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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

was this a stupid thing to say?

444 replies

robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 21:48

my cousins just had her third baby, baby is a week old, when talking to my mum after mum had been to visit, mum said the baby was going every three hours, and that she got to have a cuddle after the baby had been fed.

when mum said the baby was being bottlefed, i said oh thats a shame, mum got quite annoyed with me.
i would not of said that to my cousin or aunt or anything.
and now im wondering if i was out of order saying that.
please be honest, i won't mind if you say i was, i just thought it a shame

OP posts:
LookattheLottie · 30/03/2008 22:49

It just seems that way to me. I'm pro choice, I don't care how people wish to feed their children. But it does bug me the way some people go on about how awful formula feeding is. The impression is always given that if you ff you are a lesser mother.

moondog · 30/03/2008 22:49

A lot of things annoy a lot of people.
That's life kiddo.

nancy75 · 30/03/2008 22:52

monndog, nice attitude.

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 22:53

lottie, i just feel its a shame for both of them mother and baby to miss out on such a wonderful thing

OP posts:
colacubes · 30/03/2008 22:57

ok then moondog, if its ok to annoy folk, here goes, you are condescending and ignorant to suggest any mother is awful to feed their child formula.

You are also rude and have no comeback to those of us who find you insulting, I do not judge mothers who bf, or ff, it is choice, although I do judge sanctimonious gits.

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 22:59

moondog is right though,A lot of things annoy a lot of people.
That's life

everyone judges, and everyone is judged, we are have our own values and opinions [ i mean thats whats MN is based on views and opinions.
imagine how dull it would be if noone ever gave there views?

OP posts:
princessosyth · 30/03/2008 23:00

It sounds like your mum took your comment personally. She obviously realises that you were not criticising her but it is obviously still an emotive subject for her.

When I am 80 and doing my knitting in my rocking chair at the old folks home, I shall imagine that I shall still take any criticism to do with breastfeeding personally.

colacubes · 30/03/2008 23:00

thats not an opinion that is an insult

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 23:02

yes princess, i think you may be right
for mum really must be horrible to still have a sort issue witht it after al these years.

do you really think it will effect you when your 80?

OP posts:
LookattheLottie · 30/03/2008 23:06

Robin, you may feel it's a wonderful thing, which it can be for lots of women - but not for all.

From what you're saying, I'm guessing you've had positive experiences with bf, which is great. But not everybody can do it, or wants to for that matter. Therefore, I would be a bit at the 'that's a shame' comment iykwim?

princessosyth · 30/03/2008 23:06

I imagine it probably will, because I will never have that time back, will I?

sweetkitty · 30/03/2008 23:06

I suppose I feel a bit sad when I see a newborn being fed one of those little convenient bottles of formula in hospital, sometimes accompanied by "oh Dad gave baby it's first feed,"

I understand it's a mothers choice to feed her baby whatever way she wants but always feel sad the baby isn't getting a bit of colostrum at least, I wonder if maybe the motehr wanted to feed and wasn't given enough support.

princessosyth · 30/03/2008 23:07

Although I don't think I will be knitting. I haven't got around to learning that skill yet!

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 23:11

lottie ok it was hell for 4 months then the next four moths was great, took me 4 moths to really get bf established feeding upto 35 times a day, almost constantly for four months.but even though it was a bit like hell for the first four months, it was stil a wonderful thing to do. for me and dd.
i loved having a physical as well as emotional bond.

princess, i feel so bad for you, its feeling like yours id live to avoid for my cousin iykwim? how old is your lo now?

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 30/03/2008 23:20

robin, you are perfectly entitled to your opinion, and to express it in a private conversation.
it cannot be, by any stretch of the imagination declared an insult, because you weren't insulting anyone.
your mother should have a little more tolerance of other people's views, as should some people on here
of course your cousin has her reasons, but it is a shame for her baby that she doesnt get the benefits of bmilk, or at least colostrum.

tiktok · 30/03/2008 23:30

moondog, some of us take care not to say tactless things to mothers on these boards about formula feeding, because we know it is a sensitive topic.

And then you don your size 12s....

We can eye roll and say 'oh, it's just moondog, you know what she's like'.

Or we can ask you to please make life a little easier for everyone, and keep those comments off the boards.

I go with the second option, myself.

OP - I think you were tactless as well, to be honest. Your mum may have issues about bf, and it would be better to talk those through. She prob feels you are criticising her for not bf you.

Just my view.

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 23:36

i accept your point tt,
what could i have done to make the situation better tt?
or how could i bring it up to talk to my mum about it.

i certainly would want to hurt her on purpose?

OP posts:
PotPourri · 30/03/2008 23:37

blah blah blah. Same old thread - those who had a good experience with breastfeeding judging those who don't or who chose another path (sometimes thinly veiled with - each to their own comments before going for the jugular e.g. 'so sad to see a newborn getting a bottle'). And then saying that those who ff are just being defensive. I have no idea why everyone who successfully bf can't take the view that they SHOULDN'T judges others and empathise with other people's choices/situations. You are rightly proud of doing it, especially so when you overcame a catalogue of issues.

BUT I totally agree with another posted who said that the saddest thing you can see is an anxious and shattered mother desperately persisting with bf-ing her starving baby - yes, often it's going wrong because of lack of support, but often it is physically because they don't have enough milk, or good enough quality of milk - for whatever reason.

Robinred, I agree your mum does seem to have issues - mine does too. And you should be able to say something as simple as you did without offending. But given the history you have alluded to, I genuinely do not wish to offend you, but is it possible that you 'defend'/extol the virtues of breastfeeding so much that your mum was just fed up hearing a judgemental comment about someone that really is none of your business? The problem is, if it works out for you, it is easy to think that it can work out for everyone, if they just put their mind to it - and that is just not true. No matter what many people on here say otherwise, there are so many reasons why people don't breastfeed - many are distressing situations for the mums, many are linked to lifestyle choices. But all are valid in that particular case for that particular family unit.

Probably best not to get into this sort of discussion with your mum. I tend to avoid 'discussing' feeding with my mum because her stance sounds quite like your mum's. I ain't going to change her view after all these years. Where it relates to you though, then I find that 'stating' what I am doing rather than opening it up for discussion is the best way to deal.

harpsichordcarrier · 30/03/2008 23:40

"those who had a good experience with breastfeeding"

except robin did say she had "four months of hell"
which doesn't quite fit into your scenario....

PotPourri · 30/03/2008 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PotPourri · 30/03/2008 23:45

Harpsichord - I said that she is 'proud and rightly so' and that she 'overcame a catalogue of disasters'. So that is how it 'fits into my scenario' as you say.

Original poster
robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 30/03/2008 23:47

pp i just would like my cousin to have the chance, thtats all. id like her to feel as good as i di now iykwim?

i don't think ive said anything nasty on here or in rl.
id just like to support new mums thats all.

OP posts:
PotPourri · 30/03/2008 23:49

Red robin said "but even though it was a bit like hell for the first four months, it was stil a wonderful thing to do. for me and dd.
i loved having a physical as well as emotional bond". I would consider that to be "a good experience with breastfeeding" - yes, it would have been better for her if it had been easier of course, but overall she is happy with what she did. How much better than that can you get?

nancy75 · 30/03/2008 23:50

why do you assume she doesnt feel as good as you did? This is her 3rd baby, she probably has a good idea about what is right for her, why cant you accept that she is probably more than happy with bottle feeding and leave it at that?

colacubes · 31/03/2008 00:20

nancy, didnt you know, if you dont bf, you're not in the gang, you're part of the awful mother brigade!

robin I do believe that you are being naive on this subject and need to consider others before inflicting your beliefs on them. You and your mother seem to be overly sensitive on this matter, probably been over talked and shes had enough.

I to have had enough of the breast is best brigade, I appreciate your opinion, but it is not mine, and thats where its left, until a prat like moondog and her agreeable buddies start with their distasteful comments about the awfulness of mothers armed with bottles and formula for ammunition.

why is there the need to tut tut, pathetic.