Partner has issue with me breastfeeding. Help!

[Moonchild5]

Has anyone else had a partner that’s had an issue with you breastfeeding?

My daughter is almost 8 months old. My partner seems to have some sort of issue with it & I don’t know why. We never go anywhere & I said to him a few months ago we’ll need to start going out & doing stuff etc like go out for dinner or something & he said yeah we will it’ll be better when she’s a bit older & you don’t have to get your boobs out. She starting getting teeth & I told him she had started biting my nipple & he said she’ll need to start getting a bottle then. He’s working away & FaceTimed him last night & began to tell me that he heard on the radio that morning that new studies suggest you only breastfeed your baby until 6 months old which I genuinely think he’s made up. He’s discouraged me from day 1 & keeps making little comments like these. Long story for another day but our relationship isn’t great probably going to split up soon & when we’re arguing he says things like when we split up you’ll need to do something about breastfeeding her cos she’ll be spending time with me. It’s exhausting & really upsets me. He’s also got an issue with me co-sleeping & letting her nap on me & things like that & says she needs her own space but I’ve tried explained babies are literally designed to want to be attached to you etc it’s as if he’s jealous of his own child. I take her through to the bedroom to get her to sleep because 1 that’s where she sleeps & 2 he’s really noisy & always has the tv blaring but he goes in a huff & moans he’s left in the living room by himself he’s like a big child. I can’t deal with it. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this & why he may have an issue with me breastfeeding & caring for her in general. Thanks.

End it first, OP. Unfortunately there's no cure for being a dickhead.

I don’t want to be with him. I’m too nervous to end it as I don’t know what his plans are. He works away & it’s kind of fizzling out anyway. He seems to want me to end it & I don’t know why

He wants you to do it so he isn’t the ‘bad guy’.

My thoughts exactly yes. I can’t think clearly because of all his lies & gaslighting etc so I really just wanted another perspective because I feel like I’m going mad I don’t know what’s real & what’s not

You don't want to end it because you don't know what his plans are or because the living situation suits you for now with him working away?

If you know you don't want to be with him anymore I don't understand how his plans are relevant.

Because he might try & take her, go to court or be really horrible after splitting up I feel it’s safer for our daughter just now. It won’t just be that we split up & he goes on his way he’s going stomp his feet

Take her where?
You said he works away so how realistic is that worry?
He could possibly apply for visitation but that doesn't equal her being taken away from you.
You're worried he will be horrible after splitting up but he is already being horrible now according to you.
I promise you, whether he stomps his feet now or in 10years it makes no difference.

Right now you are both already fighting over her, over which approach to her upbringing is the 'right' one.
Soon he will start complaining that you are just using him once he realises you no longer want the relationship, and at that point, it will become worse for you and your daughter.

If you know you don't want him anymore, start making moves to separate on your own terms. Sooner rather than later will save you a lot of heartache in the end.

This is the same man that thinks I’m cheating on him & said he’ll pay someone to take whoever it is out(I’m not btw & never have)
knowing him he could take her anyway as in run away with her & probably one of his flying monkeys threatening me not to go to the police or something

So what you are telling us is that you feel this man is dangerous and could well turn physical towards you - whatever way it could take, incl sending someone else to ‘frighten you’ or abducting your dd??

When he is working away, where is he? In the U.K. or abroad?

You need to speak to a woman’s refuge for advice

Exactly this. I'm very pro maternal choice when it comes to feeding. Women are extremely vulnerable during the postpartum period and partners and family members should be supporting whatever choice they make. This is incredibly sad to hear OP, your husband should be showing you support when breastfeeding not attempting to shame you and knock your confidence.

Yes only a few hours away in the UK

I started to think that. He’s very anti police he basically doesn’t want told on. This would all lead to him potentially not being able to see his child etc & worried what he’ll do then

Then yes, please get advice before you do anything.
Women refuge, Woman Aid, a solicitor so you know how to do to protect yourself and your dd.

Your big advantage here is that he is away a lot so that gives you a freedom to check on all that wo too much trouble.

Id still be careful with your Internet history etc… just in case.

He wants you to stop breastfeeding because he's a misogynistic bastard who resents a) the exclusive bond it represents between you and your baby b) the fact that you can do something he can't, and c) the fact that your boobs exist for a purpose other than his sexual pleasure. The sooner you get rid of this clown the better. And DON'T stop breastfeeding. He will use it to try to prise her away from you once you split (he doesn't want her, he just wants to hurt you).

He probably thinks your boobs belong to him and resents baby getting access.

He sounds awful

Yeah that’s what I’m worried about. This world is scary I don’t understand evil people like that I’m so soft & sensitive I can’t deal with this stuff. I always seem to attract these types of people. I really don’t even want to be with anyone else ever I don’t feel I can trust anyone

I'm bf a 15 month on demand and a month ago, my mil came to visit and she started on me, saying that she should be on cow's milk by now and isnt getting enough nutrients etc.

She got flamed.

Your partner is a pos. Your child is getting antibodies, growth hormones and all the vitamins and minerals they need.

He should be your biggest supporter.

Breastfeeding has benefits 2 years plus. My ex sabotaged my bf journey with my daughter. My husband is so supportive and grateful I am giving up my time and energy to give our baby the best possible start!

It is a huge privilege to be able to breastfeed, in a culture that is so against it.

I just can't believe a man would behave like this when it concerns his own offspring!

Breasts are for feeding our children, first and foremost.

That’s what I keep thinking like that’s what we’re born with them for & men just make everything sexual & about them. I’ve met some lovely men but these are the kind I end up with

In his head......You are his and therefore not to be shared with anyone, not even his own child.

Your breasts are his sexual playthings, not something to be shared with his child.

Your body belongs to him.

Get rid.

He sounds fucking horrible.

He is using co trolling behaviour. If you are in the UK there are cohesive control laws. If you speak to the police now and start documenting what is happening you will have support when you leave. It will make it harder for him to try and play the victim and get custody.

I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better.

This isn't about the pros and cons of breastfeeding or how long you should breastfeed a baby, or about co-sleeping, or letting her nap on you.

The problem here is that you are stuck with a man who is insanely jealous of the attention you give the baby and the bond you have with her.

His threat of splitting up and visitation is despicable. He's using it as a way of coercing you into refocusing all your attention on him and behaving as if the baby doesn't matter to you.

You need to talk to a solicitor about his chances of getting prolonged visitation rights with a baby so young who is still breastfeeding.

I hope you'll get your ducks in a row and get out of this relationship. Men like this don't improve.

Talk to a solicitor.

(It's very likely that he already has your replacement lined up, by the way).

Don't stop breastfeeding your child. the judge won't give him prolonged /overnights etc if you are feeding. Also, you don't want to stop!! But I'm afraid that's the least of your problems.

Do go to woman's refuge to get advice on the safest way to leave him.

Do start documenting dated evidence of his coercive and abusive actions and comments (but somewhere safe he can't see).

Do collect all the financial evidence etc and keep passports etc at a friend's house.