Breastfeeding in front of in-laws/my Dad!!

[Chequers]

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Haven't read all the thread, but I felt the same as you do. However, it was never a problem. When one of the dtws started to demand feeding, and i said' OH well, I suppose I'd better...' and started hitching up my t-shirt, they would jump up and say 'I must have a look at the garden' or whatever, and reappear when infant safely ltached on and all attention diverted away.

FWIW, I wouldn't worry about your Dad. He has seen you naked before, after all! You need to act as though it's a perfectly normal thing to do. Which it is

No expert here, but IMO you should do what YOU feel most comfortable with. I felt just the same as you - happy to feed in front of pretty much anyone, including perfect strangers, but NOT FIL!! He was always very quick to offer to leave the room, but to be honest I always really enjoyed the opportunity to go upstairs for half an hour and get away from everyone else. It's funny, in some ways you completely lose all sense of dignity and embarrassment when you've had a baby, but somehow FIL was always the exception .

No not just you! I eventually fed in front of my dad, but not his vile gf, and never ever in front of pil.

None of them warm people (understatement), and my dad NEVER changed my bum...

Chequers - sympathies with feeling funny about being constantly told that you're going to change. It almost felt people were using my pregnancy to just have a pop at things they didn't like or disapproved of about me (you won't be doing/saying/thinking that sort of thing anymore...)

You are NOT going to change, it's just that the criteria you use to make your choices will be different. Your rationale and your choices will be consistent with who you've always been (that's why all mums and all los are different thank goodness), it's just the circumstances that will change. Example:

I swore before I had the wee one that I would not BF in public at all because I felt it was important that it be a calm, quiet thing, without huge distraction, in a regular and familiar place and also because I felt my knockers were a private matter between me Moominpop and Moomintroll - nobody else's business.

Since his arrival I have always taken a bottle with me on outings (we mix-feed anyway) and have not planned any public feeding (unlike many of my peers, who have deliberately organised mutually supportive outings where they could all bf together - safety in numbers). As it happened, on a recent group outing Moomintroll needed food and I was bottle-feeding him but he was mega-hungry and asked for bf after his bottle. Without thinking, or even breaking the conversation I was having I found myself bf-ing him and felt utterly comfortable.

When I made my plan I had absolutely no idea what effect his wee face asking for food would have on me.

I would strongly urge you to be prepared to tell EVERYONE except your DH to bugger off when you're getting the hang of feeding in the first few weeks as the two of you will need to learn together and you don't need to do it under a microscope - v stressful. And when it comes to the crunch with these two menfolk, trust your mummy-whiskers, not your dd-whiskers or your dil-whiskers.

All the very best!

the day my baby was born my poor dad was away because his sister had just died. My mum was the first to visit, and I was tentatively breastfeeding new little babycarrot with mum and DH in the room. We heard the sound of my Dad approaching in the corridor, and I had a few seconds to decide what I was going to do - whip my tiny newborn off her brand newly latched onto boob, or brazen it out as my dad entered.

I took a deep breath...

With all that had gone on, my aunty dying, me going into labour with the shock, the labour lasting two days, boobs and modesty and all that just seemed so irrelevant. My dear old dad was just moved to tears to see his first grandchild, I was relieved to have got that potentially awkward moment over with, and I've been able to bf in front of Dad ever since.

And we are a really repressed family sometimes!

So my advice is...time it so that you are bf when your dad meets your baby for the first time. He'll be so relieved you are both safe, and you'll be so knackered and elated from the birth that neither of you will give a toot, and it will be plain sailing from then on!

i said i think ill go upstairs to feed him, he wont concentrate enough with all these distractions, wicked excuse to sit upstairs for longer than nessecary reading heat magazine instead of small talk with mil.

Good question: one I have not really answered with my FIL.. as every time we visit I have announced ds needs a nappy change then leave for the bedroom we stay in and feed him too.

MIL did say I was not banned from anywhere in the house!.. but dh and I can't figure out how to approach if fil would be ok/uncomfortable if I fed in the same room or whether he thinks by not coming into the same rm he is giving me privacy he thinks I want..

Not had the opportunity to BF in front of my dad by the time this does come around think I will bf and not worry about it (having just got into the swing of things again in public

Not read the thread. But there are 2 ways to deal with it

1. be discreet - that could be goign away for 1/2 an hour, v inconvenient fo ryou, unless it isn't - i.e. you want an exxcuse to disappear away from ILs, OR get breastfeeding tops and a muslin over yoru shoulder so very discreet.

OR,
2) brazen it. It's the most natural thing in teh world, that is what boobs are for, and any problem they have with it is their problem.

Persoanlly I fall between the two camps when breastfeeding, i.e. try to be discreet with bf tops etc to not too much skin etc (that is mainly for my own comfort than to save embarassment of others though), but don't disrupt my own day to day activities.

I really struggled with this when dd was born. My parents live a long way so came to stay for the first week she was here. At first I went upstairs and enjoyed the peace whilst I got to grips with feeding dd.

After a while I could hear them all laughing and playing games (she was born at xmas, do families only ever play games at xmas??) that I ventured downstairs with dd and fed her covered in a muslin cloth. Joining in eating Roses out of giant tin, watching rubbish TV and playing cheesy board games.

Now I just feed her in front of my dad no worries, he was a bit freaky at first (my dad is v. Jeremy Clarkson-like and doesn't agree with bf - too hippyish) and now we both don't even notice it. You can't really see much when I'm feeding her and she's happy and not screaming which has to be the best all round!!

Haven't had to face FIL yet, he doesn't have a close relationship with DH so we rarely see him phew, he's bloomin hard work so can't cope with him and small baby.

You really have to go by your own instincts, for how you will all feel comfortable, you may find later that your instincts change, but you might not.

Hope all goes well and good luck!

I wasn't sure what I would do before it happened. In the end I mainly brazened it out in front of my father and friend's husbands. The latching on is the bit where you are most exposed. I sometimes used to sit in a big chair with my knees pulled up in front of me, and the baby resting on top of my thighs, to provide a bit of privacy. At other times I chose to go to the bedroom. It was a bit difficult being absent for 40 minutes here and there when visitors came to call but sometimes it meant that I could feed lying down and get a rest at the same time. Whatever you are comfortable with.

Hi, I haven't read the whole thread as yet but thought i wud add my tuppence worth. Mt DS couldn't breast feed so I express and just couldn't bring myself to do it in front of FIL, so I just said, "feeling full, back in a bit" and went and played on computer for a while so i could get on with it. My in-laws soon realised that i didn't feel comfortable with it and just left me to it. No problem.

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It's the most natural beautiful thing you can do with your child. I have found people to be very accepting that I don't leave the room.
I don't even bother covering up.
My daughter pulls the cloth off even if I try

Iesha, i am well impressed that you even consider expressing on front of an in law!

I couldn't do it in front of my own dh!!

Hi, I know you don't need more people saying your terms of reference change after baby- but here's a different take on it. When DD was 1 week old I took her to work to show her off, and TBH I probably shouldn't have- I'd just keeled over in M&S, trying to do too much! Anyway, in a staffroom full of colleagues (lots of blokes too) DD suddenly needed feeding and I didn't even think about it, just fed her. I cringe now at the thought- I wasn't that practised to have been very discreet.I wasn't that uncomfortable at the time, its just looking back ( I would NEVER have contemplated feeding in public before having DD I thought it's be a very private thing). I did feed for several years, and recall feeding in front of the plumber, and having to tell BIL that he couldn't see anything so he could stay in the room, both in the early days but when we got more practised!

I understand how you feel,I was determined to breast feed whenever and wherever necessary and have done so for 7 months but at first I did feel like I was exposing myself to everyone, especially when my brother-in-law visited.

A friend told me to breastfeed in front of a mirror so that I could see what everyone else could see - this was very good advice as I realised that no boob is on show at all. I would suggest trying this when you have your baby. Another good tip is to wear a slightly too large T-shirt or vest top under your clothes, then you can lift your jumper up and pull the T-shirt you have on underneath down to get your boob out - this means you reveal absolutely nothing to the world. This was a revolation to me and meant I was comfortable feeding in public.

At first I fed every two hours and each feed took at least an hour, sometimes you want to get away from everyone and it's a nice break and a chance for you to be alone with your baby. Sometimes it's bloody annoying and you want to tell everyone that you've just given birth and don't want to be shut up in the nursery, exhausted and trying to master breastfeeding while they all have a nice chat and a cup of tea downstairs.

My dad is very embarassed by it all despite having three grandchildren and he tends to leave the room or distract himself with the TV etc. My brother-in-law and husbands grandfather didn't even know I was breastfeeding at a family meal once and both commented on how good the baby was sleeping in my arms through dinner!!

I'm not going to tell you that you'll change your mind once you've had the baby! Have your polite excuses/phrases ready, practise in front of a mirror and buy some vest tops (£1 in Primark) then you're ready for everything!

Good Luck!

I have always found feeding my baby to be a very 'personal' and 'emotional' activity. Even if i could, i would not like to feed in front of anyone at all (excluding my hubby). Sometimes i have had to do it outdoors (desperate times) but otherwise its always just me & DD in a quiet room by ourselves. Not even my aunts or mother-in-law or sisters-in-law were included. Loved my time alone with my DD. That also gave me enough privacy and everyone was more comfortable. Its your choice.

I didn't like bf is public really, only did it when I had no choice, usually headed home for feed times. FIL used to ask questions like "is it hard work making all the milk" v.embarrassing

I didn't like it either, but I did it, discreetly behind a muslin.

You can get some really good tops now, I got one from next recently and you wouldn't see a thing. But totally understand where you are coming from.

I have to say, i was worried about this, and i have massive boobs so a lot to show...at first i used to disapear to the back room or somethign to feed, then i got used to just whapping it out and feedingand didn't mind...at the end of the day your dad wont want to see your breasts, so he isn't going to look, and your FIL shouldn't want to look either...and if he does, ask if he wants some and he'll soon stop looking!!haha!!

on a serious note, things really seem sooooo much bigger thinking about it that when your actually living it!!

I think the idea about getting them to walk the dogs is superb - would have been almost worth buying a dog to be able to use that one!

While at hospital, how about having a 'secret' sign with your hubby, so that if you wink at him or give him the nod he can say "how about we all go and get a cuppa while baby-Chequers has a change/feed etc.." to save you the stress of having to send them all away.

Or at least you can use the old "would you like some milky, little one, are you hungry?" and start fumbling around with your top, then if you notice they aren't all leaving the room, you can stop as if you're waiting for them to go! They'll get the hint. Good luck with it all!

Chequers, I felt the same as you when I was pg with DD. I dont mind feeding in front of my dad (He was at DD's birth so not a prob for me) but I wont feed in front of step FIL. Step FIL is the only person I wont feed in front of. I dont know why. Anyway if step FIL is around when DD needs feeding I usually find a private room or go to our bedroom if he is at our house.

But it really isn't as bad as you expect. I remember starting a similar thread when I was pg.

Good luck

My In-Laws were really cool with it. My sis-in-law and I both fed all 4 kids in front of them and they never batted an eye. My Mum-in-law bf'd, which helped. I think my Dad was more embarrassed, but was still cool. My Mum could never believe where I would feed (basically anywhere) but was supportive too. I think I've been lucky. Never been asked to stop either. Maybe the tattoos and piercings might have something to do with that tho....