Oh my God! Are you still breastfeeding, don't you want your life back?

[Sushipaws]

This is what someone said to me this weekend.

DD is almost one and I'm getting pressure from all sides to stop bf'ing. It's not all strong comments but lots of subtle hints.

DD has 4 bf's a day, most of these are done in the house so I don't even see how it effects anyone else. If I start on bottles now it's just more work and expense and it's not as good for my baby as bf.

I have a life, I work pt, I even went away on a hen weekend recently.

Are there any other freaks like me out there who don't want to stop.

Hooray, I'm not alone!! I bf dd1 until she stopped of her own accord at 2y. I was 5m pg at the time. The consultant in the Ante Natal clinic was surprised - he said he had never come across it before (bf whilst pg) - and he was about 90! DD2 is in the process of stopping now, she is 3y 6m. I have had quite a few "OMG, you're not still feeding are you?" comments, but honestly, what could make for an easier life than having the means to instantly calm and comfort a tired, fractious or ill child? The worst comment was from a friend who told me in a patronising and authoratitive tone that "It's just for your benefit". Where did people get this idea from? If it's been in the media recently, I missed it - how did the bloody idiots "media drs" back that claim up - and wasn't there a rebuttal from Nct etc?

Stopping bfing is such a personal thing and people should just keep their noses out. Keep going if you both want to.

It was the teeth that really put me off in the end, I couldn't stand being bitten anymore. Also, my DD was a big baby to start with and has always looked older than she is and we did get some funny looks.

With regard to getting your life back, however, I have to say that those little changes to my personality that came on when I was pregnant didn't go until I stopped bfing my daughter (she was 1). I didn't feel so perpetually tired either. So in a way I did get my life back.

I'm still feeding DD at 2y1m. I never intended to feed this long - I didn't really know anyone else who'd fed for this long so I didn't realise how normal (and indeed fantastic!) it is. I started going to LLL meetings to help me get my head round the idea of 'extended breastfeeding' (extreme breastfeeding !! where do they get off turning it into a freak show??!)

I can kind of relate to the 'when do i get my life back?' question, as DD has always been so milk-focused that it's the only way I can settle her back to sleep,several times a night, and she won't be settled by DH. I've only been out in the evening three times since she was born, and each time I come back to find she has been really upset.
The thing is I'm sure she would be just as needy, if not more so, if she didn't have the tight bond and comfort she needs from me. So it isn't really the bf that causes the situation, it's her personality.

DH has started making noises about how it must be time to think about weaning...but I just say 'no it's not!' and he daren't argue with me about it!

My DD3 is 10 months old & I don't want to stop just yet either. But the problem is actually my other 2 children, who are ages 2 and 4. When DD3 is BFng, if anyone else is in the room she pulls off, swivels round to have a look & won't feed properly (too interested in what's going on, particularly if it's her noisy brother & sister). So I disappear upstairs w DD3 for 20-30 mins while DD1 & DS2 play together downstairs. By now they know that they are not to disturb Mummy when I BF upstairs and (usually) they play quite well together during that time. I only BF 3 times a day, and my DH is usually home and with them during the evening feed, so my disappearing act only happens twice a day. However my mother thinks that it is really bad that I abandon my other 2 when they are so little in order to BF DD3, esp since it is true that the most important time for BFing is 6 months which is long past. Am I being neglectful to leave my other 2 while I BF? Sometimes I do wonder if I am prioritising the snuggly BF over my other 2. I do feel guilty if they come in and I send them downstairs again, saying I'll be back as soon as I have finished feeding their baby sister. Might they end up resenting the baby? Also my husband thinks I am BFing for myself and should give up. I suppose this is partly true, because DD3 is probably our last baby and I admit that the thought of never BFing again makes me sad... Also my husband complains because (when he is at home) he ends up looking after the other 2 children on his own while I feed the baby. What do you think, am I being selfish towards my husband and my other two children????

BTW please no nasty comments re my mother - she is not interfering she is just concerned for her 2 older grandchildren. And it is not helped that once she came round and found the 3 yr old (nearly 4) stuck in the Hop n' Pop while I was BFing upstairs!

Hotpants, I do think that most babies go through a distractible phase, you can't really blame them, the world is a very interesting place. But at 10months I would never have disappeared to feed ds3. If he popped on and off the breast I would have just assumed he wasn't all that hungry and 20-30 minutes does seem to be a long time to feed a 10 month old. At that point ds3 was eating solids, so snack-feeding during the day was adequate and he really only had a long feed at night. As I see it, it is your disappearance that is the problem, not the feeding!
The benefits of bf don't stop at 6 months. I have first hand experience of this as I bf ds1 and ds2 for 1 year each and bf ds3 for 2.8 years.
I work fulltime so all my children have gone to nursery. Ds1 and ds2 between the age of 12 and 24 months were constantly picking up infections and tummy bugs from the other children. Either dh or I were always having to take time off work to look after them when they were ill. For ds3, we never once had to take time off and he didn't develop glue ear either as his brothers had.
WHO recommends bfing till at least the age of 2. It is true that there are benefits for the mother, like reduced risk of osteoporosis, breast and cervical cancer. I would ask your dh whether he doesn't think you deserve that protection too?

Hotpants - errr, you are bfing your dd, thereby giving her the best start in life and best chance of healthy adulthood and all the other advantages of bf, blah blah, and you are being selfish??? I don't think so, surely DH can occupy his own two children for half an hour without feeling put upon and deprived??
Oh, and can I just say...Little Britain... - it would not be so bad if those "little bitty" sketches were even remotely funny!

Keep going and ignore the comments, it's the best thing in the world, dont give up before you are ready because you will regret it. I BF DS until he was 2 and DD until she was 2 1/2, you will both know when you are ready to give up. Good luck

LongtimeinBrussels, I couldn't even begin to speculate!

Oh actually, here you are:

"The best known menstrual myth was never to wash your hair or put your feet in cold water, or ?the blood will fly to your head and send you daft?. This echoes an outdated medical theory about misdirected menstrual blood reaching the brain and causing melancholia. It was also bad to have a bath or go swimming, either because ?the water will get inside? or because ?the water will turn black?"

Could be something in it then.

I got asked if I was "still" feeding DS when he was...
wait for it...

1 week old!
Admittedly, I think the questioner was struggling for words, her own baby was 9 days old and she had stopped already. I'm not sure if she wanted to stop, said she had to stop due to a lump in one breast...

I didn't enjoy breastfeeding much beyond 1yo, but it's wonderful when people do it. I love to talk up extended breastfeeding at toddler groups and social occasions "I wouldn't want to breastfeed to the age of 3 or 4, but it must be best for the child and it's wonderful that some people do it, don't you think?" -- they all think I'm starkers, of course.

I also fed dd1 until 2yrs and 4 months,pretty much my whole second pregnacy as it only tailed off a few weeks before dd2 was born.She is ten months and still feeds a lot,I have no plans to stop.I found both times that people (yes doctors too how wierd is that?)get a bit botherd by it after about six months,tragic isn't it.I know loads of people who only fed at home after a certain point,as though they were indulging some secret vice,makes me really angry that women are treated like this.Keep going as long as you and the baby are happy!

At ds's 8 month check the HV told me that my breast milk had no value to my son, other than being a "nice drink"!

When he was 15 months old, a GP at my doctor's surgery told me that "It really is fine to stop breast feeding now you know, you've been doing it long enough"! All I'd done was mention in passing that I was still bfing.

It's hardly surprising that friends/family etc pass less than supportive comments, when these are the kind of things being said by supposedly educated health professionals.

Coincidentally, I fed ds (now 18m), for what I decided was to be the last time this morning. Was feeling calm about my decision, but reading this thread had made me feel a bit wobbly....although I do feel it's the right time for us to stop.

Awww, SJAC. that last bf is hard, isn't it! I weaned ds3 earlier than he wanted to because I was having trouble ttc. He was 2.8 but it still nearly broke my heart!

My daughter number one got back on breast when my daughter number 2 was born. I didn't want to refuse her when she cried for it. I thought she needed it more for emotional reasons than for feed itself and I just didn't have enough reasons to say no. She never forgot about 'boobie' and she still loves it, although she only gets it at night time. Now I've got 2 and 9 month year old on one 'boobie' and 7 month old on another. But I've had a fight with my husband over it and in the end I won. Also people do roll their eyes when I say she went back on breast. In fact I keep quiet about it now. As to Baby I'll see how it goes and let her sort herself out about the breastfeeds and I will never ever let anyone tell me when I should stop. I had my first born son on breast till he was 2.5 years old and then he was still having 'didi' at night when he needed it till almost 3.5 years when I finally stopped as I was pregnant with my daughter. I LOVE BREASTFEEDING. When it's finished it's finished and that's it. By the way, I don't remember when my son was ill... A year ago or more? I like to think it's because I breastfed him. Both girls don't get more than katar so I think I've done pretty well. And you are doing the best for your child. Just carry on. I don't even know how to use a bottle...

My son is nearly a year and when I mentioned in passing that I was still feeding him to the HV she looked disgusted and asked "why!?"

wtf?????

My ds2 had an appt with a paedritician (sp?)the other day and he asked me how long I was planning to bf for. I told him that I had bf ds1 for a year until he decided to stop and he said good for you, I wish more people did that for their children this one will be fine with a Mum like you. So not everyone is as uneducated and rude, thankfully.

Just tell them that the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding until a baby's two and in most other countries it is normal to feeding a baby for as long as they want to. Tell them the average age is 4. (I think the NHS antenatal teacher told me that one).

And if they say it's just for comfort, point out that breastfeeding reduces their perception of pain, reduces illnesses, helps with speech and regulates their vestibular systems.

dear me. give these people the middle finger and tell them to mind their own bloody business.its your body and your child.

deary me such comments are unnecessary. I am in no way pro or against breast feeding - it's an individual choice, but I fail to see how breastfeeding is giving up your life. You sacrifice a lot when you have a child anyway, so breastfeeding is a drop (of nutrient rich milk!) in the ocean really.

Don't know about getting your life back. As long as DS (BF until 2.9) could snuggle into some 'buz' he'd stay in bed until 9am. Now he's decided he's a big boy, the porridge pan has to come out at 7 am, dammit all to hell. I want to BF again, please.............

I fed my ds until lhe was about 18 months and it tailed off naturally.
Dd is almost 1 and shows no signs of wanting to stop.
Last time she visited, MIL said very pointedly "Oh, are you still feeding?" but I don't care. I know i'm giving her the best start I can and I plan to continue for a good while yet...

Giving dd the best start, not MIL!

Do what you want - sometime's it's sour grapes (IME) when people nag about giving up, or 'how will you manage it' or 'aren't you stopping now?' as they've not managed it. Also 4 feeds a day seems fine and what they should be drinking.

I'm back to work soon and lots of people keep telling me that I won't be able to manage it (cods wallop - what's whipping out a boob in the morning and the evening a couple of times - it's hardly going to kill me!)

I fed dc1 for 18+ months and got a lot of pressure from health professionals and family to stop - this was over 10 years ago, she self weaned and I ignored them... I hope that I can keep going with dc2.

Good Luck and do what suites you and bubs...

I found this really interesting. Especially the bit about mothers being more likely to stop breastfeeding if their babies were given formula in hospital.

My DD is 10 months old and we are still going strong despite most people I know stopping between 6 and 8 months. I think it is important for the baby, but I absolutely hate having to express in the loo at work!