Can EVERYONE breastfeed?

[angel1976]

Hi all,

I have had various difficulties bf-ing DS. Please see all my related threads (actually don't, cos you will slit your wrists by the end of it all!).

I am thinking of calling it quits... I fed DS pretty much from 2am onwards... Then the whole morning before he started screaming and he took an oz of formula. Then sat on the sofa and pretty much had him latched to me the whole time, otherwise he cries. Half an hour later, he is screaming blue murder and took just over 2 oz of formula. He is hungry, there's no two ways about it. I can't win!

I am miserable (sitting here in tears!).
I feel like I am starving my baby and won't feed him till he screams blue murder.
I am not enjoying motherhood as I should because I am so stressed out by the whole bf-ing issue.
I don't want DS to hate me cos he associates my boob with disappointment and hunger.
I am not doing anything but bf-ing. I can't play with him, talk to him and enjoy him.

Surely, there's got to be a time to call it quits before it does my head in and it does everyone else's heads in. Keep getting told that bf-ing will work if you want it to. I can't do anymore than what I am doing. I am exhausted, I have no time to eat, have a shower, sleep or do anything but bf. I do think there's an issue with the quality or supply of my milk (not that anyone will admit that there could just be the possibility that there is something wrong there).

I need to make a decision or everyone around me will continue to suffer as I am. I keep getting told things will get better but it isn't. Also get told that NOT everyone can breastfeed and maybe I am one of those.

Can anyone hand on heart tell me that EVERY woman can breastfeed if they want to? And I will persevere. I feel guilty enough and have failed as a mother not being able to bf effectively. I have tried hard enough. I need to let it go sometime but when? I just don't think I buy the story that everyone can breastfeed if they want to. Help me clear my mind!

Ax

Angel,

I've been battling on with trying to bf for 7 weeks. I put posts on mumsnet in desperation but not much back.

My baby was prem - i have expressed exclusively and now 7 weeks on mix feeding. I realised i hadn't cuddled or played too as too busy trying to bf, bottle ebm top up and expressing 3 hourly.

Now - 3 days later - husband, ds and me much happier - sitting together, cuddling, and he is thriving.

Don't let your relationship be about bfing - it is so much more. I regretted wasting those 7 weeks preoccupied - because they will not come back.

Many tears later i realised i have done my best and i love and am enjoying my baby - it is too difficult anyway to put that extra burden on yourself.

I wouldn't say I 'couldn't' BF, but it got to the stage where if I carried on I was going to go quite mad. Couldn't get a proper latch, couldn't get the positioning right, no amount of advice from BF counsellors worked, had two major bouts of mastitis (was hospitalised for the 2nd one) and found feeding on demand a hellish, soul destroying experience after a difficult birth. I was mentally and physically shattered and stopped after 6 weeks. In retrospect i have heard so many women say that they didn't establish BF-ing comfortably for longer than 6 weeks, and do wonder if perhaps I had carried would it have gotten easier? I don't know. Point is, you are certainly not alone in finding these early weeks difficult. have you contacted a BF counsellor? Might be worth a try.

Hi all,

Thank you for all your support. I am going to try and keep going with bf but not going to feel guilty (much as I can try!) about giving him the odd bottle when he needs it... God knows I have tried my best.

Thanks glimmer and presence for sharing your stories. I've never felt the letdown, only leaked after a warm shower and only felt engorged the day my milk came in.

I have (or had as I am no sure if I still have it!) a benign tumour in my pituitary gland, which was diagnosed as I wasn't ovulating. Ironically, that meant I had high levels of prolactin (the hormone that remains elevated for bf to happen!). I took medication to bring that down and to ovulate and I wonder sometimes if that had knocked on effects on my pregnancy (I had a problematic pregnancy as my hormones were out of whack and I came back high risk for everything so I feel lucky that at least DS is born healthy!) and now my breastfeeding...

Sorry, I just had to share that. I am going to try and deal with giving up bf in the next few days as I know there's a real possibility of that happening. Thanks everyone for your support and for being so non-judgemental... It means a lot to me in this difficult time.

Ax

Have you tried the breastfeeding supportlines?MN is fab but nothing replaces talking to someone properly.

I am going to pop into a bf support group tomorrow... Wish me luck. However I do sometimes wish someone would listen to me properly instead of telling me that it will get better if I kept at it...

Ax

That's a great idea.
Here's the link to the numbers (right hand side of page) just for reference.

Here

Best of luck tomorrow. I struggled terribly with b/feeding in the beginning but it came good.

where abouts are you angel I know some great groups in the midlands and merseyside

Where they will listen

I'm in London... too far...

hi angel,

firstly, you are not rubbish and he isn't going to hate you. you are doing everything that you think might help him and are pushing yourself to the limit to do it, so please don't be so hard on yourself, even if your final decision is to use formula. you have already given him a fantastic start just getting breastfeeding started.

i might repeat some (or all) of what you've already been told so sorry for that, but i couldn't not reply as i really feel for you and admire your massive committment to getting bf established.

babies do go through growth spurts at various stages and they can last a while but it does pass...eventually, even if it feels like and eternity. breastfeeding can take a good few weeks to get established, even 6, so although it seems like ages you are more than halfway there.

some babies do cry unless latched on/close to mum, and i can think of a few that i know, and at the time their mums found it really hard going. my dd was a constant feeder too, at times and it can be really tiring, she also went from sleeping/content to screaming when she was hungry in a matter of seconds, she still does and if you ask my dh so do i

try spending the day in bed with your baby, and do loads of skin-to-skin as this will encourage your milk supply, help you to notice early feeding cues before he screams (if that's what the screaming is) and allow him to smell your milk and latch on himself, and give yourself a rest and you might sleep too. try using a sling so that you can make a picnic to take back to bed with you. if you think he can be left on your bed long enough for you to have a shower then do it. ask you dp to bring you food etc. keep the phone/tv remote/ a book by you and this is the hardest bit - try to forget about all the other stuff you might be doing.

there is a very very small percentage of women who can't breastfeed very well, but i'm no expert and i think it is, iirc, a supply issue, in that they don't have the right hormone balance to produce any milk, it is rare in humans. it is really unlikely that this is the case with you, if he is putting on weight and producing wet and dirt nappies, and otherwise healthy. there are things that can be done about supply issues and good supprt from bf counsellors/baby cafes/hv/gp/bf helplines/etc can point you in the right direction if needs be. use the support offered around you as much as you think you need it.

breastfeeding does get easier as time goes on - honestly it does and i think that you are doing really well thus far. virtually every women can breastfeed if they want to and even the above mentioned case, i do know of someone who still managed to bf a tiny bit even though they were probably nourished by formula. it does have a bit to do with mindset and sometimes you do have to accept that in the early days (and this is still early days) there will be days that you can't get out of your pj's for bf, but it is quite normal albeit a bit frustrating/stressful/etc.

lastly, and i'll stop rambling after this don't be so hard on yourself, you have done so well already and whatever you decide re feeding will be ok. believe in yourself you are not failing him as a mother. it will get better and you will enjoy him. your body goes through a shedload when you have a baby and you've got all those hormones tearing around and you will be exhausted: the first weeks are really hard going.

sorry for loooooooong waffle

take care x

i must type sooo slowly started that post ages ago!

meant to say, i also really struggled to get bf established and it is really hard work, and like someone has already said, the whole relationship is not about breastfeeding, but i loved it so much once it got going, i felt like it was worth it.

It isn't easy in the begining, I really struggled with getting dd attached correctly and felt that she was always feeding. It does get better- dd is now nearly a year and I am still feeding her.

As hard as it is, try to make sure you eat (I told my friends, in the early weeks, that they could come and see dd if they brought food!) because that will help improve your milk supply.

I don't know if you've tried, but my midwife suggested skin to skin contact. I stripped dd and myself and laid in bed with her on my front. It meant I could doze and she could help herself.

NOT everyone can breastfeed. Things that can interfere with breastfeeding include: being induced, having flat nipples, beta-blockers (yes I had all 3 of those things) as well as mastitis and blocked milk ducts etc. Formula is not poison and your baby will not 'hate' you. Things which can help include fenugreek capsules (from healthfood shops) and fennel tea, though admittedly neither worked for me. Also if you have milk supply but problems with latching, you could try expressing. But if it's really not working out, there is no shame in switching to formula - every drop of BM your baby has had, and all the time he has spent nuzzling your tits will all have helped him boost his immune system anyway. (I got about a drop a day into DS for about 4 weeks then it dried up entirely).

Another thought- i don't know if you could face the idea of herbal tea? Napiers www.napiers.net does a nursing tea, it's loose leaf, so has to be made in a pot, but many of my bf group swore by it. It does taste pretty awful imo but I take it when dd has a cold and is off her food. It seems to help me keep up with the extra feeds she needs.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1364&threadid=238971#4805598 is a link to a thread where we talked about clomid - I have heard some anecdotal stuff about it being linked to bf issues, though there is plenty of other stuff that indicates no problem. Was it clomid you were on to reduce prolactin, angel?

I would wonder about this, I think.

It shouldn't have a long term effect, though.

But....a very small no. of women will not have enough to bf excl without a real struggle, and I don't think anyone would find that controversial. I expect Mrs CaveWoman or MrsBronzeAgeWoman would have shared the feeding with another mother, or maybe the issue did not raise its head as babies who are carried everywhere simply feed every five minutes or more when awake - that's not a struggle if you are MrsCaveWoman, but it is if you are 21st century woman with a clock and an expectation (reasonable) that your baby will be happy to sleep alone after a big feed. The woman whose supply is marginal does not show up in societies where babies are close to mum most of the time; it does, in our society.

I do think some women need a lot more than 'just persevere' - a lot of support, and care , and love. If BabyAngel is happy as long as he is on or close to the breast, then the task would be to see if there are ways you could do this, Angel, and sleep yourself, and have a shower (not MrsCaveWoman's priority ) and a meal and some time out....

I am not understanding about the screaming thing, sorry....is it possible to feed him before he screams?

Hi,

It's 1:30am here. DS woke up at 12:30am and just had a 4oz bottle of EBM and straight back to sleep. I've managed to pump another 4oz for the next feed. This is my plan of action - I suspect he's not latching onto me properly, his feeding feels similar to before his snip for his TT and though I can hear him swallowing a couple of times in the beginning when he latches on, most of the time it is just suckling... So I suspect a latch/feeding problem. The bf counsellor who referred me to the snip is going to call me tomorrow and I will speak to her before deciding the next plan of action. In the meantime, him feeding off my breast is too stressful and drawn out so I am going to express like mad so he can have EBM at the very least and when the going gets tough, he will have formula. This is my last ditch attempt to bf-ing from the breast. If it doesn't work out, I will express as long and hard as I can so he can have EBM as long as possible. This is the most I can do! Thanks for all your support.

Tiktok I appreciate your expertise... The reason why DS is getting hysterical is that though he is nursing at my breast all the time, I have no idea how much he is getting and only when he gets hysterical with hunger and refuses the breast then do I know that he has not had enough... It's horrible! Wish me luck and I will keep you all updated. I feel at peace with this plan and that at least for now, I can stay sane and focus on my son and not obsess with bf-ing...

Ax

I breastfed my daughter for 5 months and every time it was pure agony. for the first 7 weeks she puked up after every feed and i had to carry a bag of towels round with me - which limited how much I felt I could go out to public places etc. I hated it, dreaded her latching on and got no help from anyone except I mst be doing it wrong. i think it affected how I felt about her and I cannot imagine why I continued. Give up if you hate it - its not worth it.

Interestingly with number 2 it was absolutely painless but he went onto a bottle sooner - we introduced so weaning wouldn't be the problem it was with her and he took to it like a fish to water.

Don't beat yourself up. Let yourself enjoy the baby not hate the process. Mine are 7 and 5 now and its entirely immaterial.

angel - talk about the screaming thing with the breastfeeding counsellor. I still don't understand it, sorry. You're saying that he comes off the breast, and won't go back on again, and gets hysterical with hunger..is it possible he gets hysterical because he wants to stop you putting him back on the breast, and just wants to chill, close to you and snuggly, but not actually feeding? Yes, he'll take a bottle then - many babies do, because the super stimulus of the teat gets them sucking. But it doesn't mean they actually needed it then and there....anyway, talk about this with the bfc.

Good luck for today.

agree with littlerach above it does get easier! I have a baby that seemed to stay latched on for the first 8 weeks of life. The HV said it's a growth spurt his whole life seems to be a growth spurt!! He's now 16weeks, weighs over 16lb and over 91st centile -- and I enjoy bf!! DS gets a formula bottle x1 in the evening so DH can feed him and I get a bit of a break. Try to hang in there, as the rewards are great, but don't beat yourself up either. I cried, quite a bit, but perseverance can pay off.

Even if everyone could breastfeed, IMO some babies just arent' v good at it. I bf DD for 9 months and although the first 3 weeks were difficult, it soon got easier and I never felt it was a struggle (the opposite in fact, I remember thinking it was so much more convenient than bottles).

DS however was a completely different story, I persevered for 2 months before giving up - by that time he was still feeding every 2 hours and each feed would take about 45 mins (15 mins feeding and about 30 mins orying, fussing winding etc) and juggling that with a 2 yr old was just exhausting. DH would have liked me to have continued (but he didn't have to do it!) and the HV seemed quite disapproving but, probably as he was my 2nd child, I felt v comfortable with my decision.

At the end of the day, the decision has to be yours and you should be able to make it without guilt. Sure, bf is the best health option for your baby, but you also need to consider your own (mental) health.

Hi all,

To give myself a rest, I expressed all of last night and today and DS only had a bottle of formula last night... I had a long chat with the bf counsellor today and she asked about my medical history and I told her about my pituitary tumour and though she admitted she did not know much about it, she has strong suspicions that it could be the cause of all my trouble. As she said, the pituitary controls a lot of hormones. And also, the medication I took for my pituitary tumour was very strong and new and inhibits prolactin so who knows the effects it has on my bf?

Anyway, the bf counsellor was concerned enough about my state of mind to actually call up my health visitor to convince her to come and see me today. The HV came and weighed DS and he is now 8 pounds (from 7 pounds 6 oz exactly a week ago!) so she was happy with that. Both the bf counsellor and HV have both said to me to do what I can to cope and not to worry about being pressured to continue bf-ing as they both are aware just difficult I have found the whole thing. They also think I should see my endocrinologist asap to see if the medication I was prescribed and the tumour would have any effect on bf-ing.

After all that, I still feel so unsure about giving up bf-ing completely. I know I should and I know that it will be best for me, DS and everyone around me who is worried about it. The pumping exclusively thing is not working for me as I am not getting enough milk that way and it's too knackering as well. I am going to try and do a FF tonight and put DS on the breast as well and see how it goes. Thank you everyone for your replies. It has made me see I CAN opt out of bf-ing without any guilt, I just have to convince myself of that.

Ax

Hi angel, sorry, I have only just read this thread. How are you doing today?

Did you try FF last night? Did it help?

I really hope you manage to continue bfing as you want to do it so much, ut you have tried so hard that no-one would think any less of you if you did have to stop. You have don't brilliantly to get this far.

Hi Angel

How fantastic that your baby has put on so much weight. Your milk must be good. I wonder if your baby could be screaming for another reason as he is gaining weight not losing it? Some babies are more sucky that others - would using a dummy help before trying formula?

FL.