Just sat and bawled my eyes out in the loos at work :(

[HeadFairy]

I really can't seem to keep bfing going, despite killing myself to feed ds in the mornings (or pump if I'm working early), pumping once at work and then killing myself to get home to feed ds in the evenings (or pump if I get home too late) and then doing a dream feed as well my milk supply had dwindled to nothing. The last few days my supply hasn't been enough to satisfy him and I'm getting less and less sleep as I'm trying to fit in more pumping/feeding sessions. For some reason, despite this regime practically killing me I'm desperately sad about the prospect of giving up bfing. It's utterly ridiculous because I've bf for over 8 months now, but I was so determined to get to one year. Please tell me it's all hormonal and the tears will pass.

You have done a fantastic job and given him a fantastic start. Please don't feel sad .
You have done brilliantly . I couldn't have done what you have.

Oh and it is all hormonal and the tears will pass

How sad - it sounds awful. A good cry about it will probably help - do a bit more!

And then reassess.

One feed a day or two or three is still breastfeeding. At 8 months, presumably your LO is having food and water also? Perhaps if you do a bit less it will help sustain the feeding for longer? Or another alternative is to tell yourself you will feed and pump like made over the weekend/days off to up the supply but then just settle down to what is the amount you have after that...? sorry I'm not much more help but I hope you find a solution...

Just had to pretend I've got hayfever cos I'm all puffy and red faced. God I so am not this weepy normally, I'm a right hard cow normally ;)

My sister says she knows people who just bf at the weekend, that sounds great esp as I work a 7 day fortnight so I have more than just two days a week when I'm with ds, but my supply is just dwindling dwindling despite my best efforts. It's as if going below a certain level of production and my boobs have decided it's not worth the effort.

I'm sure alot of it is because I'm so tired, I have to get up half an hour earlier on average to allow myself time to pump in the mornings and sterilise everything to take to work, so I'm usually up at 5.30 and rarely in bed before midnight. It's getting harder to make excuses to get away for half an hour at work as I work out of the office mostly, I'm never on my own so sneaking a quick pump in the car has become a farcical game. You'd think being so at the end of my tether that I'd relish the chance to stop all this rubbish. But I don't.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

yeah, I know starlight. It didn't help that I was sitting in the loos at work trying to express when the attack of the dreaded tears came on. Normally as soon as I start pumping I get a big let down and a gush, and it just trickled out and I think that's what set me off. But it's not just today that's been bad, it's been getting steadily worse for the last three weeks. I used to get 5 or 6 oz out when I pumped during the day at work but now it's less than 1oz. Hardly worth bringing all that ruddy paraphernalia in with me.

Also worth pointing out that just because you dont get much when expressing it doesnt mean your supply is drying up.
I fed DS1 till he was 2 and after 6 months coudl never get more than 1 oz if I expressed and its the same with DS1 who is 1.
Babies are much better at getting milk than expressing and at 8 months you shoudl be ok to carry on if you can manage one or two feeds a day I woudl think.
The more you can let your baby feed when you are with him, the easier it'll be to keep up your supply.

I had tried to keep that at the back of my mind Pannacotta, but it must surely be some kind of measure if previously I could get 5oz out and now it's just 1oz, or doesn't it work that way? The thing is I can't always feed ds at the same times each day, my shifts are totally unpredictable, I don't know until the evening before what time I'm working the next day so if I have to be in at 7am I have to express what would have been the morning feed, and if I have to stay late at work I assumed I'd have to have my pumping kit with me to express what would have been the bedtime feed.

I used to express while working and it was very hard work and did affect my supply. I drank fennel tea to try and boost it (don't think it worked) and fenugreek supplements (which did help i think). Plus I switched pumps from manual to electric, and this helped restimulate the expressing, then when that stopped working I went back to manual. As pp have said, how much you express is no indication at all of your general supply.

Check out kellymom.com for lots of advice re. this and best of luck, it sounds like you are doing really well getting this far. I expressed round the clock for seven months to keep my DD1 on breastmilk only - now I wondered why I did it really!! Think I would do mixed feeding in the same situation again.

HeadFairy, this happened to me too at about the same stage. I was knackered, that was the main reason, and it sounds like you are too! I pulled a sickie (actually I was so tired it was more or less for real) and spent a couple of days in bed, feeding, snoozing, eating and drinking. Was lovely, and got the supply going again. Recommend it!

I also tried switching pumps - I swopped from a hand-pump (which had had the milk gushing out at first) to an electric one, and that seemed to help too. I think I would have had to give up breastfeeding otherwise, because like you I seemed to need to keep production really high to keep my supply going at all. And I kept going for another 5 months, so that was money really well spent. IMO.

good luck - do take some time off, you really sound like you need it!

Thanks staranise and zazette. I have an electric pump (Avent Isis uno) and at home I've got a Medela symphony I hired aaaages ago when ds was tiny and I mucked up my supply and needed to get it going again. I'm sure obssessing about it doesn't help at all. I do actually feel better for getting it all out of my system and pretty much deciding I'm not going to pump at work any more. It's a useless ruddy single pump, it takes ages and I spend all day at work stressing out about whether I'm going to get a chance to sneak out and do it. I think having my super duper medela at home will help should I miss morning and evening feeds.

I do worry ds isn't getting enough fluids as he's not great about drinking water, even if I put a drop of juice in it and with my (imagined?) fall in milk supply I just get the feeling he's not getting enough, this morning after feeding him myself (I did stop slightly earlier than I would have liked as he bit me) he had a further 4oz of formula, so he's obviously still hungry for milk after I've fed him.

I don't think I ever gave dd1 fluids apart from bm before the age of one (though maybe I'm misremembering this?). I was always worried she would then fill up on water rather than milk. But DD1 never had formula, which I think you are supposed to give milk with? Excuse ramblings... agree with pp, soudns like you need a break!

Sorry, meant "give water with" of course.

From about 8m DD had less at each feed as her solid intake had gone up. Could that be a factor as well?

From 12 m I have managed 2 feeds a day when working and 3 on the others and it was fine, I know it was a bit later. The supply did seem to drop but after a week or two it evened out.

I suggest you speak to a BF specialist and take their advice, personally I would scrap the expressing unless you miss a morning/bedtime feed and then feed as normal when you are with LO. Much less stress.

I hope you get it sorted out, and yes blame it on the hormones

Bless you [hugs]
I went back to work when my dd was six months, I fed in the morning from one side, expressed the other, and expressed at lunch from both, then at home fed from one and expressed from another. It is difficult, hard work, and frustrating, and there are little bumps in the road which made you feel down.
I managed to express at work for about nine months, and then it got too difficult as I started to go to college of an evening for two nights and it was such a farce to try and get the milk to her etc.
Electric pump helped me enormously. I had been using a manual one as I was pumping in the exec bathroom which is next to the board room and I hadn't wanted to be too noisy, but it really helped. I think de-stressing helps too.

I honestly think you might need to give yourself permission to stop pumping. You can continue to put your baby to the breast whenever you are with him, and lots at the weekend of course. Can you take a couple of days off to rest and think about all this and feed if you want. I think you have done a wonderful, heroic job.

If it's any help I used to be able to get about 3oz with a mini electric medela at work, but now even when I'm really sore it's a struggle to get 1oz.

With my DD1 by the time she was 8 months she was only having 3 BF a day, so even if you stop pumping at work the 2-3 feeds you are giving is enough. Honestly You don't need to give up if you don't want to.

You've done so well!

Can I just say that I didn't bother sterilising any of my expressing stuff as I went back to work when ds was 6 months old and I reckoned if it was clean and dry that was fine. Might save you some precious time in the mornings.

Also I did notice I got less and less out when I pumped - in the end I stopped expressing at work becuase it was a bit soul destroying. I only do one day a week, though so different situation to some extent - your hours sound ghastly!

god yes, headfairy, you've been slogging your guts out if you've been using a single pump at work. I struggled with my double electric one. Decision not to pump is a good one. My DS3 would probably manage fine without a bottle of formula at all at nursery at 9mo - I only send one cos I'm paranoid about his liquid intake. But he has rarely drunk any of it in the few days he's been there and mostly had water from a cup instead. And then me, mornings, evenings and nights...!

Good luck - glad you've got it off your chest (literally!)

Thanks for lovely messages of support everyone. This last night and this morning haven't been good. I normally do a dreamfeed at about 11pm but I got a panicked phone call from dh last night at 10 saying ds had been screaming for an hour (ds had had 6oz of ebm at 7pm!). He tried giving him some formula but it was rejected, he finally defrosted some frozen ebm and that settled him until I got home at 10.30, I then did the dream feed but hardly anything came out, it took ds ages to get anything, normally it's a quick ten minutes. Finally got him off to sleep, but he woke again at 2am which he never does and I had to feed him again, again hardly anything but enough to get him to sleep until 6am when he woke again screaming hungry. I tried feeding him this morning and he bit me every time I tried. He wasn't distressed but he's been biting me a lot recently so I wondered if he's starting to self wean. Eventually after trying to feed him for nearly 2 hours and being bitten 6 times and drawing blood I decided enough was enough and gave him 5oz of formula which he took in about 20 seconds flat. Now I'm a big fan of bfing, and pretty dedicated but to me that's a big message from ds that he's ready to move away from bfing and on to something else. I do worry about his fluid intake, this morning his fontonelle (sp?) was completely sunken and that worried me hence formula.

is he having wet nappies?
is his mouth wet inside?
if his fontanelle is sunken and he's dehydrated pls take him to gp today!

will he drink water?

bump

bump
i am worried
this morning his fontonelle (sp?) was completely sunken and that worried me
hope he is ok and i'm being a pain!!

8 month old babies do not normally become dehydrated unless they are ill (and also have vomiting and diarrhoea) - it is not easy to 'diagnose' dehydration by judging a fontanelle. Dehydrated babies are listless and difficult to rouse. Of course if you are worried - get real life help and advice.

It is normal for supply to drop in these circumstances - I doubt very much that it is your imagination or the pump doing less well than the baby. Less direct breastfeeding, a baby on solids, longer gaps between feeds - of course the supply will drop. This doesn't mean it will disappear but with your history and the circumstances which made it really hard to bf like crazy when you were at home, it makes me think the supply is not robust as it would be for someone else...and the biting and fighting from the baby hints at something, but not necessarily supply issues (or not only supply issues). Babies who feel a bit confused and messed about and 'cross' behave like this, too

You don't have to stop bf, but I am pretty sure to 'retrieve' it will need some concentrated babymooning, lots of cuddles and no fighting, and patience with him, to lure him back. Is this something you can do over the time you are next with him....just get back the closeness and responsiveness?