Two questions for BF (relating to feeding in public.) Encouraging words please!

[Martha200]

Ok, it happened, I knew it would sooner or later the negative comment from a stranger.. had it all planned in my head my answer for when it would happen, but oh no.. I falter and nothing comes out (probably because it takes me by surprise that someone can be so discouraging/rude.) Anyway I really have let it get to me, to the point started timing when I go out with feeds yesterday and day before or taking my ebm with me (sigh)

Now the problem is kind of being tackled as a lovely Mum who bfs her child I recently met offered to meet up with me and go for coffee next week which is great, but I am trying to work my way back into how I was..a discreet feeder (so I thought) and when baby had fussy moments, I got on with it as best as I could.. even with lakes of milk eveywhere, whatever.. I was going to feed my baby... and no one cared or noticed. I know rationally I should just get on with it again, going out/feeding whenever, but I sort of feel like my confidence has dipped and what happens if I have a cack handed feed which occassionly happens.

Next question, then I read the link to hunkers (???) website, the experiences of BF in public and was impressed that some mummy's can bf in Church.. I am meant to be visiting a Church this w/end but am working myself up over the feeding issue, imagining the worst case scenarios.. guess I should get to grips with feeding in public other than Church first, lol, but for those who do/did how old were your babies? Mine is terribly noisy in between swapping of breasts, or waiting for wind.. so not sure I would be very 'professional' a bfeeder in that environment!

What a dirtyminded old bat. Seriously, she needs to haul her imagination out of the gutter - boobs are for babies, men just get to borrow 'em!

I'm sorry you had that experience, and I'm not surprised you were shocked into silence, though I imagine that must be aggravating as hell, too! Hopefully it won't happen again, but if it does, I also hope you get your response in.

My mother had that when she was feeding in the late '70s. A guard in the National Gallery asked her to go to the lavatory instead. She said he was welcome to eat his lunch there but her standards of hygiene were higher, thanks. The thing that really infuriated her is the room was full of paintings of the Madonna, boob out, feeding the infant Jesus...

I've fed all mine in public and I've found a helpful response to people who object is to ask them why they have a problem and remind them that the baby is only eating and it's no different from them having a coffee while they're out. I also ask them how they'd like to have to sit in the toilets to eat. I must say though there are very few people out there who do object so you are unlucky to have been made to feel bad. At the end of the day you are only doing what's natural and if they have a problem with it then thats up to them you should't feel any gulit at all in fact you should have a pat on the back for doing what's best for your baby.

Go to a church with a nice Madonna and Child statue I doubt anyone would have the face to object.

You've been unlucky. I never had a nasty comment, and I breastfed my eldest up to 6 and a half months and the other two for around a year. Treat it like falling off a bike - just get out there and do it. The coffee with a friend idea's a good one.

Church is the one place I feel most comfortable bfing - all I get is nice smiles and most people are pretty oblivious anyway. Our curates love seeing me feeding my lo because it is so natural and what our boobies are for!
I'm lucky in that I've fed in loads of places never had a comment. I normally wear a cross over top (I have a few I got from Peacocks for £5 each) and a normal top over - I pull the crossover top down, the outer top up, so I'm not displaying too much flesh and most importantly it's less draughty!
If you concentrate on staring down adoringly at your lo (as I do!) then you don;t tend to notice other people anyway
Ignore the horrible woman, as you said a complete coward saying that to you after your DH had left the table. Happily she is in a very tiny minority.

I would have been flipping fuming but what can you say when you are in the middle of meeting your LO's needs?! Must admit to being an "unprofessional" breast-feeder; just lazy - I like it when I am at home and I can just wop them out without trying to keep them under wraps! I have seen v.few bfeeders in Hull but saw one lady the other day and was so pleased that I caught her eye and she probably thought I was being disapproving . Interesting comments about the church, I am going to a service soon and just assumed I would have to pop out to my car.

Isn't it amazing that someone can be so rude about the most natural thing in the world? What a coward to wait until you were on your own. Poor you.

I have breast-fed my 5 till 18 months-2 years plus, still bf ds4,20mths, and have always felt fairly comfortable feeding them up to a year or so then they just seem so long and I anticipate negative looks or comments, maybe wrongly as I do live in Brighton where bfing does seem very common, Hallelulah. I never have had any comments and have bfed past this age in public but not totally relaxed. I know I wouldn't come back with the retort I'd want to. From 4 months or so you have to watch them as they are so nosey and love to quickly whip round to see whats going on leaving you exposed! I must confess I don't really feed ds4 in public now unless he's hurt himself and probably one reason for this is other people's comments and reactions. I have had a couple of jokey comments from friends about that sketch from Little Britain which really annoyed me. I know my aunt (60's) frowns on feeding a baby over 6 months . However, I am really proud that I have fed my lo's. I like the idea of you imagining a group of supportive mnetters around you Martha. Well done you for carrying on bfing in public. Like other posters I always want to give the thumbs up when I see mother bfing.

The worst complainers in my experience are very elderly posh ladies. I was at my friend's house after her baby's christening and her DH's granny told me "no doubt you will want to go upstairs to do that" with a fierce expression. My friend then whipped her boob out in support and we both sat there bf for the rest of the afternoon. Our babies were 4 months FFS!

Also my aunt's mother in law who is very grand disapproved of bf so my poor aunt had to do it on the sly when she went to stay with them - hiding in cupboards etc.

I got tut tutted at - bordering on the elderly posh. We were at a cafe, a very common one for bf mums, had an askance glance and then something to the effect of it not being in the right place at all. But not said to me directly but her companion.

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I think to make a comment like that she probably had her own 'ishoos', please don't let it put you off.

I'm still feeding DS (20 months) although not so much in public now as he generally feeds first thing in the morning and that's it. Up to a year I fed absolutely everywhere and got nothing but supportive comments. I did once get a bit of a look from an elderly woman at the clinic, but I may have imagined that one, and I wasn't about to unplug DS to find out...

Martha, have not read any of the replies, just read your OP, so, I apologize if I repeat others...!
Firstly, so sorry you hvae had bad comments made to you about bf whilst bf in public....some people just are rude and ignorant, aren't they!
Anyway, maybe wearing a vest top under your ordinary top will make you feel more confident again, as it just reduces the "flesh-exposure" should baby loose it's latch to be nosing about...
Really hope you will overcome your fear!

Sorry you had a negative experience Martha and well done for going back out there. BF dd for 12 months and whipped them out everywhere without any negative comments. Didn't have BF tops but did tend to wear layers, maybe open shirt or cardigan over stretchy T shirt that I could lift up to minimise belly hang!

Most objection I got was prob from my mum (who BF all of us), when I was at their house she initially expected me to go into a different room (or thought I would prefer it). DD was an extremely slow feeder though and I got bored sitting there by myself so gradually started moving into the lounge with everyone else.

Good luck with the rest of your feeding, you're doing the right thing and shouldn't let ignorant, rude people make you feel ashamed or embarrassed.

I have BF both in public. ds everywhere and anywhere as he was a good feeder and it didn't bother him and he was my first so was out and about loads. He was extremely noisy- you could hear him gulping it down. I bf him in church all the time- the only reaction I ever got was seeing people's shoulders shaking as they tried to contain their giggling as he was so loud- they knew I was BF without even looking!

DD was very fussy and with only a 16moage gap it was difficult to feed her in public much as I couldn't keep an eye on ds so it tended just to be at toddler's groups or at friends.

I think my PIL are the ones who disapprove the most- they expect me to go upstairs to BF when at their house (I don't) and usually leave the room if I start BF when they are staying with us. I don't think they would ever say anything though.

I hate it when you are expected to BF in toilets. Even a Mothercare that I have been in has had a BF chair in the toilet- it's disgusting - I would NEVER feed in a toilet!

bouncing turtle, for some mad reason I read your post as 'I usually wear a cross (ie religious symbol) over my top' and had visions of you using it to ward off any nutters who happened to try to complain. maybe I will try it

To add to thread. I was concerned about this being quite a shy person but found I only ever got favourable comments. If I have another baby, I wouldn't worry at all. My funniest memory of BF was in my own home when we had some of my husband's friends staying who I didn't know that well and I asked the wife if she thought it was okay if I BF in front of them. She hesitated a bit so I thought 'thats fine I'll go in my bedroom and watch TV and BF'. So I did. Then her husband came up and went the loo (opposite my bedroom door) Okay as the door was shut. Then my dog came up (she has to know where everyone is and whose doing what) knocked open first the toilet door, then my bedroom door and I see him sitting on the loo and he sees me BFing! Sorry but the irony and the memory just make me laugh! Moral of this long story ladies is BF where you want, when you want and esepcially in your own home!!

My nicest public bf experiences were in North Africa. I had been feeding ds in public since he was a few weeks old and was getting fairly confident about it, but when we first travelled there I felt a bit nervous about it. I should have known better... it is seen as the most natural thing in the world there. They love babies and we couldn't go anywhere without somebody wanting to admire ds. I was a bit taken aback when people even wanted to admire him and stroke his hair while I was bf him though!!
I was in a shop one day and looking for a good spot to feed him when my dh went to speak to one of the shop assistants and they took me to an office with a nice armchair and brought me a cup of mint tea! A manager type walked in and didn't bat an eyelid that there was a strange woman bf her baby in his office, just said hello and sat down.
The funniest public bf experience I have had was actually at a council meeting in England. I had been asked to go to comment on local issues and took 2 month old ds along. He must have been having a growth spurt because he fed constantly for nearly two hours and was so noisy!!! A few people commented that they wouldn't like to sit next to him while he ate a bowl of soup.

Morocco - Glad i'm not the only one that thought that!!

Interesting this topic. I have only experienced neg comments believe it or not from family members... sigh!

My mum was a bit funny when tried to bf my little un in church and told me to go to creche as "older people might object". I did go that time, but later had it out with her, saying that I drew more attention getting up, than I did just sat quietly.

The other one who complained was my sis about a woman at her chuch bf. I jumped on my sis and told her to shut up in no uncertain terms!

Having said that at my church no one bats an eyelid! You regularly see a row of mummies bf their little uns during the service.

I have had a negative experience when bf my ds in a cafe. I was trying to be discreet, but ds kept crying and coming off the nipple. Then a man got up from his seat glared at me and tutted before leaving the cafe!

It hasn't put me off bf as I am currently bf my dd and has actually made me more determined to feed in public. p

i've had a few tuts, but also lots of older women coming over coo-ing and stroking babies face, saying how wonderful that more mother's now adays are BF and keep up the good work.

felt like i'd been given a gold star!

after the first couple of weeks I have proudly bf anywhere and everywhere, including pubs, cafes and last night, a conference dinner.

I've thought I might have had the odd look from older ladies but nothing obvious.

I say that if we all keep doing it proudly it is going to get easier for people who are shy etc.

Here's a positive story. A friend of mine was on the interview panel for the local Sure Start centre nursery - and she fed her 6 months old for a whole day while interviewing new nursery nurses.

Everyone was very supportive.

I've not read the whole post- so sorry if i repeat what anyone else has said.
i brreastfed my dd, the worst comments i i got were from family, who suggested i sit upstairs, like a numpty i did til she was about a month old, then i just said, oh no we're perfectly comfy here thanks.
have had a few stares from people, but i just stared back.

had funny comments from my nephew he was only just 3 at the time, asked why my baby sucked my nipple. so i explained she having her milk etc etc ( whilst his mum rushed to kitchen to make a drink and laughing her head off!) he thought about my explanation and decided that "its skanky give her a cup!"

another time was off on my way out and stopped at petrol station as dd had been crying for feed, so sat her in front seat of car with me and happily feeding listening to radio, with windows open it was a lovely day. a lady walks past car "ah how gorgeous can i look" the look of embarassment when she realised i was feeding i did feel sorry for her as she got flustered trying to explain she just meant the baby not me, she hadnt realised at first i was feeding. i did feel very sorry for her and told her its fine not to worry, wasnt offended. suggested she gave us 5 mins and came back for a look. she exlained she couldnt cos she worked in the petrol station and was alreaady late. so when dd was finished i popped in quick to introduce her properly.

Martha200 - glad you've got your bf-in-public groove back. Before I started bf dc1 in public I was a bit concerned that I'd get some negative reactions - but it's not happened to me so far - with either dc1 or dc2. In fact I've been very pleasantly surprised by the number of positive comments I've had - usually from older people - about how nice it is to see someone bf their baby.

Keep it up. Agree a good sling makes all the difference. I spend most of train journey to and from ds1's nursery bf-ing ds2. Fed at a christening a few weeks ago. Bf while walking around museums, shops, wherever.

A few people stare then look away but, if anyone were to say anything -ve, I'd just point out that the option would be a screaming baby, of which most commuters/shoppers/diners would be less tolerant. A friend of mine in daytime in pub once got a comment that she should bf in the loos. She replied by suggesting that the ignorant woman have her lunch in there instead, which shut her up.