Small babies = bad parents, Big babies = good parents

[ILoveDigestives]

...or so it seems. Our nearly 6 month DD has been a slow-weight gainer (always gaining just slowly, and otherwise healthy, alert, nappies etc...) and is currently off the bottom of the growth chart, about a cm below 0.4th. We've been referred to a paed, copped stick from HVs and family members (who don't understand why we persevere with bf and waiting for solids). But our GP and paed are brilliant and very supportive and keep reassuring us that she is perfectally healthy, just dinky.

But it's been a hard road thus far, with lots of concerned looks when peolpe find out how old she is, as if we are somehow failing her because she is tiny. If she cries, at all then everyone assumes it's cos she is hungry.

What I don't get it is that there is another baby in our NCT group that is off the top of the growth chart (born at 50th centile), and frankly looks it. She's formula fed, and was weaned at 4 months, and at not even 5 months is now on 3 meals a day, in addition to her milk. So chubby is she that she has sores around her knees and elbows. But the comments she gets are all positive! What a happy baby, etc...

Why is that? Surely her chubbiness is more of a potential risk going forward than our little one's dinkiness - especially in this culture of the "obesity timebomb" - so why is fat good, and dinky bad?

Just kinda interested, and needed to vent a bit!

I'm beginning to wonder if I've been neglected by the healthcare professionals!

My son is now 1 year old, and no one has ever even mentioned percentiles to me, I'm not even quite sure how they work, though obviously I get the idea it's to do with weight. Quite simply, his weight has been plotted on a graph every month, along with another chart for height, and the doctor just says something along the lines of "he's doing fine, see you next month"

Other people, however, were always telling me he was too big and heavy for his age, (exclusively breastfed to 6 months) and I should cut down on his feeds, it's abnormal, he'll end up obese, etc etc.

I just ignore them when it's strangers and read them the riot act when it's family (had enough).

It was especially odd as my first baby was 10lb 4 and put weight on steadily and quite fast. I think I was just lucky. If the HV had been fretting as much as I was I'd have gone spare .

well, my baby was born just below 50th centile and I was told everything was fine until she DARED to grow to the 98th centile

"do you know only 2% of babies are fatter than yours?" I was asked by the stupid stupid HV.

I was on here complaining about it a few weeks ago - i was made to feel terrible, left almost in tears.

weight should be plotted against height, not against age - this would give much truer reflection of how babies are doing, I think, and would stop many of us worrying

so - IME big baby does NOT = good parent and back slapping all round.

forgot to add - i have stopped getting her weighed now, despite the note in her red book saying come back in 2 weeks. it has been 6 weeks and i'll be damned if i queue for 2 hours just to made to feel close to tears again

I no longer care for HVs and if she's ill, or i am actually worried about her weight i'll take her to the doctor and done. until then they can go and stick their growth charts where the sun don't shine

for people with tiny babies made to feel bad. WTF?

DD is six weeks old and 10.5 lbs - but not chubby as she is long (57 cm at birth) dont know where the weight is.

Whenever I see a tiny baby I just want to coo over them, not make stupid judgements.

off subject a bit but - bearmama, congratulations! She's gorgeous!

Hi Dalrymps - thank you!
Did I send u my new email btw? If not pls email me on [email protected]. Ta! X

This makes me so sad.......

My son was born with undiagnosed IUGR and we had a terrible time with him feeding/weight gain wise and some of the comments I got were unbelieveable.

He was 4lbs 15oz at term and went down to 4lbs 8oz and was very floppy, refused to suck and had prolonged jaundice. He was readmitted to hospital at 4 days old and fed formula through an NG tube as frankly, I didnt know any better.

We struggled on for another 6 weeks until the HV actually listened to my worries that he was unwell and got him sent to hospital for bloods to be taken. Cue frantic phone call from Consultant Heamatologist the next day...

"Could you bring your son into hospital immediately as he has a streptoccocal infection in his blood"!

He picked up after a week of IV antibiotics, but it was a long, long road. He was so behind all the other babies of his age. I met a friend and her baby who is 3 days younger than mine at the 8 week vaccination clinic...my ds was just out of hospital and weighed 7lbs and hers was.......14lbs. I cried all the way home.

I have been accused of pushing an empty pram as he was so small people couldnt see him! I have been asked how many days old he was when he was 5 months!!!! and the worst comments were from older women who seemed to delight in pointing out the shortcomings of any mother they come across. My own aunt called me a bad mother because I only dressed my ds in a nappy and vest for weeks as he was born in 2003 during a heatwave

I am expecting my second child in September and am terrified of it all happening again. I would NEVER criticise anyone over the size of their child....its wrong cruel.

oh becaroo

congrats on the pregnancy, don't let these kind of plonkers worry you.

my small baby story...(one of many!)...
i took my weensy dd to the baby group when she was about 5wks - another mum spent the whole hour going "oh that would scare me, how do you do it, that would scare me so much, she's far too small..." etc etc

THAT!!

Caz10

I often felt that people saw my darling ds as a "thing" rather than as a baby....its heartbreaking and mind boggling cruel

I got lots of stares at baby clinic....and everyone else seemed to have such bonny babies and there was my scrawny little ds

Dont think I'll be going to baby clinic much with the next one!!

I should point out for any of those of you who may still be dealing with these sorts of comments/problems with HV etc that my son is now a happy, healthy nearly 5 year old who is slightly above 50th centile the growth charts - not that I take any notice of them any more anyway!!!

Today we went looking at car seats for when ds has to move on to the next size up, admittidly he won't be big enough for a while yet but I like to be prepared. Anyway the assistant came over and asked if she could help, I said 'oh we don't need one yet, were just looking' and she asked my favourite question 'how old is he?' I answered '6 and a half months' and she said, in a shocked and astounded voice 'reeeeeally???' . I just looked at her blankly and said 'yes' and then just looked away. She didn't know what to say but was obviosly thinking how small he was. She just started explaining that the most important thing when choosing a seat is the weight of your baby rather than the age. She kept saying that the weight is far more important than the age.
Yes, I get it, you think he's small and you think i'm a total moron who would just shove him in a car seat he was too small for.
OK rant over

I've had one of each too, DD1 has always followed the 9th centile for weight about the 25th for height. At nearly 4 she is very skinny but thats just the way she is.

DD2 was born 9lbs 3ozs and a week later 10lbs, she was on the 91st centile for weight and height but has dropped off to the 50th now at 2 1/2.

Like adults some of us are small some of us are larger, I think people forget that sometimes babies aren't all born 7lbs and put on weight following a regulation line!

My 4 month old DS was born on the 9th centile and is now veering towards the 50th, and I exclusively BF. I don't really care about his weight as long as he's healthy.

A close relative has just bought a t-shirt saying 'Chubby and loving it' - I'm not too sure what to think! He's not even average weight for his age and people are calling him chubby . That said, his current nickname in the household is 'dollop'.

But he is a chubster MrsJamin.

lol hello you found me! I thought it was you (sorry everyone we're sisters)

We've got the most wonderful mixture of shapes and sizes imaginable in our 4!and all exc BF
DS1 slightly above average height,skinny as a rake (nickname tinribs)
DS2 still in 3 year old clothes at nearly 5 ,on the stocky side but still slim
DD1 average height and weight for a 3 year old
DD2 at just under 5 months, is grown out of 6 month sized clothes, and is like a little buddha. I'm just under 6 foot and broad, with long arms and legs, DH is 5 foot 9 and has short legs and arms (even my hands are longer than his) He's obese ,but also is very muscular on the arms and legs. all our kids are various combinations of both of us,none is better,or more desirable a shape than the others,and I get really annoyed if they are compared