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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Two questions for BF (relating to feeding in public.) Encouraging words please!

77 replies

Martha200 · 28/03/2008 13:17

Ok, it happened, I knew it would sooner or later the negative comment from a stranger.. had it all planned in my head my answer for when it would happen, but oh no.. I falter and nothing comes out (probably because it takes me by surprise that someone can be so discouraging/rude.) Anyway I really have let it get to me, to the point started timing when I go out with feeds yesterday and day before or taking my ebm with me (sigh)

Now the problem is kind of being tackled as a lovely Mum who bfs her child I recently met offered to meet up with me and go for coffee next week which is great, but I am trying to work my way back into how I was..a discreet feeder (so I thought) and when baby had fussy moments, I got on with it as best as I could.. even with lakes of milk eveywhere, whatever.. I was going to feed my baby... and no one cared or noticed. I know rationally I should just get on with it again, going out/feeding whenever, but I sort of feel like my confidence has dipped and what happens if I have a cack handed feed which occassionly happens.

Next question, then I read the link to hunkers (???) website, the experiences of BF in public and was impressed that some mummy's can bf in Church.. I am meant to be visiting a Church this w/end but am working myself up over the feeding issue, imagining the worst case scenarios.. guess I should get to grips with feeding in public other than Church first, lol, but for those who do/did how old were your babies? Mine is terribly noisy in between swapping of breasts, or waiting for wind.. so not sure I would be very 'professional' a bfeeder in that environment!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 28/03/2008 21:41

I would love for someone to complain - even better if I wasn't even b/feeding. I almost see it as my duty - a way of protecting other mums who feel a bit more vulnerable or less confident. I would also have not hesitation in stepping in if I saw another mum being "got at" for b/feeding.

foodfiend · 28/03/2008 21:52

I never had any negative comments with dd, though I'll be interested to see what things are like with number 2. We have moved to Cardiff, and I don't think I've seen a woman bf in public more than once since we got here, where we seemed to be everywhere in London.

It's true that all the -ve stories I've heard seem to be about older women. It's odd - my Mum bf me and my three sisters (late 60s early 70s) and tells me that it was just expected that you would do so in the (Cardiff) maternity unit where we were born. Where did all these horrid women with their strange hang ups come from? Nasty that she waited until she was leaving to say anything - if it was putting her off her coffee then it was too late for it to make any difference!

ilovewashingnappies · 28/03/2008 21:57

For any negative somment you've had I bet loads have thought "how cool is she" "wish I had the balls to do that" "isn;t the baby cute" etc.

Go for it in Church. If Jesus can heal on the Sabbath you can get your God-created baps out and feed your youngun.

PortAndLemon · 28/03/2008 22:18

Aha! Found it!

Original poster
Martha200 · 29/03/2008 14:43

Interesting link there!!

Well, I am up and running in public again it seems, today went out with the baby and ds1 (nearly 5) and at lunch ds1 chose where to sit.. right by the entrance of the centre with the automatic doors, so got the occassional brr factor thrown in as well!, but out of all the many people sat around us and walking in/out not one of them decided not to mind their own business. There was me imagining a bunch of supportive Mnetters around me (as I tend to hunch if a bit stressed which does not help feeding obviously!)and ds2 had a fab feed

OP posts:
Caz10 · 29/03/2008 15:18

Hi! Sorry to crash/hijack but can I ask determination how old a baby you can feed in that sling? DD is 3.5mths but quite small - would it work with her? Must add I am a total sling dunce, am embarrassed to say how many I own and still can't bf in any - if I could I find one to feed in my life would be truly transformed!!

PS well done Martha!!

sparkymummy · 29/03/2008 19:22

I never had a neagtive comment although I did get a few disapproving looks from "older" ladies in M and S cafe, I didn't realise that it used to be considered vulgar, it would explain the tuts!! I always want to say "well done" to mums feeding in public but never have the confidence to approach them as when I first started feeding DS out and about I felt very self conscious as I had never seen anyone feeding in public before!

mellyonion · 29/03/2008 19:41

foodfiend....
i'm in cardiff and am proud to say i have bf everywhere!! lol i have no shame!
mothercare has a lovely private comfy feeding room if you need it...but tbh, i've never had any problem whatsoever feeding anywhere in the city centre (or anywhere else for that matter)

i may be wrong, but i'm sure marks and spencers has a really positive statement on bf....not sure where i got that from.

for the original poster....carry on regardless.....i found with all 3 of my kids the longer i faffed aroound waiting to feed in public, the more anxious i got about it....i just kind of got on with it beforte thinking too much about it iykwim?

x

Original poster
Martha200 · 29/03/2008 19:58

Caz - think i'd be the same, that's why I haven't bought one yet! Also I have a fear of slings not being in a size for me

Oh yes, as for the bit about Church.. he went and slept straight through first time ever not interested in wanting a feed that time of day!

Thanks mellyonion, that's`what I was doing before I had a crisis of confidence, but today was good!

OP posts:
moondog · 29/03/2008 20:01

What did the woman say martha?

Stupid ignorant bitch.

PotPourri · 29/03/2008 20:02

I never had any problems breastfeeding in public, no comments I mean. But I always wore bf tops, so there was no skin showing, as the baby covered the only bit showing. I have also fed in church, and not a person noticed, never mind looked at me funny. People just thought I was cuddling a sleeping baby. I have used the muslin over the shoulder as an extra cover.

Once I was in the doctors surgery and was feeding DD2, there was an old couple opposite me and I was making a special effort not to show any skin so as not to make them feel awkward. Then 2 minutes later, in walks the other lady feeding her DD, with her entire top and bra down - full frontal showing - have never seen anything like it! LOL, there was I trying not to embarass the old man with a tiny sliver of skin!!

evenhope · 29/03/2008 20:54

Just wanted to add I BF DD in church most weeks... last week I looked around and there were 3 of us BF at the same time

Original poster
Martha200 · 29/03/2008 21:02

Moondog - My family were sat at a table in a pub, a group of ladies and a couple of men came in and sat at a table near us (infact there was a big gap, so not that close even, to the left of me.)
The pram was on the left too by me, with its hood up still and I had my coat on too as a bit cold. Did one feed, baby a bit stressy but we got there.. couple to my right didn't bat an eye lid infact when they caught my eye they gave a smile (probably because my elder son was entertaining at the time)
Then bit later for second feed, ds2 was latched on properly, and the group went to leave, I then heard a voice from this woman to say excuse me but you are showing far too much flesh to the world, followed by tuts from her, and what do you have to say about it? I looked at her, and before I could say anything she said.."no comment then, shame on you" and gave the most dirty stare ever with her eyes before swanning off.. f umps sake, she would not have seen a thing sat down, so why bother to say something as one leaves and is deliberately looking.. silly really isn't it?
Funny thing is when ds2 does have a stressy I do probably show more but he was feeding really fine that time. (Sometimes I don't feel very 'professional' a feeder when I think of friends I used to know who BF who made it look really easy!

OP posts:
lennygrrr · 29/03/2008 21:02

I have had the look but only from old people.

A while ago I had to feed dd in an art gallery and a guard approached me, youngish. I got myself all ready to give him what for, when he asked me if I would like to sit in his chair, rather than the bench and would I like a glass of water?! I was so shocked all I could do was nod!

I think a lot of people feel very positively about bf'ing mothers, but are often a bit too shy to say so...

I only had one bf top, so most of the time normal clothes, it's fine.

peachygirl · 29/03/2008 21:10

I Bfed in public a lot. I did use feeding rooms but also just got on with it whereever. I never had comments , although I did go with DH to the hospital and a nurse asked me if I wanted a private room
I was only embarassed once and that was when I was in a pub with some colleagues from work, some of whom I had only known for a few weeks. I sat down with DD and said OH NO I hardly know you and you are all going to see me with my boobs out!!
Another colleague said it was really great that I did feed there.

moondog · 29/03/2008 21:18

What a nutter Mrtha.

That is the comment of someone with some seriously weird issues.

jaynz · 30/03/2008 02:32

Don't want to sound weird or offend anyone here but...

It strikes me as odd that church would be a place to worry about? I don't go to church, but my mum is a christian and I would have thought that if anywhere was 'safe' from commenting ignoramuses it would be in church, after all isn't that why god gave us boobs and babies all at once? You know, tolerance for others etc?

kiskideesameanoldmother · 30/03/2008 03:01

yes janz, afteralll, Mary breastfed baby Jesus.

SNOWBall4girlz · 30/03/2008 03:15

I fed my dd4 in church and a member of the congregation came up to me and congratulate me on it she is a midwife have fed my dd4 everywhere and anywhere on a plane by the pool, in a resturant, mums and tots watching my dd2 swmming in fact my dd4 I only managed to stop feeding her in feb she is 3 in may
never had negative comments few disapproving looks but just showed more flesh they tend to look away please do not be put of best feeling in the world

jaynz · 30/03/2008 03:29

Hehe snowball, Ive done that too, people with dispproving looks just get something to actually look at and be all disapproving of

Funny how they go so quickly from frowning society-wardens to blushing prudes with a decent flash

Original poster
Martha200 · 30/03/2008 20:15

You're right Jaynz.. I just was associating Church and thinking back to the days when I was young and went to Church and the place was full of really, really old people, and I find the older generation from other people's experiences the ones who have something negative to say.

OP posts:
foodfiend · 30/03/2008 22:47

Thanks for the Cardiff encouragement Mellyonion. The area I was living in London was a bit 'middle class nappy valley', and you'd probably have got more 'looks' bottle feeding a small baby than bf... Whereas here in Penarth most of the mums in the toddler group I go to seem to be ff even very small ones. I can see I'm going to be the strange hippy woman with the slings and the breastfeeding... Never got the hang of bf in a sling with #1, but I just have to this time... will try that one if I can't crack it with my beloved stretchy wrap.

MadamePlatypus · 30/03/2008 23:00

I think you have to remember that there are some rather odd people out there and some of them may take it upon themselves to comment on breastfeeding. Have you had a chance to watch some daytime TV recently? The people who appear on those strange programs at around 9.30 in the morning are allowed out in public.

It would have been nice if you could have thought of a witty retort, but don't take a blind bit of notice of anything she said.

RGPargy · 30/03/2008 23:12

Martha - what a complete bitch that woman was!!!!

I have fed three times in public now (am very very shy) and all three times was in the pub! Says alot about my social life doesn't it!!

I'm still a very nervous public BFer but the last time i did it (Friday) i had the support of MIL who said "think she's hungry, just feed her, it'll be fine". So i fed DD in front of DP, MIL and FIL and a pub full of strangers. I tried to be discreet too as i kept my cardi on so as not to show too much flesh.

I think i am nervous because of being of the "larger persuasion" type and because i have huge norkage and have to use two hands to feed DD - one to hold her and one to make an airhole for her to feed lol.

Dont worry what that cow said to you. Just you carry on doing it!

solo · 31/03/2008 00:01

I've never had any disapproval either. A few surprised looks maybe, but never any comments etc.

When Dd was couple of weeks old, I was walking around Debenhams and she needed a feed so I stuck her on whilst walking about. It was January sale time, so the place was heaving, but only one person had that look of realization her face when she saw what I was actually doing. I've fed in Church too, if only to keep her quiet, although she's a dreadfully noisey sucker! so not very discrete and she's bloody nosey too! Hey ho! sod anyone else, you can't intimidate me, and yes, I'd also pipe up for other women if they needed moral support.

One of my local Costa coffee shops asked a Bfing woman to leave because someone had complained. She was told to feed in the toilets fgs! anyway, she complained and Costa was slapped on the wrist for it and were told in no uncertain terms that they could not do that! I'd had coffee whilst Bfing there many times, they never said anything to me. Just as well for their sakes I can tell you!