Would you stop breastfeeding in my situation?

[Cinai2]

DS is 3 months old, breastfeeding was never smooth sailing. I tried everything to boost supply during the first few weeks but midwife and lactation consultant eventually came to the conclusion that I’m physically not able to produce more milk. I’ve topped up with formula since day 5 due to him losing too much weight.

Up until now, I still gave DS the breast followed by a bottle of formula. He takes 150ml per bottle feed 6 times a day, so I can only assume that he just gets a few drops of breast milk.
since last week, he refuses the breast altogether, he’d latch on, then start to scream until I give him the bottle. I tried to offer the breast after the bottle or in between feeds, but he refuses.
Would you stop breastfeeding in this situation?

I would and did. It was such a weight that lifted when I stopped, I actually wished I had done it sooner. I had exactly the same issue as you.

Definitely

No. The longer you offer breast milk for your baby alongside formula, the longer the benefits throughout their whole life. It's life changing.

Of course it's up to you - but yes.

Kindly - Do you feel you need to be "given permission"? You can absolutely stop if you want to, or if it is not working for you and your child.
You can still enjoy skin to skin if you feel you would miss breastfeeding. It's not just for immediately after birth.
I assume you don't get much milk from pumping? If you wanted to, you could express and feed this to your child once a day so he still gets some breastmilk. Equally, if pumping is taking up a lot of time to produce only a little then it's also OK not to.
Be kind to yourself - even if not producing much you can still experience a hormonal drop from stopping breastfeeding so do be prepared for that!
And equally IF you do wish to continue you can always take a break and return, or continue to offer the breast each time and see if he changes his mind.
Best of luck whatever you decide x

It’s not life changing - you can’t tell from a group of children health wise, who was and wasn’t breast fed.

In your situation I'd do half the bottle of formula, then breasts, then the other half of the bottle. I did that with dc1 when she was newborn. You can also try switch feeding which is good for raising supply, as I say it worked for me and I transitioned from mix feeding to pretty much EBF that way.

So something like F-L-R-L-R-L-R-F for each feed.

He can't breastfeed when he's ravenous. But that doesn't mean giving up entirely

I know that sounds like it'd take forever but the thing with switch feeding is you switch sides as soon as the flow slows. So 3-5min on each side. At least 3x per side.

If you feel "let down" before feeding and your breasts are uncomfortably full at any point over next few days after stopping feeding, you will know it is not that you were physically unable to produce milk..
However, that is NOT to say that breastfeeding should continue. It's the relationship between you and your baby that matters and it sounds as if worrying about your supply and baby's nutrition is causing an enormous amount of stress and tension.
I talked to someone who had experienced a genuine inability to produce milk (I think there is a medical name for it. .) and it helped me a lot in similar circumstances, the grief and guilt associated and wanting the baby "fed" above all. But I went away from that feeling much calmer about formula and relaxed enough to do much more skin to skin and baby mooning and improved my supply that way...BUT that is not say that was true of HER, and she had suffered tortures thinking she had deprived him at any point by persisting when he was so hungry.

So only you can tell how the breastfeeding is really going. How your body is responding to cues and what your baby needs. Not us.

But be reassured that your baby really needs is YOU not an exhausted desperate version of you worrying about breastfeeding.

But I concur with previous posters that switch feeding is a brilliant way of improving supply. And Six times a day isn't really demand feeding either...ten or twelve times a day offering the breast and especially nighttime breast feeds is likely to be much more stimulating to your supply. When you offer spaced out feeds you aren't helping matters
The lactation consultant may have been worried about you not producing enough milk but midwives don't usually pronounce at 3 months...have you had support from other breastfeeding oeganisations because it sounds like the advice isnt that aimed at increasing supply if you are feeding only six times a day.

I increased my milk supply at ten weeks and combination fed from that point until baby was onto solids, at which point I breastfed and dropped the top up bottles. But I really did focus on more demand and my supply increased dramatically...the four hour gaps for feeds had been lethal earlier on. And I found my latch had been all wrong too, for weeks, baby had not been getting a proper mouthful, no wonder bottle feeding was easier for him.
So there are more than reason why your supply may be low, NOW. What happens at four weeks is not necessarily a reason at 12 weeks.

If the child is refusing the breast, the only way of feeding it breastmilk would be to pump. I have no idea whether that would be painful or not since I've never done it. However, it seems to me that that the baby's already had the benefit of its mother's milk for 3 months - OP has done well.

My mother's milk dried up when I was 3 months old. She later told me that she felt guilty about it. It upsets me that she felt that way. I was a healthy child and grew to be a robust 5ft 9 - tall for a woman in my area.

Thanks all

Just to add because someone asked, of course I fed and pumped every 2-3 hours during his first three or four weeks. But as he grew older he started to demand more per feed and at the same time dropped some feeds. Yes, probably not helpful for my supply, but my only option would be to leave him hungry by taking away the bottle before he’s finished and I’m not comfortable doing this.

I spent some ££ on private midwife support and I think I’ve been advised well. I have autoimmune diseases which can reduce supply and the midwife suspected breast hypoplasia…I can’t know for sure if I have it, but I tick all the boxes / show all the signs.

I think the choice is between trying to continue feeding him whatever there is, even if he screams, or to give up.

It took three lactation consultants to conclude I had breast hypoplasia and genuine low supply. Pretty much no one believes me, if I tell my breastfeeding story, I get told about pumping and switching sides and tongue tie, etc etc, all of which I not only tried, but frankly know more about than anyone I know who breastfed exclusively.

Anyway, I fed my first until 6 months and it destroyed me. My second I had sessions with a really good lactation consultant beforehand who helped me think through what “breastfeeding success” meant to me. She helped me see that I could set my own measure of success, I didn’t have to use anyone else’s measure. I stopped breastfeeding my second at 2 months and it was vastly better for my mental health, which was better for our whole family.

So, it’s up to you. Do what you feel is best for you and your baby together. You’ve clearly worked really hard at feeding your baby as much as possible, you are a great mum. The next steps are up to you, not anyone else.

If it is permission you feel you need, then you can switch to just formula at any time. There are no rules saying you have to try and try. Do what works best for you and your family.

Yes. I'd give up breastfeeding if I were you, and just concentrate on enjoying feeding your baby (and enjoy all the benefits of bottle feeding).

I guess I am looking for ‘permission’., or reassurance. My feeling is that it’s better to give up breastfeeding and that we’d all be happier for it, but my DH strongly feels that we need to push through so that he can have at least a little bit of breast milk. That makes me conflicted, I’m a first time mum and want to do what’s best for DS.

I also "would and did"

I persevered for 4 months before i got my "permission" to quit
My mental health improved radically and i wish i had switched to full formula sooner. I dont know why i went on for so long or what i was trying to prove

Your baby will thrive on formula - mine did. Healthy and happy baby = happy parents.

I expressed and bottle fed DD1 from 6 weeks to 11 months after something similar (but I had enough milk, just couldn’t make breastfeeding work & DD then refused entirely). I have no idea what drove me, but looking back it was a bonkers thing to do.

It is entirely your choice, but if I was you I would stop breastfeeding, although I know how hard I would have found it at the same stage. Be kind to yourself, it is a stressful time.

DD2 got breast milk for a few months, much less than DD1, but I would say there is no perceptible difference in them health wise or in any other measures.

No, remember fed is best!!!

Sorry I mean no dw about bf , fed anyway is best!

Yes I would. I actually fully stopped breastfeeding DC1 at almost exactly the same age for the same reason - their behaviour. Until then they were having mostly formula bottles but a few breastfeeds a day. They started then regularly refusing the breast and acting as you described so I packed it in and felt soooo much better for it. I had awful awful pain breastfeeding, my nipples were still shredded, I had seen so many professionals and nobody was able to fix it. My baby gained weight beautifully but I was a mess and developed PND. With hindsight I wish I'd stopped sooner.

Breastfeeding my DC2 and DC3 was much easier as the pain had completely gone by 6 weeks in. DC2 was breastfed in some capacity for 10 months, DC3 is still a newborn and exclusively breastfed so far.

I bf dd1 for over 18 months and dd2 for 4 years. But with hindsight I should have stopped with dd1 in the very early weeks. It was so hard and she did not sleep without me so I was barely sleeping. I was exhausted. Is breastfeeding better? Absolutely. But sometimes not doing it is the right thing, either for the baby or the mother.

Don’t be daft. Recent research has shown max it does is stave off something like an ear infection. It’s only life changing for the poor mother struggling, for the time she struggles to when she stops.

The best thing for baby is being fed and happy. If continuing to try BF is distressing for you and baby then it's not going to do anyone any good.

I had to give my DD formula from 2 weeks old as I had poor supply due to previous breast reduction. I really beat myself up about it and really struggled to 'give in' to formula...it's so sad that this is the case in our society! Now she's 16 months old and the healthiest baby out of all her peers that were exclusively BF which may be a coincidence but...who knows!

I hired hospital grade pumps, tried loads to try and increase my supply and it was stressful and I didn't need that pressure as a new mum.

Be kind to yourself, you're doing a brilliant job I'm sure. My main bit of advice is if you feel like you want to continue and try and you have the mental and physical energy to push through then do it for YOU...baby won't care, who cares what others think...your the mum you know best, your mental wellbeing matters. You got this whatever you decide x