Can EVERYONE breastfeed?

[angel1976]

Hi all,

I have had various difficulties bf-ing DS. Please see all my related threads (actually don't, cos you will slit your wrists by the end of it all!).

I am thinking of calling it quits... I fed DS pretty much from 2am onwards... Then the whole morning before he started screaming and he took an oz of formula. Then sat on the sofa and pretty much had him latched to me the whole time, otherwise he cries. Half an hour later, he is screaming blue murder and took just over 2 oz of formula. He is hungry, there's no two ways about it. I can't win!

I am miserable (sitting here in tears!).
I feel like I am starving my baby and won't feed him till he screams blue murder.
I am not enjoying motherhood as I should because I am so stressed out by the whole bf-ing issue.
I don't want DS to hate me cos he associates my boob with disappointment and hunger.
I am not doing anything but bf-ing. I can't play with him, talk to him and enjoy him.

Surely, there's got to be a time to call it quits before it does my head in and it does everyone else's heads in. Keep getting told that bf-ing will work if you want it to. I can't do anymore than what I am doing. I am exhausted, I have no time to eat, have a shower, sleep or do anything but bf. I do think there's an issue with the quality or supply of my milk (not that anyone will admit that there could just be the possibility that there is something wrong there).

I need to make a decision or everyone around me will continue to suffer as I am. I keep getting told things will get better but it isn't. Also get told that NOT everyone can breastfeed and maybe I am one of those.

Can anyone hand on heart tell me that EVERY woman can breastfeed if they want to? And I will persevere. I feel guilty enough and have failed as a mother not being able to bf effectively. I have tried hard enough. I need to let it go sometime but when? I just don't think I buy the story that everyone can breastfeed if they want to. Help me clear my mind!

Ax

Hi all,

Thanks for all your concern. I appreciate it. Gave DS 4 oz of FF last night and then bf him through the night and morning. Gave him another 4 oz of FF at 10am. I had a much better night's sleep without worrying about starving him, pumping and having to give him FF. I just need to stop stressing about wanting to bf exclusively. I've tried everything. I will bf him as long as I can and give him FF whenever he needs it.

I have a gorgeous, heathy son after a worrying pregnancy and I want to start enjoying him...

Thank you all for your support. It's really helped me deal with everything in this difficult time.

Ax

P.S.Cuddling DS now who is listening happily to Take That. What have I done to him?!! ;)

angel, enjoy the music

Nothing you decide now is irrevocable. If you decide later that you want to change back, you can....doing what works to keep you happiest at the moment is, as you say, giving you a break from stress

Thanks smc, I hope you sort out your bf problem with DD. You've done much better than me! Also taking DS to cranial osteopath on Tuesday. DS was born by ventouse (suction), have heard it can really help feeding and sleeping problems.

Ax

angel, I'm glad you have a solution that you and your family are happy with and hope that you do go on and mix feed successfully for as long as you can.

i hope you can now relax and enjoy these precious weeks wiht your baby; they pass so quickly

Good Luck xx

Thanks lackaDAISYcal. It's all a matter of perspective isn't it? I'm on another pergnancy boards and a woman on it is terminating her pregnancy at 21 weeks because her baby has Down's syndrome. We were faced with the same possibility after a high risk NT scan and 2 CVS tests (as the first one failed to produce a result) and we were told he could have a growth problem in addition due to a high level of hormone in one of my blood tests... And I realised how lucky I am to have a healthy, gorgeous and adorable son after all that. I've bf-ed him for the first 4 weeks of his life despite some real difficulties, surely that counts for something? Thanks for your support.

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Well done angel1976 and join the mixed feeding club. You have done brilliantly over the last four weeks- I am sure now you will be able to enjoy your baby as you say. Hope it goes well for you- I actually found bf easier once there was not so much resting on it, and once life in general was calmer.

Trolleydolley71, good suggestion! BUT I do have a bit of an obsessive nature so I better not. I can imagine the weight could go up and down in the space of one day and no doubt that will set me off! There is a baby clinic every Monday in the next street and I intend to go every week! Thanks for the suggestion though. It's the same reason why I didn't get a doppler while pregnant! I can imagine it would have drive me crazy.

Thanks wobbegong, it's nice to know there are mothers out there who have chosen mixed feeding and not beat themselves up over it. I know it's early for me (DS is 4 weeks tomorrow!) but I don't have any other choice I don't think. I know exactly what you mean. Now that I am not obsessed with exclusively bf-ing, I find myself being able to think beyond BF, I was getting obsessed! And if the day comes that my milky supply dries up, at least I have had time to reconcile myself to it. I did enjoy the bf-ing sessions I had with DS today. Like you said, because I wasn't too worried about him getting enough, I just sat there and enjoyed the closeness...

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Really? Wow, I'm amazed at that! I should have read your message carefully... DS feels traumatised everytime he has been put on the scales, I am not sure I can do that to him after every BF session!

Trolley, what you are describing is 'test weighing' and it is no longer used because i) it isn;t a reliable indicator of what the baby has taken in at any one time ii) what the baby takes in at any one time is irrelevant and iii) there is no amount the baby is supposed to take in at any one time.

Here's what the research says:

""Test weighing is an imprecise method for assessing milk intake; overestimation and underestimation of up to 30 ml are possible, probably caused by the use of insensitive scales, which are satisfactory for assessing a baby?s weight, but not for measuring small changes in weight . Test weighing is too imprecise to be of use in clinical practice "

Arch Dis Child Fetal Neonatal Ed 2006;91:F330?F332.

You can find the paper on line, I expect.

There's also research to show just how variable the intake of breastmilk can be within individual babies and between babies...so test weighing does not show anything helpful and could be quite dangerously misleading, in fact.

I know you intend to help, but test weighing is not the way to go, sorry, for angel or anyone.

It is really not normal in the 'rest of Europe' to test weigh....it may be the case in some countries, but none that I know of (but I don't know of them all!).

It has not been done in the UK for about 30 years.

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hi angel

firstly, i hadn't read your other threads, so i am sorry if the info i gave you yesterday sounded dismissive in tone, re supply etc.

i am so glad that you sound much chirpier today, having made positive decisions re bf/expressing/ff etc. when you said about the 4 weeks counting for something - don't do it down, you have done really well

Hi all,

I do appreciate all your advice! But I also do think it's difficult to apply one rule for every woman... I have quite unique circumstances - DS being TT initially, me having a pituitary tumour, having been on medication to suppress prolactin etc. Some of these factors may have played a part in my not-very-successful attempts to exclusively bf DS but they may not. I guess what I am trying to say is that I find it really hard to accept certain things people tell me i.e. 'you can bf if you want to...' as I do think that there are some women (not saying me!) who genuinely are unable to bf... But I recognise that having come to a message board, it's hard for everyone to know exactly what is going on, they can only judge from what someone tells you...

BUT I got a lot of support from everyone on this board for for that, I am extremely grateful!

Ax

Trolley, it does matter if the scales are innaccurate, because poorly calibrated scales will be innaccurate to differing extents each time. The research is clear - test weighing is of no clinical use, whatever the scales, and can be harmfully misleading.

It is pointless knowing how much a baby takes at any one feed, or even overall, because healthy, thriving babies take massively varying amounts from 0 mls to 240 mls per feed and in one day from 400 mls to 1400 mls. With that degree of variability, what can you look for with test weighing?!

Again, you can read the research yourself:

Kent JC, Mitoulas LR, Cregan MD, Ramsay DT, Doherty DA, Hartmann PE (2006).

Volume and frequency of breastfeeds and fat content of breastmilk throughout the day. Pediatrics, 117:e387- e395.

Test weighing is poor, unresearched practice and I am really glad it's not done here!