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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Husband saying I’m selfish for BF baby

52 replies

Peachhedgehogmama · 10/05/2025 19:59

Just looking for some support…not getting any at home. Between us me and my other half have now 5 children. As far as I know the other 3 children were basically brought up by him. Now we have a child together and culturally I should BF with my son I didn’t make enough milk so had to combine. Now I have enough to feed our little one who so far has refused bottles (tongue tie now cut but still refusing) and I’m being told I am being controlling and only thinking about my feelings and not his. I’ve offered him nappy changes, bath time I waited weeks for him to do this and in the end gave up….I've sobbed and sobbed as I really don’t want to give formula…I’ve started expressing but struggling with the machine…and I’m unsure if she will even take it from a bottle as when we’ve tried before she gags and refuses it to the point where she gets herself in such a state she throws up digested milk.
I just want someone else’s view from mums side and especially a dads side really.

please please help one struggling confused mummy.

OP posts:
hedgehoggle · 10/05/2025 20:01

What's his problem with it? It's up to you how you feed her and he should support your choice. He sounds like he's being pretty horrible at a vulnerable and stressful time for you. Unpleasant!

untilido · 10/05/2025 20:03

You are thinking about your child and your husband is an utter fucking knob who appears to be jealous of his own baby. Poor little man not getting any attention.

Devilmentpleassure · 10/05/2025 20:05

You are giving your baby the very best start in the world. Take absolutely no notice whatsoever, of your DH’s negativity. Make it crystal clear that you are going to continue to feed from the breast and he can shut the fuck up.

Ponderingwindow · 10/05/2025 20:05

Your husband is an asshole of epic proportions. If you wanted to kick him out of the house over this you would be justified.

his job is to support you with breastfeeding. He should be your biggest cheerleader. He should bring you snacks and big glasses of water. If YOU decide to pump, he should wash the pump parts and bottles. He can get up in the night and help with bribing you the baby, returning to cot, and doing any nappy changes. There are plenty of ways for him to support you and bond with the baby.

what he is doing is sabotage and it is despicable.

EscargotChic · 10/05/2025 20:06

Why is he making this all about him?
(obvious answer: he’s being a knob)

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 20:12

To poster that said she can decide to feed her baby however she wants. I don’t believe it’s her job to decide how to feed their baby.

OP to answer your question, I understand your husband wants to feed to bond but like you’ve said you’ve offered him all different alternatives to bond. Your baby doesn’t want the bottle and your struggling to express. Your husband needs to accept your baby doesn’t want to bottle feed and but his own selfish needs aside.

Out of curiosity did you not discuss how you both wanted to feed your baby before they were born?

LoveHearts69 · 10/05/2025 20:12

What a dickhead!! My husband has been incredibly supportive of me breastfeeding as he heard all the great benefits of it when I was pregnant the first time and we did NCT. He got our youngest to sleep every night after I gave him a feed (I then got toddler to sleep instead) and they have a great bond despite him never giving him a bottle. 🙄 Can you send him links and statistics to show the benefits to both you and baby? Also surely he should appreciate that breastfeeding is free! I will never understand the ‘selfish’ argument when it’s the least selfish thing you can do.

LaVitesse2022 · 10/05/2025 20:18

OP, your husband is being the selfish one. You are doing the right thing breastfeeding your baby and it sounds like it's working really well for you both. So your husband should not only respect it but actively support you on this. And I say this as someone who formula-fed my baby.

Original poster
Peachhedgehogmama · 10/05/2025 20:23

Thank you everyone especially @PinkPonyClubb we did discuss. His family for cultural spoke to me about the need to BF for two years. At the time I explained with my son I didn’t have enough milk so I may not be able to do it.
so now it’s a problem I can, I feel so confused and quite frankly hurt that I went through the pain to start with now it’s literally been a huge issue. Night 3 I even panicked and tried to give one of those pre made bottles. Then we found out about the tongue tie which we had cut, we have since then tried a bottle but again she got herself in such a state she threw up.
I have felt so proud of myself for actually managing to do it and yes it’s stressful and sometimes even after a feed she is unsettled which now he is claiming means she hasn’t received enough milk.
he can’t see why I’m upset by the conversation…and when I’ve said I would’ve wanted a little more support he has said his feelings obviously don’t matter to me…which of course they do matter to me.
I just feel like everything I’m saying to try and make this better is wrong..

OP posts:
Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 10/05/2025 20:23

He's being a selfish, ignorant moron. Do not allow yourself to be bullied by him, stand firm and follow your instincts. I'm guessing there is a batshit crazy mil in the background encouraging his warped request so she can get her grubby mitts on your baby sooner than if you bf. Don't give in stand firm and point him in the direction of research that backs up how good bf is for babies.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 10/05/2025 20:28

He's being selfish. You crack on

Jen579 · 10/05/2025 20:30

Tell him breast milk is the best thing for a baby and the baby loves it so why is he trying to take it away? Clearly he is the one being selfish and needs to get over himself.

Cedrabbage · 10/05/2025 20:32

He's a turd. You're feeding your baby better stuff than bottle. Well done for persevering. Plus it's cheaper, and once you're past the early days it's much easier (I've done both with different children). He ought to appreciate this all. Look after yourself and so your baby in turn. If he really wants to get involved maybe he could sit and cuddle with you both every time. Doubt he will.

Titasaducksarse · 10/05/2025 20:33

Complaining about breastfeeding is a known indicator of domestic abuse.

Aria2015 · 10/05/2025 20:35

Why is he not prioritising what's best for his child and what their preference seems to be? Also, if his family stressed the importance to breastfeeding, surely they'd be on your side? Could you not get one of them to have a word with him? Or perhaps you could get the health visitor to speak to him?

Anyway, don't let it get in the way of your breastfeeding journey. You're doing nothing wrong despite what he might say.

Paintandpots · 10/05/2025 20:38

This husband is utterly selfish! There are other ways to bond with your baby and you have offered him them all.

You do what is right for you and baby. Breastfeed if you want to, especially as it is culturally important to you, and you know how good it is for the baby and you baby is refusing the bottle.

Also you clearly want to breastfeed, your the mummy and the bond you have with baby is more important at this stage.

floppybit · 10/05/2025 20:39

What have I just read? What kind of father tries to stop his child from being breastfed, he’s jealous and selfish

untilido · 10/05/2025 20:41

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 20:12

To poster that said she can decide to feed her baby however she wants. I don’t believe it’s her job to decide how to feed their baby.

OP to answer your question, I understand your husband wants to feed to bond but like you’ve said you’ve offered him all different alternatives to bond. Your baby doesn’t want the bottle and your struggling to express. Your husband needs to accept your baby doesn’t want to bottle feed and but his own selfish needs aside.

Out of curiosity did you not discuss how you both wanted to feed your baby before they were born?

Of course she gets to decide. Or are you suggesting if a woman doesn’t want to BF that the father of the baby has some sort of right to a discussion about why she should?

NewDogOwner · 10/05/2025 20:56

He is being controlling. This isn't about either of you. It's about the needs of your baby.

WaltzingWaters · 10/05/2025 20:59

It is 100% your “DH” who is being the selfish prick here. You are doing what is best for your baby.

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 21:08

untilido · 10/05/2025 20:41

Of course she gets to decide. Or are you suggesting if a woman doesn’t want to BF that the father of the baby has some sort of right to a discussion about why she should?

Show quote history

I am suggesting that two adults who make a baby should discuss how they want to feed their baby.

untilido · 10/05/2025 21:11

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 21:08

I am suggesting that two adults who make a baby should discuss how they want to feed their baby.

Show quote history

When it invokes the woman’s breast and body no they don’t.

DiscoBeat · 10/05/2025 21:13

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 20:12

To poster that said she can decide to feed her baby however she wants. I don’t believe it’s her job to decide how to feed their baby.

OP to answer your question, I understand your husband wants to feed to bond but like you’ve said you’ve offered him all different alternatives to bond. Your baby doesn’t want the bottle and your struggling to express. Your husband needs to accept your baby doesn’t want to bottle feed and but his own selfish needs aside.

Out of curiosity did you not discuss how you both wanted to feed your baby before they were born?

Er, it absolutely IS her choice to decide, as the baby's mother. If not, are you seriously suggesting a man could veto breastfeeding?? OP, you need to do what's best for you and I hope you get his support 100%.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 10/05/2025 21:16

Until he has the ability to feed your baby himself, his opinion is, frankly, so far from relevant that it's laughable...

PinkPonyClubb · 10/05/2025 21:19

untilido · 10/05/2025 21:11

When it invokes the woman’s breast and body no they don’t.

Show quote history

This is why so many woman end up single You’re all nuts! How do you think a joint child is your solo parenting decision.

I don’t agree with the OP husband.

Parenting is a joint decision though.