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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in front of in-laws/my Dad!!

81 replies

Chequers · 01/04/2008 20:26

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Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 20:45

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FrannyandZooey · 01/04/2008 20:46

well i do understand as I felt quite shy about it at first and indeed for a while, especially with my FIL and with people I didn't know very well
I did prefer to have privacy (my mum was actually the worst - she cannot bear to see someone else doing something without interference - she would sit right next to me readjusting the cushions how SHE thought they should be and even pulling my bra and clothes further back so I was more exposed! the very thought is making me infuriated...)

anyway sometimes if we had company I would relish the thought of going to lie down quietly for a bit with ds and would just say "I'll just go up and feed him" or even "I'll just take him upstairs for a bit" - you don't HAVE to explain what you are doing in your own home

but if you are planning on a lot of visitors soon after the birth bear in mind you may be tired and in some pain, so really your guests should be vacating the room rather than you having to tackle stairs every hour or so

WinkyWinkola · 01/04/2008 20:47

Well, you just do what you feel comfortable with. That's the best way!

FourPlusOne · 01/04/2008 20:47

With my family, in the early days, I used to say 'give me a few minutes while I sort out baby'. Cue empty room and several minutes spent latching baby on. they would bugger off and make cups of tea / fetch biscuits etc. Then I would just shout when I was sorted and 'decent' and had a little blanket draped aroung baby/boob so that my grandfather didn't have a heart attack (he is one to leave room when he realises what I'm doing too). By then I would have a cup of tea made for me and everyone happy. Didn't have to miss out on seeing family either.

In the case of in laws/extended family I was usually more than happy to go off with my baby for a while so didn't mind leaving room.

Also used to do the book/magazine in bag ting too. Was nice to have an excuse to escape during family gatherings etc.

edam · 01/04/2008 20:47

My Dad was very supportive but it did make me feel weird, b/f in front of him. He was so besotted with his first grandson he couldn't stop gazing at him adoringly, even when ds was guzzling away. After that initial 'eek' I got over it, though - it's fine, really.

Was embarrassed when ds needed a feed while MIL was around but she just laughed (in a nice way) and said don't worry, she had fed dh so it was not an issue for her.

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/04/2008 20:47

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FrannyandZooey · 01/04/2008 20:48

oh I meant to say that despite feeling shy at first it did become easier and more comfortable given a bit of time
you kind of get the hang of it and it is less of a performance
you may find you don't give a monkeys quite quickly

Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 20:51

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AbbeyA · 01/04/2008 20:54

You will feel differently afterwards-you can be very discreet. I breast fed all three of mine until they were about 10 months. It would have been an awful lot of leaving the room! You get quite blase, I fed on trains, playgrounds, where ever. If people don't like it that is their problem. T shirts are best-you don't have to expose much.

FrannyandZooey · 01/04/2008 20:55

yes! have always been franny online but on MN adopted this one as am fan of Mr S

BarbaraWoodlouse · 01/04/2008 20:55

You may, or may not, feel differently later What you will know later is whether your baby is a quick feeder or an hour at a time one; whether you will in fact quite fancy some time out in a different room or if you want to be in the thick of it; whether you can immediately get him/her latched on discretely or if it takes more time and erm exposure at first....

A lot of these things will affect whether you choose to disappear to another room, ask people to leave or do indeed change your mind and end up feeding in front of people you never dreamed you would.

FWIW I fed from the early days in front of my dad and step dad but never in front of FIL. I just got the impression that he wouldn't be comfortable with it and personally had no problem with quickly popping to another room when he was there.

Good luck with everything.

Reesie · 01/04/2008 20:57

I felt the same - the thought of breatfeeding infront of my dad....oh my gosh - it would have brought me out in a cold sweat!!!!!

However, when I had my baby and got used to bf - it didn't seem too bad. It progressed slowly. Initially my dad would leave the room, but after a couple of weeks of it he would pop back in a few mins when he knew dd would be 'attached' and there would be nothing to see! In the end I got really confident with BF and it got to feel so normal and natural that DD would be popped on without a flash of nipple or breast to be seen.

Good luck with breastfeeding - it's absolutely lovely!!!

Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 20:58

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AbbeyA · 01/04/2008 21:00

If I hadn't breast fed in front of people I would have had nearly 3 years of taking myself into separate rooms and not going out!

icklelou · 01/04/2008 21:03

I was worried about feeding in front of my dad, but he surprised me by being totally unfazed and even coming out with supportive comments. I don't know why I worried, my mum bf me and my sisters. My mum bothers me more, I don't think she means to, but I feel really watched feeding front of her.

Mil's husband always seems uncomfortable, but he always seems to find something that needs doing in another room when dd needs feeding! I use a muslin to cover up, but I do struggle to feed discreetly. I'm not sure dd's head is bigger than my breast at the moment!

I just played it by ear in the beginning, you'll soon find out what you're comfortable with, or not. No one would be offended if you wanted to go to another room to feed your baby.

Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 21:04

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AbbeyA · 01/04/2008 21:06

I think that you will probably find that they go somewhere else if they are uncomfortable-however if you don't want to there is no reason why you should-just excuse yourself and go off somewhere quiet-you might like the peace anyway!

BarbaraWoodlouse · 01/04/2008 21:07

Exactly Chequers. Believe me, I fed in restaurants, pubs, coffee shops etc and never had a bad experience or felt "exposed".

Not feeding in front of a couple of family memebers who you hardly see won't do anybody any harm.

When are you due btw? If the weather is good you could always get DP/H to suggest a stroll at feeding time. Then you could remain in custody of the remote and the sofa (very important when breastfeeding IMO)

Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 21:08

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lennygrrr · 01/04/2008 21:09

Chequers, I totally get this. I eventually could feed in front of my dad, once i had got the latch sorted and we were working together but for the first few weeks at least with both of my daughters I couldn't feed in front of df or pil. Apart from anything else very tiny babies really pick up on awkwardness or tension (imo). I had to be relaxed or it didn't work. I used to go and chill in my bedroom (nice to get away from them tbh and watch the o.c.) I could happily feed when out and about, and even in front of male friends, but not my dad or pil... ERGH.

sarahloumadam · 01/04/2008 21:16

When I first had DS I used to force myself to feed in front of certain friends etc because I felt I had to get used to it but now I see how I feel on the day. Sometimes I just know that DS will be distracted by other people (especially if they have toddlers who like to come and see what is going on and provide a commentary ), sometimes I just want to be on my own with him and sometimes I just wop them out and get on with it.

Original poster
Chequers · 01/04/2008 21:18

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mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 01/04/2008 21:22

Personally I didnt give a monkeys and FIL said to me that he was not in the least bit bothered where I fed ds as long as I was happy and ds was happy. He reckoned he had seen pretty much everything in his 60 odd years and bf was the most natural thing in the world and nothing to be ashamed of.
As for my dad, well he is my dad...he wiped my bottom when I was little, I have nothing to be shy of infront of him.

If you are uncomfortable then drape a muslin over your top or quite frankly ask them to leave. You are the one that had the baby and you should be comfy in your surroundings. the last thing you want to be doing is jumping up and down every time your bubby needs feeding.

harpsichordcarrier · 01/04/2008 21:24

haven't rtead the thread, but one really good tip is to sit right next to the person you don't want to feed next to so have them on your left and latch thte baby onto your right breast. this way, the person can happily look across the room without any problems.

FrannyandZooey · 01/04/2008 21:26

i would think possibly even have the baby on the side next to them
all they will see is baby head
(unless of course you manage to let down spectacularly before getting latched on, and squirt them in the eye or something )

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