Can EVERYONE breastfeed?

[angel1976]

Hi all,

I have had various difficulties bf-ing DS. Please see all my related threads (actually don't, cos you will slit your wrists by the end of it all!).

I am thinking of calling it quits... I fed DS pretty much from 2am onwards... Then the whole morning before he started screaming and he took an oz of formula. Then sat on the sofa and pretty much had him latched to me the whole time, otherwise he cries. Half an hour later, he is screaming blue murder and took just over 2 oz of formula. He is hungry, there's no two ways about it. I can't win!

I am miserable (sitting here in tears!).
I feel like I am starving my baby and won't feed him till he screams blue murder.
I am not enjoying motherhood as I should because I am so stressed out by the whole bf-ing issue.
I don't want DS to hate me cos he associates my boob with disappointment and hunger.
I am not doing anything but bf-ing. I can't play with him, talk to him and enjoy him.

Surely, there's got to be a time to call it quits before it does my head in and it does everyone else's heads in. Keep getting told that bf-ing will work if you want it to. I can't do anymore than what I am doing. I am exhausted, I have no time to eat, have a shower, sleep or do anything but bf. I do think there's an issue with the quality or supply of my milk (not that anyone will admit that there could just be the possibility that there is something wrong there).

I need to make a decision or everyone around me will continue to suffer as I am. I keep getting told things will get better but it isn't. Also get told that NOT everyone can breastfeed and maybe I am one of those.

Can anyone hand on heart tell me that EVERY woman can breastfeed if they want to? And I will persevere. I feel guilty enough and have failed as a mother not being able to bf effectively. I have tried hard enough. I need to let it go sometime but when? I just don't think I buy the story that everyone can breastfeed if they want to. Help me clear my mind!

Ax

How old is he?

Really well done for your resolve to continue - am bumping this so someone useful can help - there are lots of ppl on MN with fab advice re this one.

good luck xx

He's 3 weeks + 4 days... Everyone keeps telling me it's a growth spurt and he will get over it but he's been like this for more than a week (since last Monday). Also, if it's a growth spurt, surely if I keep him on the breast long enough, he will get what he needs but it is obvious he isn't no matter how much I nurse him for. This has been going on for 8 days now. Started last Monday, got diagnosed with TT on Wednesday, had snip to sort out TT on Monday and things still ain't getting better... Everyone keeps telling me to give it time but I am starting to feel really stressed out by the whole situation and hate it when he screams and cries in hunger (it's definitely hunger - he's not a windy/colicky baby, he's got a clean nappy, he's warm, gone through all the check list! And he quietens down after he's had his bottle). If I were to persevere, how long should I give it before I throw in the towel? People are telling me either:

1. Bf will work if you are willing to do it

or

1. Bf is not for everyone and if it doesn't work for you, you need to know when to call it quits before you end up having PND and not enjoying your baby

Who is right?

Ax

Message withdrawn

I have read everything... kellymom, TT articles, been to baby cafe etc. It just doesn't seem to be clicking for me.

smallwhitecat - Surely if DS is getting enough from me (and god knows he's latched on to me long enough!), he won't be screaming in hunger?

I had visions of me breastfeeding till at least 6 months and feel terrible at contemplating giving up at barely a month. The guilt...

everything being equal I think almost all women can breastfeed - demonstrated by the stats showing bf rates in Scandanavian countires.
But you are not Scandanavian (I assume...) and this is all theoretical in your particular case. I personally think if you carry on bf on demand your supply will increase. However I am not there and I am not going through what you are. If you decide to try to mix feed or exclusively ff, then it will be your decision and you are the best person to make that decision.

oh and sod the guilt.
Guilt is what you should feel if you don't actually bother to feed your baby (or look after him in other ways). You are trying to bf, and considering ff. None of that should make you feel guilty in the slightest IMO.

Same as Mellowma here.

And i got myself into a bit of a state when I had dd1 and was ocnvinced that I was a failure and rubbish.

It didn't work with dd2 either. I really odn't know why. I had a mw stay with me in hospital for about 5 hours, trying everything, and it never worked.

But I laso never had any let down that people talk about, or any wet patches or any signt hat there was milk really!!

Please don't feel guilty. The fact that you are concerned means that you are trying your best.

Don't reall yknow what advice to give, but remember, you don't need anyone's 'permission' to stop, if that's what you want to do.

It's a decision for you and the baby's father, no-one else.

A friend of mine battled away till 6 months, baby was always unsettled until she started solids. My friend thinks that it really affected their bond, looking back on it, and is now terrified at the thought of having another baby and going through it all again.

I'm not trying to put you off, honestly, and if you think there's other avenues you could try, such as another bfing counsellor or similar then you should absolutely go for it.

But IMHO it's not the be all and end all, and if it's making you and your baby miserable then I'd think long and hard about carrying on.

Best of luck

I think nearly all women have the equipment for breastfeeding BUT some babies just are not very good at feeding, which can affect your supply. DS was a very slow feeder both on breasts then subsequently on bottle. The tongue tie is likely to have affected things, so you will have had a very tough start to bfing.

I think try and speak to a breastfeeding counsellor in RL if possible (and having been in your position I realise that if you feeling like you are feeding 24/7, getting anywhere at a set time feels about as realistic as getting to the moon!), or if that's not feasible, phone up IIRC the NCT have breastfeeding counsellors for advice.

Message withdrawn

Is there someone who could come over for an hour or two to give you a chance to shower/nap?

Angel- It really does get better the early days are the hardest. Ds was on the breast ALLOT when he was younger. All i can suggest is just try to block everything else out. House work, cooking, dressing etc. Just get comfortable and spend a few days on the sofa or in bed.

If you feel its really stressing you out, but wish to continue bf i'd wait till 4-6 weeks when your milks astablished and you could try mix feeding. Maybe just bf at night? That way your baby is still getting breast milk but the stress is elivated from you during the day.

Don't punish yourself if you don't continue to bf.

established even

established even

smallwhitecat - That made me cry...

Talking to a friend who has cancerous cells in a lump on her thyroid who is comforting ME (her DS was TT too...). That made me feel ever worse. She's having to deal with possible cancer (and with two young 'uns - 5 and barely 1) and I am sitting here crying my eyes out at possibly not bf-ing... Talk about perspective! Still doesn't make me feel any less guilty though.

angel, you have no need to feel guilty, honestly. When I had DS five years ago i had a huge amount of problems and gave up after five and half weeks. The guilt was awful as I thought I couldn't feed my baby, but looking back it was the right thing for me to do at the time (single parent, no support, no BFing help, no-one in effect to take some of the pressure off or even hold him whilst we both calmed down), and once he was taking formula our relationship was much better and he was a much happier baby.

In answer to your question though, I think every woman CAN breastfeed, but in the early days some women find it easier than others; some babies seem to take to it quicker than others; for some the learning curve is steep and swift, and for others slow and gradual. there is no clear cut yes or no answer IMO.

I don't think BFing problems will necessarily result in PND either as it's a chemical imbalance as far as I'm aware; however if you are borderline PND it might just tip the balance in PNDs favour if you see what I mean.

None of us are in your shoes and whilst we can all say "ooh, this is the hard time it'll get better by week X", I know from my own experience with DS that another day of it, never mind another 3, 4 or 5 weeks seemed like forever.

whatever you decide to do, it must be what's right for you all as a family, and remember that you have given your DS the very best start in life by BFing him this far.

{{{{hugs}}}} and virtual chocolate to you; you sound like you need them. xx

How awful for your friend
Please please make a decision based on facts and your feelings, not the opinions (real or perceived) of anyone else - other than your DH and your baby!

Angel - is there any chance you might consider mix feeding rather than a complete swap to formula to start with?

At the same stage I felt like throwing in the towel too with BF and I had sooo wanted to bf as ds1 was ff, life improved a bit when I took to ebm at times, and the one a day formula.. however one does need to be aware that a bottle can affect the milk supply. I find that mix feeding helps me. Last week I was ready to throw the towel in again (sore nipples.. I keep going in circles and apparently my latch is fine) but here I find myself at 9wks tomorrow, sore nipples today, want a break, but so much milk it seems a waste to not give it to ds!

got to dash for a mo..

You have done tons better than me. DD sounds very similar to your ds and I gave up after 5 days. Like littlerach, I had no signs that my milk came in. My boobs never leaked and I didn't notice any difference with them when I stopped bf. Whether I was ever going to be able to bf I will never know.

I was beside myself. I hadn't had more than a couple of hours sleep since the night before I went into labour. I was wishing I hadn't had dd and that was horrible , I didn't have mumsnet then and had no good advice from any of the professionals that were in contact with me.

I feel angry that I didn't get the right support and advice, but I don't feel guilty because at the time, with my circumstances, it was the best decision I could have made.

Hi Angel. I agree with everything that has been said here. The decision is up to you only and either way there is no reason to feel guilty.

Just in case you are interested: I am bf and am trying to express since I have to return to work. I have tried now for many weeks and nothing will trigger my letdown when expressing. I never leaked either. However DS is gaining weight fine. I have heard that some women have a problem with the letdown also while feeding. Could this be the problem?