Small babies = bad parents, Big babies = good parents

[ILoveDigestives]

...or so it seems. Our nearly 6 month DD has been a slow-weight gainer (always gaining just slowly, and otherwise healthy, alert, nappies etc...) and is currently off the bottom of the growth chart, about a cm below 0.4th. We've been referred to a paed, copped stick from HVs and family members (who don't understand why we persevere with bf and waiting for solids). But our GP and paed are brilliant and very supportive and keep reassuring us that she is perfectally healthy, just dinky.

But it's been a hard road thus far, with lots of concerned looks when peolpe find out how old she is, as if we are somehow failing her because she is tiny. If she cries, at all then everyone assumes it's cos she is hungry.

What I don't get it is that there is another baby in our NCT group that is off the top of the growth chart (born at 50th centile), and frankly looks it. She's formula fed, and was weaned at 4 months, and at not even 5 months is now on 3 meals a day, in addition to her milk. So chubby is she that she has sores around her knees and elbows. But the comments she gets are all positive! What a happy baby, etc...

Why is that? Surely her chubbiness is more of a potential risk going forward than our little one's dinkiness - especially in this culture of the "obesity timebomb" - so why is fat good, and dinky bad?

Just kinda interested, and needed to vent a bit!

Don't get me started on this one, i'm sick to the back teeth of peoples comments about ds. 'oh isn't he tiny/small/little''gosh, he's much smaller than my baby and my baby is younger' yes but why do you feel the need to tell me this? I'm sick of the hv's constant suggestions on adjustments I should make to his diet, keeps saying 'we need to get more calories in to him''try to get him on 3 meals a day''have you tried a bigger teat on his bottle'(on the fastest flow available), he's never lost weight, just gained slowly, was born on 9th centile and now very gradually has dropped to the bottom line, was 13lb 7oz at 28 weeks. he is a very fussy eater but he always has enough everyday and if he doesn't eat the 2 meals I try to feed him he gets more milk.
Why would she think putting him on 3 meals a day would help when he doesn't always eat 2 and milk has more calories that food?!!!
she's now refered me to the padiatrician (sp?) even though I believe my baby is totally fine

oh Dalrymps
Have you seen the mighty oaks/little acorns thread? It sounds as though you could do witht he support

All of mine have ben slow gainers, first three referred to Paeds whos aud genetic, Dh is (o rather was, as middle age nears!) very skinny indeed- I am talking under 8.5 stone at 5 foot ten skinny, not just normal slim. MIL is around 6 stone.

yet the HV makes out like I am muredering him by continuing to BF! He's gaining 4.5 oz a wek, more than the others. At baby group yesterday I got lectured on checking he feeds enough (he does), thene very time anyone got out ff paraphernalia yells went up of ooooh nice flask etc from the HV and her assistant, me and the other BF got relegated to sidelines feeding whilst the others all had coffee made for them.

And loads of comments bout ds like 'ooooh he looks serious'.... whereas the other mums pointing out how alert / brigh/ stromg he is were blanked (the MW commented strongest baby she has encountered).

Fortuantely I know enough ( did BFI course) to ignore her, the lack of gain for first few weeks turned out to be linked to a dairy intolerance whioch is now sorted by me cutting it out. when i explained tht (through the guidance of tik tok), was told if i didnt drink milk i couldnt make any

woman is looking at applying for a bf hv position!

I have to say my HV has always been very matter of fact about DS's size, more interested in how he's growing/developing in general. As it should be IMO.

fiofio, people don't think of your feelings at all, why is that??? I even has one woman who not only pointed out how little he was but went on and on about it saying 'I just caaaan't believe how small he is, my son is a month younger and was the same weight at birth but is soooo much bigger, just look at him' I was at the clinic getting his injections done, she then went on to point out his size to all the other surrounding mums saying 'can you believe how little he is??? and my son is younger, I remember when we were at parentcraft classes and your bump was tiny too' (another sore point so thanks for that!).
Stealth - yeah I popped in on that thread but it went quiet for a bit so wasn't sure if it was active anymore, will pop back in

Didn't you know that the ideal is to get to six and a half stone as soon as possible and stay there?

Then when you get pregnant you have to balloon to fifteen stone, pop out a ten pound baby and a lot of water, then get your arse to step aerobics quick to return to your ideal six and a half stone.

You may pause to straighten your hair and do your kegals.

dairy, its an old mn tale but when my 8 yr old was born he was tiny and we got stopped by some old biddy asking if he was going to diw. cow...

Why do you need to compare, stealth?

Having had a baby that has been at both ends of the scale I have received unhelpful comments on both occasions. Health professionals might be more concerned with the slow gainer but the gen public can be rude about the big baby as well. Mind you mine were never 'fat' as such, just big, but it didn't stop comments like 'what a little porker, bet he eats a lot' .

lol colditz
Peachy at the ignorant cow. Did she just stop you in the street - whatever you answered it would ahve been tactless in the extreme!

Sorry, not stealth . Post was meant for OP.

compare what? sorry if I have offended you

x post, no problems.
I think everyone with a small baby seems to get criticism and thinks all the chubby baby parents are being praised. Interesting that the reverse may also be true! Just goes to show that as a parent, your place is in the wrong

peachy - WTF? thats awful

stealth, in the queue in (IIRC) wilkinsons

i was dumbfounded tbh and had just survived severe pre eclampsia, so rather than give a smart answer i just said no'.

apparently her daughter worked in nicu so the old lady knew about these tjings.

yeah? did she not know though that they dont release dying babies from hospital to be pushed around town by their mums in December??

ah she will have been an expert. You should have listened - she would no doubt have had some sage advice

dalrymps it goes quiet at times then picks up again some more have joined thread since you last went on i think

OrmIrian,

Well I didn't mean to compare dinky babies with chubbier ones, but rather to contrast the different way that we seem to treat the centiles depending on whether they are high or low.

Babies on the 2nd centile and 98th are statistically as "abnormal" as each other (2 babies out of 100) - and yet it seems that the 2nd centile mothers are given the not so subtle message that they are "failing" whereas 98th centilers seem (in the experience of our circle of friends) to be seen as a real success. In reality, of course, each baby is different, and no-one is more aware of that than me, with our > 0.4th centiler...

So I just wondered why we treat the centiles like that, and whether it says something about the society we live in... No offense intended, honest!

Not really offended Ilovedigestives but I just wanted to point out that it's not totally one way traffic. However I take your point. No HV ever fretted about my 2 big boys (97/98th centile mostly). My DD kept losing or failing to gain weight for a while - but to be fair my HV never made a big deal of it. DD was sent to see a consultant but over a different issue to weight, though for a while we thought it was linked.

soremummy - cool will pop back in to see whats going on

ormirian which surgery were you with? a38 or by the river?
just wondered if there was a dorect comparison as mine were referred to paeds

A38 I think (TRMC?). DD was a 'floppy' baby which was the reason she was referred to a consultant. But weight wise she lost a great deal. 9'6 born - went down to just over 8lbs in the first month and failed to put any weight on for about 2 months. My HV was really reassuring. In fact she said that as she was getting longer and seemed healthy I should stop taking her to get weighed as it was only upsetting me.

hmmm,same surgery as ours- wonder why they differed?

They got me coming and going! ENORMOUS baby-so I must have done something wrong - the slow weoght gain so I mus be doing something wrong.

The simple answer - if they are alert and happy, peeing and pooing, and not actually losing weight, then stop getting them weighed. Ds was last weighed at 8 weeks. He's 7 now!