Two questions for BF (relating to feeding in public.) Encouraging words please!

[Martha200]

Ok, it happened, I knew it would sooner or later the negative comment from a stranger.. had it all planned in my head my answer for when it would happen, but oh no.. I falter and nothing comes out (probably because it takes me by surprise that someone can be so discouraging/rude.) Anyway I really have let it get to me, to the point started timing when I go out with feeds yesterday and day before or taking my ebm with me (sigh)

Now the problem is kind of being tackled as a lovely Mum who bfs her child I recently met offered to meet up with me and go for coffee next week which is great, but I am trying to work my way back into how I was..a discreet feeder (so I thought) and when baby had fussy moments, I got on with it as best as I could.. even with lakes of milk eveywhere, whatever.. I was going to feed my baby... and no one cared or noticed. I know rationally I should just get on with it again, going out/feeding whenever, but I sort of feel like my confidence has dipped and what happens if I have a cack handed feed which occassionly happens.

Next question, then I read the link to hunkers (???) website, the experiences of BF in public and was impressed that some mummy's can bf in Church.. I am meant to be visiting a Church this w/end but am working myself up over the feeding issue, imagining the worst case scenarios.. guess I should get to grips with feeding in public other than Church first, lol, but for those who do/did how old were your babies? Mine is terribly noisy in between swapping of breasts, or waiting for wind.. so not sure I would be very 'professional' a bfeeder in that environment!

I have breastfed my baby in church from about 3 weeks old and the last time I did it was last Sunday (he is now 13m)

I would say, on the confdence thing, you really have to keep telling yourself that all you are doing is feeding your baby in the best way there is. If anyone else notices, then how they react is their issue and nothing to do with you.

Enjoy

What happens if you have a cack handed feed ? Well maybe some young lad gets a cheap thrill, but not much else really. I chose to start feeding in public by going to bumps and babes group (aka get your norks out in Pizza Express), then to the Costa coffee where they'd bring you refills for free if bfing and worked up from there to a pedalo..

If anyone is rude, then just treat it like some dork is wolf whistling at you. Nothing personal, they are just stupid.

At church, just find where the mums and babies hang out. Theres always a group of them somewhere. First time I went to the abbey in my new town, I discovered that there was a little mobile service going on as the mums of mobile ones followed their Los around the back of the church, still singing etc.

I just feed my little one (13wks) in Tesco cafe this morning half way through doing my shopping. He also also noisey whilst swapping over - I think he thinks that's the ends rather than just getting seconds out! I wouldn't worry what others say or do. If your worried about noise from baby I pop in a dummy between swapping over and whilst winding to keep the noise down/attention. Happy feeding [smile}.

My dd2 is 13months and i too feed on demand anywhere and everywhereregardless of who is about.. the more the merrier - i think. I is all about being proud of what you are doing. You are giving your LO the very best and you need to be extremely proud of this.

Negativity is very rare, i bfed my dd1 until she was 25 months and never experienced any negative comments at all. I have ALWAYS bfed in public and i will continue to until dd2 self weans. Bfing is such a small part of our mothering experience so don't get hung up on other peoples opinions. Chin up, head high and be proud Your doing great.

so sorry yu have had a -ve comment
IME they are rare, swamped by the number of (older) people who smile or make nice comments.
I fed in church at a wedding, it was fine but bear in mind most churches are freezing

And for every person who makes a -ve comment there will hopefully be a few children / teens learning that bf is normal!
How old and patronising do I sound??

BF in public shouldn't be a concern, honestly! My 5 month old has a delightful habit of stretching my nipple to the point it looks like elastic so that he can look around! Sometimes it does feel uncomfortable but I just get on with feeding and dont let anyone else bother me, I mean after all, were feeding babies the way we, and them, were designed too. I have always fed in public and have never had a comment so its unlikely you will again, and hey! even if you did, why should you let that stop you? its a comment from a stranger who's opinion is not only pathetic but also completely irrelevant. Feed your baby, have a coffee and enjoy the sit down!

you are all so right I should think of the positive comments I have had instead. DH was fuming as lady waited until he had left the table for the toilet to comment and as she then left the building.. she hadn't the guts to comment on my first feed while there, she saved it before leaving

There is always the option of popping a muslin over the shoulder too, but for some reason I don't feel comfortable about that either, one more thing for me to think about!, so am going out tomorrow to get myself back into it and people can like it or lump it!

At a recent family gathering of women, the women of my Mum's generation were swapping stories about these kinds of comments.

My aunt had the best/worst story - she was asked to stop BFing her daughter in a maternity hospital! and the person who requested she be asked to stop was another mother!

That was in the 70s. I think things are much better now.

Good for you getting your confidence back. I just started bfing, so I'm very impressed at the dexterity that allows you to do it in public. I guess I always thought it was easy before. But I suppose that's because women have done lots of practising at home before they start feeding in public. I can't wait until I can join you bfing around the towns

People who have issues with women breastfeeding in public are just assholes. For some reason it's one of the few types of bigotry left that it's semi-OK to admit to so they really go to town with it. "political correctness gone mad" prevents them from getting away with airing their other nasty opinions.

A word of advice..

If you want to comfortably and extremely, discreetly breastfeed get yourself one of these Slings i used to walk around the supermarket pushing the trolley with my toddler in it - whilst feeding dd2.. no one would bat an eyelid.. she was securely attached (without me aiding her) and just looked like she was being carried!

That probably why i am still quite sane!! I managed to get on with my busy life whilst bfing in the sling!

I've never had any negative comments and i think i would be taken aback if someone dared.

But BF is so natural and the more you do it in public the easier it will be don't let the stupid bint knock you down.

It really doesn't bother me anymore. But whilst i was pregnant i swore i'd never do it as i was so self concious. But when ds was 6 days old we went shopping and he was hungry so i just bit the bullet and got on with it. And Now i don't even really think about it.

may i ask what she said to you?

I don't recall getting any -ve comments so hopefully you won't get any more

I have bf in church (a place I am deeply uncomfortable), at services and at a wedding
Only tip for church is to start before the LO starts yelling that way no-one notices

If someone makes a negative comment, it is a reflection on them, not on you, and what you are doing.
I really really cannot comprehend what goes on in the mind of anyone so mean spirited, ill-informed and just plain ill-mannered. I really can't.

I bf everywhere, clothes shops, council buildings, supermarkets, electronics stores full of geeky pimpled 16 year old boys, you name it. Not once has anyone said anything, but I wonder if it's because I have a "bring it on, just you try to f**k with me" look on my face!

We just saw the Charlie and the Choc Factory movie on tv the other day, and it had just the most appropriate thing to say. "You've really got to stop mumbling, I can't understand a word you're saying", no matter how clear or loud they speak. I imagine it could come accross as pretty condescending

Though actually I expect the answer is that there isn't much going on in their mind.

I never had a negative comment when I was breastfeeding in public. Only time there was ever any negativity was actually in my own home, from a friend. Which was odd and rather irritating.

I was never very worried about feeding in public, but i fed our ds in church on numerous occassions, i sat at the back discreetly (inc at a wedding!) and one time when he was really whingy i went into the creche. When you arrive at the church there will probably be someone welcoming people at the door, if it seems right then ask them where you can bf or if there is a creche you can escape too, or if its a crusty old man at the door then just look for a mum with young kids and ask her! Honestly i am sure they will be friendly and helpful - you have a little baby who needs feeding for goodness sake!
All the best

and yes i agree with other posters, if someone makes a comment it is THEIR issue, not yours, you are doing the most natural thing in the world.

Jaynz,
i think that must be the same look i have too!!

Whilst I second many of the comments here, I would say do what feels right for you, not what you feel you should be doing to either hide BF from interferring old busybodies or make out you are really comfortable if you are not.

DD (4m) is currently doing exactly what her brother did at the same age - when trying to feed in public she is so bloody nosy so gupls down loads of air. Cue afternoon of misery around John Lewis, all for the sake of trying to have a cuppa at the same time rather than feed discreetly in the feeding room!

BF is all about being comfortable with your body - feed where, when and how you want to. If that means discreetly for you, or giving EBM, or giving some old prune a piece of your mind, do what is right for you and your baby.

I had to give ds2(3months) a quick feed in ds1's playgorund this afternoon. Had a crowd of infant schoolers watching and asking heaps of questions. Was sweet they were interested and resulted in very quick feed as ds2 got so distracted he forgot what he wasfussing about. cant quite believe i did feed him there but i thought at the time one of the practical benefits of bf is to be able to anywhere.. so i did. [proud emocion]

Just to add an aside - I have just bought the sling determination mentions from TK Max for £20 - absolutely flippin marvellous

Stripey, it is amazing to bfed in aint it??

I feed wherever and whenever - but on dc2 now so really don't care anymore! was maybe a tad more reticent first time around. The other day I was in the Cafe at Morrissions bf when a large group of Northern builders sat at the table next to us with their fry ups (was only table left). Whilst I don't give a f* what anyone thinks of me bf in public I did think, hmm wonder if they will be freaked out or embarrasssed. ds2 is also a noisy bf. At the end of the first boob I tried to pick him up gently so as not to let much wind off and he did the loudest burp of his life so far I think - echoed throughout the whole place. The builders thought it was hilarious, and started shouting, good on you lad, better out than in, etc etc. They were really friendly and offered to get me another cup of tea! At the end of the second boob he then did it again! We were in hysterics. A few old ladies up the way looked a bit sniffy, but who cares, it made my day.

There is a Mumsnetter who bottlefed from birth who had a complaint made about her in a cafe because someone thought she was breastfeeding! (I'll see if I can find the thread)

i.e. It is not about you or what you are doing or not doing or whether you are being "discreet". It is all about them and their nasty little hang-ups.

Sometimes it is the ones that you think might be disapproving etc that are not bothered at all. It is quite likely that some of the builders have little ones that are b/fed so wouldn't be an issue at all. Lol at barb's post.

Sometimes is it ladies of my mil generation who are the worst - in some areas of this country in the late 60s/early 70s b/feeding was seen by some as a most inappropriate and unnecessary activity, not ver "nice" at all and certainly very rude. I know this is a generalisation btw