Small babies = bad parents, Big babies = good parents

[ILoveDigestives]

...or so it seems. Our nearly 6 month DD has been a slow-weight gainer (always gaining just slowly, and otherwise healthy, alert, nappies etc...) and is currently off the bottom of the growth chart, about a cm below 0.4th. We've been referred to a paed, copped stick from HVs and family members (who don't understand why we persevere with bf and waiting for solids). But our GP and paed are brilliant and very supportive and keep reassuring us that she is perfectally healthy, just dinky.

But it's been a hard road thus far, with lots of concerned looks when peolpe find out how old she is, as if we are somehow failing her because she is tiny. If she cries, at all then everyone assumes it's cos she is hungry.

What I don't get it is that there is another baby in our NCT group that is off the top of the growth chart (born at 50th centile), and frankly looks it. She's formula fed, and was weaned at 4 months, and at not even 5 months is now on 3 meals a day, in addition to her milk. So chubby is she that she has sores around her knees and elbows. But the comments she gets are all positive! What a happy baby, etc...

Why is that? Surely her chubbiness is more of a potential risk going forward than our little one's dinkiness - especially in this culture of the "obesity timebomb" - so why is fat good, and dinky bad?

Just kinda interested, and needed to vent a bit!

i think there is a combination of ignorance and maybe some sort of instinct. i had a small baby too (actually he was properly skinny for a bit) and was also amazed at how many people felt they could comment. it is as though they are literally driven to do so, maybe there is some primal thing. or they are just bloody rude.

vent away!
I've never understood the chubby baby = healthy baby eithr. I have a skinny, healthy one! some babies are naturally big, sme naturally small, as long as they're healthy...
You baby on 0.4 line is as "healthy" as one on 99.6 - bet they weren't referred to paed

SM - dietician?? He was a bf baby, what on earth were they going to suggest?

I imagine it's left over from when many people couldn't afford enough food to feed their children. So, chubby children = parents providing for them.

Isn't it the case in some cultures that women aspire to be overweight because it's a sign of wealth?

I think there is some deep-wired evolutionary instinct in us that says 'fat baby good, thin baby bad' and makes us coo over chubby cheeks, squishy knees etc
Very useful in the caveman days, no doubt, but less so now...

hi. i had the same with my ds....he was on the 50th centile born, at at about 4 months, he had gradually dropped to the 1st centile.....he had never lost weight, but was not piling the pounds on....he was exclusivly bf until about 5 1/2 months then introduced solids, and continued to bf until he was 18 months...

we were referred to see a paed who took one look at him and declared him a perfectly heathly little boy at 18 months. he looked at his growth chart, and said it was a classic growth line of a bf baby, and suggested if the only thing worrying us was his weight, that we stop taking him to be weighed!!!

he also said that he sees too many overweight babies which are causing long term health problems....

no point to my story...just wanted to offer you a little reassurance.

tell people he is small but perfectly formed, and didn't they know that dynamite comes in small packages!!

plus the 50th line is not a goal!!!

Yeah, it's all cobblers. Each child is different.

My children (3 and 1) are lean and amazingly strong and eat loads.

As long as child is not overfed, then whatever size they are then it's fine. We just don't seem to be able to accept that.

lol tmmj - ridiculous!

they're all so different - I've had 3 different children!

Ds1 - born 9lb12, lost 18 oz (down to 8lb10), then struggled to gain weight, was mix-fed (topping up with formula), bfed to 13 months, along with the formula. Weaned at 4 months, never enjoyed food. Still doesn't. Is skinny skinny now (he's nearly 7 and weighs 3stone3). He is probably the thinnest in his class. But has loads of energy, is strong, athletic, healthy. But appallingly fussy eater. Has tended towards the 25th centile or below.

Dd - born 10lb, lost 6oz or so. Never 'piled' the weight on, but followed a curve between the 25th and 50th centile. Weaned at 6 months - LOVED food! It was as if this was what she had been waiting for! Thrived on the food! Was a plump toddler, is now nearly 5 and has slimmed down a good deal - because although she eats a lot she has a FABULOUSLY healthy diet - she only really asks for fruit between meals, eats everything - absolutely balanced diet, and she is very active. She is very tall and on 91st centile for weight and height. She is a more solid build than ds1, and may need to watch her weight later on (though I would NEVER say that to her!) - but she is a bit like me!

Ds2 - born 10lb2, lost a pound or so, struggled to put weight back on, but I was more stubborn than with ds1, and didn't give him the formula topups, and instead did LOADS of expressing/topping up with EBM. He crawled up the charts, not really putting on weight at all, and dropped down to the 2nd centile (which from the 99.8th is a LONG way to drop). Weaned at 6 months, enjoyed his food, but didn't leap on it like dd. He still likes his food, isn't particularly fussy, though he knows what he likes (meat!). Eats a balanced diet. He is now 2, and looks chubby (chubby knees) but is thin round his middle. Although he appears plump, he is very light, and is just miniature all over, so is in proportion. His feet are only just size 4 at age 2.

I completely agree. DD1 was a "failure to thrive" and was made to feel like a failure (now a strapping 2.6 year old on about 75th centile for weight and height). DD2 isn't particularly small (25th centile) but all the other mums who had their babies at the time have whoppers. Am constantly being given sympathy and reassurance, which I really don't need. She's gorgeous and extremely healthy! It's a baby, not a prize marrow for goodness sake!

It is a paradox that for babies, bigger is better. But for adults, slimmer is better.

Also, the focus at the baby stage seems to be on weight, not length/height. You could end up with some babies who gain well but are porkers, as against similar babies who are heavy but are normal in proportion to their height.

'Tis mad.

PMSL
Can I nominate "It's a baby not a prize marrow" as the standard retort for this kind of comment?

I'm another one who had the opposite problem - dd was born 9lb 12oz and gained lots. She was (and still is) on the top of the centile charts and I always used to get comments from family and hv's that suggested I was "overfeeding" her. She was exclusively bf'd. What did they want me to do ? Get one of my norks to dispense Slimfast ??

It seems to me that whether our babies are big, or small, some tosser will try to make us feel bad about it.

Indeed! What I don't get is just why everyone feels justified to ask about DD's eating habits (and suggest "improvements") but no-one dares say to the mum of the porker, "um, do you think you might be feeding her too much?"

I get this sort of comment all the time (ds currently languishing on 2nd centile) and am definitly going to start using the prize marrow retort - I love it!

(hah Tilly, what a time to cross post!)

I'll just shut up now! [sheepish]

Tilly - I didn't realise that mums of babies at the other end of the scale get the comments too. What everyone tends to forget about the centile charts is that they are the pattern of growth for 'normal', healthy babies - so if your baby's on the 0.4 or the 99.6 then he or she is in the normal and healthy range!!

Also lol at Slimfast!

I have a dinky one reaching all her milestones she is a yr old weighs 13lb and has started trying to walk. ILD I know the looks when they cry and everyone assuming that they need feeding and your starving them. I even had my older kids give their sis back to me cos shes crying they soon learnt that she didnt want milk and just wanted to be played with or needed changing or was just being a naughty girl and playing one off against the other as she has just developed this art to a fine perfection! She is just growing into 3 to 6 month clothes she doesnt look skinny to me she is in proportion. My nephew was 3 months older than my son and was huge but he didnt crawl and he walked at 17 months whilst I darted everwhere after my whippet like son from 8 months and he walked at 11 months. He is now 17 and yes is skinny but healthy and taller than me!