My BOTTLEfeeding story - ALSO expert advice wanted too please.

[flubdub]

Im 22, my ds1 is 3.6, and was bottlefed. I was 18, and single when I had him, and it NEVER occured to me to breastfeed. It didnt once cross my mind, and I never felt bad about it because I didnt think I was doing anything unnatural.

Nearly three years later, I meet wonderful dp, and get pregnant again (hence MN membership . Even through all my pregnancy, and despite all mn pro bf threads, it still never registered in my mind that bf was best - and tbh, I think this is why a lot of people ff. It just doesnt register .

Ds2 is born, and at hospital, I ff. By the time I got home, I was overcome with MASSIVE guilt for not bfeeding. I just looked at him, and felt so guilty.

HOWEVER - as I have posted before - I have very big body issues (eating disorders, no confidence) and I couldnt bring myself to bf infront of people, including my dp, despite wanting to more than anything. I realise that bf is about more than just the milk, but I at least wantede to give him that, so I bought a breast pump and started pumping away when he was 6 days old.
I did try bf him, but only when the house was empty, and was even embarassed to tell dp (although I did).
I carried on pumping, and still do now (8weeks later) and put ds2 on my breast when he wakes in the night, but this is only at 4am, and Im sure he only sucks for 2mins, then falls asleep again (I put him in my bed at this point and go back to sleep).
However, now my milk supply has gone down, so much so that ds2 cries (during the day) if I try and put him on it, as he knows not much will come out.

When I pump, I get about an ounce a time, whereas I used to get about 3.

SOOOOOO;
Is it worth carrying on, as Id love nothing more than to bf him exclusively?
I know that I only started taking milk out of my breasts when he was 6 days old, they
may have already decided not to make enough milk.

How/Can I get the supply up to feed exclusively, or even, just more . This is my main concern. I understand the benefits, and want to be closer to my son. Id do anything to get the supply up, and more pumping just doesnt seem to be working.

I have wierd feelings about it, as it does embarrass me, and I feel v strongly about it now, whereas when I was pg (9 weeks ago) I didnt.
Im strange, I know.

I just wanted to ask for advice, and also, maybe, to let people know, that formula feeding isnt as simple as "I just didnt want to", or "It didnt work for me".
There really are 100's of reasons why people ff.

Oooh, listen to you lot, make me soud like a saint!
Im near Preston?
I think it would be easier in front of strangers you know. I was considering it today at a play centre, but it was 10 times busier than usual (bday party)

You will just do it one day and then feel v proud!!

I mix fed DD1 for a lot of reasons but largely due to bad advice at the very beginning. But I'm proud of every bit of BM I managed to get in her, whether by pumping or bfing. And DD2 is 100% BF, which I'm also very proud of although to be honest its been very straightforward.

But I put myself through a lot of misery when I couldn't BF DD1 to my satisfaction. Eventually I came (a bit late!) to the realisation that motherhood shouldn't be about guilt and angst (as certain trollish types might imply). I don't think it benefits the baby or the mum.

So I applaud you wholeheartedly for doing your best, and urge you not to think about what you couldn't / didn't do, and to concentrate on what you are doing and can still do and to be proud of that.

I think the best mums are the ones who just try to do their best every day, not the ones who set impossible standards of perfection for themselves and everyone else.

Lastly, to reiterate what everyone else is saying - yes you can go from where you are to 100% bf, or as near to it as is comfortable for you. I know because I did it..

Flubdub - I am pleased that so many people have been able to offer some supportive words.

As for pandaface - these comments remind me of a lady with my ds1 who made a very 'helpful' comment about bfeeding and had ds1 been born generations ago, as in caveman times how would he have survived then because I would have had no choice but to bf, and how basically I had not done the best for my baby by not getting bf established... she wasn't that interested in the reasons behind why he was on ff by 2wks. Interesting thing was ds1 was born by ES, so had we been in caveman times then I would have probably died in childbirth, so at the end of the day the whole feeding issue really wasn't worth her being unhelpful about.. I, and many others wish you well.. you may find things go well or it may be hard, but whatever path you end up on with the feeding, I feel confident that your children wont be brought up to be as so insensitive in their views as pandaface.

Flubdub - do you drive? I am not far from Preston and in my area there are bf support groups most afternoons in the sure start centres or soft play centres.

I really struggled bf with both children and those groups give fabulous support and let you have a bit of a social life in the company of other ladies who all need to feed their babies. There are trained bf support peers at each group and they are all mums who have bf.

That way you could do the feeding in front of strangers but they'd all be feeding too

If you would like to come along email me on legoates @ tiscali .co.uk

Even if you want to go to a group that I don't go to, I can put you in touch with the group organisers. they are fab you get drinks and loadsa biscuits and there are toys etc for older children to do as well if not at school.

Hi flubdub, I'm in Preston and I'm a breastfeeding helper with BfN (breastfeeding network). I could put you in touch with a local Supporter (far more qualified than me!) or let you know details of our local groups. We're all Mums who've breast fed and have gone on to do training to support other mums. Please get in contact, I'd be happy to help. (my email is gary and sarah @btinternet.com (no spaces).

Hi flubdub

Im really proud of you! And can really relate

I BF my baby girl and then stopped, my milk had almost dried up, I felt really guilty and relactated.

I - 1) contacted a Breastfeeding counsellor who taught me biological nurturing positions which worked wonderfully

2. Took more milk plus capsules

3. Took domperidome

4. Hired a hospital grade pump

And it worked!!

You can do this.

You are doing so great. Well done!

Hi Fludub,

Little Angels is based in Blackburn, they would probably be able to help you, either with direct help and support, or by putting you in touch with someone near you who could.

There are lots of things you can do to boost milkl supply, do a Google for Galactagogues and you'll get some good info. ut it is supply and demand, so keep feeding and pumping. You may find he's fussing because he's having a growth spurt so perhaps it will ease in a few days.

Take care, you're doing a fantastic job, you are very brave for trying and even more brave for telling your story, well done!!

Monkies

Hi guys, well Iv been pumping like crazy the last few days, and seem to be getting more milk in today. Just fed ds myself, but I dont think there was enough, as he just kept falling asleep, but we were at it for about an hour

There a bf group in a play centre near us. Im going to ring up and see when it is, and go along I think, as ds loves it there anyway.
Theres also two bf groups in our drs/health centre so I may potter along to one of those. If I go, and Im bottle feeding in a bf-ing group, am I going to look abit stupid?

good point about biological nurturing! Please have a good browse around this website. There are some fab articles about how to do it and how it works and a pdf file with a 'recipe' to nurture biologically.

that northender who posted last night on this thread is a fab MNer. take her up on her offer.

Flubdub, am loving this thread, you're doing great, well done you for getting this far.
About the bottle feeding in a bf'ing group, my dd couldn't latch on for medical reasons so she had a mix of formula & EBM from a bottle, I went to a bf'ing group & felt a bit funny at first, but actually everyone was sooo supportive & really kept me going with the pumping for much longer than I thought I would. I don't think people will judge you, I think they'll be well impressed!