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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Partner has issue with me breastfeeding. Help!

62 replies

Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 10:32

Has anyone else had a partner that’s had an issue with you breastfeeding?

My daughter is almost 8 months old. My partner seems to have some sort of issue with it & I don’t know why. We never go anywhere & I said to him a few months ago we’ll need to start going out & doing stuff etc like go out for dinner or something & he said yeah we will it’ll be better when she’s a bit older & you don’t have to get your boobs out. She starting getting teeth & I told him she had started biting my nipple & he said she’ll need to start getting a bottle then. He’s working away & FaceTimed him last night & began to tell me that he heard on the radio that morning that new studies suggest you only breastfeed your baby until 6 months old which I genuinely think he’s made up. He’s discouraged me from day 1 & keeps making little comments like these. Long story for another day but our relationship isn’t great probably going to split up soon & when we’re arguing he says things like when we split up you’ll need to do something about breastfeeding her cos she’ll be spending time with me. It’s exhausting & really upsets me. He’s also got an issue with me co-sleeping & letting her nap on me & things like that & says she needs her own space but I’ve tried explained babies are literally designed to want to be attached to you etc it’s as if he’s jealous of his own child. I take her through to the bedroom to get her to sleep because 1 that’s where she sleeps & 2 he’s really noisy & always has the tv blaring but he goes in a huff & moans he’s left in the living room by himself he’s like a big child. I can’t deal with it. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this & why he may have an issue with me breastfeeding & caring for her in general. Thanks.

OP posts:
Notincel · 22/02/2024 10:40

My mother is very anti breastfeeding and just started giving the baby bottles whenever I went to the toilet or anything. I did explain it was better for the baby but she knows better than all the scientific research so that was the end of that.

Some people are weird but the comment about you not having to get your boobs out hints at something sinister. Is he jealous or controlling in other ways?

Wholettherabbitsout · 22/02/2024 10:40

He’s misinterpreting the 6month thing. The WHO recommend exclusive breastfeeding for 6months - meaning to start introducing solid food then. They also recommend continuing breastfeeding alongside food for 2years+.
He probably made up the radio program but it’s entirely possible he heard someone say something about 6 months because people are idiots who don’t check their sources.

SpringSparrow · 22/02/2024 10:48

I’m sorry, he sounds awful and jealous and I’m sorry you are having to deal with his comments when you are actually doing the best for your baby. WHO recommends breastfeeding continues until two, and that you start introducing solids from six months.

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 10:53

Notincel · 22/02/2024 10:40

My mother is very anti breastfeeding and just started giving the baby bottles whenever I went to the toilet or anything. I did explain it was better for the baby but she knows better than all the scientific research so that was the end of that.

Some people are weird but the comment about you not having to get your boobs out hints at something sinister. Is he jealous or controlling in other ways?

Somewhat yes. I think he thinks I just show people my boobs & I’ve took pictures of me & my daughter when she’s been feeding & he’s said why you taking pictures of your boobs or with your boobs out or something like that.

OP posts:
anonqrtb · 22/02/2024 10:54

Probably get flamed but i dont think he does hate breastfeeding. If its been like this for 8 months i imagine its because he misses you. He misses having time with you WITHOUT your baby attached to you.

By the sounds of it, your daughter is with you to feed, to nap and to sleep. So when is she not with you?

Babies of course need all the love a nurture they can get - but so do relationships and the adults in them. Its absolutely fine to do all the things your doing and you are well within your right to make them choices as a mother for your daughter - but it is obviously affecting your relationship.

BTW - I have a daughter of my own who is 16 months so a little older, but me and my partner went through something similar and i realised that as much as my daughter is my happiness, so is my partner and my relationship. We now do monthly date nights and evenings to ourselves now she sleeps in her cot.
Our relationship and generally happiness has increased massively.

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 10:55

Wholettherabbitsout · 22/02/2024 10:40

He’s misinterpreting the 6month thing. The WHO recommend exclusive breastfeeding for 6months - meaning to start introducing solid food then. They also recommend continuing breastfeeding alongside food for 2years+.
He probably made up the radio program but it’s entirely possible he heard someone say something about 6 months because people are idiots who don’t check their sources.

It’s just weird & getting a bit out of hand now if he’s even making stuff up to stop me breastfeeding like why is it such a big issue. I’m doing the best thing for our child

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/02/2024 10:57

This is awful... can you get your health visitor to have a word in your defense? I'd be thinking about kicking him out it sounds like he's making a plan to leave and wants to be able to take baby with him

Yahyahs22 · 22/02/2024 10:57

So sounds extremely emotionally immature

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 11:00

anonqrtb · 22/02/2024 10:54

Probably get flamed but i dont think he does hate breastfeeding. If its been like this for 8 months i imagine its because he misses you. He misses having time with you WITHOUT your baby attached to you.

By the sounds of it, your daughter is with you to feed, to nap and to sleep. So when is she not with you?

Babies of course need all the love a nurture they can get - but so do relationships and the adults in them. Its absolutely fine to do all the things your doing and you are well within your right to make them choices as a mother for your daughter - but it is obviously affecting your relationship.

BTW - I have a daughter of my own who is 16 months so a little older, but me and my partner went through something similar and i realised that as much as my daughter is my happiness, so is my partner and my relationship. We now do monthly date nights and evenings to ourselves now she sleeps in her cot.
Our relationship and generally happiness has increased massively.

I think it’s easy to have that opinion of you don’t know him. I totally respect your opinion but I’ll be honest he’s horrible. Breastfeeding or not I’d still be feeding her & getting her to sleep etc as he works away. Stopping breastfeeding wouldn’t change a thing. He has sleep apnea & snores really loudly that’s why we sleep separately i then decided it was easier co sleeping & he wasn’t in the bed anyway. I don’t feel like what you’ve said is because he misses me etc knowing him the way I do it’s more likely it’s so he can take her from me if he decides to go to court which he keeps mentioning every time we argue.

OP posts:
Strawberrycheesecake7 · 22/02/2024 11:01

Sorry but he sounds awful. I’m also breastfeeding an 8 month old who bites so I know that’s hard enough as it is. I couldn’t put up with comments like this as well. It’s not normal at all. My husband is very supportive of me breastfeeding as long as I want and has never said anything even remotely negative about it. He does sound jealous which is absolutely ridiculous. You already have a baby to look after and don’t need him acting like a child as well.

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 11:01

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/02/2024 10:57

This is awful... can you get your health visitor to have a word in your defense? I'd be thinking about kicking him out it sounds like he's making a plan to leave and wants to be able to take baby with him

That’s exactly my thoughts & what I’m worried about

OP posts:
anonqrtb · 22/02/2024 11:11

You of course know him best - was just trying to come from a different angle to see if it resonated but i can see it doesnt.

In that case - yes he is a prick of the highest sort!

Residentevil · 22/02/2024 11:22

There is more than a breastfeeding issue going on , you are both deeply unhappy in the relationship. Sounds like separation is inevitable so maybe do it sooner rather than later.

Neodymium · 22/02/2024 12:11

I knew someone who thought breastfeeding was selfish as it prevented the dad bonding with the baby. He actively discouraged his wife from breastfeeding their second child because he thought it was unfair.

I found that attitude a serious red flag 🚩

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 12:16

Neodymium · 22/02/2024 12:11

I knew someone who thought breastfeeding was selfish as it prevented the dad bonding with the baby. He actively discouraged his wife from breastfeeding their second child because he thought it was unfair.

I found that attitude a serious red flag 🚩

Sounds like my partner. You can’t win when you’re a mother as it is without your partner being unsupportive. I’m actually glad i chose to breastfeed even with the horrible comments etc

OP posts:
BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 22/02/2024 12:18

Long story for another day but our relationship isn’t great probably going to split up soon & when we’re arguing he says things like when we split up you’ll need to do something about breastfeeding her cos she’ll be spending time with me.

I think this is a major part of it. He's concerned that you BFing and bring clearly her primary caregiver will be used as an excuse to reduce/frustrate his contact (and likely mean he has to pay more maintenance).

That and he sounds like a controlling ass. 'Don't have to get your boobs out'...(because only I should see them.)

Don't stop BF until you and your baby are ready.

BlueSkyBlueLife · 22/02/2024 12:45

It sounds he is one of those men who can only see boobs as a sexual thing.
So you take your boobs out, baby is feeding etc… is all about sexual gratification.
It’s the same way of thinking than those men who come and harass breastfeeding mums ‘because it’s disgusting’. Etc…

On the top of it, there seems to be a layer of abuse/control, warning you ‘you’ll have to stop anyway ‘as he will see his dd’ etc….

Seeing that you think the relationship is on its last leg and he is generally awful, I wouldnt waste my breath trying to make him understand or trying to understand his views. Rather, protect yourself and your dd, carry doing what you feel is best for yourself and your dd. He’ll have to work around that for quite a while (because no, no one is going to tell a bfing mum to stop bfing)

Goldbar · 22/02/2024 12:47

I doubt he really wants the baby (except perhaps to avoid paying maintenance). My guess is that he's saying these things to control you and because he knows it will hurt you.

Nicebloomers · 22/02/2024 12:49

He thinks your boobs are for him

HarrietStyles · 22/02/2024 12:50

Is he one of those men who think your boobs belong to him and are purely just for his sexual gratification?

RosesAndHellebores · 22/02/2024 12:55

Thank goodness he works away. If he does so, from a practical perspective, the baby's time with him will be limited. I imagine he will quickly lose interest, particularly when he finds another pair of boobs that are his alone, or so he thinks.

NorthCliffs · 22/02/2024 12:58

What are you with someone 'horrible'? Raise your bar. Teach your daughter what a healthy relationship looks like.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/02/2024 13:01

I’m fully supportive of bottle feeding if that’s what mum chooses. Your husband is just awful, though. Why do you tolerate him?

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 13:49

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 22/02/2024 12:18

Long story for another day but our relationship isn’t great probably going to split up soon & when we’re arguing he says things like when we split up you’ll need to do something about breastfeeding her cos she’ll be spending time with me.

I think this is a major part of it. He's concerned that you BFing and bring clearly her primary caregiver will be used as an excuse to reduce/frustrate his contact (and likely mean he has to pay more maintenance).

That and he sounds like a controlling ass. 'Don't have to get your boobs out'...(because only I should see them.)

Don't stop BF until you and your baby are ready.

I’m worried about what his plans are when I do stop. It’s as if he doesn’t want to be with me but is staying until I’ve stopped breastfeeding. He keeps starting arguments with me & has been really horrible since Christmas & says if you don’t want to be with me just say like he’s waiting on me ending it. He’s very confusing. I don’t want to be with him anyway I’m not fussed about that I’m just scared of what he’ll be like when he leaves. He also seems to think I’ll stop him from seeing her & be really awkward he doesn’t trust me

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild5 · 22/02/2024 13:51

HarrietStyles · 22/02/2024 12:50

Is he one of those men who think your boobs belong to him and are purely just for his sexual gratification?

Seems that way. I did tell him while I was pregnant I wanted to breastfeed he never said anything then

OP posts: