Finding this so, so hard - almost regret starting breastfeeding

[Piccalilli2]

I was unable to bf dd1 and the only thing I wanted for dd2 was to establish bf. It has been really hard (excruciating pain for the first 5 weeks) but it's going OK now and she's loving it and gaining weight brilliantly...but I'm so fed up and almost wishing I'd never started and put her straight on the bottle. She's 9 wks, still feeding every 2 hrs then cluster feeding from 7 til 10 every night (not off the boob for all that time) then up again at 1, 3, 5, 6....the nights are hard but it's the evening cluster feeding that's really getting to me, I really really need a break.

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sorry I misread - see your baby is now 9 weeks - what a great job to get to this point with the difficult time you had at the beginning

please ask for as much support here as you need - there are loads of us here whose babies have done / are doing the same

Piccalilli, will happily admit ds did the same, as did the only other bf baby I know in RL. I can't remember exactly when, but sometime between 8-12 weeks there was a step change when feeding suddenly got much more efficient (shorter feeds, further apart). Then I went into mild panic about whether ds was drinking enough! You've done so well getting this far. The really intensive feeding part is most likely very nearly over

I had horrible cluster feeding evenings where dd would feed from 5pm until 10pm and every time i took her off would scream even if she'd fallen asleep on the boob. I felt like i was going mad and would sometimes reach the end of my tether and give her to dh for half an hour or pop her in her moses basket and have a shower or go for a walk while she screamed. The weird thing was whenever I did this she would usually fall asleep within 10 minutes when I went back to feeding her, maybe because I was calm again rather than being wound up. I think she did this until she was around 12 weeks, I'm sure the end of the long evening feeds is in sight if you can stick at it for a little while longer. You are doing brilliantly to have kept going this long.
Be proud and good luck.

It is totally normal for breastfed babies to cluster feed and wake lots through the night, this is your baby's way of boosting/maintaining your milk supply, giving a bottle may undermine this at this stage, though if you express it shoudl be fine.
Both my DSs fed very frequently at this stage but it soon eases off a bit (sometime around 12 weeks for us).
Agree with the advice to get some nice ready meals, it is the only time I have really used them both DH and I like cooking but there is no time when you have such a young baby.
I would put your feet up on the sofa in the evening, feed as much as your baby wants and try to take it easy, you have a perfect excuse to watch Wimbledon now!

Just another voice to say it is totally normal and you are doing the right thing by letting her feed! 9 weeks in means you've broken the back of the tough evenings, in just a few weeks you'll find they start to tail off a bit. She needs to feed like this to establish your supply, and she needs to wake a lot to feed because she's growing so much and can only take a limited amount of milk at a time.

I remember around your stage I did start to feel really tied down and claustrophobic but that too is normal i think. It's honestly easiest to just give in to it. Things will naturally sort themselves out before much longer.

Remote, biscuit tin, cuppa and you're sorted. Hang tight, you're doing brilliantly.

Keep going - your doing all the right things,
I admit I was a 'routine' new mum and found it really worked for us but the best piece of advice I was ever given was 'not to believe that things would go on the way they were -for good or for bad - things will regularly change'.

I've found its been good advice - one phase soon changes into another. But the whole family has to adapt to the new arrival.

Thanks everyone. Last night was slightly better, I gave her to her dad for a bit as had had enough and he managed to get her off to sleep without feeding - she only slept half an hour but it was enough for me to have a break and feel human again. Then she slept 9:30 til 2:30 which is an improvement, albeit a small one. I've also started taking her into bed and doing the 6 am feed lying down so we both snooze through it - too nervous to co-sleep properly though.

Most people seem to say the worst is over by 12 weeks. I guess I can stick it out for that long.

That's great news. 9.30-2.30 is brilliant, my 11 month old has only slept that long twice in his life, months back! Make sure you use the time to get some shut-eye yourself [wags finger]

You're definitely getting through it, 3-4 months sees a definite shift in evening feeding, you can do it!

Fantastic - it makes such a difference when you get that bit of extra rest doesn't it? I'm glad you feel comfortable bringing her in first thing so you can have a bit longer in bed. It's the getting up and down that is the killer. If you are not truly waking up each time then it's more managable.

You deserve to feel pleased with yourself. Why not treat you and your dp to a nice takeaway or something, then he won't have to cook either.

'Cluster feed' is not supposed to mean 'not off the boob from 7 'till 10 every night'.

It sounds like she needs a dummy.

I absolutely disagree, Cote. Babies came first, not dummies. It is my understanding that the constant feeding is establishing supply and is a necessary part of breastfeeding in the early days.

I am not anti-dummies (I tried long and hard to get my baby to take one) but in this instance I don't think that's the solution. I may be wrong [shrug].

You disagree all you want. OP says this 'evening cluster feeding' is really getting to her and she really really needs a break. Giving her baby a dummy in the evening would probably provide that much needed break.

Candles came before light bulbs and hole in the ground came before indoor toilets. Do you also advocate going outside to pee at night with a candle in hand?

my dd is 6.5mths now and at that ages cluster fed for weeks and weeks....if you can, i think you just have to go with the flow...sky plus is a wonderful thing!

she would go from 6pm until midnight-ish with tiny breaks between feeds, but if you can get your dh to take her away just in these10 min breaks it makes a massive difference.

good luck

my dd wouldn't take a dummy - she was swallowing all the time that she was feeding so i take it she was hungry - why would a dummy help?

Have you got a slow cooker?

I find it really useful, because I 'cook' in the morning, and in the evening it only needs to get spooned into bowls.

I did wonder about a dummy, but the breastfeeding clinic, midwives and hv all said the feeding pattern was perfectly normal. I did sterilise one to try last night but didn't need it in the end...maybe tonight though

A dummy would help in OP's case, imho, because no baby in the world can feed for three hours, and no boob in the world can provide milk for three hours of constant feeding.

She is sucking for comfort, which is very normal.

Nothing would be lost from 'establishing breastfeeding' and a lot would be gained in sanity if OP fed for half an hour, gave dummy for another half hour, fed for another half hour, gave dummy for another half hour, etc from 7 until 10 PM.

That is 'cluster feeding', by the way. Having feeds much closer together at night before bedtime.

For the OP's information

Kellymom's wisdom

All boobs can produce milk for 3 hours solid! Milk is made constantly, that's half the beauty of breasts IMO!

Picalilli2, it sounds like you are doing a fab job, although it is a very difficult and soul destroying job at times like this.

I agree that cluster feeding like this is normal and should settle down in its own time. My DD was like this, but we quickly realised when she was actually feeding and when it was just for comfort, which is difficult enough to guage when you are experiencing it, never mind passing through an internet chat room.

I used to offer my finger for her to suck...if she was just wanting to suck for comfort, she would be happy with a finger, but if she still wanted feeding, boy did she let you know about it. You can maybe give that a try?

CoteD'azure, I think bursting in and disregarding/disrespecting what everyone else is saying is a bit harsh. You can't know that this baby is just looking for comfort any more than others can say she is definately feeding all that time, but as far as I'm aware what she is doing is the very definition of cluster feeding that I have experienced myself and learnt about in my peer supporter training.

at "bursting in and disrespecting what everyone else is saying"

With all due respect, I don't appreciate being told that I have to modify my honest advice to OP to suit the the consensus on this particular thread.

This is a public thread. People come, go, and yes, they even dare post at will.

Nothing wrong with OP hearing different views and suggestions.