Father struggling to feed/soothe 4-day old newborn

[SparklyEagle]

Father to a 4 day old. Partner is breastfeeding. I am trying to help with feeds as my partner is getting 0 sleep.

Online it says babies drink 1-2oz every 2-3 hours.

Day 1: We tried pumping 6oz to bottles with the idea of me sorting the baby while partner slept 9pm to 2am.

The baby had all 6oz by 11pm! and she was still screaming crying for more. I had to wake partner.

Day 2: I tried paced feeding. Baby was crying between breaks, and eventually threw up after 4oz, refused to take the bottle, and was screaming crying. I had to hand her to mum.

I'm at my wit's end. I think she sucks for soothing, not just eating. But she cant continue sucking the empty bottle, and we've been told not to give her a dummy yet.

And just to add. In terms of soothing the baby, lots of skin to skin and care (if not feeding then nappies and bathing and playing/singing/interacting) will help longer term, but right now only mum will do when it really matters. Mum smells, tastes and sounds like safety the way only a mum can. It’s called the fourth trimester for a reason.
Your job is to take care of mum and keep the household running whilst she’s recovering and bonding and trying to find herself in all the craziness.

Going against the grain here - we combi fed from day 1 because I had a long labour and emergency c section and likely would have passed out without some proper sleep.

No pumping though, it’s a stress you don’t need.

you do all the nappies, extras etc. but we managed a stretch around 10pm - 3am where I slept, and DH just gave the little ready made formula bottles if needed.

no problems breastfeeding, I exclusively breastfed after a few weeks until she was well over one. Good luck!

My 7 day old drank 4oz and didn't spit up.
You don't make a baby sick. They often drink until very full then spit up excess and it's normal when they do.

Then you just calm the baby as best you can. This happened to my partner many times. If it was bad he’d come in with the baby or come back it’s not the end of the world. Baby will be ok, it sounds really distressing but they can wait a few minutes while you get back to mum.
If she’s in the bath she can feed baby in there and then you can take the baby back.
Don’t tell her to use formula that would have massively dented my confidence.

I agree with the majority of the posts here. Baby needs mum not dad at this age. Mum is the one who needs dad...to literally do everything else.

If baby wants to suck/feed for 3 hours straight let it, it's normal at this age. Soon baby will want to cluster feed every evening and sometimes through the day too. Mum just needs to find a good box set to binge, get a pint of water and some snacks within reach and enjoy the closeness. Don't deprived mum and baby of this time together.

Do not suggest formula to mum, once breastfeeding is established it's so easy and better for baby than formula.

As others have said. If mum is exhausted let her sleep whilst you watch baby feed. The danger comes from mum being alone and sleeping whilst feeding, if you're watching them then baby gets milk and mum gets sleep, it's the perfect solution. Also, a relaxing bath whilst feeding is brilliant. If baby unlatches you can have 5 minutes of cuddles before handing baby back to mum for more milk.

Forget the numbers, you shouldn't know how many Oz baby is drinking, don't overly complicate it and stress yourselves out.

For the first few weeks babies just need the breast.
it isn’t just ‘food’, it’s a fine tuned symbiotic relationship, please have a little look into it in order to support your partner the best.
It’s WONDERFUL you’re doing the chores etc. if you can, make sure mum eats nourishing food and rests as much as possible with baby and they’ll be off to a great start!
Other cultures (and the westerners in the old days) used to have around 40 days ‘laying in’ after birth where mum and baby sleep and feed and that’s about it, with family rallying round to look after the rest of the family and chores

I used to have babies in the bath with me too

You will damage a newborn baby's stomach and make them ill by massively overfeeding them - overfeeding to the point of vomitting is really not a good sign.
A 7 day old baby has a stomach capacity of around 70ml, regardless of whether they vomit or not stretching their tiny stomachs to that extent is something to avoid.

At only four days old the baby needs as much suckling on the breast as she wants. Forget pumping for now, that’s for much later, when the mother’s milk supply is established. I realise you want to help but this is not the way at the beginning - stick to doing all the non-baby care instead, take baby out for a walk and fresh air when she’s fed and settled, keep on top of laundry and bathrooms, shopping, meal planning, clearing up the kitchen, fielding visitors… but let baby and mum establish the feeding routine themselves. It’ll all work out, give it time.

Baby was up 2am until 7am last night cluster feeding.

I changed her nappies and tried to get baby to sleep on me, but other than that I just messaged partner as I didn't know what else to do!

We visited a feeding workshop and the staff there told us it's ok to feed baby as much as she wants even 10oz if she takes it. I'm not too sure of this advice

if your partner wants to continue breastfeeding, your job is to do everything you can to let her.

Look after the house, cook, clean, feed your partner and she feeds the baby. Hopefully you will get to a point where you can take baby for a nap in the pram or baby wear and let your partner rest, but for now focus on her doing the primary care as unfortunately/fortunately, that is how babies are designed!

I was taught that you can’t overfeed a breastfed baby from the boob, but you can’t from the bottle as the sucking reflux means the keep taking milk.

You don't really need to do anything while you partner is feeding other than bring her things and maybe get some sleep yourself - then at 7 you can take the baby for an hour or two so mum can sleep.

'Feed as much as they want' - yes, for an older formula fed baby who is appropriately pace-fed and has opportunites for suckling other than a bottle (eg a dummy) absolutely fine to feed on demand, but I still wouldn't give any baby of any age 10oz in one go, that's crazy.
That advice definitely doesn't apply to breastfed newborns though. Breastfeed as much as they want but not huge bottles.

Cluster feeding all very normal. Hopefully your partner was then able to sleep from 7 for a good chunk while you took the baby then. While you are on paternity leave that's a totally fine way to manage the nights.

You're all doing fine, even if it feels like you aren't.

Unless your partner wants to not exclusively breastfeed don't worry abouy bottles for now. Just let the baby feed as much as he wants to, you can sleep while that's happening and then help baby to sleep while not feeding and your partner sleeps then.

It will all change so quickly. This is really early days.

TBH at this stage the best thing you can do is stay awake and watch your partner sleep with the baby on their chest or in bed with her, to ensure it’s safe.

How is the baby put down for sleep? Mine always liked being swaddled - and, I think sometimes babies end up being cold as people are so worried about them overheating.

It’s amazing she could pump 6oz on day one, took me weeks and weeks to manage that. Pumping is just so hard, the fastest route to total misery for everyone imo.

Day 4/5 is when milk comes in and baby gets proper milk rather than colostrum. It's a bit of a hump but it passes.

Breastfeeding was how I got into console gaming. Stuck to a settee with a baby stuck to you for hours gets boring.

Stop focusing on feeds. It's not all about feeding them till they're full and then there's a gap with breastfeeding. Babies only job at the minute is to get milk supply up and she will not stop in that mission.

You need to get educated on how a baby feeds -quickly. There are loads of good books on bfing and how to establish supply.

forget about ounces. Your partner should bf the baby when the baby is hungry. Breastfed babies regulate what they eat. Cluster feeding is very common in the early days to get your partner’s milk supply up - and so is feeding a lot in the night.

Don’t even try pumping yet. Wait a few months at least, until things have settled down.

Remember that your baby is very new and just wants mummy - mum smells familiar and that is where baby will be happiest, until she’s a bit older. Read up about the fourth trimester.

You are getting so much mixed and confusing advice. Lots of it is correct in the right circumstances.

if your wife is determined and content to exclusively breastfeed, ditch the bottles and pump, and put baby to the breast as much as they demand.

if your wife cannot get any sleep and go on, either pump and bottle, or formula. But at 5 days, this is a last resort, as the baby’s tummy size will alter, gut lining change and method of feeding (nipple) is harder work than a bottle. So any type of bottle feeding jeopardises breastfeeding.

Keep it simple. Breastfeed.

I would just get through the next couple of weeks and reassess. Things change rapidly with babies.

Let baby feed and let mum do her thing. Keep checking in with your partner and ask what she needs, don’t assume. If baby has been fed and she needs a shower, take baby and soothe as much as you can, get a sling and walk around with baby. Several hours away from her at this point isn’t realistic but you can support in many different ways. Bring her drinks when baby is on a feeding marathon, rub her feet for her while she feeds, be there ready to hold and soothe baby when she needs to take some time but don’t expect too much.

Don’t put too much pressure on the situation, take it day by day as it will change quickly.

Agreed. Just feed on demand. I really appreciate the sentiment behind what you're doing, but a baby that young just needs to be next to mum, and fed whenever required. I wouldn't be messing around with pumping so early.

There is so much mixed advice here. I'd go back to a feeding specialist rather than ask on here. 4 days in is categorically not the time to be making big decisions.

Babies need to breastfeed overnight for a lot of reasons - it helps then produce melatonin so they learn day drill night and it is the primary time for Mum's body to produce milk. If the baby doesn't feed at night then Mum's body will assume the baby doesn't want any milk and so will stop producing it.

Also, crying is not always a sign of hunger. And nor is sucking. Just because the baby downed the milk and then continued crying, that doesn't mean they're still hungry - nor that they were desperately hungry in the first place. If you put a bottle in a newborn's mouth they suck as a reflex. They literally can't help it. Thus, it's very easy to overfeed a baby when using a bottle and then they may cry because they're over-full and uncomfortable and yet they're offered more milk!

And please don't "float the idea of formula". People think they're being kind when they say this but the truth is, everyone knows formula exists. If we wanted to use it, we would. More helpful than suggesting formula is knowing that we are supported to continue for as long as we want to.

A baby's stomach is walnut sized, so as others have said, they feed little and often. At this stage mine wanted to feed constantly in the evening - both for comfort and presumably to comfort.

I would advise a good book.

Glad she is getting more feed now.

If she took those 6oz, she took them because she needed them.

Little and often as others have said and definitely pace feed.
Also babies have "witching hours" especially in the evening nothing will pacify them you just have to get through it and try different methods.

DS1 singing whilst stood up worked for him DS2 the sling worked best for him and a walk.

Tag team with your partner. Get her to feed then go to bed at 8pm leave a bottle of pumped milk take baby to bed around 10/11pm.