Finding this so, so hard - almost regret starting breastfeeding

[Piccalilli2]

I was unable to bf dd1 and the only thing I wanted for dd2 was to establish bf. It has been really hard (excruciating pain for the first 5 weeks) but it's going OK now and she's loving it and gaining weight brilliantly...but I'm so fed up and almost wishing I'd never started and put her straight on the bottle. She's 9 wks, still feeding every 2 hrs then cluster feeding from 7 til 10 every night (not off the boob for all that time) then up again at 1, 3, 5, 6....the nights are hard but it's the evening cluster feeding that's really getting to me, I really really need a break.

I hope someone with more wisdom than me will be along soon but I just wanted to say that I hope it becomes easier for you soon. I was pulling my hair out at around 13 weeks with the cluster feeding then he knocked it on the head.

It can be so hard in the early weeks but it sounds like you've done brilliantly. You've stuck with it even though it's been painful and now she's established bf and loves it and is gaining weight and getting all the health benefits and so on.

Unfortunately you are exhausted and that makes it hard to see how ell you're doing. Do you co-sleep or are you getting up to feed her all of those times? I don't think I'd have coped without co-sleeping but it doesn't work for everyone.

Things do settle down in the end, by three months they are often feeding for longer and going for longer but it can feel like a blur getting to that stage. It is so satisfying when it happens though. Can you get more help in the day at all?

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I really do sympathise with you. I had problems with DS so, like you, wanted to get it right with DD. I gave up though, after 24 hours and I really regret it. I won't try to sway you either way but you've come this far...

Can you get a breastfeeding counsellor in or read all of the advice available here? It doesn't seem right that she's waking quite so much.

Sorry I'm not much help but I really do sympathise. Whatever you decide she will be fine and very lucky to have you as her mummy

Also, if you introduce one bottle a day now you might be glad of it later. A friend of mine gave all 3 of her children one bottle a day and continued to feed them all for well over a year. I know plenty of others who wish they had as their babies would never take one so it was much harder to have a night out etc.

At around this age my ds fairly suddenly started going longer between feeds at night. All babies are different, but I do remember that when things were bad and I felt at the end of my tether it would seem like this was how it was going to be forever and I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. And then - suddenly - something would change.

You have done really well and it really won't be like this forever. Do you remember what your dd1 was like at this age? I know my ff nephew was also really fussy in the evenings - so much so that I was expecting it with ds and didn't really twig that he was cluster feeding, I just knew it calmed him down!

Hi Picallili2. Congratulations on persevering on what I found to be the hardest thing I have ever done. It's not easy at all, and people tend not to tell you that bit. But, in my limited experience, I agree with SquiffyHock, that it doesn't seem right that she is waking so much. I don't know whether you are into establishing a routine. I did with DD, and found that by tackling the sleeping, rather than the feeding, it all started to fall into place within a couple of weeks. I used 'The Baby Book - How to Enjoy Year One' by Rachel Waddilove. It's a soft and very flexible routine that didn't make me feel like a dreadful mother if I fed DD in between meals, or was late for a feed because we were out/she was asleep etc Anyway, we started it at 6wks and by 10 weeks she was following the feeding and sleeping pattern as if she had read the book. She then slept through from 13 wks onwards which allowed my body and my boobs to recover enough to actually consider continuing and I'm so glad I did as it is fab in the end and a lot less faff than bottles. DD is now 7mths. Sorry, I do ramble, but hope that helps.

giving a bottle a day at this stage may have helped some people but it can also be a slippery slope to the end of breastfeeding. It won't help you build your milk supply, it will reduce it as you make milk on a supply and demand basis.

Have you spoken to a breast feeding counceller, you can ring the Le Leche league. They are really helpful and friendly and have lots of up to date advice and have all bf themselves as well as training to be a supporter.

Le Leche league 0845 120 2918

It really is quite normal for babies to wake this often in the first three months. Lots don't and you hear of babies sleeping 11- 5 or whatever but there are lots that wake up all the time and it can be so hard but it does usually settle down.

Hi Piccallili

Another vote for the book mentioned below. As our DDs are the same age I am aghast to read how you are suffering. DD sleeps through the night (7-10.30pm, then 11pm till 7am) and has from 5 weeks so if you can bear it, please think about giving the routine a try. Is not militant at all and does not advocate leaving baby if they are hungry/tired etc....

Thank you everyone - it does help to be reminded how well we've done to get this far. She won't take a bottle at the moment, which is one of the things that's making it harder, as I just don't see there's even the prospect of some time off. Dd1 is in nursery 3 days a week which really helps but I'm just so tired and also fed up with not even getting 5 minutes off in the evening once dd1 is in bed, and dh is being an arse as well as he's fed up of having to cook dinner every night - that's usually my job and I enjoy it much more.

my only wisdom is to put baby on a routine...

I did Gina Ford and it sorted out the cluster/hourly feeding immediately

If you leave a gap between feeds baby feeds for longer and gets the more fatty breastmilk which keeps them satisfied for longer etc...

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They want to feed as often as possible to really get the supply right for their needs. some babies do sleep through but I hardly know of any bf babies that do, certainly not at this young age.

Please don't feel it's unusual or that you can't get help with it, some of the best advice I ever got was ringing one of those le leche ladies. She was marvellous.

La leche were fab in the early days but all anyone seems to say now is 'this is what bf babies do' so why do noone else's babies seem to be doing it?

the cluster feeding is very hard, but even if you weren't feeding then you may have a baby that cries all evening anyway, lots do, colic or tummy aches in the early weeks can be a nightmare. It may be that your cluster feeding is soothing her.

This does settle, going for longer stretches at night may take longer but sleeping for at least the evening shouldn't take much longer. Can you stock up on some ready meals or very quick dinners to get you through it of your dh is getting fed-up. Remind him that it isn't forever too.

Have you phoned them recently? Whose other babies aren't doing it?

Really it is very common, there are hundreds are threads with this problem and people far better informed than I have great advice for new mums. Things do improve and it is such a relief when it does.

I hope someone else with more practical advice on the evening feeds comes along soon. DS2 is 17 months and I remember how awful it was and what a relef it was when things calmed down. It is so much easier in the long run.

would your DH consider giving a bottle (maybe she won't take it from you but might from someone else - sorry if you have already tried this). You could express so still BM and your supply wouldn't be affected.

I do have the Rachel book as said below but I will admit to following GF so no flames from my direction

Piccalilli, they are - it's just no one want to admit it in RL beause it's seen as some sort of parenting deficit if your baby isn't sleeping through.

I would recommend co sleeping, like several otehr people have mentioned on here. If you google safe co-sleeping you will find lots of useful advice. It's very hard when you have to get out of bed to feed every 2 hours but co sleeping means you can doze while they feed. I often used to wake up and find that he'd gone to sleep and I was leaking milk all over the bed!

I bf ds2 after ffing ds1 and dd and also found the unrelentingness really hard. He was quite similar to your dd2 in terms of what he was doing at that age. The first night when he went to sleep after his 6pm ish feed and then stayed asleep was amazing. I think it was around 9/10wks - it's a bit of a blur now, tbh!

It will get better in the fairly near future and then you'll reach the point where bfing is so much less hassle and faff than formula and feeding becomes a joy rather than a chore.

my baby doesn't sleep through and feeds every 2 hours during the day and he is 18 months old.
You need help with everything else and support from your partner. I find co sleeping a life saver too.
You are doing really really well and this is what breast fed babies do (to repeat lll).

I have found, with all four of mine, that co-sleeping is the key to getting sleep and retaining sanity.
Babies don't just need feeding, they also crave the comfort and closeness that bf gives. Also, being with another person - the warmth, the heartbeat - are so important.

I have also had great success with a ring sling so that I could feed on the move/while doing other things.

Routines may "work" but I don't think they are the most comfortable or happy solution.

You are doing brilliantly!!

Hi Picalilli, would just like to echo how perfectly normal this is for a BF baby at this age.

Up until about 3 months they will be going through various growth spurts and it can seem relentless.

I had very similar feelings to you with DS but I persevered. The only thing I regret is that I didn;t co-sleep - not because I was worried from a safety perspective but that I thought I "shouldn;t" - that it was a bad habit and so on. Instead I trailed backwards and forwards to DS' room several times a night for the first few months and now I just wonder why on earth I put myself through all of that!!!

I think it is likely that the evening cluster feeding will tail off soon - and then perhaps DH can step in to take DD for a walk round the block etc while you have a rest? Perhaps you could start trying that now if you get a window of opportunity after she has fed for a while in the evening?

Oh, you are doing exactly the right thing by keeping up the feeding and especially that very difficult cluster feed in the evening
this is brilliant for your milk supply which at 5 weeks is still getting established
I think it is a very tricky time, but will improve as other posters who have been through it have advised
this is your job at the moment and you should be being supported in it so I am sorry dp is not being more helpful in his role
(ready meals or egg on toast won't kill anyone for a month or two btw)

introducing a bottle or a routine at this stage is very likely to sabotage breastfeeding and all the hard work you have put in so far
I wish there was a quick and easy solution but time does make it a lot easier, and please reassure yourself with the fact you are doing everything EXACTLY right by responding to your baby's intense needs right now

I do wonder if a sling might help you (wrap or ring sling type) feel a bit freer during the day and possibly encourage more sleeping

I sometimes found the evening cluster feeds extremely hard and took ds out for a walk in the cool evening instead, often with dp along with us so we could relax and chat
the sling was helpful for this

just getting out of the house and away from the monotony of sitting on the sofa did help and sometimes ds would doze or just look around instead of wanting to feed all the time

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