!

flubdub · 26/06/2008 20:52

Thanks yousaidit!!
I was expecting lots of "Whats the point in this thread?" replies.

OP posts:
poshtottie · 26/06/2008 20:55

I found it very difficult bfeeding in front of my family so I do understand, but the more you do it the more you will feel comfortable in doing so. I was just so determined to bf ds. Why not speak to your partner about it?

poshtottie · 26/06/2008 20:57

Do you have a supportive HV? Or do call one of the bf counsellors in your area.

kkdmom · 26/06/2008 21:00

flubdub, after 6 wks your milk production starts to be controlled by milk removal rather than your hormones hence the drop in supply.

how much milk you will be able to continue to make is a difficult question to answer on a message board because it can differ to an extent from woman to woman and by how often and how much milk was removed in that initial 6 wk period.

For these reasons above and also because of your complex psychological situation wrt breastfeeding, I would strongly recommend you speak to a breast feeding counsellor from one of the helplines. They can give you ongoing 1 to 1 support and advice which is what i believe is better for you in your circumstance.

I think that you have been incredibly brave to face some of your demons and provide milk for your son and to continue the breastfeeding relationship you currently have. You sound determined to continue to provide bm for your baby for as long as possible and every single drop you give him will be a positive thing.

There is a wonderful book called Exclusively Pumping which addresses physiological as well as psychological reasons why a woman may want to provide breast milk by expressing rather than by feeding. IT also gives tips on how to keep your milk supply going because pumping is a skill and there are tricks to increase/keep your milk supply when a mother is expressing rather than directly breastfeeding.

kkdmom · 26/06/2008 21:02

helplines are on this page

flubdub · 26/06/2008 21:03

My HV's would be good about it. In our health centre/dr's theres lots of bf groups.

My partner is/would be great about it.
The first time I told him Id fed ds myself, he said "Well done, you're doing really well with it. If you want any help, you can always ask me you know."
(Hes had two children before.)
I dont know what wrong with me. f dc was ever hungry when I was with family, Id just go into a different room to feed I think, theres NO way id bf infront of family.

OP posts:
yousaidit · 26/06/2008 21:04

Whilever you're coping with spending time trying to feed ds and being able to express too then good on you and keep trying! Do give your local nct a ring, or if you're not sure of their number call your health visitor and they should be able to point you in the right direction. I am concerned though, that if I can bf dc2 that is on the way, how will I manage it in public with size 40g knockers that are getting bigger? The poor kid will be next to my ankles while i roll out a boob!!!

flubdub · 26/06/2008 21:06

thanks kkdmom, Iv read a lot on the internet wrt ex pumping, and seemed to be doing well at it, but still, supplies are dropping.
Im v tempted to speak to some professional about it.
WHats wrong with me? Its 100% natural, and how EVERY baby was made to be brought up.

OP posts:
Martha200 · 26/06/2008 21:07

The kellymom website has some good info for if you want to get bfeeding going, look under relactating section because that will help with advice for getting the milk supply up again.

Some people find popping a muslin over the baby's head,your shoulder helpful if they feel self conscious.

Talk to dp about it, do you think he would be supportive?.. my dh was raring to protect me from any negative comments.

I am really pleased for you that you have the confidence to ask for advice and wish you all the best to finding your answers

flubdub · 26/06/2008 21:08

lol yousaidit - they are some fair hoots!!
Oh, Im smiling now, the more I talk about it, the more determined I am!

OP posts:
poshtottie · 26/06/2008 21:09

I think the more we see women bf their babies it will become the norm and nobody will bat an eyelid.

Definitely speak to someone soon. Wishing you lots of luck.

flubdub · 26/06/2008 21:09

Thanks Martha, as I said, dp wouold be great about it, and has offered me his help. (hes already has two children that were bf for a while.)

OP posts:
Martha200 · 26/06/2008 21:11

aggh.. just caught up with the other posts.. it's a real bonus that your other half is supportive too and there's nothing wrong with wanting to feed in another room away from the family.. I used to tell my inlaws that ds2 got distracted easily, would go next door and stick on the radio my MIL provided

yousaidit · 26/06/2008 21:11

But if he sidles up to you in bed and says 'darling, do you need me to practice... ?' just say no!!!!

poshtottie · 26/06/2008 21:11

Hey you ladies with large norks, stop bragging.

yousaidit · 26/06/2008 21:14

Don't you be giving any lip, poshtottie, or i shalst wave a busom at you in an intimidating fahion ( and take someone out!)

flubdub · 26/06/2008 21:17

lol yousaidit! Iv told him to keep away from my norks! Sex, and any 'play' sets off my let-down reflex!

OP posts:
poshtottie · 26/06/2008 21:23

Hey I'm just a bit

yousaidit · 26/06/2008 21:35

All dh's friends said the same trhing, alomg the lines of 'the missus's norks looked fab and i just wanted to play with them' while all the women would say 'oh god you just want to be able to get your boobs out discreetly witout flashing everyone or squirting them with milk': strange how men and women see completely different side to bf'ing?

Poshtottie, you can have my norks! When your mums friend, who is in her sixties (!) offers you some f her old bras, 'Doreen' style cross your heart-ers with no underwiring, nice, (!!!!!!!) after retching a few times, you acknowledge your sex appeal has just slithered down hill!!!!! (and i'm not making that up, she gave the bras to my mum who passed them on to me, carefully wrapped on an old carrier bag!!!!!

poshtottie · 26/06/2008 21:46

yousaidit, all my friends commented that I finally had a cleavage when bf, unfortunately it hasn't lasted. But hey breasts come in all shapes and sizes, it would be a bit boring if we were all the same.

Flubdub we want to hear that you have spoken to someone. let us know what happens.

cwtchy · 26/06/2008 21:48

Flubdub, I breastfeed and have the most distractable baby in the world, so for 10 months I have done most feeds in my bedroom, in comfort on my bed! And in anyone else's house I pop up to their bedroom too. So it's possible to bf this way long term I reckon, if it's what you really want to do. I see you have 2 dc's though so may not be very practical?

Good for you for giving it a go for this long though, it sounds like you've had a difficult time with it..

yousaidit · 26/06/2008 21:49

Yep, flubdub, don't forget to keep us posted. It would be nice to hear some good news about geting over bf hurdles. If you can't get an nct number i can try calling the local health centre for you this week to get one?

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